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gaining self confidence
18/f
I am a somewhat shy girl. I'm not the type of person who likes to stand out from the crowd, and whenever I do, I get shy and embarassed. I blush a lot when the topic is always about me. I feel awkward when i'm the only one talking and a lot of eyes are on me. I get nervous and I just have no confidence in myself. I get dressed in the morning and leave for school and feel so boring. I don't feel pretty most of the time, even though my boyfriend says i'm beautiful. I walk down the hallways and see girls that have so much confidence. For example, there will be girls wearing skirts and heels to school.. i could pull that off but I would have no confidence in myself. Instead of walking with confidence, I would feel shy and awkward.
I guess what i'm trying to say is.. I want to be able to walk in a room with my head up high with confidence and be proud of who I am. How do I attain that confidence in myself??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
Part of that isn't really about confidence, it's just personality type. You're a wallflower, just like me. In groups, at parties, I'm never the center of attention on purpose.
You want to hear a ridiculous story? In high school I played football all 4 years. Every practice we would go through warm up exercises led by one of the other players. The leader was whoever spoke up first, basically whoever started yelling instructions.
Completely informal proceedings, but if you were leading exercises you were expected to give it some energy to get everyone's blood pumping, start practice off with a little enthusiasm.
Always wanted to do it, never once stepped up and opened my mouth, except once. First game senior year when all the guys who used to do the leading had just graduated the year ahead of us, and there was a five second window where everyone kind of looked around wondering who was going to be the guy who got everyone warmed up and excited.
Never did it again after that, but I'm glad I managed to venture it once. I realized at that point that while I was never going to be someone who wanted to be up in front of a crowd, I wasn't incapable of being there in the first place.
Step outside your comfort zones. Wear some heels and a sexy skirt, and just do it for your boyfriend instead of for everyone else. Step into the role you feel like you want to play sometimes and give it a try. Hell, fail miserably if you have to. You can learn and try again another time, but the experience of stepping out isn't something to be avoided at all costs.
You'll learn a little about yourself and develop some of that confidence you feel you lack in the process. And remember, it's just high school. In a little while you can leave it all behind and become a completely new person again.
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The simple questions are:
1. Are you cute? Yes you are because your boyfriend says so. He gets off bigtime looking at you. Enjoy that and show him your naked body often. Because you are like a super model to him. You might not believe it, but it's true. Except you have more mental content.
2. Are you moral and ethical? Sounds like it.
3. Are you kind to people? Sounds like it.
4. Are you smart? You probably are.
Here is the conundrum: when you are highly intelligent, often times that puts one in touch with one's ignorance (which will never be cured, only moderated to whatever degree you work on ameliorating it; one of us can know everything in such ahort lives) and the foibles of people, including yourself. That tends to keep one from taking oneself that seriously and making grand gestures or bring flash. It is pretty evident you aren't a narcissist, which is a good thing.
So you should like yourself a lot for all the above reasons. The thing is that you are the only one who can live your life and so you need to take control of it and live it according to what makes you happy. You can't let the opinions of others interfere with your vision of happiness (as long as said vision isn't self-destructive or delusional).
As for the pretty girls you cite, many of those girls already have an innate need to be onstage. They have gotten the message early in life that being beautiful is how women compete with each other. And so women's natural competitiveness with each other drives a lot of this narcissism, whereby attention becomes the coin of the realm to them. They collect attention like some kids collect comic books. A lot of these women are also as superficial as a paper cut. Yeah, good for a fuck or two just to say you've been there, but one gets bored with them easily. You are more of a three dimensional human being than that. So you have reason to feel that you're better than they are while having a sense of proportion that keeps you from being offputtingly haughty about it.
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This is not just about self confidence, You need to learn how to boost your self esteem.
Believe in yourself, Sometimes instead of dwelling on whether you can or can't do something you should just do it. It is only obvious when you make it obvious. (Always remember that) To one person, You are just another person. Be yourself and take one step at a time.
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