A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96960
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
So, everytime my boyfriend is stressed or dissatisfied with his life, he goes into massive escapism mode. That means I can expect him on fanfiction or video games when he gets home till we go to sleep. We always end up not having sex during these periods, and when he'll express a lot of interest in doing just that, he'll bail out or I will because its apparent his mind is elsewhere. I dont know how to get him to focus on the present instead of constantly being dissatisfied with what he dosent have. He wants to make more money, hes stressed about finance. I am too, but I also know that if you live in the future and the past you will destroy the present, and never be happy. I'm tired of his constant dissatisfaction with his life when I give him everything I can. I don't want to have to complain, and he rarely wants to properly talk about it. What to do? (link)
|
You need to talk to him.
Determine whether you think this is a deeper issue like depression or whether you have a boyfriend who just really likes to pretend he's single and living at home with his parents where he can just check out for the night with amusements and has no responsibilities to anyone else.
Get him help or dump him as appropriate.
If he's incapable of coping with life any other way than escapism then you need to at least tell him it's time to compromise on exactly how often he checks out of the world and how often he makes sure that there is some time left for you during the course of the day.
|
Okay I haven't gone swimming since I was a little girl and when I did I've always worn one pieces so yeah.
I'm not too keen on the whole bikini thing even though I'm almost going to graduate high school this year so I figured bikini top and shorts would be less revealing than wearing bikini bottom.
But short swimming shorts...are you supposed to wear something underneath like a bikini bottom? I just feel like that's wearing real pants with no underwear! (link)
| |
Yes, most girls who wear shorts also wear bikini bottoms with them, since swim shorts are usually somewhat billowy and if you aren't careful you'd flash people otherwise.
|
I am thinking about doing the Master Cleanse (also known as the Lemonade Diet). I was wondering if anybody who has done the cleanse could share their insight on the whole experience (was it worth it, did you loose a lot of weight, did the weight stay off/come off quickly).
I am 20 years old, 5'4 and about 130 pounds. I am trying to shed some extra weight that I put on at school this year. I have been eating very healthily- no junk food at all, and running 1.5-2 miles each day, but the scale does not seem to be budging (i know, i know - patience). But I am frustrated so I wanted to use the cleanse as a good jump start.
I would really appreciate any advice/insight you could share!
Thanks! (link)
| |
All I really have to say on this subject is my wife is shorter than you and a little heavier and plenty of people think she's hot shit including me, so maybe if you're able to run a few miles a day you're just fine and need to work more on changing sexy to match you than changing you to match what you think is sexy.
|
18/f
I am a somewhat shy girl. I'm not the type of person who likes to stand out from the crowd, and whenever I do, I get shy and embarassed. I blush a lot when the topic is always about me. I feel awkward when i'm the only one talking and a lot of eyes are on me. I get nervous and I just have no confidence in myself. I get dressed in the morning and leave for school and feel so boring. I don't feel pretty most of the time, even though my boyfriend says i'm beautiful. I walk down the hallways and see girls that have so much confidence. For example, there will be girls wearing skirts and heels to school.. i could pull that off but I would have no confidence in myself. Instead of walking with confidence, I would feel shy and awkward.
I guess what i'm trying to say is.. I want to be able to walk in a room with my head up high with confidence and be proud of who I am. How do I attain that confidence in myself?? (link)
|
Part of that isn't really about confidence, it's just personality type. You're a wallflower, just like me. In groups, at parties, I'm never the center of attention on purpose.
You want to hear a ridiculous story? In high school I played football all 4 years. Every practice we would go through warm up exercises led by one of the other players. The leader was whoever spoke up first, basically whoever started yelling instructions.
Completely informal proceedings, but if you were leading exercises you were expected to give it some energy to get everyone's blood pumping, start practice off with a little enthusiasm.
Always wanted to do it, never once stepped up and opened my mouth, except once. First game senior year when all the guys who used to do the leading had just graduated the year ahead of us, and there was a five second window where everyone kind of looked around wondering who was going to be the guy who got everyone warmed up and excited.
Never did it again after that, but I'm glad I managed to venture it once. I realized at that point that while I was never going to be someone who wanted to be up in front of a crowd, I wasn't incapable of being there in the first place.
Step outside your comfort zones. Wear some heels and a sexy skirt, and just do it for your boyfriend instead of for everyone else. Step into the role you feel like you want to play sometimes and give it a try. Hell, fail miserably if you have to. You can learn and try again another time, but the experience of stepping out isn't something to be avoided at all costs.
You'll learn a little about yourself and develop some of that confidence you feel you lack in the process. And remember, it's just high school. In a little while you can leave it all behind and become a completely new person again.
|
first off, has anyone ever heard of molly's plant food? if you haven't, its a legal form of ecstasy. was for a little bit, anyways. now its banned, but there have been many knock-offs produced around where i live.
i first heard of molly's plant food about 3 months ago, tried it for the first time about 2 months ago. obviously, i loved it. at first, i did it occasionally. like at my prom, sometimes at a friend's house, etc. now i've gotten to where i take it once, sometimes twice a week. and when i'm not on it, i'm CRAVING it like a motherfucker. the thing about mdma is that it drains your brain of suppressed seratonin and flushes it all out, so you're deliriously happy for a few hours. after that, you get kinda depressed or apathetic. after every weekend of fun-filled rolling, i get angry, emotional, apathetic, and it just seems like i'm not happy anymore unless i'm rolling. and i definitely can't stop. i'm on too much of a routine to stop. i don't know what to do, my weight is dropping from not eating on weekends, my sleep patterns are off, and my moods are becoming borderlined suicidal. what do i do? 18/f (link)
|
Seriously consider rehab.
The road back is not fun. I have alot of experience with MDMA and you really, really need to stop. Cold fucking turkey. You need to do whatever you have to to remove your access to it for several weeks, maybe a month. Your body needs time to get back to neutral and replenish lost supplies.
That's why I brought up rehab. You won't really have a choice in the matter at that point.
You can seriously fuck yourself up rolling several times a week. The shifts back and forth between happy and a complete inability to cope with life emotionally will end with you being bi-polar and needing serious therapy, maybe medication for chemical imbalance.
This post is progress. The first step to overcoming addiction is to admit to yourself there is a problem, and no addict who hasn't admitted there's a problem can self identify as an addict.
Now you need to admit to yourself that being an addict means you cannot fix this alone. That's the point, that you have not been able to fix this alone. It's time to tell someone you trust, and to seek help.
|
|
Im a teenage boy, and i always wanted to know why girls dont seem as horny as we do. Maybe it is just me, but i go to highschool filled with hot girls everywhere and it drives me nuts. But the girls dont seem that way towards guys. They seem like they dont even think about boys or sex at all, but why is it that us guys always are more horny? (link)
|
Explaining even a hint of the inner workings of women would take too much effort, so I'll just say you're wrong. Women work a little differently than guys when it comes to sex and attraction, but not by enough that plenty of girls don't spend all day going crazy with sexual frustration, especially during puberty.
If you know how to read the signs it's quite entertaining when you realize that the girls are just a little (not all that much) better at hiding it than we are. I'd bet there are plenty of people who see you every day who have no idea how horny you are on a daily basis unless you talk about it constantly.
Girls are expected not to talk about it constantly. Part of the whole "slut shaming culture" thing we've got going on in our generation.
|
im a guy in high- school. And before you read this, im letting you know that this is a serious question.
I know you might think im weird, but me and my friends made a bet on the last NBA playoffs game. And i lost, and i bet against 3 of my guy friends. So i lost.
Now, they are making me do something....
Theres like this really hot girl in my class, shes a rich girl, spoiled, cheerleader, hot, big tits and ass, fake tan, you know how it is. Anyways, i dont even know her at all. Ive never even spoken to her, but i stare at her ass all the time.
Anyways, my friend that i lost the bet to is making me slap her in the face randomly in class when nobody is looking. Im being serious. My friend doesnt like her , from some other reason, and he wants me to slap her. Not punch her in the face or kick her or anything, but just smack her like upside the head. Or he offered for me to grab her ass when nobody is looking. Hes making me do either one since i lost the best.
The thing is, even though it sounds messed up for a friend to make me do that, i kinda WANT to do it haha.
What should i do? (link)
| |
Sounds like a good way to ruin your life.
|
what are the disadvantages of masterbration ?
(link)
| |
There really aren't any unless you do it enough to cause friction burns, which generally takes alot of rough treatment.
|
I love my husband to death but we have not been getting along i know that i can be picky sometimes but what woman is not. So my husband made a promise to me that he would not smoke anymore so when he asked yesterday i immediatly said no and of course he got mad. So today he tells me he has been thinking alot and since we have gotten together i have tried to change everything about him and pretty much hes the one that tries to make me happy but i dont do it in return! so my question is what should i do about this?????? I told him from the beginning what i was looking for and now hes mad!I really just feel like this relationship is sinking and sinking fast.
(link)
|
I think there are problems with your communication that can't be solved here. Married as well, my advice is seek couple's therapy.
There's alot more going on in a relationship that ended in marriage than you explained here, more issues than we could possibly unwind. Go see a therapist together, someone who can help you figure out how to communicate without the painful trial and error that'll happen if you just try to figure it out on your own.
|
Hello, I am 18 years old and have graduated highschool.
I am a virgin still. And am dating this guy for 3 months now. My question is, is it too soon to be fingered/hand job in your opinion. I have done this before but with a guy I was in a relationship with for a year. I want to do it, I mean it's not like im going to have sex or go further but i also sort of feel a tad sad for my mom because we are so close and i feel she would be dissapointed in me. :/
(link)
|
Honestly I think it's time to stop worrying about what your mother would think about your actions. However young in your adulthood, you are now an adult. Start acting like one by making decisions based on what you want and need.
That said, Dangernerd is right. It's the first step into sexuality.
Personally, I think steps are a bad idea. I left that behind part way through high school, either the clothes stayed off or the clothes stayed on. If you aren't ready for sex, don't have sex. Kiss him, do fun things, get to know him, get close, tell each other secrets. When you think the time is right for you, take off your clothes and lose your virginity.
When you take steps into intimacy you're really saying you aren't ready for the whole thing but you can't control your urges (or don't want to) entirely.
That's how kids behave. "It's not like I'm going to have sex" is a terrible attitude. Sex is awesome. It's great, wonderful, amazing. You aren't ready for it yet, that's fine. You don't need to be treating sex like something your mother would be disappointed in. Sex is an adult choice to be intimate with someone you want to be intimate with.
When you think you are ready to be intimate, bring it up. Until then keep it above the clothes and stop thinking about what you are doing in your relationship with your boyfriend based on how your mother would think about what you are doing.
It's none of her business.
|
I am 19 years old and female. I decided, I don't want to have sex with just anybody but I'm talking to a guy and it always sparks the question in my head.
I want to be prepared of course but my main problem is, I have health problems. I get bacterial infections on a monthly basis and the doctors have no idea what the cause is yet. With this issue, I'm on antibiotics a lot. So much that I may become immune to them soon(thats another problem in itself) and I heard they interfere with the Pill.
I've never seen my "girl" doctor yet but I want to be prepared. Do you think she might just say, lay off Sex until i'm officially off the antibiotics? Or is there another form that the antibiotics won't interfere with?
I just want to note, I'm really not planning on having sex anytime soon but I still want to know. Just in case, situation. (link)
|
The primary non hormonal method I'd suggest is the copper IUD. From what I understand about it antibiotics wouldn't interfere at all.
That said, you need a gyno to put one in, so go see your gyno now. Might as well find one and introduce yourself before you become sexually active. He'd also be much more knowledgeable about your specific antibiotics and their interference. Other than that, carry a condom or two in your purse when you go on dates, just in case. Spermicide isn't a terrible idea for you either. VCF is in the condom aisle at any pharmacy, you can use it with condoms in case of breaking and it's got a high effective rate if used as the only contraceptive so it'll be a second line of defense.
|
|
What are the adverse/negative effects on your body from taking LSD. I already researched it and all I could find was that it can mess you up psychologically but couldn't find any physically damaging properties. I need to find this for health class. thank you (link)
|
Matt's myth is actually a reality. LSD is stored, in small amounts, in spinal fluid. A spinal tap will show LSD use for the rest of your life, as I understand. I don't know what causes flashbacks (tripping again) but it is very real.
As to the rest, there aren't any, really. LSD doses are tiny, I think the standard dose considered a hit back when it was actually being used in lab testing was 50 micro grams, so a gram of the stuff is 20,000 hits and the overdose threshold is several grams.
In other words, you would become permanently and completely insane long before you hit the actual physical overdose threshold for LSD.
The mental dangers, on the other hand, are significant. LSD is a dis-associative. If you've heard of "out of body" experiences that's what higher levels of tripping pretty much are. A feeling of lack of control, like you are looking down on what's happening without much control over it, or like you are not a part of it. Like you are a little guy inside your own head trying to push buttons and make things work and screwing it up some of the time.
It's difficult to come up with a subjective description any better than that. But people lose coherency, lose the ability to tell their hallucinations from reality. Enough time or an intense enough experience and you can break your ability to tell real from fake and end up lost in a fantasy you created.
|
Hi,
I am a man. I am in my middle 20's and I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for almost three years now.
When I was 15 I lost my virginity to my father's girlfriend (she was 40 something at the time). I recall wanting to do it but now I feel like it was statutory rape. I look back on it as a shameful event and I never want to talk about it. This is actually the first time I've written it and told anyone.
My girlfriend/ soon to be fiance and I have never talked about me loosing my virginity. I feel like it will never come up but if it does I won't lie about it.
I just want to know if I was raped. Should I feel ashamed of what happened? Should I tell my girlfriend even though it is not a topic of conversation?
Thanks so much,
Advice (link)
|
Statutory, yes.
You recall wanting it and now you feel ashamed.
Have you ever considered that the fact that you crossed swords with your dad is part of the shame? That your dad's girlfriend cheated on him with you (and I bet no one knows but you, her, and the internet) and now you feel terrible about it?
Was it wrong of her, yeah. But did you make a mistake that would have been terrible even if your dad had been dating a 20 year old? Yeah. Are there alot more reasons for shame than "I was taken advantage of"? Yeah.
I don't think you were raped. I think you were a 15 year old offered sex by someone you were attracted enough to to say yes, and then said yes.
You weren't a full adult capable of making an adult decision about sex, but by my ruberic for making adult decisions about sex no one is generally capable of that until after they turn 20-22.
I think you fucked up, personally. I think there's alot more to this than "I was taken advantage of".
Though, that determination is really up to you. Guys get raped, and taken advantage of. The problem is we can't really tell you which it was to you. When I was 17 I went after a 23 year old substitute. That was definitely statutory, and I definitely was not, in any way, being taken advantage of.
Were you seduced by an older woman and taken advantage of? Did you walk willingly into a very bad situation and then regret having done so? No matter what, the way you described it you definitely consented.
However bad a decision that was, you made a decision here. You weren't passed out, drugged, blackmailed, or otherwise forced into this. You chose, and the decision was bad.
If you need to talk to a therapist to work it out past that, do so. Even if you were in no way taken advantage of that doesn't mean dealing with the consequences of something that messed up is easy, especially alone and without guidance. I'd talk to a counselor before anyone else, if I were you.
|
Firstly. We're both 17.
So my boyfriend had a party last night, and a couple of hours before he went he decided to call me. The call consisted of me asking him if he would please please skip any flirty, snuggly, huggly, kissy dares, because he had been very liberated about that, even when we're together.
His response was basically that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't all right with that. That "no-one else seems to have that problem but you". Followed by "Why can't I be with you, AND have fun?"
I then asked him how he would feel if I had my lips pressed up against someone elses', and he said he wouldn't mind, which tore my heart out.
He kept repeating "I don't want to ruin everyone's night by chickening out of a dare just because I have a girlfriend", and "why does it have to be either A or B with you..hy does it matter if it wouldn't mean anything anyway."
I'm just very hurt right now, that he doesn't see kissing as a special thing that I only want to share with him, and he replies with "you've been with plenty of people and kissed them too." which is true but only before we got together.
I'm just extremely upset and hurt. Is this normal? Am I over-reacting?
I appreciate any advice/help.
Thank you
Kkytha
17/f/Aus (link)
|
Here's the thing. You're both right.
Some people's jealousy focuses on emotional intimacy, some people on physical intimacy, some people (a small number) have no manifest jealousy at all.
Your boyfriend's comment of "it's not like it means anything" is telling. It doesn't, to him. He values emotional intimacy. If you kissed another guy because you were playing truth or dare, he wouldn't care. He trusts that you are into him, and he isn't threatened by a kiss that involves no actual love or affection.
You have an issue with the act of kissing itself. It is special to you in a way it isn't to him. That's something that feels right to you because it's what you want, and it's what pricks your jealousy. You're not wrong, but you have to recognize that this is something that you want, not something that he is wrong for not wanting.
This is a gap between the two of you. It is something you must discuss (calmly) and compromise on or realize you can't. He is not wrong for wanting the freedom to have fun when it means nothing and is no threat to the relationship. You are not wrong for wanting him to respect your boundaries.
In this case, you two have to decide togther whether your relationships is the thing that's wrong here.
He's not doing anything that I think you should be threatened by. But if you can't help it, consider whether trying to deny his freedom to have fun to make yourself feel better will do more harm than good.
This will come up in other ways. If you were both adults I might have a little more of a "he should compromise to respect what you want" opinion but at 17 he's still a young guy and wants to have fun like a young guy. He isn't looking for a girl he has to hide these things with, he wants to be able to go play truth or dare and talk to you about it, laugh about it. Maybe bring you along and play it and laugh when you awkwardly kiss another guy or sit there hoping you have to kiss another girl. He wants to not care so much and relax where you don't.
Can you date a guy like that? Should you? Are you right for him and he right for you? At 17 the answer to that is no, so the question before you is do you want to relax or do you want to break up and find a guy who thinks more like you do?
|
|
Hi. I'm 13 and my sis is 10. she is 50+lbs heavier than me and she can't control her anger. She beats me up prety much whenever I talk to her. I don't want to hurt her since shes my younger sis, but my parents don't really care that she does this and when they actually do something it's something along the lines of "No computer, no friends over, no tv etc. These are not making her stop. Whenever I defend myself I get grounded for a month. I tell my parents that its not fair and that I shouldn't be punished for defending myself, but they say its fair because I'm older and "should know better" I can't tell people my bruises are from my 10 yr old sister so what should I do? Should my sister go to anger managment class? (link)
|
Yeah. 10 is old enough to understand and know better. More than old enough. She is doing it because they let her get away with it.
From what you described you're entirely in the right. Which is the problem, because you've been right and it doesn't matter, which makes "where to go from here" a bit of a mystery to me.
Possible approaches include continuing to talk to your parents, defending yourself every time and telling your parents that if they won't stop her and try to teach her you will, ignoring it, etc. I don't have enough info to know how any of these will turn out.
Something that might help, your parents are ignoring you, would they ignore another adult? School counselors are there to talk to and help out with things like this. Not all counselors put in the time and effort to help, but the right one definitely would. Talk to the ones at your school, think about explaining the entire situation and showing them the bruises and asking them to call a parent counselor conference so that an adult can tell your parents that yes, a 10 year old can and should be expected to control herself and not be physically violent.
|
Okay, so i am 16 years old, a junior in high school, a guy. Girls have always told me that i was cute and nice looking and thin, so im not like a crazy nerdy fat person who drools over girls.
But ive always had a problem at school...
i live in southern california, in one of the nicest, most spoiled cities. And the high school i go to is like heaven... there are hot girls EVERYWHERE. They awlays have shorts, nice legs, asses hanging out, perfect boobs. Like i dont know how, so many hot girls. And i get so horny in class where i cant even focus or concentrate and it makes me INSANE. Like, i look at other guys, and i see that they dont even look at the hot girls. Is it just me? and once i go home, i masturbate, and even that doesnt take my horniness away, because i stil go on facebook and see all these hot girls from school post pics of them in bikinis and tight cheer jackets and spandex and... yeah. Am i crazy? or no?
I dont know what to do, but i get crazy at school to where i cant even concentrate because there are hot girls surrounding me and they smell amazing, there tanned legs are all around me, their asses are in my face. ugh.
i need advice, what is wrong with me? (link)
|
No that sounds about normal for a 16 year old guy.
Truth be told, it gets alot more controllable when you're dating someone and you're sleeping with them. It's also possible that your overall sex drive is a bit higher than average.
Puberty sucks. I mean, really, it did for me. The hormones drive you insane. Trust me, when you hit 18/19 and suddenly drop back down to normal human adult levels it's like a gift from god. You're still just as horny, but you can ignore it when there's things to do and pay attention to it when the opportunity to indulge presents itself.
I will say, that a big part of the reason alot of other guys aren't looking is that girls aren't a nebulous concept to them. You're losing your shit about how beautiful they are when other guys are keeping it in check because they know that in order to be treated like an equal by girls you have to treat girls like an equal as a guy.
That means being able to talk to a hot girl you'd absolutely love to be involved with like she's a guy you know. Being able to treat an incredibly beautiful woman like she's just a person is a skill that comes in handy later in life.
Part of it is hormones. Part of it is the fact that you aren't getting laid right now. Part of it is just the reactions you'll have to deal with as a guy for the rest of your life. You want my advice, go up to a few girls and make a bunch of friends. It'll be good practice for acting normally when you're standing in front of a girl you're actively interested in so you don't make an ass of yourself and you can think about more than "god her curves are _perfect_!"
|
I'm 19 years old and currently a highschool senior (no I'm not a super
senior), but the man I'm totally head over heels in love with is 39. I met him
my freshman year because he happened to be my busdriver. Do you think thats weird? And from the
first day I saw him I always thought he was cute but nothing
more than that. There was no actual feelings but by the end of freshman
year I felt something builiding there kinda like a crush. I wanted to
talk to him more than just saying hi and bye everday, but didn't know how
to. That summer I found myself thinking about him a lot. I think i grew to be
infactuated by him. And sophmore year
came around but nothing changed just kept admiring him more wishing
for him to talk to me- and I think that's when I was starting to like him more
than a crush. I'd be thinking of him at home on weekends, when I was out
with my friends, and even in class waiting for the bell to ring just so I can be
on the bus with him. No matter how busy i kept myself he managed to be
on my mind all day and all night long. The summer after sophmore year the
same feelinggs continued but I never told anyone cause I didn't know how
to and was kinda embarrassed. It wasn't until junior year that one day this bus
driver just started talking to me. I remember I got up to throw something away
and he was like nice shot and I
was like thanks! And he was like I think you should go out for the ladys
basketball team and we just started talking from there. THAT DAY WAS
THE BEST EVER AND WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN! WHY? well because
its the guy i was totally in love with that said it..who also likes basketball.
He picked me to talk to out of every girl on that bussss!!! meee! It went from
talking a couple times a week to everyday. And I was starrting to like likee
him moree! LIKE ALOTT :)) He was so sweet and intresting and diffreent
and charming, and kind, and smart even if he didnt go to college, AND
THATS WHEN I WAS SO IN LOVE WITH HIS PERSONALITY I BEGAN
TO THINK HE WAS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE AND THATS WHEN I
GAVE HIM THE COMPLIMENTS I DID, AND HE GAVE ME THEM AT TIMES TOO! I HOPE HE BELIEVED THEM PeoPLe
THINK HES NOT CUTE!
then all the other guys I know. I still told nobody bout my feeling and that
summer just because I liked him so much I made a goal to work out even
if I already was skinny just so he“d be impressed by my body when senior
year would start up and he did notice. I thought A LOT about him that
summer even if I kept myself busy with vacations and friends! That summer
was the hardest to go through without seeing him Senior year came and I
got closer with this bus driver I shared by personal life with him and
so did he. WE HAD SO MANY ALIKE INTERESTs (we liked the same sports, movies, tv shows-all ten shows we both watched, values, i dont know we just were really alike. AND HE MADE ME
FEEL SPECIAL IN SOMEWAY> HE WOULD CALL ME SWEETIE AND
SWEETHEART BUT NOBODY ELSE THAT I reallly reallly realllly knew
that this is the man I wanted to be with! But that's when I found out he had
a fiance and so I stopped talking to him but then he started talking to me
and I think
he noticed hw I suddenly stopped talking to him after he told me about the
fiance! I think I kinda made it akward but he just started talking to me again
even if i didnt make the effort to talk to him. I dont know if he knew I liked him..I'm
sure he didn't! THERS NOT WEDDING DATE THOUGH HE SAID THERe
JUST GNNA STAY ENGAGED! But I was dying to tell him, I invited him to
cme to my powderpuff football game and watch me play! He said he would
of if I asked earlier! And I wish I did. But a couple months ago my bus driver
got fired for not doing a child check. I'm so sadd! I couldn't stop crying and I still cry and it hurts so so much! He
never even said goodbye to me, thers a lot I still wanted to tell him,
talking to him made me feel so happy when I was having a down day. I
wanna talk to him but I dnt knw what to dooo! - I needa to see his
face and hear his voice. Please dont judge I have feelings for my
busdriver its not a joke your heart desires what it desires! And no I
dont have daddy issues nor am I a gold digger! And no she's not some
model looking guy everyone thinks he's ugly but I think he's drop dead
gorgeous! Thers no man I rather be with than him. I'm not too young
too love so pls dnt say that, I've never gotten this feeling in my
life before! I know what a crush feels like and I now knw what love
feels like. We were so alike and had a lot of the same intrests I miss
it all. I sent him a goodbye card through the bus company but I dnt
know if he got it. What do I dooo?
I needa to see his face and hear his voice. Pls dont judge I have feelings for my busdriver its not a joke your heart desires what it desires! And no I dont have daddy issues nor am I a gold digger! And no he's not some model looking guy everyone thinks he's ugly but I think he's drop dead gorgeous! Thers no man I rather be with than him. I'm
not too young too love so pls dnt say that, I've never gotten this feeling in my life before! I know what a crush feels like and I now knw what love feels like. We were so alike and had a lot of the same intrests I miss it all. I sent him a goodbye card through the bus company but I dnt knw if he got it. What do I dooo? IS IT WEIRD I LIKE HIM? I know hes on ebay should i try and contact him? i miss him and wanna get in touch like crazy. Its been since the superbowl that hes been gone but i still am CRAZY about him. Ive tried going out with other guys to get my mind off him but nothings working. CANT I ATLEAST BE FRIENDS WITH HIM? Or friends with benfits? I wouldnt mind if he were to use me for sex, hes the only guy I would let use me for sex.
I truly do care for this man more than anything in this world. Im willing to give him anything. If he needs money which i know he does Im willing to give him my pay checks-all of them. I wanna take him on vacations hes never been able to afford, i wanna save up all my money to one day be able to surprise him with the sports car hes always wanted, I wanna take him to comedy shows he wanted to go to, i just wanna give him everything hes ever wanted and cant afford. HES MY LIFE HE COMES BEFORE ANYTHING AND ANYONE IN MY LIFEE! AND IM NOT EVEN JOKING!
LIFES NOT THE SAME WITHOUT HIM ITS LIKE PART OF ME AND MY HAPPINESS IS MISSING AND FOREVER GONE! HE NEVER SAID GOODBYE TO ME, I NEED TO TALK ONE LAST TIME!!
I LOVEEE HIM so sos sooos sooo much, i want him to have all the happiness in the world, im not trying to be selfish cause love is not selfish, i just need him to say he doesnt want me in his life and i think itll be a little easier to move on. i dont want to move on from him causee he is my life, and i dnt evn think its possible to love again. i dont want to love anyone but him! i would take care of him so well, even when hes 60 and im 40, he"ll be just as gorgeous as he is today and ill love him more and more until i die. every thing reminds me of him..eveery song and every object-everything
should i contact him ...
signed
IN LOVE (link)
|
Ok.
How to explain this to you.
Your love lacks depth. Reality. Substance. You've known the guy four years but you don't really know him. Personally, I don't think you really know if you love someone until you've lived with them.
A 39 year old man who's single and a bus driver is too cliche to even get into. There are things about him you don't know about. Things that have kept him from doing more with his life and women from spending large amounts of time around.
You're 19. You know nothing about real life. At all. You know nothing about bills and work, hell you don't even know what college is like yet. Nothing in your life gives you the experience to translate what you feel into an actual coherent worthwhile future.
Falling in love is great. Hell, thinking about life plans at 19 isn't the worst thing to do in the world so long as you aren't thinking of chaining yourself to a guy 20 years your senior (probably only about 5 in maturity though) it can be great.
Go to school. Date guys your own age. You're 19 years old, you aren't a fully developed person yet, if you go making life decisions that last you'll regret it and probably end up a divorce statistic.
You may not believe me, but in five years there are going to be more things that are important to you in a guy than there are now. Everything you want will be there, but as you actually date guys and get to know one or two intimately you'll develop new needs you can't really predict right now. Love does that to everyone, it's part of growing up.
Nothing you've said about this guy tells me that when you have grown into an adult woman he will have any shot at being what you want and need then.
Problem is, you have to get there unmarried. Well, not really, but if you don't that's how you end up being the aforementioned divorce statistic.
If it feels like it's going south, bail. There will be others. Believe me, if you started out at bus driver there will be plenty of others.
Oh yeah, one more thing before I forget.
"I don't care if he uses me" is not good. If you're just being a bit ridiculous make sure you know you wouldn't really do this.
If you're not kidding that's incredibly unhealthy. A love like that is objectifying and false. Worship is not romantic love, if you'd "let him use you" it devalues what both of you might actually have to offer. If he's really a decent guy he's not going to be into a relationship that unequal and he's going to feel like an adult dating a child. Which he kind of is.
The problem with this relationship, given that you're a senior, it's may, and you're 19, lies more with you than him. Assuming the absolute best about him, you aren't ready to seriously date an adult who is seriously ready to date other people. He's 39. If he want's kids that's in the next five years, tops, probably closer to three if he wants to be alive and functional when the first one graduates high school. He's going to be ready for marriage, I'd hope he already owns a home, but on a bus driver's salary unless you kick some ass in college and come out with a career that gives you some mobility that's the home you're raising kids in, and you get no say in it.
My wife is 22. Three years ago she couldn't give a shit where we live. Now all I ever hear about is how shitty our apartment is. You will care. Christ in Heaven will you care. You will care so much some man might hate you for it occasionally.
Where were we? Oh yeah, real life and the issues you probably haven't thought about yet.
You're 19 years old. The world is still, to some slight degree, your oyster. So don't get married before you're 25 and don't move in with this guy before you've been dating a year. At least give yourself a little time to have options. A little time to grow up and be an adult.
You need it, cause you aren't quite there yet. Date guys who are 39 when you have your own apartment that you pay for to bring them back to. At least then it's a level playing field.
|
My boyfriend and I are both freshmen in college and we've been together for two years.
When we're together, we have a lot of fun; we like similar music, jokes, movies, etc. We're great friends and we're sexually attracted to each other.
But there's a dark side; we're also EXTREMELY different. For example, he's had a rough childhood and as a result DESPISES his parents. He is certain that if his mom died, he would not feel one ounce of sadness. He's even told me that he'd probably kill her (and perhaps other people that piss him off as much) if prison was not a consequence.
Honestly, I'm fairly certain he can be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. According to the DSM-IV, Antisocial Personality Disorder is defined as:
A) There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring for as long as either childhood, or in the case of many who are influenced by environmental factors, around age 15, as indicated by three or more of the following:
1)failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
Check. In high school, he stole hundreds of dollars of merchandise from various stores and even got caught once. No regard for the law. :\
2)deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
Check, sort of. He lies a lot, but it's not really in a deceitful manner. It's more an abuse of white lies; he tells people what they want to hear because he believes it's better than the truth. For example, he lied about his SAT score to someone who got about a 1600 so they wouldn't feel bad about their score.
3)impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
4)irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
Check. No physical fights, but he has an EXTREMELY short temper. And when he gets angry, he yells and attacks inanimate objects. Doors have been punched, phones have been thrown against walls and destroyed, tables have been flipped. He's never laid a hand on me, but it's scary to see him flip out like this.
5)reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
6)consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
7)lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another;
Check. He has ZERO empathy.
B) The individual is at least 18 years of age.
Check.
C) There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.
Check.
D) The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.
Check.
My problem with him is that he doesn't want to see a therapist for his anger problems, even though they're stressful for me and his roommates. His reason is that he doesn't want the "crazy" label because it'll "ruin his life".
Furthermore, he won't change his mind no matter how much I beg, because in his mind, I'm nagging him, which reminds him of his mom (his favorite person in the world), which gets him even madder.
Anyway, what should I do? Our relationship doesn't bother me in the moment; I'm only in college and we have a lot of fun together when we ARE having fun.
However, because of his short temper and stubbornness, I don't think we can last long term. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life with someone who lacks empathy and has anger issues like he does.
He's really a great and fun person aside from that one big problem. So should I keep trying to change him or simply accept the fact that our relationship's a ticking time bomb and enjoy it while it lasts? :\ (link)
|
Enjoy it while it lasts.
"I don't want the crazy label" clinches it. He's well aware there's a problem, he has no intention of addressing it.
Do not ever try to change people who don't want to be changed. Everyone changes, but some people flat out walk away from adulthood, or sit down and cross their arms like they're 3. Sound like a good analogy for the tantrum round you go through when you bring something up?
He's fun, he's smart, he's broken and you don't want to bear the burden of that for the rest of your life. At some point you're going to be "nagging" him about something a bit more immediate than him considering therapy and he's going to push you across a line where you feel like you've just been thoroughly disrespected by a stupid condescending asshole. It sounds like he's already crossing the lines of what you want to put up with. When he realizes that you're getting sick of him don't be surprised if he throws up a wall of bullshit and hates you forever.
|
|
I truely do thank you for taking the time to comment on my question. but i do beg to differ with you. the part where you said "God does not runt the country" I agree with you to a point. BUT, on american currency does it not say, " In God we trust?" Also, in american history This country was build on christian values and was so to speak built on God. So to say God does not run this country your right. He does not run it. But when the founding fathers built the country they built it on God. thanks again (link)
|
Words on a dollar don't make God arbiter of the US. In fact, our country's democracy was build on a principle of separation of church and state. It formally says, in the constitution, that God has no say in how this country is run.
The founding fathers didn't build anything on Christianity. "All men are created equal" is not a Christian ideal, nor is "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". The founding principles of this country are rooted not in god, but in secular understanding of the corruption of men and efforts to stay its effects in the body politic.
|
|
My 35 year old daughter had brain surgery 2 years ago. She has told everyone she knows that she was raped by her father. It has torn the family apart. Her 5 siblings won't have anything to do with her. Her father and I are heartbroken. She refuses to talk to us about this mess. We have tried several times. She won't even let us see the grandkids. Its been over a year now. I have been married to this man for 38 years. I know nothing happened and so does her siblings. what do or can we do? (link)
| |
This isn't a question this website can answer. I suggest you speak to a family counselor, someone trained and educated in family dynamics and psychology who can actually help you work this out and figure out what exactly is going on in your family.
|
|