Member Since: May 3, 2011
Answers: 1053
Last Update: December 12, 2012
Visitors: 30923
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Hello!
This is going to be difficult to express in text but I have been in a relationship for the first time in 4 years. I am very excited and I think I am ready but have felt really unsure of things the past two weeks. My relationship began unfortunately as a hook up. After about two months of a nearly only physical relationship I told the girl I had developed feelings for her and requested we started a committed relationship. After a week of grappling with the concept she obliged.
We have now been in an exclusive relationship for around 2 months. One of my biggest issues is I feel like I am the only one who initiates conversation, intimacy, etc. I was originally alright with this because I thought it was expected for the man in the relationship to to action most of the time? When I say take action we live near each other and she has never just popped in to say hello or requested we "do" anything (dating, talking, etc).
I think the three biggest struggles for me have been trust, intimacy, and interest. One night I told her about a health problem I have. I am a semi professional athlete and it was something I was nervous about. About a week later I was drinking with her at her sisters birthday and dropped the I am falling in love with you comment into conversation. It was not something I was planning on doing/saying but it came out. After I said this she darted off to the bathroom with her sister and the next day told me how troubled she was that I was moving to fast and on a different level. She said she usually dumps people who do this "sort" of thing?
Another thing that troubled me is often when opportunities for intimate encounters arise she claims to be tired. I have brought this up and it troubled me. I would say in 7 days we might be intimate 2 times a week. 50% of the time she claims to be tired and doesn't sleep well with other people around so I have to leave. I am a man, I try not to be selfish and want an emotional connection with this girl but sort of believe physical intimacy is important. She never seems to want me from what I can tell from her body language, etc. It's odd because I feel like sexually she is comfortable since our relationship started as a "hook up".
I guess where this ends is I am at a loss for solutions. I went out on a wim and tried to suprise her at work today and gave her a necklace since its close to christmas. I put her necklace on her and asked her to close her eyes and told her why she is beautiful to me and how happy she makes me. Later tonight I saw her again shortly and nothing was mentioned of the previous encounter, not even so much as a "thanks". I really was nervous about giving her the necklace and wanted to be spontaneous and special. To be honest I am a little devastated.
Maybe I am trying to hard, I really weighed my options. I love her personality, charm, how outgoing she is, and just her pure eloquent beauty. But her lack of emotional commitment to me from what I can tell just seems to not be there. Is this something that will come with time or should I end the relationship? I will indeed try to communicate this with her, but am not sure how to approach it since I feel like commitment already scares her.... (link)
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The problem with us men is that we are so into dominance and thus wanting to conquer problems that we sometimes keep at something long after it has become counterproductive.
She has some personal issues, and I think they are linked to a bad self image, that keeps her from fully emotionally committing to her partners. Deep down, she may feel that she doesn't deserve love and so she freaks out when someone says, "I love you" to her.
Listen, dude, it is not up to you to be her therapist. We are all alone in this world and we have to solve our own problems. She isn't in a place yet where she wants to confront her issues and so you are really wasting your time here. Moreover, continuing to pine after this girl when she isn't that emotionally and often sexually available to you makes you seem needy and clingy. So it is time you pull the plug on the relationship and find yourself a girl who will be willing to be present emotionally for you.
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why can't a guy text a girl without being a total creep? Every guy that texts me either want to have phone sex with me or talks about sex in general and asks me personal questions about my sex life. I'm a virgin. I plan on waiting atleast until I find the right person. I don't want to have phone sex with some random. I know the guys that are texting me, like they go to my school but I never talk to them in person. Why can't a guy just be friends with a girl? I'm 17 btw if that matter. I know that's all guys think about at that age but seriously how can they expect to get any if they're that creepy? I want a guy best friend, why is that so hard to find?!?! (link)
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The best way to deal with those texts is to ignore them and block those users. Guys often do that not just for the thrill of sending a sexual message to someone, but because they want to get a rise out of you. Don't take the bait. You're dealing with boys who have yet to grow up and you need to look at it in that context.
Half the population of this country has an IQ under 100. Remember that. It makes dealing with cretins easier to understand.
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I am 19/f and my bf is 17. I graduated high school this past year and had no choice but to move (another long story) and so we are in a long-distance relationship. We are both very faithful and much in love but I have been Having this problem lately... He has a crappy phone so I can't talk to him ear to ear on the phone, all we can do is text. Well when he finally texts me we don't talk much. I try extremely hard to carry conversations with him but the majority of his responses are yea, idk, what, why?, lol, or smiley face. It's like he doesn't know what to talk to me about and I have brought up the subject and we will have a understanding and he will change for maybe a day or two but then just goes back to texting me one worded messages. I just don't know what I can do or say to keep him talking and making sure our relationship isn't going dull???
Thank you, One Word Annoyance
P.S. Would like to not only have advice from girls, but also if any guys can answer please do! (link)
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Sorry kid, but guys don't rewarded by society for being as verbal as girls. We get rewarded for what we do, not how we communicate to our significant others. I personally hate talking on the phone and so does just about every guy I've ever known (unless they're gay).
Guys tend to have a very mechanical way of looking at things (because that is how we are raised) and, to be frank, it's weird trying to have an intimate conversation while holding a phone. We would rather be there with you instead.
Now let's go to the other problem here: you guys are way too young to be getting tied down. You need to date around, explore life, learn how people operate, maybe live overseas for a while after college and then once you have really grown up (which is generally after you turn 25) then you can begin making decisions as to who you want for a lifetime partner. At your present ages, though, making that decision would be entirely premature.
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well i met this guy a few months back through a friend. and started living with him cause i had no where else to go. he was a man whore, meaning he hooked up with 3-4 girls at a time, but i didn't intend to stay long so it didn't bother me. a couple months later i found out i was pregnant, but beore i could leave his house his friends told him. he decided he wanted to keep it. we moved states so he wouldn't be tempted to cheat and for the first few months it was fine. i'm currently 6 1/2 months pregnant and lately he has always been online talking to other girls. i don't have any family around, so i'm really scared that if he cheats i couldn't do anything. i've asked him about it, and he says he isn't doing anyything wrong. but he's always on there talking to numberous girls. what should i do? i'm 19 and this is my first child... (link)
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Please, please, please, think about putting your child up for adoption and then you get your ass back in school. Your man is a completely dysfunctional loser and losers love nothing more than to drag others down with them. And he appears he is ready to pull you and your kid down the drain with him.
It is obvious neither of you is ready to be a parent, which is why I recommend you allow your child to be adopted. Recognize that you screwed up bad in who you chose to partner with, learn from it and make plans to extricate yourself out of the hole you're in. Don 't just drift along hoping for the best. You gotta make it happen yourself.
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I don't know what's wrong with me, but I ALWAYS seem to go after the guys who are either in a relationship, or in this case married. There's this married guy, only two years older than me, so it's not like he's old or anything, who has been giving me some pretty strong signals. We flirt all the time. And it's reached the point where I'm actually wanting to hook up with him due to all the sexual attraction. What do I do? I know it's wrong because he's married...but he's not making it easy on me to just forget about it. So what are some things that we can do to go beyond flirting but not full on cheating? (link)
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I want to explore the psychological dimension of this: you seem drawn to men who aren't really that available, either physically or emotionally. Would this be a good description of how you relate to your dad? Is he there for you or is he distant or just not present in your life? Women often repeat in their personal lives what they experience at home (humans, like all animals, tend to be most comfortable with what they know). If this describes you, I would strongly urge you to avoid getting entangled in any relationships for the time being, especially with a married guy, for crying out loud, and see a therapist so that you can work the issue out and then move on to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
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I really like this guy but im 12 and he is in the nineth grade. But we talk alot of facebook. But he cousins with my cousin but im one her moms side and he on her dads side.What do i should i stop likeing him cuz its werid or is that OK.And its ok cuz im in the 7th grade.But my our families know each other (link)
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First, the age thing isn't an issue. You're only two years apart agewise. So that isn't a concern. Thus the only problem would be if you guys are first or second cousins because if you have sex that would technically be incest (depending on the state you live in). But if it is more distant than that then just go for it and don't overthink liking him. I would advise you to put off sex for a few years, though. Generally teenage boys aren't psychologically equipped to make a sexual relationship emotionally satisfying for the girl.
Also, keep this in mind: your chances of any relationship you have before you have graduated college becoming permanent are just about non-existent. So don't see any relationship you have between now and when you turn, say, 21, as the be all and end all because your sensibilities are still evolving and your attitudes are going to change a lot. Therefore, just have fun together and try to explore as much of life as you can.
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I am a 45 tear old engineer who has been with the same girl since I was 16. I just found out she has been having a long term graphic affair with a co-worker. She got a new cell phone and I was going to use her old one. She left 700 texts on the phone and I am heart broken. I don't want to live anymore. It is as my entire life has been a lie. Instead of being remorseful she became angry and has blamed me for her affair. I don't know how to pick up the pieces. (link)
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Dude, she had the affair without discussing with you what was troubling her about your relationship. Or so it appears, anyway. Either that or she has tried to convey her concerns and you sloughed them off or you were just too lazy to try to change things. Or her communication skills are lacking. From your post it is just too hard to say.
Also, you gotta stop watching so much tv. "My entire life has been a lie"? Real people don't talk like that and it is way overdrawn like something you would see in a bad soap opera.
I think the first mistake you guys made was getting tied down at such an early age. Both of you missed out on that exploratory phase of life where you would have developed a broader sense of what you want and how to handle other people in intimate situations. The thing with us guys is that we often expect women to keep acting like they did when we first met them. The problem is that not only are dating and living with someone completely different propositions, but people's sensibilities evolve over time and what you may have wanted at 16 you find you have no interest in at all at 40 and vice versa.
Your relationship with your current wife has likely run its course. It happens. Don't turn this into a big melodrama. Step back emotionally from the situation, coolly analyze it and see what you can learn from it. Then file for divorce and move on with your life. Don't be so needy. Half the marriages out there are marked by affairs. So you aren't alone in that.
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this morning I stopped behind a car at a red light. I looked away and must have taken my foot off the break and bumped into him. I have a half square shaped dent, it's not anything bad. I had hit the square attachment to his suv that is used to haul things. (I guess that's it's use) however. police were called and info was exchanged, the usual. the cop noted that there was NO VISIBLE DAMAGE to his car but I didn't have a minor dent. my questions is will my insurance rates rise? the officer said that if the man decides to have his car looked at there is a small fee my insurance would pay. will that raise my rates? I'm 17. so I'm worried. (link)
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Yeah, your rate will likely go up, though considering how minor the damage was I don't think it would be anything extreme.
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I am a guy and my girlfriend and I have never had sex. But with clothes on i have stuck my penis near her vagina. I am afriad that I might of accidently gotten her pregnent. Do you think it is possible? She is also a virgin too...? (link)
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You don't say how you guys were dressed when the alleged incident happened. It is generally very tough for a sperm to get through clothing to impregnate someone. So if she does get knocked up, make sure that you demand a DNA test to confirm it's yours, unless, of course, there was more going on than you are letting us in on.
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im in my final year of school and okai ive been gtting really close to this guy hes in his first year of college by the way hes my freinds ex but she knows and is completely fine with it she is in a relationship and has been for about 9 months.yh so we've been full on flirting and talking everyday for a while now but the thing is hes my one of my teachers sons so now whenever i see this mum in school i feel really awkward and bad that i and her son are as close as we are do but its not just pointless flirting we have said we like each other. I barley go a day with out thinking about him or something reminding me of him so im not gonna stop talking to him so don't say that. my question is should i feel bad about us liking eachother or am i just being over thinking about how his mum would react to us??? thanxxxxx (link)
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You are overthinking this. Just go for it. The fact that he is the son of one of your teachers is completely irrelevant.
One way to perhaps look at this is to see your relationship with your teacher as just business and your relationship with the guy as, well, a relationship. So stop hesitating and become a couple!
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20/f
Okay so I have a boyfriend, we've been together for a while and I love him very deeply. We plan on getting married once I'm finished with college. My problem is, I think I may be addicted to porn. I am so horny every day, and feel the urge to masturbate. This has been going on since I was 13. I go through phases where I won't look at it for months, but ever since this past September, I look at it almost every day. My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life, and have sex often. But I STILL feel the constant urge to watch porn. I know it can't physically harm me, but is this healthy? Or normal? (link)
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If your boyfriend isn't complaining about it and you are getting it on with him eight to the bar then no problem. It is only an addiction when it causes issues. Try not to spend any more than an hour a day looking at it.
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There is this guy I like and I thought he seemed interested in me to but as I'm now realizing he talks to many other girls too. He calls and texts me a lot but I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm over reacting but I don't like that. I don't want to waste my time if he's just going after everyone. What would you do? (link)
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If he isn't your boyfriend you don't own him and he doesn't owe you anything. Relax and either ask him out or stop being such a control freak.
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so me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost 4 months now, and well for the past 4 months i have done many things behind his back like hangout with other guys lied to him and recently he found i was still talking with my ex. he got upset to the point he had enough but he gave me one last chance he said if i could prove to him things were different he would forget everything. i'm not sure what to do anymore i want to keep my relationship but we fight everyday what should i do? (link)
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Good thing for you your boyfriend is a pussy. Because any self respecting guy would have hit the eject button on you a long time ago. Sorry, gotta call 'em like I see 'em.
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21 female
So last night me and my boyfriend were having sex. It was just missionary style -he was on top. It was all fine until I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, but not go pee but poop. So embarrassing right! Or it also felt like I could fart, I was trying to hold it in. The thing is that when we were done ...I didn't have that feeling anymore. Do you think I really had to poop/fart or was it just something that he did that made me feel like this? Ahh I don't want this to happen again! I kept having this feeling like I had to hold it in so i wouldn't do it.
Sorry this may be too graphic or something but I just want to know if I really had to go or if it had something to do with us having sex. (link)
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Sometimes unpleasant things occur at the most inopportune time. Everybody experiences it. Don't worry about it.
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I'm a 19 year old male of mixed race. My life has been a nightmare starting with my childhood. I was beaten by my religious fanatic father regularly, and was molested by my babysitters 12 year old daughter at the age of 7. Every close friend I made from kindergarten to elementary school moved away. I began setting fires and choking dogs and hamsters from a young age, and have always wanted to kill people. I have been bullied throughout my life for various reasons, and at one point planned on shooting up my high school. I was kicked out of 2 high schools for fighting and subsequently attempted suicide twice. I have been to psychiatric hospitals and have been in counseling for years. I seem to only attract emotionally abusive women, and my friends always betray me. I see no value in human life, and could easily torture anyone to death, even my whole family and feel nothing. I don't have any emotions and I don't think there is nothing I can do to change at this point. What should I do? (link)
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What you are doing is committing acts of rage. You are also re-enacting in your personal life what you saw in your home life. This is very common. I can't really tell you much beyond what your counselors already have only to say to try to step back and look at this rationally. By continuing to act out you are only allowing your dick of a dad continue to have power over you. You can get back at him by becoming a rational, successful human being. But to do that, you are going to have to ask yourself, "what the fuck am I doing this shit for?" and compartmentalize what happened in your past from what you want to be.
You feel cheated and marginalized and that is understandable, but if you calm down, relax and stay out of environments where dysfunctional people tend to congregate (bars, for example) then you will find yourself in a more positive situation and mindset.
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I'm twelve years old and I'm stuck in class with fourteen year olds. The work is pretty straightforward and easy, but I always feel out of place when around other girls. They're all very nice, but they wear makeup, short skirts, tight tops, and high heels, and I'm always in sweatpants. They all seem so flawless and sophisticated, but my hair and face are always greasy and acne is ruining my complexion. Even worse, guys won't even look at me! I'm so sick of being the odd one out! (link)
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Sweety, you have barely started developing physically and emotionally. Give yourself some time to catch up. You can only be you, you cannot be anyone else. 14 year old girls are in no way sophisticated either, believe me. You don't need to idolize people that don't deserve it. So relax and let nature take its course. Your time will come.
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im 15 i`m in my in my final year of school 4 years ago i started cutting myself wen my mum got attacked and confined to a wheel chair a year ago i found out my dad wasnt my dad it was actually a bipolar drug addict who beat my mum and forgot i had been born...just under a year ago i tried to kill my self my friends and family think im better but in fact i want to die more than ever i know i should tell them but i just cant they will send me back in to counciling and the process will repeat its self every time i cut they gt deeper and i know i wont be strong enough to control my self when things get to much i dont know what to do anymore i just need help. what should i do? (link)
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These people thinking that religion is going to keep you from wanting to commit suicide have their heads up their backside.
You seem to be feeling overwhelmed and cornered. You also seem to be taking the problems your parents brought into your life too much to heart and blaming yourself for them. Here is my advice:
1. Step back from this emotionally.
2. RATIONALLY sum up the situation as far as your parents are concerned.
3. Ask yourself, "why should I blame myself for any of this and why should I let these obviously immature, mentally ill people sabotage me?"
4. Suicide doesn't solve anything. You're just running away from the problem. Take it as a challenge to make plans as to how you can extricate yourself from the nonsense you have endured. Then once you've overcome the negativity you have been handed you will feel amazingly good about yourself. You gotta take a shot at making things better for yourself. Don't look at surrender as your default position.
5. Remember, the fault for what is going on in your life is your parents, not you. So put the blame where it needs to be, on your folks, and while so doing reaffirm in your mind that you are the good person you so obviously are.
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When my boyfriend and I get into the moment and begin touching eachother at first it feels really good and I moan and all though after he stops and I go to pleasure him when he tried pleasuring me again, I just don't feel it anymore until a couple of hours...?
I get over it for eg if he licks me out i love it and moan and then i pleasure him and when he comes back to me i'm over it, there's no feeling at all.
I'm still a virgina and i've never come before. (link)
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The guy isn't making you orgasm during foreplay? You need to tell him to start treating you right and take you to orgasm before he asks for stimulation or sex. The rest should take care of itself after that.
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So their is this guy....I like him...A LOT!! Every time I see him in the hall at school, I get all nervous..but at the same time..freakishly exited. He is an amazing guy, but most people don't think so. He treats me like a gf but we are just really good friends. Before you ask, yes, we have kissed before...we were hugging and he just lened in and kissed me, it kinda turned into a makeout thing though... well, I'm getting caried away a little, haha. So..back to him...he is an amazing guy, but most people don't think so because he smokes and does a lot of bad stuff..but when I'm around him, I kinda forget that and look past it. He says that he wants to date, but he needs to get to know me more. The thing is, him and my best friend are literally like about to kill eachother because they hate eachother soo much. She used to date him, but she kept dumping him because she thought he was cheating on her, but he wasent. he is super nice to me too. So yea, my friend hates him,and he hates her. Anyone kno wut I'm sopposto do??? I want to get them to not hate eachother AS MUCH. But the thing im afraid of is her hating me if i do end up dating him. So what do you guys soppose i do abou this?? Thanks! (link)
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You can't control the feelings of others. So you're going to just have to deal with it when you get even closer to the guy and your friend hits the roof. That means you have a choice: who is more important to you: your friend or the guy you want to get with? You can have one but not both. Also, if the guy cheats on you you will have no right to complain since you had been warned about his reputedly dubious character. Choose carefully.
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Ahh I need advice xD. So, I'm in a little dilemma with my boyfriend. We have a lot of trust in our relationship but last night I feel as though it was diminished quite a bit, off of just a misunderstanding. ( a pointless one at that,truly, I'm losing my mind over here!)
(This is going to take a lot to explain, but please read, I just need some feedback and you guys are awesome)
Anywho, my boyfriend and I were hanging out and I went to check my facebook- when our friend Steve messaged me. Steve often messages me these pointless stoner-like things, and me, being a friendly person, will usually just be random have a stupid conversation. This has been happening for months, but I've never been flirty in ANY way nor have I talked to Steve outside of the "facebook messaging realm".
Now in my boyfriends eyes, Steve has a history of "trying to steal his girlfriends". He's told me in the past Steve either took his girl or got them to be uninterested in him every time. Of course I knew this, but was I really in the wrong for just conversing with Steve? Steve is still a friend of mine, but I'd never see him in that way, and I'm not that ditsy of a chick to fall for any of whatever this kid would even try to pull.
And so,
Once my boyfriend saw that I've been talking (if you could even call it THAT) to Steve, he completely blew it out of proportion. He acted as though I was cheating on him, or two-timing him in some way. He dished out that I never told him Steve was messaging me, and said I lied to him, and overall made me feel really bad. And urged me not to talk to him anymore.
Honestly, I don't give a fuck if I talk to Steve, but the whole point is now I'm stuck with a huge slash of guilt and distrust from this miniscule little incident. And I'm loosing my mind as to HOW to make it better, and if I'm even in the fault! Or what to even say to him about it now!
I told him I was sorry, and that I wouldn't message Steve back anymore, but really, I feel like I'm sounding like that typical crazy girlfriend with this. Granted,I can totally see where he was coming from- if he was talking to one of my friends for months I'd be pissed off as well. Also the history of Steve adds a toll. I just have never been in this situation :/.. any form of advice as to what to do next or what I can say would really help! Thanks so much! (link)
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Listen kiddo, you disregarded your boyfriend's feelings about this issue. And what is especially aggravating to your man is that he thinks you're an attention whore since it doesn't seem like attention just from him is enough for you. And, to be frank, I would read you the riot act and then tell you to take a hike if you didn't comply.
So here is your choice: you can have either the conversations with Steve or keep your current boyfriend but you can't have both. So choose one or the other. And whoever is on the losing end completely ignore them once you tell them to get lost.
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