Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29826
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What do u think of older men that do this? Are they sstrange or is it normal? (link)
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Think Pittguy has it nailed. There is no 'normal'. Cross-dressing is essentially harmless, and entirely victimless. It covers a wide spectrum too. If a guy has a female partner and likes to dress as a woman in private, is it more normal than a guy who embraces the whole issue of self-feminisation and cross dresses in public? If he enjoys relationships with men is it less normal than a guy who doesn't? Are there 'degrees of strangeness' in crossdressing? Is it all normal, or all strange? Is a younger guy doing it more strange than an older guy? Just who exactly is the arbiter of normality anyway?? Me? Pittguy? The mysterious and anonymous 'voice of the public'? It's almost impossible to even find any discursive (argument from premise to conclusion) framework. It is entirely subjective.
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(Not quite sure if i put this in the right category, sorry!)
Okay so this past summer, i became close with an older guy, he was 18 and graduated and i was 14 and getting ready to enter high school. He began asking me inappropriate things, such as if i touch myself, and if i've ever thought about being with a guy sexually, etc. I was (and still am) a very anxious person, and was too afraid to tell him that he was making me uncomfortable, and played along instead. He began getting more and more inappropriate as the weeks went on, admitting to liking me in a more than a friend way (which i usually wouldn't have had a problem with, had he behaved differently) and in the heat of the moment in a conversation about bsdm, he offered that if i was ever curious about that, he'd be glad to try it with me, and even tried to kiss me once (note that since i had a problem with telling him no, he had asked me the day before if i would be okay with it, and i had agreed to it) and said that he wanted to go father than just a kiss, saying things like "If i get to do what i want tomorrow, i bet you won't be able to keep quiet ;)" and "We can start small, and see where that takes us" and also keep in mind that while i was against all of this, he had no idea and thought that i was okay with it. The few people that i've told about this have said that he was still behaving inappropriately, as he is a grown man and i am a minor who is much younger than him, and that he shouldn't have made those sexual advances to begin with, but i still think that it was really my fault for allowing him to keep going, and that it makes what he did okay. What do you guys think? (note that he never touched me, only spoke of it and told me he was going to, but he left for the army before he could do so. He did try to kiss me but stopped when my mom came back inside the house) (link)
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Hi there. Definitely inappropriate behaviour. If it's making you feel uncomfortable (the chat and the kissing attempts) then it's wrong. He's not that much older than you so one couldn't say for sure that he is a dnagerous predatory paedophile, or even a potential one. Might be just that he sees an opportunity for having sex with a younger and less savvy about sex girl who will be easier to persuade than one his own age? He's trying his luck, as it were. Whatever, he seems rather 'bad news' and it doesn't look like he has anything on his mind other than having sex with you. The bdsm topic is hot at the moment, thanks to the popularity of a certain movie. I doubt he's into the scene. Best idea would be to break off any contact with him, in person and on social media/via your phone etc. I can appreciate that you might not want to go down the path of telling teachers and parents etc and in effect, accusing him of being a paedophile. As you mention, you spotted his behaviour as inappropriate, didn't fall for it and he hasn't touched you in any overtly sexual way. Forget the incidents, forget him and move on I'd say. Best wishes. X
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I am nearly 24 years old, and I have an almost 30 year old sister who makes really stupid choices.
For the past six years, she has been dating a man who my family and I strongly disapprove of. This man is a thirty-five (almost thirty-six) high school drop-out who doesn’t work, can’t keep a job, and lives off of her support. Not only that, but he is a recovering alcoholic and has been physically abusive towards her in the past. Yet, she insists that she’s going to marry him.
Although I see no attempts on his part, I think that at their ages if they were going to get married, he would have worked at maintaining a job. They would have already tied the knot years ago. Instead I think that she’s going to wake up in a few years, realize that she is an unmarried old maid, and that this relationship has strongly screwed her up her life.
Lately I feel like this relationship is taking a toll on her health.
She says it’s not, but she’s the type of woman who becomes dependent on a man and will lie that he is doing things that we already know he is responsible for. They live out of state, so it is difficult to know what is going on. Since she has started dating I strongly doubt that she has ever had a stable, healthy relationship.
This weekend she had a bad panic/anxiety attack that may have been brought on by a hereditary thyroid condition. I know that this health condition could be caused by stress, and I think that her boyfriend is and always will be the primary cause of her stress, whether she admits it or not.
I am so tempted to attempt to break them up, but I think that this will be a bad idea.
I found out his phone number, and I want to text him and tell him that if he really loves her, he will break up with her, cut off all ties with her, move out, and tell her that he’s no longer in love with her, because he’s the primary cause of her stress..
Having had a boyfriend of four years, I am having second thoughts about doing this. We are not married or living together, solely for financial reasons. Yet my boyfriend and I are younger, and are both still in school.
I feel like it will seriously hurt her and result in no positives.
Should I restrain myself from doing so? Does even thinking of this scheme make me a bad person?
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No, you are not a bad person because you have the best interest of your sister in your heart and feel it will be the correct outcome. I would restrain myself from doing it principally because it is extremely unlikely to have the outcome you would like. Yes it is dependency on her part. Yes he is exploiting her dependency. But you won't get far attacking him from the outside. It will only unite them both agaisnt you. Because she is dependent (and will be entirely influenced by what HE says) and he is exploiting that dependency for his own ends and won't want to lose the easy arrangement he has contrived himself. She must be the one to break-up the relationship. She won't do that while she feels unable to function without him. So the state of play is: He won't. She wouldn't dare. Your contribution is unlikely to be acknowledged at all. He's only on the scene at all by coutesy of her dependency. Breaking this dependency in HER is the key.
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Just give me an answer
(link)
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Hi. Can see you have some good answers already. Might add that 'being fingered' can cover a range of actual actions. The object is really to give you pleasureable sensations. You might well find that if you get your boyfriend to concentrate on your clitoris (which is mostly 'outside', at the top), maybe touching you there with quite rapid little 'circles' using his fingertip it will feel very pleasurable indeed! No need for any real penetration and certainly not to any depth. So no worries about tearing or 'popping' anything. I know a lot of younger guys (myself too when I was younger)feel it's a case of kind of poking their longest finger as deeply as possible inside a girl and sort of simulating sex with their finger. And that this is what fingering is 'all about'. And girls might think the same. But your clitoris really is THE most sensitive area and the one most likley to make you feel good. Give it a try? Try it yourself first maybe? Little circles with your fingertip on your clit versus randomly poking your finger inside? See which 'does the job best' as you might say? Just a thought.
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*** I'm so sorry that this is a little bit of reading, but please read. I am so confused. ***
Okay, so I realize this is sort of a weird question, but I need advice on if I should do this or not. It'll sound weird at first, but please bare with me.
A little background about me; I'm 15, in my first year of highschool. I have extreme anxiety and social anxiety (Which explains why I'm even asking this question in the first place).
Now for the question. I can't decide if I should make a personal instagram account. I am in a "special" private program at school (Due to the anxiety), and I have absolutely no friends at all. I only go outside once a week for school. Yes, I know it's depressing, but I'm at a tough point in my life that I'm currently trying to get cured for. Anyways, I don't know if I should make a personal instagram account and here is why; I am afraid of someone stealing my pictures and impersonating me. I am also afraid because I was bullied in elementary school and a little in junior high. I'm afraid of getting bullied on there too or something. I know, I know.
I'm still thinking about it. I wouldn't post any pictures of me at all (At ALL) except for my profile picture. I would follow old friends and stuff like that. That may sound awkward but yeah. Should I? I'd really just post things I'm interested in or whatever if that makes sense. Please help me make a decision, I'm so stumped. (link)
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Hi! Doesn't sound weird at all. Stealing pictures, identity theft, cyber bullying etc? They are real. However, huge numbers of people use and enjoy social media like Instagram day in, day out. Witout any problems. We can of course limit the potential damage violation of our social media accounts can actually cause with some fairly simple steps. Regarding how much information you make public, filtering the information (which parts would be able to be used maliciously against you). As an example, you chat about your two-week holiday and post pictures when you're safely back home, NOT before you go or while you're there. So no crook can think "She's away...I'll go and rob her house!" Of course you'll already have been clever and made sure your profile and chats NEVER mention your actual physical address anyway. Savvy??
Here's your mission. If you choose to accept it!! Do plenty of web searches in advance based on 'how to keep yourself safe on social media'. There'll be loads of articles out there giving information, advise, hints and tips. READ THEM keep them in mind and do what they say. THEN create your account and get going.
You're DEAD RIGHT. It's the anxiety that's making such a mountain out of your decision. It's like a guided-missile mate! Like it's got some freaky way of identifying your fears and insecurities and targetting them. Amplifying them, and blowing them up out of all proportion. I'm afraid that's what anxiety does, amongst other things.
Social media is a great way of staying in touch while your anxiety problems are making reinforing old and making new relationships 'difficult'. You can chat, swap pictures, share your worries and your good experiences. Stay socially functional. (The clue's in the name 'social media' eh??). Chatting with old friends about things you're interested in? Finding out what's changed and what's the same? That's what most people do on the sites a lot of the time, so what are you worrying about? Post pics or don't post pics as you feel inclined. Follow the 'nothing you wouldn't show your mum' guideline. Then if someone copies and pastes the photo....so what?? I think you should run with it. And have fun.
Any help?? X
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Hi! I'm having a love crisis here that I need a little advice on. There's a guy that I like and I'm pretty sure that he likes me. He's pretty cute, hilarious, an amazing artist, and a decent writer. The problem is, he's not smart. He gets straight C's at best and he's just over all not super intellectual. I wouldn't mind him not being naturally academic if he would just TRY. I've worked with him in groups and partners and he doesn't try to hide the fact that he doesn't care about school at all. I've been an above average hard working honors student my whole life so you can see why his lack of effort turns me off. Am I being shallow? I really like him, but I'm not going to even think about asking him out if he doesn't put in a little effort. (link)
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Do you mean he's not intellectual enough to hold your attention in discussions, with your friends etc. By 'hilarious' I assume you mean he's entertaining company and that's maybe a better quality socially and in just talking together. Unless you need your conversations and dinner party conversations to be highly intellectual. If you mean low intellect equals poor grades equals low income then you have to be honest with yourself. How much does he have to go into a job with early high-income prospects to keep you happy and in the life you envisage? If you need a high-flyer and he clearly isn't ever going to be one then you should probably look elsewhere. But probe him a bit on what he intends to do with his 'amazing artist' gift. Illustrators can command big incomes. If he could turn it to computer generated artistry, especially 3D then broadcast and games artists are well paid too. The same skills in movie production are very well paid indeed! Journalistic positions for big magazines are more often from the 'good degree' in English/languages based subjects and specific media and journalist studies (the specific ones WILL have to be 'firsts' really, as well).There are literally millions of decent writers out there waiting to have their work discovered and become top sellers so I wouldn't base any real future prospects on this happenning. Too many contenders and not enough market. Idenitify his objectives and THEN evaluate his level of effort, and thus his probability of 'making something of himself' I'd say. There are more paths to income and success than just academia. Any help?
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My dad died last week and I do not get along with my family, and this is something I've accepted for years now. From the outside, we looked like the perfect family, and everyone thinks I'm the sweetest, nicest, most perfect daughter. But in reality, I am the emotionally out of control black sheep in my family. I've never felt truly understood by them. At times in which I've felt suicidal throughout my life, they weren't there for me emotionally.Everyone keeps telling me how highly my dad spoke of me and how much he loved me, but all I can remember are our fights and horrible, hateful words toward each other, that most people who "know us so well" could never imagine. The two of us have had a very distant relationship since I'm 11 or 12. Now I'm 22. I have wonderful friends, thank god, who make me feel amazing but they live very far away. I feel totally and completely alone right now. Anyone who says things like, "blood is thicker than water.." and "family is everything" clearly can't know where I'm coming from, because honestly the most loving supportive people in my life are friends and teachers. Thankfully, I will be away from home next year. What can I do cope with this until then? (link)
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Hi there. As a matter of fact, despite what you say I would suggest that you are actually very much IN control of your emotions. You've processed and accepted the situation within YOUR family (which is, as you also point out, the only one that actually matters and not a subject for cliches and/or the matter of things might appear from the outside). Dealing with death of people we are close to (and you HAVE been close in many ways, it's unavoidable) is of course never an easy matter. There's a lot of feelings flying around. Some you wish you might have worked harder to resolve, some you might have wished to have resolved differently. There'll be some unique stuff, and it will through plenty of existing stuff into sharp relief, lend a new perspective...and so on. Despite the fact that your relationship with him was far from what you might have wanted, you are not going to be able to process his death as though it was reading of the death of a celebrity or various public figure (who you have no direct connection with) in a newspaper. You're going to have to 'process' the loss and all it's entailments in some way, whether you want to or not. Your coping mechanism will undoubtedly centre around these good friends and acquaintances you mention. You don't specifically mention your mum or other family members, but don't shut THEM out if you can help it. They'll be grieving in their own ways. Perhaps you could try to be the 'supportive friend' to them? We cannot have 'too much' empathy and understanding in our character. They're good things to develop. It'll be a transitional and turbulent time for all, and as you say, there is a definite cut-off point for you when you leave. So use the time to help ensure that when you physically distance yourself you don't take too much unresolved 'emotional baggage' with you. At 22 you're an adult. It should be possible to reach amicable terms. That essential 'acceptance' (what a huge statement it is to truly be able to say we have reached that point??) which allows us to truly 'move on' without either longing for 'what might have been' or resenting what actually happened. Look inside yourself for these answers. Condolences, and also my VERY best wishes for YOUR future. I guess what I'm saying is that there IS a loss to be processed. There will be a sense of 'grieving' (if not in the 'traditional' way, as we might say). If you simply push these emotions down, and do not acknowledge and process them, if you leave them unresolved, then they'll almost certainly 'pop up' and manifest themselves in some way, at some time in the future. Let yourself 'grieve' in some sense. And deny them this opportunity. X
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25 female
I have a date Friday night with this guy I met that goes to my school . He is 21 and one of his friends is going wiih us because neither one of us can drive so he will be doing the driving . The date will be at Burger King . I Know not very fancy for a first date but its fine with me but I dont know what to wear to wear. I am also a little concerned becauase I dont know his friend anf i wanted to know if it would be rude to turn down the rife offer and have my cousin to drop me off? (link)
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Might be a good idea to get your cousin (or someone) to take you there and have arrangements for him/her to pick you up at a set time (unless you phone to cnacel or rearrange the time). You'll get to know the other guy over the course of the date and decide whether you want him around/want to be driven around by him and so on. Might sound a bit over-cautious (after all you're fully acquainted with your date himself...and guy number 2 is his mate) but there's nothing wrong with 'cautious' and it woun't be rude. What if guy 2 turns up at Burger King and he's clearly had a drink or two? You'll be glad you weren't picked up in a car he was driving then, will you not?? And so on. On a lighter note...wear something you know suits you and you look good in. Most girls have a good idea about what that is so go with it. The extra-confidence you'll get will far outweigh any advantage a complicated 'wardrobe adjustment' can bring about. Good luck with the date. If you hit it off and his mate seems a sound guy based on what you see, then he can drive you next time if he wants to, eh? X
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First of all I'm 52 and I have never have an orgasm so I started masturbating because I wanted to see if I could reach an orgasm on my own but I haven't being able. I want to know why when I am feeling so excited this feeling of someone tickling me make me stop and I can't continue touching myself as mush as I really want to because I know I am close to get the orgasm. but I remove my hand because I just can't take that feeling of someone tickling me and it's really frustrating; what can do I do to be able to continue when I am feeling so good!! (link)
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It's that last bit of 'letting go' you're struggling with by the sound of it? Think of that orgasm as something you're going to 'reach' rather than 'have'. It's about building-up all that tension (good, 'waiting for something nice' tension, not stressy tension)until it's all released. You're doing all the work but not getting the full reward! That reward is yours, all waiting for you. Ready to be enjoyed. Set your mind that you ARE going to take it. When you get the 'stop' message shout it down. Tell yourself you want to cum and you're going to. You deserve it. Actually saying it out loud can be a surprisingly effective thing to do. You're really affirming your intent in a very positive way. Give it a try? Some people say a glass of wine or two can help before hand. Not suggesting you get drunk, but a little alcohol can certainly help 'loosen us up' and suppress a few inhibitions. An orgasm is a perfectly natural thing to want. It's life-affirming. It feels good. It's just for YOU to enjoy. Like that really tempting cake in the shop window. Sure...you'll live without it. You can't say you actually need it. But boy does it taste good!! Relax and enjoy yourself.
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Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills). (link)
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Hi there. Making actual plans for your suicide is a really bad sign that things have gotten out of hand. Really you have to seek some help right now. Counselling/therapy depends on the relationship between you and your psychiatrist more than anything. You don't seem to have a good one? Try another. Some are better than others. And it's completely personal in many cases. And you have to be willing to take on board, think about and implement what you discuss. Medication becomes less effective the longer you're on it. You might need a prescription change. Again that's something to discuss and it's her job to identify things like this and find alternatives that suit you as the condition changes. There are help lines. You can keep your anonymity if you want to. Get a number and keep it with you. And when things look really dark for goodness sake call. A moments weakness is all it can take while you're feeling like this. A long-term solution will take a while to get in place and working. You really do not want to take this risk. You won't feel THIS bad forever, I promise you. It's the lowest point. You'll get through it. Talk to someone here, me if you like? Write down how you're feeling. In as much detail as you wish, doesn't matter if there's pages of it. Swap email addresses if you want it completely confidential. Keep talking and keep people around you. You probably want to be on your own, but that's the last thing you should be doing. There ARE ways back from the place you're in right now. Plenty of ways. There's NO way back from suicide. Talk. To someone.
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So, I FULLY awoke to a woman's playfully evil laugh. In my head, I asked, "What the hell was that?!" And she said, "Why? Is it wrong?" And then I felt soft, delicate hands on my side, and you know when you were six years old and you had a friend try to playfully push you off the bed? That's what she did. Then she joked about shoelaces or something, but I can't remember.
Please don't tell me I was dreaming, because I know myself. I know when I'm fully awake.
How can I possibly communicate with her like that again? Please help! I felt so safe and loved with her. (link)
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Hi there. I hate saying something you've explicitly asked me NOT to say but part of a dream can certainly contain the strong conviction that you are not asleep and it is thus, not a dream. In fact, it's a constituent part of any dream. The terrors we experience in a nightmare would not terrify us at all if all the time the disturbing events were going on we held the knowledge that it was 'not real' and it was simply a bad dream. We realise this only when we waken. We're so reieved too, eh? "Phew...thank god that was a dream" . I feel sure yours was a dream. A gentle and lovely dream. You ease out of it gently too. You've no desire to 'let it go'. Possibly your surroundings in the dream were perfectly true to your real bedroom? Could well be. A dreamscape does not have to be freaky and random. It's a lovely and tranquil sounding dream, you must be pretty much 'at one with the world' as they say to have conjured it up in your subconscious mind I reckon? No conflicts or tension in your mind. Which is great news for you. Hope you have plenty more 'sweet dreams'.
That sweet, gentle and benevolent goddess? You ARE in touch with her. She's part of YOU. Now how special is THAT?? XX
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I have one coping skill and that is being on the computer. It is not healthy in other peoples opinion but I don't care. It is the only thing that helps me. I have tried everything else anyone has recommended but people are still telling me that being on the computer is not healthy. What do I do? (link)
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Any single activity, to the exclusion of all others is really not a great idea. So try to add-in as many other activities as possible. It certainly won't help with your social skills, even if you are mainly using 'social meia' (despite what one might gather from half of it's name). They're essential. It won't allow you much time for physical activities to keep your body fit either. Nobody is saying you can't use your computer. And if it's providing you with an outlet and a way of handling various stresses, then that's ok too. But it can't take over. In a way you've got to force yourself to face the things you're escaping from and have a good balance of activities going on in your life. Including stuff you'd rather not do. Then spend some time on your computer for 'R and R'. Your 'reward' to yourself. It's all about balance really. Fast food (burgers etc) get a 'bad press' from some quarters. If you like them, treat yourself to one from time to time and enjoy it. It'll do you no harm whatsoever. It's a perfectly safe and valid food. But if you elected to live on a diet of nothing but fast food burgers your body would quickly decline. You'd get too much of some nutritional elements, not enough (or even none) of others. Also, if you spend too much time indulging in something relaxing it'll tend to lose all it's therapeutic and enjoyable value. We like the weekends, a break away from work (mostly, some work weekends...but you know what I mean). It's important to our well-being. If one did not work all week, what is there to escape from and chill out? Saturday and Sunday would be no different to any other day of the week, would they? Aim for a variety of stuff if you can. You might find some of it a lot more fun than you think if you give it a chance. Incidentally, if you found yourself working in IT and computers are in your face all day long Monday to Friday nobody would say that was an 'unhealthy' job. The computer itself is not unhealthy. But when you clocked-off on Friday night I reckon the last thing you'd want to do was to spend all weekend on your computer. Variety is the key. Throw some other stuff in the mix and see what you get!
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(Sorry this is long, I'm in desperate need of help)
I'm 15 with very severe anxiety. Well, straight to the point, I feel like I'm being watched. I saw my dad looking at pornographic photos a few days ago (And a few times before that months apart), and ever since, I've felt weird. I felt like this before that, but now it's worse I think. I feel like my dad is a pedophile for some reason, but I think it's just my bad anxiety. For example, I don't want to go to a male therapist because I'm afraid of being molested. I have crazily bad anxiety, so..
Also, I haven't been raped before or anything nor touched by my dad. But I just feel like there are cameras in my room or something and I get scared. Also in the bathroom when I take a shower, I'm scared of a camera being in the mirror or somewhere. I also lock my door everytime I go somewhere, shower, etc. What do I do about this? Is it just my anxiety? I feel unsafe everywhere. Whenever I see my dad or come out of my room, I feel so weird and I avoid him or don't talk to him. Please don't tell me to discuss this with him or seek professional help, I'm just hoping someone can help me. (link)
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Fact is, a lot of adult men look at porn. An awful lot at some time time or another. Unless it features images of children engaging in sexual acts, or explicitly nude it does not indicate they are paedophiles. Porn pictures are normally obtained with full consent. It's rare to get an opportunity to film or photgraph people having sex WITHOUT their consent. And the fact that porn models 'pose' and 'act' for the camera means solo shots are normally obtained with full consent. True, there is cctv and hidden camera footage 'out there' on the internet. But that certainly doesn't mean your dad is obtaining it of YOU. Your dad has not indeed raped you ortouched you in an unwanted way. Not been inapropriate in any way? And until you spotted him looking at porn you seem to have had no reason to suspect he ever would? So. You've got some anxiety worries? Bordering paranoia at times, eh? Often goes hand in hand, all about threats really. You see general threats and personal threats all over the place I guess? I assume you don't have a high regard of porn yourself? Don't really 'like it' and don't like the idea that 'guys like it' either? So seeing your day looking at it has really 'messed your head up'? And you're heaping all the negative feelings you associate with porn on dad. I absolutley promise you, there's no link between looking at adult porn and abusing/molesting children. Paedo's don't want to look at sexually mature women, it doesn't 'turn them on'. The rest of us guys don't want to look at pictures of youngsters and children engaging in sexual acts. It's pretty disgusting to us. And in case you're feeling that at 15 you're not exactly a 'little girl', not a child (which paedophiles want to look at). That you might visually appeal to normal well-adjusted guys (especially when you're all dressed and made-up?). Well...you might well do. But THIS guy knows you're 15 and even MORE significantly...he's your father. And he's extremely unlikley to want to approach you for sex. Again, it's termed incest and it DOES exist. But it's actually pretty rare. And I feel sure you'd have spotted a lot of signs long ago. He'd have done stuff you didn't undertand, but kind of 'felt wrong' and upset you when you were younger in all probability. I hope you feel better. This has all come about because you saw him looking at some porn hasn't it?. Really, if every adult guy who looked at sexy pictures of women and porn occasionally was a dangerous sex offender in the making, we'd ALL be! Me included. It's really just entertainment sweetheart. The models aren't forced into anything. They're either normal people who want to do it (amateurs) or professional adult actors/actresses who choose to do it and get paid handsomely too. I hope you might feel a bit better if you read through my reply? X
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Ok. I'm a girl, he's a single gay guy. We've been friends for over 2 years now, he even calls me his soulmate all the time. We always hang out and we do almost everything together. While I find him very attractive and a lot like me, I've respected his sexuality and refused to even consider to think of him romantically. That being said, I've noticed he's been getting REALLY friendly with me. He's always saying things like, ''I love your hair, it's so soft and long,'', or ''you have the prettiest eyes'', or ''you look beautiful today.'' He only does this to me.
We were going to his house to just hang out and the entire time we were walking home he held my hand and we didn't say anything. He let my hand go to open the front door and when I took my shoes off he slowly walked towards me and I kept stepping back until I hit the table and he leaned in really close and he was just staring at me for an entire minute! I didn't know what to do and he just kept coming in closer and closer and he was going to kiss me but then he stepped back and we were both awkwardly standing there and he muttered "sorry" ... I honestly don't understand, he told me he was 100% gay and he didn't have any interest in girls. I've never seen him act this way towards any other girl.
I guess my question is, gay men: do you ever find yourself against all odds, falling for a woman? Is it possible? What do I do? Do I just ask him directly?
He's forever complimenting me whenever we talk or just seeing each other. Always. I really do appreciate his compliments, but now it's always over the top. He'll compliment my appearance, say how perfect I am, that I'm amazing. It's almost like once he's on a roll with it, he will literally sit there and gush about me for a few mins at a time. what the hell is up with that, man? I'm extremely confused. (link)
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Sounds like you have a solid friendship indeed, regardless of his sexual orientation. I think you should definitely chat about it with HIM. It's not easy to generalise, so 'how do gay men feel about this' as a means to validate HIS responses is probably not much help. It might even steeer you in completely the wrong direction. If you got five 'definitely NOT, ever' responses, would that make you forget the whole idea, for instance? Would a couple of 'yes, we can' answers swing it the other way? What you REALLY want to know is if THIS gay man is falling in love with a woman, and namely YOU! And his is the only response that counts. Talk to him. It will be much more productive than a quick vox pop of the gay community. If you're barking completely up the wrong tree, he'll almost certainly understand. I doubt it will offend him. Sexual orientation is not necessarily 'absolute' (fixed, and fixed for life) by any means. The statement '100 percent gay' still has a conditional truth value, meaning it may have been the complete truth WHEN he said it. It's NOW you're interested in. Talk to him!!
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I believe I am highly under the influence of greed. I have been using my parents credit card for a game that I often play and I need to know if I should tell them or lie to keep myself out of trouble. What should I do and how should I do it? (link)
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In practice you're going to have to tell them. They'll notice the transactions on a statement and will naturally challenge them, as unauthorised use of the card. The card isuer then agrees to look into it, and part of the process is that your parents agree to the card issuer having access to internet activity. Plus they'll have to answer questions regarding who may or may not have had access to the card itself. They deal with this a lot. They're very good. They will almost immediately find proof of when the card was used, internet protocol address etc. In short, you WILL be caught with the 'smoking gun' in your hand. And your parents claim of fraudulent use of the card is then fraudulent. And the card issuer won't like it. And neither will your parents. Someone is going to have to pay this (credit cards are NOT paid at point of sale from an account, that's a debit card). You should discuss the greed/compulsive behaviour pattern with them. And apologise, and offer to pay of course, by some means. I doubt they'll be pleased about the situation as a whole, but they should find it a relief that you're facing up to your problem and want to help you all they can once it becomes obvious you're fighting a bit of a demon here. Good luck. It will be better if you address the situation BEFORE they get the statement.
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Can someone please explain to me what's abusive about Fifty Shades of Grey.
I'm a soon to be 24 year-old woman who is highly turned on by the type of material in the book. Although I have never engaged in BDSM, I love it when my boyfriend dominates me, and I fantasize about engaging in the activity.
Is BDSM abusive? Is there something wrong with me thinking so highly in allowing my boyfriend who I trust to dominate me?
Will I allow my relationship to become dangerous if I tell him to engage in this kind of behavior? (link)
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I'm not sure that Fifty Shades stands accused of being 'abusive' in the formal sense. No question of it being banned, censored and edited. And it's captured the interest of the film makers. It's erotic fiction. It caught a wider public audience then is perhaps usual for such works? And when one casts such a broad net, as it were, then it is likely to be commented on by people who have never before encountered adult erotic fiction with a BDSM theme. The 'new' critics might find the genre entertaining and appealing. Or they might be (quite genuinely) shocked and wish to air their views. BDSM acts CAN of course represent genuine abuse. Generally it is a 'fetish' behaviour, and between two (or more!) consenting adults it is no more sinister than any other fetish. There is nothing wrong at all in engaging in sub-dom acts with your boyfriend. The 'role play' of taking, or relinquishing control during sex/sex-play does not betray any serious psychiatric disorder, and will not cause one. If you both enjoy it, do it. Any behaviour will always have it's extremes. As a rule rape is an expression of 'control' far more often than one of sexual attraction. One could also argue that muder is the ultimate act of control? So what have we got? Fifty Shades has exposed far more people to the subhect BDSM than might have been the case. Their knowlegde of it will begin and end with what they have read in this single title. Which is a fictional work, sexed-up, spiced-up and intended to shock. It's not a documentary, or a rigorous psychological/behvioural discussion/examination. Many will see it as a shocking and 'dark' world of abuse, rather than a harmless fetish? I sincerely doubt your are in any danger of damage. Physical or psychological. In rare cases people have been injured in BDSM role play or even died. Avoid anything which significantly controls breathing (the worst offender in role play accidents). Some sort of agreed 'signal' between you and your boyfriend if either of you feel something has gone a bit 'too far' and it's causing actual distress is a great idea. You don't want harmless and pleasurable acts to accidently take a tragic turn in the heat of the moment.
ps. My reply looks a bit non-specific. Ought to qualify it in plain terms? OK. You enjoy your boyfriend being dominant, enjoy your submissive role and encourage it? Any argument that the role-play entails an abusive relationship breaks down completely, purely because you are actually 'getting exactly what you want'. Ostensibly you submit to him, but in fact the submission is totally voluntary. That's why it is not damaging. If he was truly forcing it on you AGAINST your will then it would be wrong on every level of course. Is that any better?
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Thanks for your comments to my original question. But I haven't raped anyone. It was a lie by the person. They're just using it for attention and presents. (link)
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Hi there. I had a look at your original question too. Seems you were convinced yo did, now believe you didn't. The facts are sketchy and not conclusive so I'll maybe point out a few facts. Although rape is usually an aggressive crime, having what we might call 'rough sex' (where you might be somewhat forceful, or dominant) with a consenting partner is not rape. The key is NOT whether you went at it a bit energetically (as we might say), the key is CONSENT. Consenting to sex with someone and regretting the decision afterwards (however strongly one regrets it) does not mean the offence of rape has been committed either. Agreeing to sex while under the influence of alcohol or other substances do not make it rape either, unless they were administered without that persons knowledge or permission. Rape is when an individual, or individuals have sex with another person without that persons consent. Simply, you force them to have sex against their will. By physical force, or by deliberately impairing their judgement by secretly or forcibly administering substances. If the other person does not consent, it is rape. If the person says no at the point sexual contact is deemed to begin it is a clear-cut case of rape. Current legal practice is strongly in favour of 'anything other than YES means NO'. It makes no difference whatsoever if the other person seemed 'up for it' (to use common slang) and was giving every indication of wanting sex previously. If the other person gets into the subsequent offenders car, or invites them back to their home, or agrees to go home with the subsequent offender, or any other social arrangement at all was made it makes no difference either. If you had sex with them without consent, and against their wishes you raped them. If the other person was "below the age of consent" it is rape by default, whether they agreed to sex or not or even if they initiated it themselves, since in the eyes of the law they could not legally give consent. Hope this helps straighten things out a bit for you chap? Might pinpoint whether you did or did not?
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It seems like things are closing in on me. I have been having some health essues. One thing the Doc and family me to do is to stop smoking. I am having a very hard time with it. I have smoked for over 50 years. I get to be a relly bear and lose control. I just don't know were to turn from here. We have been tying the e-cigs also. I am scared.. (link)
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e.Cigs and specific medication can help with the nicotine craving. The act of smoking itself has a very high subconscious element. We light them without really deciding to light them. Almost like a reflex action, acting upon some trigger. Try taking a cigarette out of the packet and holding it, but not lighting it. Hard isn't it? Very hard. Doing this, ie forcing yourself NOT to light it when it 'magically' appears in your hand is a good step in forcing the habit back onto the conscious level. It will not stop you smoking in itself, it just raises the level of consciousness of the habit to a place where it IS easier to address. Getting edgy, irritable and feeling 'out of control' are the effects of your body physically craving nicotine. And here the patches or e.Cigs will help control it. If you let them. I've smoked a long time myself. And I'm also at a point where I should really stop. I know how hard it is. Personally, I feel like a zombie in the morning. Kind of 'foggy' and clumsy, until I light one. Then it sort of 'switches me on'. And if I force myself not to smoke for most of the day I feel lethargic, and slow. I believe it's because the nicotine picks up the heart rate. You and I are both used to having a higher heart rate than we would have if we'd never smoked. So when it returns to 'normal' we feel like we're 'on reduced power' as you might say. Definitely monitor those suicidal thoughts. Write down the emotions, why does death look like the only way 'out' and exactly what do you 'want out of'? Give each one a rating, say 1-5 (5 being most severe). And after a month note the frequency. Do you get these feelings some days, most days or every day? If they're all tending to be 4's and 5's and all either 'most' or 'every' day then I'd urge you very strongly to get some professional help straight away. This is a much bigger threat than the cigs. I wish you the very best in quitting. You can see that your family are eager to see you give-up the cigs. That's because they want you around. Don't want you taken a day earlier than you have to be. There's a superb reason to chase those suicidal feelings out of your mind, AND do your best to quit the cigs. This can be a 'wake-up call', not the end of everything. How you gonna play it?
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So my boyfriend of 7 years has been distant. I get the relationships have ups and downs. Things have been great lately. So as I was shredding old mail I happen to see 'Chatturbate' on last months bank statement. We have separate accounts so it was his money. Everyone watches porn, I'm okay with that. These webcam sites are different. It's direct interaction with people for sexual gratification. Needless to say I scanned the statement and found nearly $100 spent in a month for the site. Not small change since he doesn't make much money. I'm not proud but I did snoop a bit and found he had a skype account that I didn't know about. It was logged in so I skimmed the chat. He paid $40 for a for a private video from someone he met on Chaturbate. I don't think he's meet anyone in real life but the private chat was graphic enough to make me upset. The person seemed only interested in the cash while my bf seem only into the performer. I watch porn. I get wanting a hot fantasy. I've never personally talked to the person in the porn I watch. Never said thing to them like how hot they are and how much they turn me on. Honestly it's hit my self esteem and I'm a fairly attractive person. Up until now I had total trust in him. He noticed I was upset and I skated around the issue. Enough to ask if he's happy and still wants to be together. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I snooped. I said I was emotional and just feeling weird vibes. He assured me yes and he did ask why I would ask these things. To the reader, sorry to ramble. Is this cheating? Do I confront him with what I know? How do I trust him again? Am I overreacting? (link)
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You can't really call it 'cheating' on you when the other party consists of electronic message exchanges and video sequences. The 'other woman' probably viewed it as a cash opportunity, possibly a little distraction/amusement and no more, as you point out. They are indeed 'real people' but porn models/actors (m. or f.) are real people too. And you can't be unfaithful with porn images either. What might set alarm bells ringing is the fact that there ARE genuine contact websites (though the genuine females are less numerous than those peddling porn, and they may not be quite so glamorous as the players in the stuff the peddlers sell. The 'peddler' may not even BE a woman at all!). If his current behaviour is a 'gateway' to adult contact sites then it's a bad thing, obviously. He may feel empowered by his apparent 'success' (if one could actually call it that?) and wish to have a go at the 'real thing'. And he's certainly spending far too much of his income on it. It sounds as if the cash we're talking about is not disposable-income, free to be dropped on anything he pleases. That cash should really be already earmarked for your relationship, shouldn't it? So it could be something or nothing. NO he's not cheating. It COULD be a gateway event, or it may have no real intent whatsoever. It's definitely IS a selfish luxury he can't really afford. I'd be tempted to try brining it up in abstracted form. Talk about PEOPLE WHO....get duped into paying for porn which may be fake, the idea of communicating with porn actors, the use of casual-sex contact agencies etc. Not specifically about HIM doing it, OR the fact that you know he is dipping a toe in the water, so to speak. You can air your views, ie they're mugs getting conned, that it's foolish. How it must put a girl off the guy if she found out...and so on. Savvy?? Watch his reactions. Bit red-faced, twiddling his fingers, looking down at his shoes, tongue tied...that's what you wann see! Hopefully you won't find the same incriminating browsing evidence and bank activity next time you peak? Might shame him out of it? If NOT I'd confront him solely on the cash issue. Take the high ground, ie "I don't mind if you want to amuse yourself with porn...but you're spending most of your bloody earnings on it. Do you think we're going to pay the bills with porno vids and receipts for porn site membership?" That should give HIS self-esteem a good sound blow to the ribs mate.... and make him think twice about doing it again! Good luck. X
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I am almost turning 14 and everyone else has breasts. It is always awkward changing for P.E. And I look horrible in swimsuits. What do I do? (link)
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Sit it out for a while at least mate! Your boobs probably still have a bit of developing and filling out to do yet. You might never be especially big-busted. Not all women are by any means. I'd imagine that not all your classmates are equally busty? So from that I gather that you're 'even smaller than the smaller girls'? In which case it's almost certainly a matter of time, since you're going to have boobs of some size and description, being a woman and all. Notice some references to pro models in your other replies? Plenty of extremely beautiful slender ones working, a massive pair of boobs is not the defining factor. Personally, I think very slender figured women who have had their boobs greatly enlarged via cosmetic surgery look dreadful. Totally out of proportion. Like the've been 'stuck on as an after thought'. Which at the end of the day they have been I guess!
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