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CanadaOccupation:
Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
31Member Since:
July 13, 2006Answers:
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October 16, 2007Visitors:
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about
Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
How do you give a handjob? I know you touch the guy's "thing", but is there a certain way you do it?
Well first of all, its called a penis, not a thing lol. To give a hand job you wrap your hand around his penis and move your hand up and down slowly at first moving faster the closer he comes to ejaculating, he will be the "expert" on what he likes as he has been doing it for himself for a while, so he will know what he likes and how he likes it. Some guys like their balls touched as well so experimenting is a good idea as well.
Don't be afraid to ask what he likes if you are entering into a sexual relationship with someone you need to talk about what each of you like and dislike. Swallow the embarassment in the long run you will both be happier talking about what works for each of you.
Hope this helps.
My sister is the youngest in our family and suffers from depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, she also suffers from agoraphobia and has been housebound for over six years. She still lives at home with our mom who seems to be enabling her condition. (My mother is separated from my dad and would otherwise be alone in the house.)
Although I live a fair distance away, I try to go over when I can and get my sister out of the house by taking her to the store. But otherwise, she doesn't bother going out. I have a couple of other siblings who are of no help.
Additionally, as my husband and I get closer to retirement age, he is starting to get concerned that once my mom passes away, that my sister will become my responsbility.
My question is how (and if) we should get her to take that first step towards recovery. I know from personal experience that one must actually WANT to get well before actually doing so. However, it's been a LONG TIME now and doesn't seem to be taking an steps toward recovery. (She's refused all offers of counseling.)
Any ideas you can give me would be much appreciated.
You really are in a tough position. If however you are able to get your sister to the store she is in a better position then you think. If she is willing to go out at all then she is able to deal with hear anxiety and fear somewhat.
The first step you need to make is to talk to your mother, explain that your sister will not leave her but that she needs to start getting out. Explain to her the issues that will arise after she dies. If you can get your mother to sign on to the plan to support getting your sister out that would also be a big help. Whether or not you mother aggrees to help you should go to a community mental health agency, and ask their advice.
At the end of the day though this is your sister and you cannot be your sister's keeper, if she refuses all help then there is not alot you can do. Keep encouraging her to get out but you can't force her. Just letting her know she is loved is often all you can do.
Hope this helped.
alright, 15, female, i'm 5'3, and i weigh 180 lbs. I know that's like, extreamly over weight, but i dont look 180 at ALL, i ahvea bit of a tummy, that im' trying to loose, and my tummy is shrinkin, but my weight isnt? well, I have big boobs, like c, almost d. idk if thats normal or not, but I aslo feel like guys are always staring at my boobs and not ME...idk if i'm mental or what oO
1. is there any way to attract attentino to ME, not my boobs
2. how can I loose weight, i'm not having issues with my tummy, but my weight in general
pplleassee help me!! I think i'm crazy oO
Ok first of all it is very possible that you don't look your weight as everyone carries weight differently. As for guys looking at your chest welcome to being a woman, if I had a dollar for everytime I have had to tell a guy "hey my face is up here" I would be a very rich woman! As for attracting looks to different areas of you body i.e. you face, then try not to wear tops that draw attention to your chest.
As for losing weight keep in mind that muscle weighs more then fat, so if you gain muscle it may not show on a scale that you are losing. The GI diet works really well if you need support while dieting weight watchers is awesome. Cut down on the junk, sugar, lower your carbs and increase your water intake. Walking and swimming are some of the best exercises to lose weight. Having weighed almost 400 lbs by the time I was 17 and then losing 290 lbs I know its hard but you can do it! Get support from your friends and family. Most importantly learn to forgive yourself when you make a mistake and eat something you shouldn't everyone does it and it doesn't mean you have to throw out all the other hard work you did.
Hope this helps - let me know if you need any more help.
where should i look for employment in my field
Before I could even begin to help you out I need to know is your undergrad degree in psychology? What type of clients do you want to work with? Where do you live? Big city or small town...
If you give me some more info I would be glad to give you a few pointers for looking for work.
My sleep cycle is really bad.I will go to sleep at 12 or 1 am just because i cant fall asleep and then i have truoble getting up for work by 7 am how can i fix my sleep cycle to normal hrs? It's really messing up my life i am ALWAYs TIRED.
thanks!
Taking sleeping pills will allow you to sleep now but will not improve your sleep once you stop taking them you will be in the same place you are now. There are some tricks you can use that may be helpful; take a hot bath before bed, not a shower a bath this relaxes your mind and body. Do not have the television or radio or any other distractions on. A sleep mask also helps and if you can have someone wake you up wearing earplugs also helps. Also going to bed 45 minutes to 1 hour before you want to be asleep is also helpful.
There are other hints that may work for you, also talking to your doctor is a good idea as he can probably recommend things as well.
Hope this helps
i am from india.i have been masterbating for a long time im 22yrs 5feet 5inches high 64kilos.what my problem is that i can hav an orgasm as many times i want in a day by rubbing myself on a pillow in the sitting position.but during sex thats not possible.i just dont come during sex.after my partner finishes then i sit on a pillow and come.so please tell me what i should do about this and is it possible for me to come during sex.i feel depressed sometimes because of this.
Many women cannot orgasm during straight sex. If you want your partner to bring to orgasm then having him rub your clitoris during sex, or having him give you oral sex is a good way to achieve that.
I would suggest that you experiment with him and find what works for you.
Hope this helped, good luck!
Hi,
Have you ever heard the term "hotwifing". It's where the husband lets the wife have relations with other men. I found a forum on it and now I'm becoming obsessed with the idea. My wife is fairly old fashioned, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to slowly introduce the idea that I'd like her to have lovers on the side. This is not about me cheating also. It's about seeing her get pleasure. Thanks for any tips you can give.
Eric
Hey Eric,
Ok well I have heard of this and I know some people who are into it, my philosophy is diffrent strokes for different folks. I understand that you want your wife to recieve pleasure but before you jump 3 spaces ahead you need to actually look and think of your wife about who she really is.
Her doing this would be fulfilling a fantasy for you, so it is not completely altruistic on your part you would be recieving pleasure from the idea of this as well this would also allow you to have lovers as well (I know this is not your primary goal but it would be a side benefit).
I would suggest that before even bringing up this idea you have an open and honest conversation with your wife about sex and what she would derive the most pleasure from, maybe she is too embarrassed to tell you that she wants to engage in wifeswapping or hedonism etc.. Women have fantasies too and since you see her in the light of "old fashioned" she may feel obligated to remain in that role for you and for her marriage to remain intact.
IF she clearly states that she wants straight sex with only you 3 times a week then you have your answer there and she is unlikely to change, if at this point you suggest this "hotwifeing" to her she could become really upset and it could damage your relationship permenently.
If she is totally not into it then I think you need to evaluate how important this is to you and how important your marriage is as well if she is really against it then I think if you want to remain in this marriage you need to avoid the website.
I hope this helps you out. Good luck with everything.
ok well i babysit for 8 or more hours i get there at 8 and then leave around 2,3,4,5 and im soooo bored! i dont know what to do like they dont have T.V basically and there computer talk about old no internet im so bored of reading a book and my sister wont let me like listen to her ipod sometimes and im affraid to call ppl you can hardly hear ppl. so what do i do there. the kids dont do ne thing most of the time and well i need to get that ipod next week i can stand it! ne more!!!! oh ya and my b.f is like grounded form the computer so no Iming or w.e
Ok I understand that you are bored and that you are used to having stuff around to distract you like tv etc... but if you are getting paid to babysit then you need to be with the kids at all times. You say they don't do anything but maybe you should plan stuff like taking them to the park or playing outside with them etc... You also shouldn't be listening to an ipod while babysitting how will you hear when something happens to one of the kids. Even playing board games or cards with them will make the time pass more quickly.
I understand that its summer and you want to have fun before school starts and you have to get serious again but if you want to babysit then doing stuff with the kids is the best way to pass the time quickly.
Hope this helps, good luck!
I'm writing a college essay on somebody "famous" that I feel to be Heroic. Out of curiosity, if you had to choose somebody to write about, who would you select?
I'm asking because I have chosen Helen Keller. She became an author, as well as a teacher to the deaf and blind, while overcoming those same disabilities. That is what I want to do with my life. I want to educate and assist the impaired, and I've known that since middle school. She is truly a hero in my eyes.
My worry is that Helen Keller will be such a popular choice. I'm scared that other students will be too lazy to search for a slightly less common name and just go with what they already know. I fear boring my teacher before she even commences the reading process. I know it's just one essay, but she is an inspiration of mine. I would be tremendously bummed if I had to write about someone else!!! Do you think my teacher will be bothered with the same old story, even if it were written immaculately? Do you feel it could possibly have a negative affect on my grade?
All input and opinions will be greatly appreciated.
I think that by stating in the beginning of your essay that you admire Helen Keller and that she has inspired you to become a teacher with the intellectually / physically impaired persons and then going into explain all of her accomplishments and how much adversity she overcame will show your teacher that this was not a random choice and that you thought this out. Also that she is a true hero to you.
Any teacher worth her paycheck will see your passion and as long as its well written will grade you accordingly.
Hope this helped. Good Luck.
p.s. as someone who has worked and still works from time to time with people who have impairments it is truly some of the most rewarding work ever!
Okay. I am 14 and I'm a female. Also I'm adopted. I really hate where I ended up and i really don't like my adopted parents. I was 12 when i was adopted (about 3 years ago). They told me then I didn't have an option about being adopted, they told me i had to be or go back to foster care. Okay the point is I really hate being adopted to them. It has been ruining my life. Also i really hate being seen in public with them, even before adoption i didn't like her. She was my 4th grade teacher and they made me be adopted to her. She's about 54 and her husband is 60, and her dad is 95.I live with them all. None of them even understand me, and another problem is that their really old. they are really disgusting and i can't even stand being in the same room as them. And since i was adopted i've been an only child for the first time of my life and i hate that part the most. I'm really loney every day and no one to talk to. I know for fact i would be better off some where else. i really want to live with my mom again. Kyle and i was taken away from my mom and dad when i was 8 and i was in foster care. mom and dad divorced and kyle was moved to another home. i stayed in the same place for 4 years, i liked it there. Someday i wish it could be my mom and i together again, if that were so i would be really happy. Now i am the only person i have, no one else cares. not even my adopted parents, they don't even respect who i am or who i would like to be some day. When i lived with my real parents my dad abused kyle and i and my mom was good person, she the nicest person i ever knew. My brother Kyle is special ed. and i worry about how he is doing in foster care. i aslo worry about my mom, she's lonely like me... sometimes i wish i could win alot of money and live with my mom in a nice house. i know that i have only about 4 years till i move out, but thats alot of time when you're a teen and i don't want to put my life off because the law forced be to be adopted and depressed. But i'm not that bad off, i make all a's and do weel in school. i play soccer. it's really hard for me to make friends, and i don't know why, before i was adopted i had lots of them. also it's really hard for me to have a boyfriend, all the guys that end up liking me.. i turn away from them. it's really hard for me. it seems that i've been away from people so long( being an olny child in all) i don't know how to be me in front of people. and it makes me really nervous. i have really good friends at church and all. When i'm around them i do fine but when they're not there, i don't know how to act. i'm also affraid to tell people what's wrong. every time they ask i lie and say i'm doing fine just so they can go away. iam really, really not happy. i am also sorry about not writing this all in order, anyway please give me advice. I really need some, noone i know seems to care about how i feel. So please help.
love,
depression of adoption.
Hey, what younggrandma said really makes alot of sense, I think you should take that advice in the spirit that it was intended.
What I would like to add is that bottling your emotions is really unhealthy, someday you are going to have to trust someone. I would suggest you find an adult you can trust a therapist would be best as they can't tell anyone what you talk about due to confidentiality if your parents can't afford it or you don't feel you can ask then talking to a counselor at school has the same promise of confidentiality as long as you are not at risk. You say you go to church so there is also the option of your minister or priest.
As for making friends it sounds like you are running away from them because you are afraid to trust and care because you have been through alot in your young life, but constantly fighting your situation is not going to make it better it will only make things worse, being a teenager is not easy and I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world but keeping all this anger and loneliness inside only makes things harder.
You made a great first step by asking advice here now gather your courage and talk to someone who can really help you asking your parents to get you a therapist explaining to them you want to deal with issues around losing your family and all the years of living in foster care. I am sure that they will try their best to help you as they adopted you out of love and want the best for you.
I'm going to be a freshman at the University of Texas this falls and I have no idea what I want to major in. I know still have like 2 years to decide but I have nothing. I mean, most people have at least an idea or a few things in mind and others have known what they want to be since they were 13. I've already been to orientation and I've spoken with an academic advisor but still nothing. I was just wondering when it was that you guys decided what you wanted to do in life.
Honestly like you I had no plans and no ideas what I wanted to do, I took some classes and then decided what was important to me, making tons of money or being happy with what I do? Also was there a way to have both. I looked at what made me happy, what did I enjoy doing and how to incorporate that into a career.
Keep in mind that most people change careers 2-4 times in their lives, and if you ask most people they don't work in the field they thought they would when they were getting their education.
We all worry about this decsion when we are your age because it seems that it is soooooo big and if we make a mistake then we are ruining our lives, just try and relax and the right choice will come to you. Experiment with different classes and you will figure it out!!
Hope this helped.
me and my friend and friends parents are driving 9 hours to go see a couple of friends that we miss. the problem is that the main kid we really want to see just got grounded for a really long time because he went outside at night for a couple minutes. His mom is really strict. We really want to be able to see him so do you think there is any way we can get to see him? any suggestions or plans to get to see him? he's barely aloud outside his house. thank youu!
Wow that is a tough situation. The best thing that you could do is have your friends parents (the one's driving you) to call his mom and explain that you are driving all that way to visit everyone and that you all would really like to see him.
It may also help to invite the mom maybe all of you go out to dinner together, that way she can keep an eye on him and moniter the situation. By including her it also says that you realize that he was grounded for a reason and while you respect her as a parent this is a once off and he will continue to be grounded after the visit. If she still says no there is not much you can do, good luck!
Hope this helped.
I am a male in his 40's who has always had a hard time being sociable. It is starting to affect my work and social life. My fiance and I will be married next month and I am scared to death meeting a new family. And im pretty uptight at work ,I hardly speak to anyone,so they think that I am a prude. But its not the case, since I can be myself with people that I care about. Its pretty depressing,and I have to find a way out of it. I hope someone out there can help me be more outgoing. Id like to enjoy the rest of my life without being afraid of talking to people. Thanks in advance, JB33
Hey,
I agree with the previous response that visiting a counsellor would be the best option for you, also if money is an issue talk to your gp about it. If the reason you are so shy and have trouble being sociable could be something called aspergers syndrome. This is basically a type of autism that affects a persons social abilities, when you were a child it was not recognizable to most doctors many 40 year olds are now being diagnosed with it and there are treatments that are available including some medications that are anti-anxiety medications and tricks that a doctor can give you to deal with social situations.
Again only a doctor can diagnose you and if you have an anxiety disorder then there is treatment out there.
Hope this helped.
I've been on birth control now for about a year. My boyfriend and I just recently had unprotected sex, without pulling out. I'm pretty good with taking my pill every night around the same time but there were two times during this cycle that I had ended up taking it the next day, including that night we had sex. I'm on the placebo pills right now and still no period. Could I be pregnant?
Yes it is a possibility. If you find that you are forgetting or miss taking your pill for whatever reason there are alternatives like the depo provera shot that lasts 3 months or the implant that lasts 5 years etc... I would visit your doctor to check about the pregnancy thing and at the same time discuss with them the best option for you in regards to birth control.
Hope this helped
My yellow lab is a year old and seems to be agressive to new people who come to the house. She looks out the window at people or other dogs who walk by and growls and barks with hair raised on her back.
She has also tore up two expensive throw rugs within a week. We are not home at the time. We have to keep putting her back in her kennel when we leave.
I had a chocolate lab before and she was nothing like our yellow lab.
I have twin daughters, six, I'm afraid she might bite someone one day. She loves the girls but too agressive.
I have thought about giving her away.
Hey,
Every dog is different. How old was she when you adopted her? Where was she before? Also the tearing of the rugs while you were out is attention seeking, my dog chewed my brand new glasses, and he had never done anything like that before! Keeping him in a kennel while you are out is a good idea many people do that. As for his aggressiveness make sure that its not that he is just super excited as many labs are prone to. Before you get rid of him I would try obedience school, it may cost you a couple hundred of dollars you will be teaching your children a valuable lesson, how just because someone is bad you give them a second chance.
If school doesn't work then tell your kids that you found a farm for the dog where he can run all he wants, yes you may be lying but they are young and don't need to know the harshness of reality just yet!
Hope this helped
My brother has been acting kind of odd lately...
... he thinks that he's a rubber ducky, according to him. When we call him Tom (which is his name) he says "No, Duckie!". My parents think it's just a stage, but he's ten, and I think he should know better...
He won't let anyone in his bedroom, but his rubber duckies, and won't talk to anyone but them. He also won't eat our food, only bread crumbs. I'm really concerned about this, as mental problems tend to run in our family....
Ok first of all this could just be attention seeking behavior, many 10 year olds do this kind of thing because they don't know any positive ways to get attention.
Just so you know mental disease is not usually diagnosed in young children, as the children's mind changes as they grow doctors do not like to label young kids.
I would suggest that you and your parents do not give into his fantasy and refuse to respond to him when he asks to be called duckie, don't give him the breadcrumbs tell him little boys eat regular food also if he has a lock on his bedroom door it should be removed to protect his safety. He will probably try and force the issue when you stop feeding into it but once he sees that he will not recieve attention he may return to being "normal". Also when ever he does anything that has nothing to do with being a ducky praise him ALOT this will show him that there are better ways to get attention. If the situation worsens I would also take away his ducks.
I specialize in working with youth especially those with "issues", this is just a suggestion of what I would do if he was a client of mine.
Hope this helps a little.
in my room, my big furniture things are white. like the rails on my bed, my armoire, my dresser, bookshelf, etc. and the walls are blue, so its kinda of pleasant you know? well.. i got this computer desk thats wooden, like dark wood. should i chunk it and wait until i get a new one, or does that kind of sound ok? if you walked into one of your friend's rooms and saw all white then ugly wood, what would you think?
I had a similar problem when I recieved a kitchen table as a gift that did not match ANYTHING in my house let alone in my kitchen! What I did is go to Canadian Tire and they sell paints that specifically work on wood, because wood absorbs, and painted it a color to match my house. It was easy and I got to customize it so it was unique. You can buy stensils to make cool accents on it as well. It saved me hundreds of dollars in not having to buy a new table!!
Hope this helps
14/f/with cerebral palsy..i dont know if that contributes to this , vut just in case.
I have this twiching right above the left side of my right knee, it has been going on for many days.. Then my right foot is really swollen and puffy,It hurts really bad to walk , the pain is mostly where the top of my foot meets my leg, and none of my shoes fit. plus the pain is awful.
Does anyone know what could have caused this and how to make it go away?
Hey because of your CP you are more likely to have problems. It also could be something like you hurt your achillies tendon, having done that myself I know that it hurts like the dickens! I would suggest you speak to your doctor asap so that he/she can deal with this and get rid of any pain you have. In the meantime take a light painkiller like motrin or tylonol.
I am a 14 year old girl but im 15 in 3 months and i know its illegal to have sex in uk before 16 but i really love my boyfriend and i'll be honest caue i want real advice i've been going out with him over a week and i already feel he loves me and i love him and i think i feel ready i mean he's given me oral sex if that can be correct but i've not done anything to him and i think he's the right one and the one i want to loose my virginity too and i want to know if theres a way of checking to see if ur ready by tasks or talks or something . one magazine said to see if ur ready to have sex see if you can walk up to your local chemist and buy condoms out of it from a lady who knows you live near by is this a good way of telling if im ready please email me bak or reply soon cause tomorrow or the next day is ment to be kinda big with him and me
please help love me xxxxxxxxxxx
As stated in another answer when your ready you will just know, You have been with this guy for only a week I would give it more time like wait at least until you are together for a month. There will only ever be one "first time" so try to do it with someone really special who respects you so that you will always carry a good memory. Also by waiting you will be able to know that he loves and respects you enough to wait.
My cousin has been masturbating since she was 3 years old. Is that normal? She is 17 now.
Hi, many many children begin touching themselves at an early age. It is actually being debated in the medical community whether or not a girl that young can have pleasure from this (boys cannot ejaculate until around the age of 12 or so). As for the normality of the situation it is a very normal but if her need to masturbate affects her daily life, like she doesn't make plans to do something so that she can stay home and masturbate it is a problem and she should seek professional help.