I'll give advice to anyone I think I can help in any way. Ask away.
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
Answers: 297
Last Update: January 22, 2011
Visitors: 23380
Favorite Columnists
Scribble
poa
comradestalin
hebe
mundokiir
|
| |
|
My son is 17, but a very socially immature 17, acts more like he is 15. He is a senior in high school at a private Christian school, doing very well in most respects. My coworker is a little dramatic and often inappropriate at work, but a nice person and very generous. Her daughter is a freshman at the high school down the street from my son's school. Her daughter has had many emotional and behavior problems and recently was even hospitalized for more than a week while being treated with medication for bi polar and depression. The school is always calling my coworker about this girl, she is always in trouble. I have tried to be a good friend to this woman, we have cubicles right next to each other. Lately she has been on a kick that her daughter needs to date my son. I slid out of the homecoming dance only for her to try to arrange something further now and even asked for my son's e mail address and cell phone number so her daughter can get to know him. I am certain this is a bad idea. My coworker keeps pointing out that she chaperones all her daughter's activities and would take my son to a rock climbing wall facility and snow skiing and to plays and concerts. While I know my son would likely enjoy these activities, I doubt that having a mentally unstable girl thrust upon him by a very forceful mom who is overly involved in her daughter's life is a good choice. What should I say to get out of this? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I really don't want to be pushing my son into a relationship with this dramatic family, nor do I feel I should ever chose his dates. (link)
| |
Well sure talking to your son could be a good idea. On the other hand you could tell your co-worker that your son is pretty immature, think he's going to break some hearts because of it and that you don't want her daughter to be one of them. Puts the blame on your son a bit so this woman won't get offended but keeps her daughter away from him. Everyone's happy.
|
|
i'm not going to i'm 18 but just out of curiosity how much does it hurt when you have sex for the 1st time? does it sting sting or does it feel like a bruse? how long does it hurt for? (link)
|
It depends a lot on the size of you both (if you know what i mean nudge nudge wink wink etc etc) but I say as a general rule it will feel like a kind of dull sting (like when you've pulled a muscle somewhere else in your body) which will lessen over the course of a couple of days.
Some girls find they can have full sex the first time and others have to stop because of the pain and sort of build up how long they can do it each time.
Hope this helped a bit
|
|
I have been friends with Lauren since Kindergarden. We've always been close and I've ignored the fact that she's really geeky. Now, im in 7th grade and I'm starting to be really concious of it. Shes so embarassing!! Her nails look like a witch's and she won't let me cut them. I've been trying to slowly ignore her, but since we've been close since forever its hard to pull away. I know she won't let go of me. I'm her ONLY good friend. Tonight is the football game and I don't want to go with her even though she invited me. I want to go with my other best friend. Number one: How can I pull away from her? Number two: What should I do about the game tonight?? (link)
|
Ok well pull away from her if you want to, start going places and not telling her where you'll be and when. When she asks you to meet up, be really vague about when you're free and make excuses to leave when in her company- she'll get the hint soon enough but will likely cling onto you still for a while if she has no-one else to turn to.
But I would also like to say that you need to be aware you are going to hurt this girl a LOT. It always hurts to be dismissed by your best friend but you've been friends since kindergarden, so she really won't know how she's supposed to go about life without you. And from there stems a warning for you too- are you sure you won't miss her once she's gone? You might not miss her "geekyness" or annoying habits but there must be things you like about her for you to have been friends so long. Just make sure you know what you're giving up because it's pretty unlikely she'll forgive you for a very long time if you reject her when she probably already feels pretty alone (you as her only good friend).
Lastly, things like lack of nail trimming and "geekyness" will not last. Neither will the "cool" people. I give it until you're about 16/17 for those things to stop mattering. You're both teenagers and teenagers go through gawky phases- (if you haven't yet, you will, trust me)so the trick is to try to see past all that to the person they are and make a decision about whether you want their friendship based on that, not what other people will think of it.
Sorry it's so long- it's a topic about which i know more than I'd like.
|
|
Okay, Me an this gurl have been for about 4 years. An she was going out with this guy an i met him through her. an hes pretty cool. I dont like anything more then a friend. but one night they get into it an she breaks up with him because she says she doesnt wanna be with anyone but really she is messing with this other guy. Well the guy she breaks up with calls me crying an i talk to him about it an try an make him feel better an it works! well she gets mad at me because he called me but now shes dating the guy she was messing around with. an everytime i try an talk to her she stops an then keeps walking and i dunno what to do because she is trying to get her ex not to talk to me but he still does because i was there for him when she was killing him but shes still mad at me even though ive tried to talk to her an she says everything "i have to go" so what do i do? (link)
|
This girl sounds pretty selfish. If she can cheat on this guy then expect to control who he does and doesn't talk to when they're not even going out anymore, she's also pretty deluded. She lost all claim over him as soon as she went off with the guy she's with.
She really can't fault you for being a nice person when someone rang you needing to be comforted and if you've tried to talk to her already the I'd say you've done pretty much all you can do with this girl. However, if she won't listen to you, try writing her a letter explaining the fact you only like this guy as a friend and that he is not only "her ex" but a person in his own right who you happen to like (in nicer words...).
Really right now this girl should be feeling pretty guilty about having done what she's done to this guy but it sounds like all she really wants is the attentions of two guys at once. Not cool.
Try not to lose too much sleep over it, you've done nothing wrong.
|
|
ok im a virgin and i am 18 and my boyfreind / fiance is 22 and he has had 4 partners prior to me. also he has told me he is pretty big down there (normal sized condoms wont fit him) i havent actually seen it yet, but i am a virgin. i havent had any kind of contact in a sexual way at all and i want to have sex with him because we are so in love and getting married soon and all, but im afraid he will be too big and it will hurt alot. is there anything that the two of us can do to make our first time togheter (and my first time ever) more pleasurable and less painful for us? (link)
|
KY Jelly (or some equivilent lubricant) should help as well as the "practising" yourself as mentioned above. But to be honest with you, it is likely to hurt the first time, particularly if your fiance is well endowed so you're gona have to tell him to be gentle and be prepared to stop if it really gets too much.
Good news is it'll get easier and more comfortable with practise and in the long run, your boyfriend's size should be an advantage! (reaches more places ;))
Have fun
|
|
I am always getting myself in incredibly embarassing situations. Not like "farting in public" or anything like that, more like a really bad rumor has been spread about me. Or I accidentally say something bad in class and I'm worried about what the teacher thinks. Recently, my dad said something really embarassing (something serious) about me to my English teacher, and it makes me cringe with worry. Nowadays, I spend all of my free time thinking that I've "blown it" with someone I know and stressed that I've ruined a connection with someone because of something that I accidentally said or did. I lose sleep over it. I feel terrible. I'm 13/f. What can I do? How can I make amends? Pleaaaase don't give me a smart-ass answer if you're the funny-type columnist. Generally I enjoy those kinds of answers, but this is really serious. (link)
|
Believe me I had this from when I was 11 to about 14. I couldn't sleep either and spent the whole night going over everything I'd done and said that day, trying to work out how to be better and get people to like me and completely beat myself up if I thought I'd done anything that might colour someone's opinion of me.
It sucks but you will get to a point where you'll realise other people aren't all that great either, and you'll learn to pick out the people who's opinions are worth a damn (this will be far fewer than you think) and let everyone else think and say what they want. Might sound unlikely to you know but once you meet decent people who accept you for who you are and once you start giving yourself a break, things will get a lot easier and more relaxed.
Oh, and another piece of advice you may not believe: older people, ESPECIALLY teachers have heard, seen (and done) just about every misdeed a 13 year old girl can commit- your teacher will not be shocked or appalled by whatever it is she's been told unless she's led a very sheltered life.
Take care of yourself
|
My Tenth year highschool reunion is coming up next year and I'm really nervous about it.
This is because me and a guy that I had a mad crush on left on really bad terms.
He was the most popular guy in school, class valedictorian and jock. I was one of the nerds. He new I had a crush on him and he treated me like dirt. He would make out with his girlfriend when I would walk by him in the hallways to upset me. He would play little games to humiliate me, like coming up to his friend whose locker was next to mine just to see me go red in the face.
He even went right up to my friend at the senior prom to hit on her while she was standing next to me and then he ignored me.
The last time I saw him was at the bar 8 years ago. I went up with my friend to talk to him and he completely ignored me even though I said it was my birthday.
Do you think I should go and confront him or just ignore him? This was a long time ago and I think that by now he would have matured a bit. I want to be the better person even though he made me senior year a living hell.
Buzzie (link)
|
The big freeze. Ignore and ignore because, sorry, it sounds like this is what he'll be doing to you and you're likely to feel pretty humiliated if you go to confront him and he treats you like he doesn't even remember you. If he comes up to you, let him do the talking and the conversational legwork before you decide whether he's worthy of your time now (a good start might be "oh hi...um.....adam?..no wait...?" lol)- you owe him nothing and need to offer him very little.
It sucks when someone you try to talk to shows complete disinterest but hey, it was 8 years ago so for god's sake don't let on you even remember. Don't act upset, angry or look as though you're seeking him out. in fact try to forget he's even there. Then leave with your dignity in tact.
Best of luck
|
|
can someone help me out why do good things happen to bad people ? (link)
|
Because bad people lie, manipulate and cheat to get good things.
Oh and also, life is unfair and some things are all down to chance.
|
|
for about 2 and half years the boy next door would make out with me a couple times a month.He was 3 years older than me but we never had real intercourse.He would finger me and I jerked him off and we both would cum.there was never any blood from what we did,I do not see him any longer and I was wondering if I still had my cherry? also am i still a virgin? i am almost 15. (link)
| |
Yep. No sex, you're still a virgin.
|
|
i started my period around the first of august. like the 2nd..about.. for the first time. its september now & i havent started yet this month. will the date i start this month be the date for every month ? ?? help me out w/ this time date stuff (link)
|
No don't worry, some girls don't have really regular periods- and certainly when you first start, it's very uncommon for them to be like clockwork. I used to have them every two months at first!
Your cycle can be anything from about 25-40 days, it just depends on the person. give it a few months and if you still haven't started you can always go to your doctor to put your mind at rest.
|
It all started at a friends party. We didn't really have anything to do so we decided to dance. We went on top of a pool table and started dancing, a friend was video taping us on her camera just for fun. The next day the person who video taped us put it in her profile, which another friend that was they're put it in her xanga. wow, so now it's to where ANYONE can see it. Well a parent was looking though it and saw this video, oh and let me tell you we were GRINDING, big deal? its out of school. Well this stupid parent went and wrote a letter to the school AND to the super intendent, and PUTS this persons xanga so THEY can see this video too. oh my god so now the school knows about it and all the teachers are looking though the whole schools xangas and takes people out of class to talk to them about it. This frustrates me because this is OUT of school stuff. So then today the NEWS CAME TO OUR SCHOOL TO INTERVIEW PEOPLE ABOUT THIS XANGA THING. i dont know what to do. I'm like screwed major, i just NEED advice. ALL our parents know about this video and watched it and pretty much all of us are grounded. and it sucks but I can understand why they're mad. But im just confused. please someone who has been in a situation like this please tell me what happened and if it ever blew over. I just need advice. so please...thanks for your advice before hand.
Much love (link)
|
so...you were just griding with a friend on a pool table....? Maybe I'm missing something (or perhaps we English are sluttier) but i fail to see the big deal. the NEWS came to your school? Tell them they should be grateful- if this is the worst thing going on where you live, they should be busy counting their lucky stars, not up in arms about a stupid party dance.
If that really is all there was to it you need to hit them round the head with any national newspaper detailing stories of drink, drugs, sex and teen pregnancy and show them what a real problem looks like.
In my experience, highschools like making huge great skyscrapers out of a single brick. This will blow over and they'll move on to trying to make out some kid who brings a headache tablet to school has a serious coke problem.
weather the storm- it exists only in the teacup of some school governor.
|
im ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time ever!!
but ive seen his willy and its so big!! im scared its gonna hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(link)
|
Lucky you!
Seriously, it probably will hurt if it's you're first time ever but it would no matter what. If it's just your first time with this particular guy I wouldn't worry too much, it becomes an advantage in the long run, trust me!
have fun, play it safe.
|
well listen my best friend started going out with this guy, Josh. i didn't know josh but we started talking more and more because josh was goin out with my best friends. well josh wants to break up with my best friend because he says that he doesn't think he trusts her enough and that she doesn't treat him how a girlfriend should. i agree with josh, i've been noticing my friend's behavior and i dont like it either. anyway, somehow she found out about what he said and she asked me to call him and tell him not to do it. so i did.. but josh and i started talking & i really felt like he had the right to do what he wanted. it wasn't my desition or hers to tell him what to do. i basically told him listen to your heart and do what you think is right. he is now calling my best friend and is breaking up with her. me n josh are really good friends now too, though.. i feel guilty.. did i betray by best friend?
(link)
|
I sympathise. It's never easy being in the middle of someone's relationship. Particularly not when you have loyalty to both sides *sigh*.
You haven't betrayed anyone, it's not your responsibility to sort out their problems- your friend should never have asked you to tell him not to do it i the first place. That's for her to talk out with him. Equally, what on earth were you supposed to do, hold a gun to the boy's head? You culdn't have stopped him doing what he wanted to eventually.
Just try to be there for both of them without ever bad-mouthing the other. That's the best you can do. Hopefully they'll both respect your friendship with the other- if not, reassure them it doesn't afect the friendship you're offering either of them.
Seriously, best of luck. I have a couple of friends, both parteners of which i adore and what you've just described is literally my worst nightmare (apart from being trapped under water...but that's irrelevant...lol).
Hope it turns out well
|
15/f
Okay theres this guy Jake(16/m). I met him during summer school gym class. He seemed to really like me and I like him. Everyday, we would laydown together during a 20 minute brake time twice a day on a big gym mat, it never failed. He always hung out with me and wanted to be around me. He always hugged me. He would tease me and hug me close when he was really sweaty as a joke. Then after it ended, we didnt talk for about a month. Then when school started, I thought maybe it was just a summer thing, but on the first day, he came up to me at lunch and gave me the biggest hug. He always comes up to me in the hallway and he loves to tickle my sides. He always gives me a hug good bye. Hes invited me to 2 of his soccer games. He sat with me and my friends at the football games. A few girls have told me they think he likes me...
but it hasnt progressed. I dont know if there is a reason he hasnt like asked me to the movies or to homecoming or anything. Hes never called me. One girl told me he does that to every girl... but I dont think so because she is a very jealous girl who liked him and tried to get close to him, but he only wanted to hang out with me. I just dont know if its harmless flirting or if he is really intrested... please give me your opinion!
Thanks
-Kristin (link)
|
That is a tricky one. On the one hand the signs look pretty good but on the other there are some guys who will flirt like this, picking one girl out at a time to lavish attention on. But on the other, other hand (yeah i have three) the fact it's gone on so long suggests it's not just a passing phase....oh wait, i have another hand- the fact you didn't talk for a while might mean he sees your friendship as more casual than you do...ok i'm done with hands.
I think your best game plan is to test the situation- get onto the subject of dating, flirting, bf/gfs and use your feminine wiles to subtly test the waters. Find out where he stands on the issues generally and then whether he has anyone specific in mind. Hopefully this will give you a bit more information to plan your next move.
On the contact thing, perhaps when he invites you to another game, tell him you're not sure whether you can go and that you'll let him know- good excuse to get his number. (cunning as a fox, me)
Hope it all goes well
|
|
ok so im 14.. and have been going out with this guy for 8 months on & off. i love this kid a lot but ever since highschool he's been really friendly with this other girl i know.. idk what to do bc if i say something about it he calls me a drama queen- if not i "dont care" supposidly im too whipped to break up with him & its true bc i know how miserable i am with out him.. but hes' always giving me this crap about how "im lucky to have him" ugh it pisses me off he's so full of himself.. but like he doesnt even know how lucky he is to be w/me- so i need help... do i break up with him? or do i stay with him & try to work things out (link)
|
Dear lord, dump the loser. Not so much for the being firneds with a girl thing, but any guy who tells you you're lucky to have him needs be to be shown you can do without that kind of "luck".
You're only 14, believe me when I say you will come across a whole truckload of boys in the next few years who will deserve you far more than this little boy. Maybe he'll even have grown up by then- but he can do that much better if people don't pander to his arrogant whinings.
Harsh but true.
Have a great time
|
|
hey i was thinking of changeing my hair brown idk why but i do but i dont know which is better do you people think blonde is better or brown is also if i keep my blonde i was going to go get highlights what do u people think?? thanks (link)
|
Blonde all the way baby! (not that I'm biased or anything...).
Also I think as a general rule your natural colour looks best. Subtle highlights sound nice though. Having huge chunks of obvious colour tends to look a bit trashy though so be careful.
Judgement over. Resume your normal lives
|
|
Okay last night I had a really weird thing happen to me. I woke up, but couldn't move. I remember dreaming something and caught myself dreaming and thought about what I was dreaming and I knew for sure I was awake but couldn't open my eyes or move a muscle. It got so scary, I tried to yell out for someone to come shake me but I couldn't make a sound. I tried to fight it so hard, tried in my best will power to move my finger. All the while I felt a certain strange feeling like I was lead toward a dark tunnel, I felt like I was being pulled from my body and I felt if I didn't fight it I would end up dying. And I know this wasn't a dream because I finally came free from the paralyzation and sat up just confused. After this experience I remembered having them all the time when I was a child, and that's why I am so intrested in finding out what this is....I looked some of it up and found that it could be sleep paralysis, but I don't know. Anyone have an idea? (link)
| |
Yep sleep paralysis is exactyly what I was going to say. Everything you've said points to that. Basically it exists to stop your body acting out your dreams while you're asleep. Don't worry, it just took your body some time to catch up with with your mind waking up.
|
Okay, My name is melissa, and i'm fifteen. Theres this guy at my school who keeps calling me fat. He says that i'm obese and that i should just stop eating!!! The problem is, that i'm 5,4 and i'm 105 pounds. I dont think that's fat, and all my friends say i'm stick thin....but, i dont know. If he calls me that, do other people think that? And...if not, how do i get him to stop?
Please help! I rate high!
~Melissa~ (link)
|
definately not fat. At 15 this is humour of the highest order to boys. If you look skinny this will make it even funnier to them to call you fat (boys are WEIRD :)).
Ignore and wait until they grow up enough to realise the best way to get your attention is to grovel at the feet of your gorgeous body rather than tease you about it.
|
|
Well i have a friend who i have known since second grade... and well i found out that he liked this girl and i dont know why but i didnt like it and i realized that i like him.. and now latly it seems like shes been trying to steal him from me and like he now like ignores me and talks to her.. and one time he was talking to me and he saw her and went running over to her and didnt say bye to me or talk to me the rest of the night.. and she gives me dirty looks and like i hate her.. is it not right that i hate her? or is it ok to? (link)
|
Hell, everyone gets irrationally jealous and mean when they feel someone close to them is forgetting about them. So in answer to you're question, stick pins in the girl's picture and cry over his if it helps but if you really want to do something about the situation you're gona have to suck it up and talk to this guy.
You don't have to tell him you like him if you think it would risk your friendship and come to nothing but at least that you feel ignored when she's around and get some reassurance from him.
If he's a good friend he'll see you have a poitn and hopefully try to include you more.
Oh by the way, sometimes it's best to actually get to know *the other woman* and form a bond with her. to start with it'll help you feel a bit more in control of the situation but you might also find out that you like her and hence get rid of some of the bitter feelings towards her.
Good luck
|
|
Just curious, What would happen to my body if I stayed awake for 3-4 days, only taking 45 minute naps 2 times each of those 3 days? (link)
|
well there was a guy in the 60s I think who basically stayed awake for around 20 days for charity and the people who knew him said his personality became irrevocably changed. Sleep seems to have a big effect on mood and personality not to mention basic daily function.
Scary stuff
|
|