about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

I am a 35/f whose teenage daughter has been living with her father for most of her life.

When her father and I divorced it was decided she would live there because I wasn’t financially stable enough to give her a comfortable year-round home but she has always spent most of the summer with me.

While things have changed a lot now. I make a good deal more money, pay child support and have a much more comfortable home for her. She’s decided she wants to move in with me for the rest of high school because the high school in my area has a much better art classes and several of her friends attend it.

I’m delighted of course, the thing is, she is afraid to tell her father about this decision. She says she’s mentioned maybe moving in with me before, and it’s upset him or he has taken it as a joke. She has asked me to come over and be with her as she discusses the move with her father.

So my question is: Should I be there while she tells her father she has chosen to live with me next school year? I want to be there for her, but I don’t want her father to feel threatened or ganged up on. Part of me thinks she is old enough to be able to talk to her dad about this herself (I’m sure he’ll be a bit hurt, but he isn’t an ogre or anything, he wont go nuts.) So I’m quite torn, please advise.

Your in a tough spot, wanting to support your daughter while not undermining her father. Here is what I would suggest I would advise your daughter to talk to her dad first and do it in a way where she is talking to him in a calm and mature way explaining her reasons. Having her write down what she plans on saying so she doesn't forget things is a good idea too. I would then follow it up with a phone call from you to her father to set up a face to face to discuss the details.

He won't be happy about it but as you said he is not an ogre. As a parent all he wants is his daughters happiness as do you.

Good Luck, hope this helped.

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I just got braces three days ago [I had them before when I was in second grade] However, I'm in intense pain! I can't eat anything, even soft foods like soft taco's hurt like crazy, and pasta! I'm on Tylenol, I ice my mouth several times a day, I use the bite plate they gave me, and I put on Orajel. But it still hurts so bad, What should I do?

Wow been there! Did they not tell you that ibuprophen is best for pain (motrin/advil) also what worked for me was, I took 1 advil and 1 tylenol the combo worked great for me. Sounds weird but hey its worth a shot. Also if the pain lasts more then 6-7 days call your orthodontist and tell him they could be too tight or something else could be wrong. Discomfort and some pain is normal major pain is not!


Good Luck and keeping busy and your mind off the pain helps a little.

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I need help on a guy, let's name him Bill. So Bill and I flirted for a while and it soon became a what you could call friends-with-benefits relationship (while he had a girlfriend) . After a while I told him that I really did like him, he stopped talking to me and cut off our friendship. (Apparently he didn't feel the same and I was just another girl to flirt with.) I ended up telling him i was really hurt and sent him a long paragraph telling him how i felt. he sent it to his girlfriend and she blew up at me. Let's name her Sue. Me and Sue are friends now and so are me and Bill. Bill and I are going to the same high school while Sue is not. I want to have a relationship with Bill during high school but I'm not sure if he'll still be too attracted to Sue to even consider me or if they'll still stay together. This is really long... I'll give credit to anyone who even tries. Thanks. :]

Ok it sounds like Bill is just playing you. Whether or not he is with Sue it sounds like he would cheat on you anyways. I understand that you really like him though and I think you should ask yourself the question how important is Sue's friendship to you? It sounds like he also ratted you out to Sue before as well so if you wanted to keep her friendship I would drop this.

Also you said you were friends with benefits, this means that you were fu*k friends, if this is not what you meant do you mean you were friends who flirted and kissed a bit? I am unclear as to how close you were???

Hope this helps a bit. I tried.

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im going to six flags/hurricane harbor on friday in chicago. its going to be hot out so im planning on wearing my swimming suit, but i was just wondering what to wear over that..i was thinking soffees? but idk, ive never been there before. also, do you wear flip flops or tennis shoes to a place like that? thanks in advance for everything!

Hey soffees are good where a tank over that, don't where flip flops on the roller coasters there is a good chance you will lose them. I have seen it happen at amusement parks loads of times. Tennis shoes are so much the better choice also because you will be walking alot and they will give you some support so your feet won't hurt as much.



Have Fun!

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I'll start by describing myself as I have been described by people:
I write amazing songs on guitar. I'm the best actor in my high school's theater company. According to many I'm the smartest kid they know. According to a similar number I'm extremely attractive. They claim that I'm also one of the nicest, easiest-going and can hold stupid and intellectual conversations with anyone equally well.

Okay. I'm not an egotistical selfless son of a bitch. These are things people have said to me. Here's something that bothers me: I have never had a girlfriend. I've never even been on a real date. Ever. I came close a few times, but then one girl decided to tell me yes when she really meant she didn't like me that way, and then another got as far as telling me what to tell her dad when I came to pick her up, but then changes her mind an hour later, because. No real specific reason, end of two or three weeks of getting to know eachother and whatever.

I keep trying. I generally don't like to approach girls like that unless I make eye contact and float a smile across once or twice and have one returned. Everyone else says that works, and then you go talk to them. I can't even make eye contact.

So, am I just an unlikely kid who should shut up and stop bitching and moaning, or is there some insight anyone might have here? I'm inclined to believe the first one, really.

Hey here is the perspective of not only a woman but a professional mental health worker who works with teenage girls! So it sounds to me like your problem is your too nice. Sounds stupid I know but alot of teenage girls while saying they want a nice guy prefer the guy with a little danger. My suggestion to you would be to "fake dis-interest" in a girl you like, in other words play it cool and casually smile at a girl you think is attractive, then turn away, the mystery will interest her.

I know it sounds like game playing but I have seen it work before. If you need more advice let me know.

Hope this helps.

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We have this p.e. teacher and he is hot, sweet, funny, and did I mention hot? I think he noticed me like how I noticed him. We made eye contact at least 3times, and he held open the door. Not to mention he was showing off his bball skills. But say he didnt notice me how can I make sure he will? And how can I loose some weight in about a week thatll make my legs look.. well.. less big, and my arms stronger? Maybe not in one week but soon!! The real p.e. work starts next week. If you don't know how to help me on the guy problem help me loss some of this weight!!

I am not sure how old you are but as you are still in highschool I would venture under 18. It is illegal for your teacher to act on anything, and if he is "noticing" you then he probably shouldn't be a teacher. Its ok to crush on him but to assume anything will happen is setting yourself up for being hurt.

As for losing weight, its sounds like you need/want to tone more then anything so I would start walking if you don't go to a gym or using the eliptical and stairmaster if you do. For your arms I would buy 5 or 10 lb weights at walmart and lift them as you are walking or at home.

Hope this helps.

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when people answer other people's questions with: go ask the doctor, isn't that kind of redundant? who goes all the way to the doctor's office to ask one little question anyway? what do they mean? just ask the doctor over the phone? what if your doctor is actually a pediatrician and might think you're a hypochondriac? i have tons of questions to ask my "doctor." i can't go ask every single time. write down the questions and ask the doctor the next time you visit for something semi-more important?

Well the reason I personally tell someone to ask a dr is because it is a question that is either a serious mental or physical health question or a question in regards to a problem that is something that I would have to see to help with i.e. a rash. You have to remember that we are all here to help but most people have little to no medical knowledge.

As for whether or not its a serious issue its for you to decide, if its not that urgent make a note to ask your dr. when you see him, if its a semi-urgent thing you can call your dr.'s office and ask or many states and provinces have free tele-health where you can call and speak to a nurse and ask a question. I wouldn't worry about your dr. thinking your a hypochondriac if you are really worried about something, its why you pay him!

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ok, so my boyfriend of 2 years broke up w/ me about 2 & a half months ago & I am still upset about it. Some days I hate him & other days I miss him & want him back. When he broke up w/ me he said @ first it was because I was possessive and then he told me he just wanted to be single for awhile. Well two weeks later he starts dating a girl who is 15 (he is 17) & she lives 3 hours away. And they only had met once before they started dating. I don't know what to do anymore. Ive been depressed for awhile & it feels like I will never get over it. Then school is going to start in less then a month and Im really scared to see him because I haven't seen him all summer and I loved it but Im afraid when I see him @ school Im going to get upset and the progress I had made will be gone. Do you think that his relationship is just a rebound? And he will ever call me again to apologize? I just want some answers but I dont want to talk to him until they break up. What should I do?

Ok it sounds like he has for him what is an ideal relationship, she lives far enough away so that he rarely sees her and doesn't feel "tied down", I think that by you looking for an apology you are expecting too much from him. I mean that yes he may have hurt you but in his eyes he was doing what he felt it right so he thinks that he has nothing to apologize for.

While his relationship is probably a rebound that doesn't mean he will come back to you when it ends, why would you want him back when chances are he would do the same thing again? I think that you need to move on in a positive way, date a few people as you have been with the same guy for 2 years "playing the field" will probably give you a bigger picture as to how you should be treated.

I hope this helps.

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today i went to the dentist and they said that i had to get it pulled. so tomorrow i am getting it pulled at 11:30 A.M. i have gotten a tooth pulled before but that was when i was 7 and it was loose but it didn't hurt and i had novicane then. this time i have novicane but this tooth is nnot loose. please can i have some advice. thx

Hey,

Well it's not that it hurts, what you will feel is a pulling type sensation. It's weird but not painful. Make sure that if you do feel any pain you tell the dentist because that means you need more novocaine.

Also after you have your tooth pulled whatever you do DON'T DRINK OUT OF A STRAW!!! This could and usually does cause dry socket which is really painful. Follow all the directions your dentist gives you especially the one about swishing warm salty water in your mouth.


Good luck.

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Everytime I wear my bra it annoys me sooo much because the straps always fall down and I have to keep pulling them up every 10 seconds litarlly! I have to wear a bra and I don't like strapless ones that much. How can i feel the strap to stay up ?

If the straps are falling down you are probably wearing the wrong size bra. You should go to either a department store or a lingerie store to be measured. All women should be measured every couple of years or if they lose or gain weight.


Ask your mom to take you, you will feel alot better and if will make sure your back/shoulders remain in good shape.


Hope this helps.

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hya im 13 n i weigh 11 stone!! well ive lost half a stone naw but its taken me weeks i go 2 the gym n i generally eat healthy but im going on holiday soon i want to get down to atleest 9 half n thts in bout 4 weeks any1 hu has any ideas please write something quik.... im relli sad because of it fanks x

As someone who's lived in Ireland I know the stone system well, ok if you are in the UK or Ireland they have awesome weight watcher frozen dinners also drink plenty of water if you drink at least 10-12 lg glasses a day make sure that there is little salt in it as you will retain water with salt. The best exercises you can do to lose weight is walking, quickly, and swimming laps.

If you don't want to go the frozen meal way then here is what you do: do not eat 3 times a day, eat six small meals instead, this is the way our bodies were actually built to eat. Eat more green vegatables then anything as they contain the least calories, also lots of protein (meats, nuts etc..) and very few carbs but DO eat some carbs otherwise you will get really ill.

Eat your biggest meals in the mornings, medium in the afternoon and small in the evening. Also try not to eat after 6pm as you won't burn anything after that.

Hope this helps

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does anyone know other sayings people liked to say-anything, if you can remember from elementary to middle school, high school. For example, "I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." Or "That's what you are but what am I?" "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." or like spell icup, etc

Anything, doesn't have to be from that category of comebacks.

OMG there are soooo many, here are a few of my fave's

- When life hands you lemons....stuff 'em in your bra can't hurt might help

-What am I flypaper for freaks?

-I like you, you remind me of when I was young and stupid

-I don't know what your problem is but I bet its hard to pronounce

-I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter

I seriously have like a million that I use (people say I am a tad sarcastic...welllll maybe more then a tad..) if you need or want more just ask.

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if someone is smoking downstairs in front of the stove is it better to be upstairs or downstairs to not breathe it in as much?

also what is the thing on top of the stove called-it sucks the smoke or whatever but doesnt work that well

Actually smoke rises so it will get into the vents and affect you more if you are upstairs.

It is a fan above the stove, the best thing a person can do to get rid of smoke from a cigarette is to light a candle or two, it actually absorbs the smoke. So if whoever is smoking your best bet is to ask them to light a candle and stay downstairs.

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what download programs are people using nowadays? limewire?

Personally I prefer Morpheus, also if you want programs try download.com, they have good recommendations.


Hope this helps

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WELL my friend is way over weight...and she wears a 2 peice, and she looks really sick in it. She's really just embarassing herself by wearing it. How do i tell her this!? Or should i just let her embarass herself?...Help..its really sick!!

As a person who hates to see bad fashion happen to good people I would ask her why she likes it, maybe she feels attractive in it or maybe thats all she has and has no choice. At the end of the day though being a friend doesn't mean turning a blind eye to mistakes our friends make or decsions we don't agree with it means caring enough to tell the truth, even when it may hurt the other person. I mean would you rather hear something like this from a friend or from someone who is teasing or being mean??


As someone who would rather the truth then a lie this is what I would do.

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I wouldnt say that I'm frightened of death, but I am very frightened by the process of dying, particularly thru illness. As with most people, I have unfortunately known people in my life to have developed cancer or something similar, and died from it.The thought that this can happen terrifies me, and I cant understand why no one else seems to feel the same way. Can anyone tell me; generally, do you know if you have a cancer early enough for it to be treated? Is it common for a cancer to develop inside you and for you to have no idea until it's too late? Thank you, I rate fives.

First of all cancer is generally caught early espcially if you are aware and know your body. Go for regular check-ups with your doctor and also if cancer runs in your family then talk to your doctor about genetic testing, what happens is they can test you to see if you carry a gene that increases the risk that you will develop cancer.

Other then that worrying actually is worse for your body then most toxins so try and not think about it, hard I know but at least if you are armed with the facts you will be healthy for a very long time.

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i feel like my mom is my little sister. she acts like a little girl that likes to look through all my stuff just like a little girl would do. and it really is like she's a little sister because i get blamed for all of the things she does. everybody tells me not to let her do this and not to let her do that. so, i'm confused. because, on one had she is my mother, so i do have to listen to her but on the other hand, she's acting like a little girl so i'm constantly arguing with her. i can't handle the way she's being

what can i do?

First off her going through your stuff sucks and while she shouldn't there is not alot you can do about it except make sure that anything that you don't want her to see is either hidden really well or on your person. As for others blaming you for her behaviour and telling you not to allow her to do things, remind them in a very clear way that YOU ARE THE CHILD NOT THE PARENT.

If she can't handle being a grown up then the people who are telling you to be one need to confront her.

Hope this helps.

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Can anyone tell me how long it takes for all the scabbing to go away when you first get a tattoo? I got this really nice tattoo the other day & it looks pretty ugly right now. Thanx.

It depends on how fast you heal, everyone is different. For the tattoo I got on my ankle it took around 2 weeks or so, but after the first few days as long as you are putting cream on it 3-4 times a day it is not all that noticable except to touch. Make sure though that when it starts to itch (and believe me it will!!)do not scratch, it will take the pigment (colour) out of your tattoo.

Hope this helped!

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i have this cousin who is 15 and im 13 and he is so hot and he has been checking me out and i was wondering (we are blood related) what would happen if we made out or worse.

First of all this is not incest as many people have replied. Incest while can be between blood relatives most professionals don't count cousins. Also are you first cousins? If not then the situation is different. As for all these people going about deformed children well a. you are 13 and I assume not planning on kids in the near future, second the actual risk of genetic deformities while increased is not a definite.

If you just make out nothing is going to happen, I would ask the question though why would you start something like this when you know the outcome will probably end up hurting you? Also you are both right in the middle of the biggest hormonal change in your life, so everything seems alot more attractive then it will in a few years.

I would take some space and think about the not only the pros and cons but about how would you feel about yourself after if anything did happened? I would also maybe talk to someone you really trust about this and have them help you decide whats right.

Hope this helps and if you want to talk further you can contact me.

As per your comment - just don't get too caught up in illusion so you miss all the great guys you could be with in reality!!! :)

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i've been told that if you don't eat enough your body will go into starvation mode, and it will actually cause you to gain weight.

is this true? because i was thinking and then how do people with anorexia (not that i'm going to become anorexic or anything) lose weight. because if they hardly eat anything, won't their bodies go into starvation mode and cause them to gain weight?

THANKS!

Hey there, Most of what others have said is true. I thought that I would add though that the reason that anorexics continue to lose weight is not only due to lack of food. It is also due to the fact that when you starve your body your body in order to "feed" will start eating its own muscle and fat tissue.

Just thought you would like the full reason.


Hope this helped.

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