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Is 3 months to soon to be fingered? I am 18 years old?
Hello, I am 18 years old and have graduated highschool.
I am a virgin still. And am dating this guy for 3 months now. My question is, is it too soon to be fingered/hand job in your opinion. I have done this before but with a guy I was in a relationship with for a year. I want to do it, I mean it's not like im going to have sex or go further but i also sort of feel a tad sad for my mom because we are so close and i feel she would be dissapointed in me. :/
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off if you are unsure whether you should or not then you shouldn't be.
Second tons of beautiful girls and very attractive men wait to lose their virginity, it does not mean anything is wrong with them.
Fingering and hand jobs are a form of sex, so while you are still a virgin afterwards you have to treat it as if it were sex.
Evaluate if you feel like he is going to be around another 3 months or longer first, make sure he isn't going to use you, and if you do go for it, what your mother doesn't know won't hurt her.
You are 18 and you are now old enough to make your own decisions.
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Honestly I think it's time to stop worrying about what your mother would think about your actions. However young in your adulthood, you are now an adult. Start acting like one by making decisions based on what you want and need.
That said, Dangernerd is right. It's the first step into sexuality.
Personally, I think steps are a bad idea. I left that behind part way through high school, either the clothes stayed off or the clothes stayed on. If you aren't ready for sex, don't have sex. Kiss him, do fun things, get to know him, get close, tell each other secrets. When you think the time is right for you, take off your clothes and lose your virginity.
When you take steps into intimacy you're really saying you aren't ready for the whole thing but you can't control your urges (or don't want to) entirely.
That's how kids behave. "It's not like I'm going to have sex" is a terrible attitude. Sex is awesome. It's great, wonderful, amazing. You aren't ready for it yet, that's fine. You don't need to be treating sex like something your mother would be disappointed in. Sex is an adult choice to be intimate with someone you want to be intimate with.
When you think you are ready to be intimate, bring it up. Until then keep it above the clothes and stop thinking about what you are doing in your relationship with your boyfriend based on how your mother would think about what you are doing.
It's none of her business.
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Listen to DangerNerds advise, it is the best of all advise that has been given so far. Then go to the following link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
This link is all about first time sex and things you should know, questions you should ask yourself as well as other useful information.
While you may not be planning to have sex at this time, you do have a question on, "My question is, is it too soon to be fingered/hand job in your opinion". Fingering/hand job is a first step in a sexual relationships and in time will lead to having sex.
The link I supplied is one I found when we received questions concerning sex for the first time. I believe even though you are not planning on having sex at this time you would do well to review it now so you are prepared and have you questions answered for when you are ready.
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I think you should just consider what feels right for YOU.
You are of age, and a lot of girls today go a lot further in a 3 month period of time, so it's not like you would be considered skanky.
I had sex with my boyfriend after we had been going out for 3 months, and if I based my decision on how long we were going out, I probably would have tried to wait longer. But at that point it felt right for both of us, and I don't regret it. We are still together and sex has caused some issues, but it has also brought us closer.
You can listen to your mom's advice, but ultimately, this is your choice. You shouldn't let her decide for you. If that was the case for everyone, many daughters would be at the convent by age 18!
Are you mature and responsible enough to handle becoming sexual with your boyfriend? That doesn't just start with sex.
Can you two talk openly and honestly about your sex lives? You need to know everyone your boyfriend has been with, if he always used protection, etc. You can get an STD by performing oral sex on him if he is infected. You should be prepared to have protection incase you do decide to have sex.
Is your relationship ready for this?
Are you comfortable with your boyfriend? Does kissing come naturally, or does it seem awkward or forced? A good sign of if you two are ready to do more things together is if things progress very naturally and feel effortless.
If things do get awkward or if this causes problems, are you prepared to talk it out and solve it?
And most importantly, does it feel right to you? You should want to do these things, not just do them because it seems like time. In the moment it should feel good and natural to you.
If you can think about all that and feel ready and good about it, then go for it. If not, then there is no shame in waiting. This is all completely your choice.
Good luck,
-Abby
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There is nothing wrong with being fingered. No, you aren't going to get an STD from it unless he has herpes on his hand, which is extremely unlikely (like almost unheard of). God, it's amazing some of the disinformation some idiots will spread about sex.
Not to mention that you're 18. You're legally entitled to make your own decisions and you have to do what makes YOU happy. Don't live your life for your parents or your friends or whatever, live it for yourself! Life is too short. Just make sure that whatever you do you do it in such a way as to keep all of your future options open to you.
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If you do something that would make you feel different about your relationship with your mother, someone who will always be there for you, then you shouldn't do something to hinder it. Also, would you want your mom knowing what you do with your boyfriend? Then again, you are 18, therefore you need to realize if you are ready to take risks in your life. Being fingered/hand job is a mutual decision between you and your partner. You must take into consideration if you feel comfortable with your partner to the point where your mother's decision wouldn't affect yours.
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There is an old saying that goes something like this: "If you are thinking of doing something that would make your mother ashamed of you... you probably shouldn't do it."
That saying, in my experience, has proven true.
Here are a couple other things to think about:
1) You CAN get STDs from fingering.
2) Even if you don't think this is leading to sex, I promise you the guy does, no matter what he says.
3) If you are going to be honest with yourself, you know this is a step to sex for you. Kind of like drugs... one sexual activity leads to another. That is the whole point of having a sex drive... reproduction. We are built to reproduce, and those drives aren't going to stop at mutual masturbation.
Wait a while. Tell this guy what you are feeling and see if he waits around until you guys are in a serious relationship. If not, then he only wants one thing.
Good luck, and I hope you choose wisely.
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