deathwillcome's advice column

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Q: yo, sup my rap group is doin great im not sure if u remember me but i need some advice dawg, ok well my best friend is dating this girl and i dont like her i think she is breakin up the group he misses practice alot and things are difff an i just want my homie back. pluss she is convicing him to do things he wouldnt normaly do like finger her and just fuckin stupid shit.... please help

Have you talked to him about how you feel? For one, guys (or girls) will sometimes do anything for the person they are with, even if it's stupid. It sounds like she is taking over his life, and that isn't something that's good. That's a very toxic relationship and it will really ruin him if she breaks it off. Your band was something important in his life, as far as you make it sound, and she is becoming his life. He needs to see the light. Get your friends together and give him an intervention. Don't be mean, or too blunt, but just tell him, "we miss you, we miss our buddy and we need our band back. Your girlfriend is taking over your life it's getting to be a very bad thing. You are doing things that you would never do before. They are getting to be stupid things that you should think more about before you do them." but in your own words. Make it personal, something you know he'll hear. If you have more questions or I didn't answer everything you want me to, ask another question. Hope I helped.

Q: Okay, so I'm auditioning for this drama club at my school. They write comedy sketches and perform them. The requirments for auditions is a 1-2 minute dramatic or comedic monologue. I already wrote it but I don't really have anyone to read it and tell me what they think. So if anyone wants to give advice/constructive criticism here it is.

The Logic of Insanity

So for the past two weeks I’ve been trying to write this ridiculously brilliant monologue and I just sat there at my computer for hours…brainstorming…coming up with potentially great ideas…and watching them fall apart over… and over… and over again. So I tried channeling some of the great writers, reading their stuff…

But then I realized maybe I just have to be crazy, you know, like all the great writers and artists, like the Disney writers, for one, who were on crack and put subliminal messages in all of the films…

Anyways, a lot of the great writers, the ones who made history, and the ones that we’re forced to read about in English…were either criminally insane, suicidal, addicts, or just plain high while they were writing.

Like Stephen King. The guy wrote some amazing books, you know… the shining, the stand, IT…though I don’t think he was ever sober. He did cocaine, marijuana, drank his weight in alcohol…okay so not the best actor to look to for inspiration.

Now Edgar Allen Poe was a good writer too. He had a bit of an obsession with ravens…after all I don’t think anyone had the talent of being able to stay awake long enough to hear the last “nevermore” in “the raven.” But the tall-tale heart was amazingly well written…and a little disturbing. And he only had to be abandoned as a young boy, thrown out on the streets by his adopted father, turn to alcoholism, develop rabies, and attempt suicide twice to get there. What an…amazing role model…really. His parents would be very proud I’m sure. I mean, I…I want to be just like him when I grow up.

Even Van Gogh, not even a writer, but one of the greatest artists to ever live... cut off his left ear and sent it to “the love of his life” Poor girl…I mean I don’t know what kind of girls he was into, but personally I would think it a bit of a turn-off to receive someone’s ear in the mail. I mean what do you say after that? “Ummm thanks for mutilating yourself for me but…I’m just not interested” or maybe the infamous “It’s not you it’s me” Like anyone ever believes that.

Then the poor guy realized he just cut off his ear for a girl who wasn’t interested in him and killed himself…I wonder what she did with that ear…anyway I guess Van Gogh would go in the category of those criminals on the run who think warehouses are still shady and those people who think shower radios are amazing gifts to give people, because honestly… Do you really want music in the shower? I mean I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. Forget guns. If you’re trying to kill someone look no further ladies and gentlemen, just get a shower radio. Cheap and effective only for a low, low price of $9.99. If the person is not six feet shorter in the next 60 days we’ll give you a full refund.

So yah…I don’t do drugs, I’m not on crack, not an alcoholic, I’m not criminally insane or suicidal…at least not yet. This high school crap can really get to a person. I’m not on some terrible daytime soap where every single person is obnoxiously and unrealistically beautiful 24 hours a day and always have something witty to say. So, unfortunately, I guess I’m just going to have to depend on my own brain. I might have some problems along the way…but Nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play…or tragedy.

Personally I thought it was very good. It was interesting, kept going and kept coming with new ideas. I loved how you sticked with what it was about, but you trailed off just enough to give it personality. I say, stick with it, memorize it well, put emotion and movement into it... You'll do great... But I would like you to remember that this is just an opinion and that's all you can really get, because you never know what the drama people will think of it. But break a leg!

Q: Okay, I'm kinda in the phase of my life where I'd like a boyfriend (:

I'm not totally desperate, and I'm 'taking life as it comes' however that doesn't really land you one.

Where are places I should go to at least FLIRT with guys.

Places guys would go if they don't have girlfriends would help heaps, the most nerve wracking thing about flirting in my opinion is the fact they might have girlfriends. I know it's a common thing, but since I've never really done it before it would really discourage me. Haha.

Well, flirting should be natural enough for you that you can do it without feeling too uncomfortable... The single guys usually tend to do the stupid thing and go hang with their buddies at their house or something... So, the best way is at school or work. I'm not sure how old you are... but I'm pretty sure you couldn't be too old or you wouldn't be just starting... Just find a guy you think is cute and flirt a little... if he ends up having a girlfriend, then that's not your fault... Just pick the guy, flirt but not hard core flirt, and if you see signals of a girlfriend, back off unless you have proof he doesn't have a girl. That's all the ideas I have for if he has a girlfriend or not. I hope this helped a little. Have fun flirting it up with the guys!

Q: 16/f/CT, USA
Summary of the story: James is 17/m. He's from South Carolina. He moved up to CT in January. He is possibly moving back to SC in July. He and I have become very close. He is very sexually experienced. He has had sex with 6 girls. We like each other but as of now we are just friends with benefits. I'm his 7th. We've had sex twice. Ive only had sex with one other person and that was 2 years ago and I regretted it because it was against my moral and religious beliefs. But with James, I just can't seem to say no. He's just so good at it.

Dilemma: I'm afraid to just end things with him. I don't want to lose out on a good friend. But then again I feel as if our relationship has become based on sex. I've talked to him about it and he said that he cares about me a lot and that sex is just a bonus.

Should I remain friends with benefits with him? Like continuing sex (because its fun for both of us) untill he leaves?

Or drop it?

My life was so boring before he came into it.

If you like him and you want to continue this, you will get hurt because he will be leaving. But I wouldn't say your relationship is based on sex. 2 times is nothing close to that. He may say he likes you a lot, but that doesn't change the fact he's leaving. You both have to face that eventually. You can continue it, but you have to be willing to let him go when he does leave. Hope that answered your question. Have fun... lol

Q: Well me and my boyfreind have been going out for 1 year Im only 14 and I haved had qute a few boyfreinds. Well are 1 year aniversy is on the 1st of next month and latly he had been pushing me to have sex and I just dont think im ready. Yes I love him but once you do somthing like that things just change. Im pretty sure on are aniversy night hes really going to try. So what should I do give in or not?
thanks in advanced
peace

Never give in to something like that. If you are not ready, don't do it. The most common thing is to think that you are in love and you just give in, but then something happens between you two, and you gave him something you can never get back. Just wait. Tell him you aren't ready. Compromise with him, do something less and a little more comfortable. Work up to it in the future, if you chose to do it with him when you are ready. But never let him set the standards. You are your own person, and you know what you want. If he really loves you, he will be willing to wait. Hope that helped. Don't worry, you'll be ready someday, never push yourself to be ready for something like that.

Q: Hey, I asked a question yesterday, and like, it was about if I had a u.t.i. but, now I'm not sure if that's what it is. On like, the opening [still the outside] of my vagina, one side is bigger than the other, and it really hurts, and it still hurts to pee. And I have small lump things randomly down there. Does anyone know what it could be? I had sex april 11, and he had a condom and stuff, but could that cause it? Please help. I'm really worried. I'm probably going to go to the doctors next week, but I'd like to know sooner what it could possibly be. I'm really scared.

it sounds like an STD, I would go to the doctor, even if someone on here tells you what it is, because it could be more than one thing, or something. I'm sorry I don't know what it is. But it sounds like something I heard about it Health class. A condom wouldn't stop an STD. So that might be what it is. Hope that helped a little. Don't be too worried. Just go to the doctor's ASAP.

Q: I like this boy named chase and friend said he does like me but how can i be sure he really does like me and i like this boy named trever to who been flirting with my freind right infront of me wut do i do please help.

Ask Chase, that's the only sure fire way to know if he likes you. And with Trevor, just don't pay attention to his flirting. Go for Chase for now, if he doesn't work out, then try to see if Trevor has anything for you. That's about the short of it. If you need more answers, go ahead and ask. Hope that helped.

Q: summers coming up and I really want to lose weight for the bathing suit season...i would like to lose like 15 to 20 pounds in 6 weeks my mom told me the 1200 calorie diet but I was wondering is there anything else>>>thanks so much

just replace soda with water, milk or orange juice. replace snacks like chips or anything sugary with yummy carrots! Apples work too, very good dipped in yogort... but even that needs moderation. Less cheese, bread, beans, and corn. More salads, veggies, fruits, and healthier things. It's all about moderation. You don't eat less, just healthier. Exercise after dinner before bed... but not right before bed or you won't be able to sleep. When it's nicer out, go outside for a nice walk or something random like that. Don't just go sit down and do nothing after you eat, that's how you gain more weight. I guess that's a lot right there, hope it helps.

Q: how do you do this: http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j218/vivivivih0ney/WE.jpg

I have a feeling it's photoshopped. When this is done, the chocolate or whatever they use, would be darker in places, and it would be indented... Maybe I'm wrong, but I find it very hard to believe... Sorry...

Q: f/15
does it really hurt for a girl for the first time cause if it hurt so bad then why do people do it again>>>

Yes it does, and they do it again because it is what it is... it is addictive. although it hurts, it still feels good in other ways. I hope this answers your question.

Q: Okay so I was with this guy name well lets call him charles and well we were together for three years from 6th grade till 8th grade and he was my first love...well he caused me alot of drama when ever we would break up and I have even been in a huge fight because of him but evertime we fight we still end up talking again now he is the first guy I ever did anything sexual with so me and him always have that little dirty thing between us well its been like a year since we talked and he saw my mom in the store and decided to call me well now we have been talking for like 2 weeks and Im happy but my mom dosent know about it cause she really dosent want us talking...well he has a girlfriend and I told him I had a bf when i really dont well I just want you opinon cause I kind of want to have sex with him but IDK what I should do

My opinion is that you knew him. He knew you. You did lie when you said that you had a BF but that isn't what I'm getting at. He has a GF and he shouldn't (want to) cheat on her. I can't tell you much on the sex thing, since I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't. It's never a positive thing to give something that special to someone unless you love them and they love you and you plan on standing for any consequences. You don't know each other anymore. It's been a year since you talked, and even though you've been talking for 2 weeks, it doesn't mean you know each other well enough for anything like that. Has he said he wanted to have sex with you? Because that is a sure sign he is not responsible enough... he is saying he wants to cheat on his GF which means he would cheat on you... Get where I'm going? Anyway... You have to decide in the long run, but remember to respect yourself. At least get to know him better and be a lot closer to him before you give him that much. I hope this was what you were looking for. Good luck.

Q: Well me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year & a month . But i just like dont trust him , well i mean i trust him i just dont like him around girls ''/ idk why , he has never done anything to make me not trust him. He trusts me , and doesnt care if i go anywhere with my girls and there's guys around but i dnt like him going anywhere where girls are . I want us to have a great relationship but i just cant help it . I just always think about girls trying to flirt with him or this and that . He's told me before that im the Only one for him , he's in love with me and he doesnt want anyone else but i just dont know whats wrong with me . I have came a very long way with jelousy from the start. But like when his friends want to do stuff they usually have girls with them & sometimes i cant go so i dont want my boyfriend to & deep down i kno thats not fair from keeping him from having fun just because i cant , even though he'll let me . We have talked about over and over , dont tell me to talk to him about it because we have . TELL ME WHAT [ I ] can do , because he's done all he could . thanks

All I can say is to just let him go even though you don't want to. Just let him. Even if every fiber of your body doesn't want to, just do it. Once you do it more, you will get used to it. It's hard to be jealous for no reason, and you can't just change your jealousy... it's probably going to be there for a while. Try hanging out with him and other girls. Note when or how they flirt with him, then get over it. Tell yourself you don't care. Eventually you won't. If he does something in the future, then you can fret about it, and you will be able to see it better. I don't know if this helped, but I hope it did. Good luck...

Q: I'm auditioning for a drama club, and we have to write monologues and perform them.

I've written my monologue...no problem there.

Does anyone know any tricks to memorizing a two minute monologue?

connect things in the monologue to things or pictures in your head. If it's kind of a story or continuous thing, you can remember it with actions. Actions can make it hard at first to remember, but once you connect actions with words, you can remember. Another way is to say it repeatedly and then try to say it without the words in front of you. There are many ways to remember it, you just have to know what helps you the best when remembering things, and what works best with the piece you are memorizing... I hope it helped, if you want, I can help more with more info.

Q: Okay, so.
There's this guy I really like, lets call him Billy, and so I went somewhere with my friends, and I knew Billy was there. So I meet up with him, and I was like can I have a hug? And his like I owe you one. So I gave him a hug. But when my friend asked for one, he didn't want to he finally did. And we talked for a bit and than he left to go back with his friends, because he was with them before. And so the next day, I texted Billy saying I really like him. And that was like 5 days ago. Finally, he writes back yesterday saying 'hi'. like nothing happen. BUT, the promblem is. I'm not over my ex. But I'm tring to get over him untill the other day he talked to me. And me and him where like in love, or really really really liked one another. What do I do? Like does Billy like me? And is there anything I can do, to like make things back to normal, because its weird when I talk to him now. What should I do with my ex? I mean I really do like him, maybe even love him. And I'm stressing out about this. Please help me :]

The first thing with your ex is that he is your ex. You have to think about why you two drifted apart, or whatever happened. You need to think of who you want to be with right now, more. You may love him still, but do you think he loves you back? Is it worth leaving your new guy crush behind? Now, with Billy... I think he might like you, but I'm not him... You need to ask him yourself if you really want to know. Him not answering and pretending it didn't happen can go either way. It sounds like he was flirting with you, but some people are natural flirts and flirt with everyone... You shouldn't go for Billy or your ex until you have truly decided what you want. When you decide, make sure you know how they feel, next. If they don't like you, what's the point? You can't make either of them like you. Just remember there are many many guys out there, if these two don't work out... it's not the end of the world... Hope I helped...

Q: Well me and my boyfreind arent talking at them moment well lets start with the basics. Im 14 this is like my 30th boyfreind I swear it just never works out me and him have been dating for 1 year. He wants to go all the way and im not ready for the responslablty of a babie if I get pregant and im jsut not ready so what should I do he said he wanted to dump me but I love him he is the only guy I ever told I loved i mean plenty of guys had said I love you but i didnt say it back.

If he can't take that you aren't ready, he's not worth staying with. Just because you love him, doesn't prove he loves you back. Tell him how you feel just incase he doesn't understand, then let him decide if he's going to be a man and face your wishes, or if he's going to cower and have to move on. I know you might not want to move on from him, but he really doesn't deserve you if he can't understand your reasons... you shouldn't have to bend to his will with something like that... if you aren't ready, you aren't ready... it's not something you just change. I hope that this helped.. stand up for yourself... you're worth it.

Q: Okay, my situation is kind of complicated so I'm going to try to explain to the best of my ability.

Some background info: I have a best friend, he is a guy. I can genuinely say I love him, he is always there for me and we hangout all the time.

Alright, so it all started a while ago, I learned he liked me, but at the time I didn't feel the same about him. Time passed and my feelings for my best friend kept getting stronger, but i just couldn't bring myself to tell him about it because I didn't want to ruin the friendship, you know? Well, I just kinda hid the feelings, even though I knew they were there. So just recently, he got into a relationship with another girl, which I'm okay with because all I want is for him to be happy. And the weird thing was that I got into a relationship the same day he did. I like the guy I'm with now, but I also have feelings for my best friend. Is that wrong? Part of me feels that I'm kinda not being fair to my boyfriend. I still want to be able to hangout with my best friend though. I just don't really know what to do.

If any of you watch or have watched Boy Meets World, I kinda feel like my situation is like Shawn and Angela. Two friends who are destined to be together, but go separate ways, date different people, and seem to never cross paths.

17/f.

It's not the point that you aren't being fair to your boyfriend... He does have the right to know, but it's more about you and your friend. You aren't being fair to anyone. You need to tell your friend and let him know that he doesn't have to worry about your feelings, but also point out that you have a boyfriend. You aren't being fair to yourself because you aren't telling anyone, and you are stressing yourself out. If you feel it is big enough that you have to make a choice between them (your boyfriend and your best friend), you should tell both of them. If you do have to pick between the two of them, you need to think about who you think is more right for you, and who is more in your interest. If your boyfriend can't handle that you like another guy, he needs to get over himself, and you need to get over him, too. You can't help that you like other guys, and you are trying to control them. Just think about what you need and want for a minute. I hope this advice helps a little, and good luck.

Q: Does anyone out there know of any poetry contest in Canada or in Southern Ontario?
Thanx.

There is a world wide poetry contest all the time on www.poetry.com and I would advise you, if you are interested enough, to go there and look at some stuff. Reading other's poetry can also help you if you want to learn more about what's good and what's bad. Hope this was the answer you're looking for.

Q: thanks alot for your advice!but should I start talking with him in order to "get to know him" now or should I wait til I get there?? I remind you that he NEVER called me since we broke up and so did I.And he doesnt know I know about his gf.should I call him now?or wait til i get there??

thanks again

I would start now, but start slow... just call him up and be like, "so just because we broke up... does that mean we can't be friends? What's new with you?" Just talk casually with him. Get to know him again as a friend and normal person. That way, if you do get back together with him, you will know him better and he will know you too. Don't bring up his girlfriend unless he brings up the subject first... or if you ask him if he has a girlfriend, that's ok... Just not too soon or it will seem like you're trying to get back together with him. That is useless and may scare him off.. just just be friends... Until you decide it's safe to move in. Like when he has no girlfriend... Hope this helps. Don't be too stiff and nervous.. it's just like making a new friend.

Q: i asked you a ? earlier and now i have another one well how does the guy like get a girl to have an orgasm while he's eating her out? like idk but how does he stimulate her with his tongue. thanks :)

he uses his tongue to flick or just plain lick her clit... the faster or slower or different rhythms he uses can bring her to an orgasm... sometimes the fingering can do it to... it just depends on what stimulates that specific girl... The way you find out (not necessarily you, but anyone) is by trying new things until you just know what works, and what doesn't. does that help? I'll answer anything else.

Q: ok well i know this is kinda strange and im a girl with a bf (we wont do anything trust me!!) but im wondering how does a guy finger a girl and how does a guy give a girl oral?? thanks!!

Fingering means he puts his fingers in your vagina and pretty much does what he would do in real sex but with his fingers. Oral is just him putting his mouth down there. I hope I didn't answer too bluntly (and I'm glad you aren't going to do anything). don't ever be afraid to ask those kind of questions, it's better to know then to be completely naive sometimes. At least to me it is.

bio

Ok, so I haven't been on in a while and I'm just starting to get back to where I can give advice again. I had a rough spot there and I just couldn't give advice without seeming rude, so I decided to take a break. My real name is Shannon and I live in Utah. I am 15 and I love animals and friends. I love to act and know a bit about those kinds of things. I would love to help you out and hope that I can. But there is one thing, you have to ask a question for me to answer! Just kidding. Hope you have a great day!