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Instead of being remorseful she became angry and has blamed me for her affair. I don't know how to pick up the pieces.
I am a 45 tear old engineer who has been with the same girl since I was 16. I just found out she has been having a long term graphic affair with a co-worker. She got a new cell phone and I was going to use her old one. She left 700 texts on the phone and I am heart broken. I don't want to live anymore. It is as my entire life has been a lie. Instead of being remorseful she became angry and has blamed me for her affair. I don't know how to pick up the pieces.
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Dude, she had the affair without discussing with you what was troubling her about your relationship. Or so it appears, anyway. Either that or she has tried to convey her concerns and you sloughed them off or you were just too lazy to try to change things. Or her communication skills are lacking. From your post it is just too hard to say.
Also, you gotta stop watching so much tv. "My entire life has been a lie"? Real people don't talk like that and it is way overdrawn like something you would see in a bad soap opera.
I think the first mistake you guys made was getting tied down at such an early age. Both of you missed out on that exploratory phase of life where you would have developed a broader sense of what you want and how to handle other people in intimate situations. The thing with us guys is that we often expect women to keep acting like they did when we first met them. The problem is that not only are dating and living with someone completely different propositions, but people's sensibilities evolve over time and what you may have wanted at 16 you find you have no interest in at all at 40 and vice versa.
Your relationship with your current wife has likely run its course. It happens. Don't turn this into a big melodrama. Step back emotionally from the situation, coolly analyze it and see what you can learn from it. Then file for divorce and move on with your life. Don't be so needy. Half the marriages out there are marked by affairs. So you aren't alone in that.
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Counseling isn't going to solve the problem, Counseling comes with agreeing to go, Work on the problem and accepting that there IS a problem.
The first step towards moving on is filing for a divorce, If you feel you are having suicidal thoughts then I suggest you get yourself into some counseling for you to help you cope with the situation. Breakups/Divorces/Separation is hard but it isn't hard enough that it's impossible to overcome. Grieving comes to play when someone looses someone they love but you know what else?...So doesn't learning to accept the situation. Sometimes pain doesn't fully heal itself but our open wounds aren't open forever.
She became remorseful because she was caught, Many people who are caught doing something wrong are in denial and don't want to come clean. Some do eventually and some never do. The user below me was right, At the end of the day it all comes down to the fact that you caught her red handed.
Your first step is divorce and your second should be seeing a therapist for mental support. It's a one step at a time process and nothing is impossible to conquer.
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Sometimes when someone gets caught they are in denial. At the end of the day you have the 700 texts to prove she was having an affair with someone. At this point the ball is in your court about what you can do. You can either fix it or you have to move on. If you want to fix it maybe go to couples counseling and work the problems that may be in your relationship.
As for the comment you made "I don't want to live anymore", I'm sure you may feel that way now but there is no reason why a person can make you feel that way. Yes she hurt you but don't punish yourself because of it. Relax and think about what you need or what you want to come out of this situation. Good luck!
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dude, that sucks. well, this gives you grounds for a divorce without any of that alimony crap.
If you still want to stay with her, its gonna take some serious counselling.
If you guys do stay together, and she realizes how poorly she has been asking and is genuinely sorry about the affair, just remember to not lord that shit over her for the rest of your lives.
good luck
-Gunner
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