about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I'll admit, I am only 14, but I love the military. I have wanted to be a fighter pilot dating back to when I was five. My father recently retired from the Navy, and I want to join USAF, but I can't. I have diabetes. I find is very discouraging and discriminating that diabetics can not join. If one wants to join, I think the oppurtunity should be there. Right now, I am in Junior Air Force ROTC and my high school. I love the class, and I we (the "flight") were informed that if we joined the service, we would automatically be started at a higher rank than the others. But I do not have the choice to join, and I am considering to write to George Bush explaning how I feel. Should I?

I would definitely write to George Bush and explain your concerns. I would also write letters to your Congressmen from your area. You can find the addresses by searching at the links below. By writing to the government, you are making them aware of the issue at hand. Until they know there is a problem, they can't do much about it.
http://www.house.gov/
http://www.senate.gov/


I would also ask why diabetics are not allowed to join the military. Once you know the reasoning, you can come up with an argument against it.


Good luck. I hope this works out for you.

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hey everyone. i was wondering if you can flush condoms downt he toilet? thanks

You can, but I wouldn't recommend it. Some friends of mind ended up spending over $1000 last year having the septic system repaired when condoms backed up the lines.

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I know that your boobs look bigger by the tissue that is in them. Is there anyway that you can lose some of that tissue without having a breast reduction.

A lot of women lose chest size when they lose weight. Your breasts are made up of fatty tissue so reducing the fat in effect reduces them as well. Healthy dieting may help reduce the size. However, if you're already at a healthy weight or underweight, I wouldn't suggest dieting as it may cause other problems.

Other than that, your only option that I'm aware of is to have breast reduction surgery. that would be something you need to speak to your doctor about. Many health insurance plans will cover the surgery.

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okay i went to Goody's tonight and they are slipping up on their plus size clothes...I'm 15 years old and I am looking for some new clothes...sad thing is...i wear plus sizes and i am into fashion...like the ripped jeans and such...but lately no one is carrying anything that makes me happy...does anyone know of any stores besides Goody's that carry fashionable teen plus sized clothes that are also on the cheap side? Thanks a mil!

It's difficult to find nice plus-sized clothes. If you have a Cato Plus in your town, that would be a good place to start. They generally have fairly nice stuff and are always putting something on sale.


Also, if you shop online or from catalogs, you may find more selection on clothing. I'm including a few links to get you started.
http://www.justmysize.com/
http://www.sizeappeal.com/SizeAppeal/
http://www.pacificplex.com/
http://www.alight.com/

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Lately my computer has been doing weird stuff like sending everyone on my buddylist for aim wierd messages my bother and mom think it has a virus well just recently somebody changed my password for aim and my brothers password for aim and i figured out the password the person changed myne to and nobody knew my password or my brothers password and the only person that had a clue what my brothers password was his ex girlfriend i think we have a hacker. if not a virus. does anyone know what could be wrong with my computer or how to fix it ? also my mom has called dell who our computer is from and they have no idea what it is and have tryed to fix it many ways..

Thanks helps appreciated!

It sounds like you have a virus. If you have a virus scan program on your computer, do a full system scan. It's generally a good idea to do one once a week anyway. If you do have a program, it's a good idea to set it up for automatic updates and scheduled scans. That way it takes care of the work for you without you having to remember. If you don't have one, I'm giving you a link for an online scanner that works fairly well and is free.
http://housecall.trendmicro.com/


It's also a good idea to run a program that searches for spyware weekly. Make sure you run the updater often as well to make sure you're covered for the most recent spyware. I recommend Spybot and AdAware. They are both free. I'm including the links to download them as well.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html
http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/


You may also want to completely uninstall AIM, then do a fresh install.


I hope these help fix your problem.

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Hey. I just got the guts today to tell my mom & sister that I think I may have a bacterial infection down below. They made me an appointment to see a regular doctor (not gynaeocologist) on Wednesday. I was wondering, it won't be awkward, I shave completely down there. Like do you think they'll think I'm weird? Because I shave down there? I don't know, it just seems sorta creepy seen as I don't do anything with guys yet! I'm 15/f! :) Thanks.

Doctors have generally saw about any kind possible so it shouldn't be awkward. Shaving is more a matter of preference than a sign of sexual activity. I wouldn't worry about it. The doctor will be looking for signs of infection, not whether you shave or not.

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i first got my period in 6th grade i have had non stop discharge since and it alway stinks down there and right after i get a shower and wash down there it still stinks does any one know how to get it to go away?

It's natural to have a little discharge and feminine odor. However, if the discharge is chunky, has a foul smell or itches, it could be a sign of a vaginal infection. I would suggest talking to your mom and getting an appointment with the gynecologist for a checkup just to rule out an infection. If it is an infection, it can be treated pretty easily with creams or antibiotics.

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I am a sophmore in highschool and I have been thinking about careers for my future. There has been one thing that I have been interested in for a while now. I want to become a sex therapist to cousil couples about their sex lives.. Sort of like Dr. Ruth? (Short little lady that talks about sex alot). The thing is.. I'm not sure how to approach my parents about it, because they would probably think it's a horrible career choice and wouldn't agree with what I'd be doing with my life. In my personal opinion I think it's admirable career.

So, I have a few questions here. One would be how should I approach my parents about this subject? The other is what colleges would actually have that course? Or is it made up of multiple courses?


If you have any helpful websites about schools and programs that would be great too.. Thanks if you can help!

As I understand it, a sex therapist can be a psychiatrist, a marriage and family therapist, a psychologist, or a clinical social worker. After achieving that degree, sex therapists go for additional training in sex therapy. It generally requires a post-graduate degree so it may take some time to complete all the training.


Since you are uncomfortable talking to your parents about your career choice, perhaps you can tell them you would like to pursue one of these careers. Then, after you've gotten into your schooling and are more comfortable talking about it, you can lead up to telling them that you would like to become a sex therapist. A sex therapist does more than just discuss sex with couples. They also help people deal with emerging sexuality, do research on sexual problems and issues, teach sex education classes, even help those with sexual identity issues.


I agree that it's an admirable career choice. You obviously care about others and want to help them. I'm sure once your parents get over their surprise, they will agree.


I'm including some information for you about sex therapy, what it involves, and the training necessary. Since I'm not sure of your location and personal preferences with schools, it's difficult to recommend a specific school. However, I am including a link to a school in Florida that offers the training. You may be able to find more with a college search engine. The second link includes a list of schools that offer training in human sexuality as well as links to more information.
http://www.floridasextherapyinstitute.org/
http://www.psychotherapist.net/la/sextherapy/sex-therapy-training.htm
http://www.schoolsintheusa.com/careerprofiles_details.cfm?CarID=859
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/104/107542.htm
http://www.sexologist.org/what_is_sex_therapy.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A41742-2004Jun14.html
http://www.sexhelp.org/cafol/boulw.htm


Good luck. I wish you well in your chosen career.

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While ice skating a week ago, i fell very very hard on my backside. I couldn't get up by myself, and when i got picked up it hurt so much i couldn't carry on skating, had to go sit down for a while. I didn't put an ice-pack on it there and then as there was too long a queue at the first aid.
Anyway, i thought the pain would go away, but a week later my tailbone is still hurting loads, when i sit down, when i walk, dance etc, when i bend over. Anyone think I could've done some serious damage? Should I see a doctor or wait longer for it to go away?

I would see a doctor just to make sure you didn't do more than bruise it. It is possible to break your tailbone. Until you can see a doctor, ask your parents about a pain reliever to help with the pain.

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i know i know i shouldnt cut and its bad and everything but its too late now.. about 4-5 weeks ago i got into a major argument with my mum and dad i ended up cutting myself, now i go to a councellor. it was quite a bad cut and it bled for ages now its like quite a thick scar from multiple scratches but like it hurts when i move my wrist it fully healed about a week ago but the scar hurts. i've cut myself before but the scar never hurt, it feels almost like its still a scab but it def isnt its also quite bumpy i know its deep so there would be a bump but almost like theres 2-3 spots over it and theyve been there about 3 days. anyone tell me whats going on?

Since it was a deep cut, it may take it a bit to heal. If it's red, warm to the touch, or oozing anything, you may need to go to the doctor to have it checked as it may be a sign of infection.

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on december 26, a new family is moving in to the house next door to mine. my mom talked to their realtor (another neighbor) and found out that the family will have a 3 yr. old and a 5 yr. old. by the way, I'm 13.
the question that i have is, how long should i wait before i introduce myself, and how should i do it? i really want to babysit for them, and i work really well with little kids. i've never worked for pay before, just as favors for my aunt (with kids age 2 and 7) so im not really sure what to charge either.
i know this is really long, and has a bunch of different questions. but any answers will be appreciated to the tone of a 5! thanks in advance!

Take a welcome to the neighborhood gift over. it doesn't have to be big, a plate of cookies or a casserole will work well. Moving, especially right after Christmas, is very hectic. I'm sure they would appreciate the thought.


Just tell them when you introduce yourself that you also babysit from time to time. Make sure to mention that you do have experience with young children. Babysitting fees vary by neighborhood. It's best to work out the fee with the parents. They may even ask you to babysit while they unpack.


Good luck.

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When I first found out I was pregnant, My boyfriend and I automatically started coming up with girl names. As I got further along, everyone just knew that I was having a baby girl. My boyfriend wanted a boy over a girl because he says that they have more attitudes, but he kept saying girl names. Well, when I went for my ultrasound at the end of my 19th week, the lady that did it seemed crazy. First, when she pulled out the leg part on the table that I was suppose to lay on, she pulled it all the way out and it fell. She started laughing like she was nuts. Anyway, she asked us if we wanted to know the gender and we said yea, then she said it was a boy real fast, and that was that. The thing that made me feel like their could be a big chance that she could had made a mistake is that she found out the sex a little too fast but she acted like she couldn't find my baby's head!!!!! Her excuse was that the baby was moving alot. It took her about 10 to 15 minutes just to get a wierd angle picture of it and give it to us. When I showed my doctor my ultrasound picture, she said "why did she even give you this?" So basically, she really had me confused. So do you think I should believe her completly about my baby's gender when she couldn't even find the head?!!!!!

They should be able to tell at 19 weeks what sex the baby is. However, sometimes they can be wrong. An unclear angle or inexperience can result in the wrong determination. The head should be easy to find as it's usually the biggest part of the baby through the first part of pregnancy. Sometimes babies can be very active in the uterus, which will make it difficult to get a clear picture. I had an ultrasound last week on my baby and I could see on the screen where it would be difficult because the baby moved a lot.


Since you didn't get a clear picture and even the doctor is confused, I would suggest asking your doctor to schedule another ultrasound. Many ob/gyns have an ultrasound machine in their office and are able to do it theirselves rather than sending you to someone else. If the doctor must send you to someone else for the ultrasound, request a different sonographer to do it. When you get the ultrasound, ask the person doing it to point out why they believe it it as boy. If the baby stays still long enough, you should be able to see the reason it's a boy.


Don't be afraid to speak up. Even though medical professional for the most part are good, there are a few not so good ones that slip through. If you don't understand something or don't feel comfortable, you have a right to ask questions or request someone else. Don't be afraid to say something if it doesn't feel right or you're confused.


Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you a healthy child, girl or boy.

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Just yesterday I got my first period, and I'm unsure how to tell my mom, or if it's even neccessary. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know how to tell her this because she's not one of the cool moms that are easy to talk to, and I'm the youngest of four, at 13, and I just want a way to tell my mom.

It's best to tell your mom. Unless you have money and transportation, she'll most likely be the one that gets your supplies for you. Also, if you have any problems with your period, she'll probably be the one you talk to about it.


Since you say you're the youngest and I'm assuming you have a sister, she's been through it before. Just sit down with her privately and tell her that you've got your period. She's a woman and has been through it herself so she'll understand. If you have an older sister, you can also ask her to tell your mom for you.

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ive had sex with a couple of guys and the last time i had sex was two weeks ago. my "down south" has been itching and kinda sore for two days now. i was taking a shower and i put my finger up there to see wat was goin on and i saw small hard chunks on my finger. i saw like two brown lil things and im not sure if it stds or just chunks of discharge. i have noo idea. i know this sounds nasty and weird but i really need to know! and i want to know if i can get checked for stds without letting my parents know..

i give everyone 5's i promise!!

Itching and discharge could mean you have an infection of some kind. I would suggest seeing a doctor. The medical confidentiality act prevents any health care provider from telling anyone what you've been treated for unless you give your permission. Try the local health department or a planned parenthood office. They usually offer free and low-cost testing. They can also prescribe treatment if necessary.

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is there anyway i can get checked for stds without my parents knowing? or the heatlh center letting them know?

Legally, a doctor or clinic cannot tell anyone unless you're in danger or a danger to yourself. It's part of the medical confidentiality act and applies to everyone, not just adults. Try your local health department or planned parenthood office for testing. They can also prescribe treatment if necessary. I'm giving you the link to planned parenthood so you can search for an office in your area. The search function is at the top right of the page.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/

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There's this girl who I used to really care about, but am no longer close to. She calls me out of the blue, after LSU lost to Georgia so I'm already pissed. She tells me that her baby sister who was just a few months old died of SIDS. Even though I really don't like this girl anymore(ok I hate her), I still feel awful for her family. Her family never did me wrong and I was wondering how I should go about the situation. A card? Flowers? I really don't know,b/c I haven't been around death that much.

A sympathy card expressing your condolences would be good. I would address it to the family. Just make sure to write a short personal message in it. Something to the effect of "I'm sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts." will work.

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what do you think of meeting people off the internet...

im 16 and hes 17 weve talked online and he is totaly cool and sweet. asked me if we could sit and meet in person..

bad or good idea?

HELP ASAP

Meeting someone from online can very dangerous. If you do decide to, proceed with caution and make sure to protect yourself. I have met people from online, including my husband, but only after I was pretty sure they were who they said they were and always in a safe, public location to begin with.


First, talk to this person and make sure you really know them before meeting them. Ask him if you can see him on webcam. Try to make sure you're really talking to who you think you are before even thinking about setting up a meeting. There are some people online that pose as younger guys in order to get a younger girl.


Second, before you meet, get his name, address and phone number. Try to verify that this is his true information if you can. Call the number and ask for him. If he's in school, ask him which one. Then, call the school and verify that he's a student. Do the same thing if he works. Get a picture if possible. Leave this information with a trusted friend.


Third, set up the meeting for a public place where you feel comfortable. Meeting over a meal at a restaurant is usually a good idea. That way, if things don't seem right, you can get out of the situation safely. I would suggest staying with meeting in public places until you're fully sure that you can trust this person.


Fourth, pick someone you trust and tell them about the guy you're meeting. Give them his name, address, and phone number, as well as the location and time of the place you're meeting him at. Arrange for this person to call you at certain times during the meet to make sure okay. These calls give you an easy out if you don't feel comfortable or find that you're not as interested as you thought you were. Another option is to have this friend go with you.


Good luck.

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I'm so itchy, and I mean it's all over! On my arms and my legs and my back. And there isn't a rash or anything as a result! I took a shower because I thought maybe that would wash whatever was hurting me away.. but that didn't work either! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?!

D:

Are you under a lot of stress? Sometimes when were under a lot of stress, our bodies react in weird ways, including itching. Is your skin dry? Dry skin can be very itchy. Have you tried putting on some moisturizing lotion?


Try putting on some antihistamine cream. Benadryl cream works well. Another option is to get some oatmeal soap and wash with it.


If the itching continues without a sign of what causes it, you may need to visit your doctor.

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A guy that I thought had something going with me just moved to another state. I feel like a fool, he basically led me on this whole time. I thought we had a future together because on our last date he asked me what I wanted 5 years from now from our relationship. Usually guys don't ask those sort of questions unless there thinking long term.
He told me he still wanted to be "friends", whatever that means. Well the jerk hasnt emailed me (he's too cheap to phone) for over a month since he moved.
I already decided not to get him a card or Xmas gift and to send back anything her gets me.
But I still get SO angry at him for how he treated me.
What would be a really good way to get back at him? Without doing anything illegal?

The best revenge you can get on someone like this is to show them you can be happy without them. If he does call or email, ignore him. Find a guy that treats you right and is willing to make a commitment to you.

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can you give blood if you have cancer?

It's usually recommended that you don't give blood if you are sick in any way, especially if you're taking certain medications. That doesn't necessarily rule you out if you have cancer. You would need to speak to one of the blood drive workers to be sure whether you are able to. For more information on eligibility for donating blood, take a look at the link below. It goes into a lot more detail than I can.
http://www.redcross.org/services/biomed/0,1082,0_557_,00.html

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