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i dont know how to tell my freinds and family i still want die
im 15 i`m in my in my final year of school 4 years ago i started cutting myself wen my mum got attacked and confined to a wheel chair a year ago i found out my dad wasnt my dad it was actually a bipolar drug addict who beat my mum and forgot i had been born...just under a year ago i tried to kill my self my friends and family think im better but in fact i want to die more than ever i know i should tell them but i just cant they will send me back in to counciling and the process will repeat its self every time i cut they gt deeper and i know i wont be strong enough to control my self when things get to much i dont know what to do anymore i just need help. what should i do?
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Okay, lets put things in their proper prospective. Your not going to kill yourself. Your too smart for that. Your 15 and in the final year of school tells me that. Your also asking us for help that's is the biggest reason that say you are not. Getting your life in order is always helpful but you are not responsible for anything that you have written about other than your attempt at suicide. Everything else was beyond your control and is the cause of the depression you feel.
Now as for the cutting that is a big problem and a sign you are deeply hurt and depressed. Let me offer an alternative to cutting. Find a large thick rubber band and let it hang loosely from your wrist. When you feel like cutting yourself snap the rubber band against your wrist. This will do two things. First it is not dangerous. Second you can do it anywhere anytime. You do not have to go off and hide.
Now going back into counseling is the right thing to do. You cannot overcome the problems you have that is causing your depression without it. Trained clinicians and possibly some medication are what you need to deal with your problems. Lets face facts here. Being a teenager today comes with enough problems. You have the additional problems of being ahead of your age group in school and those that you have written about.
In my estimation anyone your age would find these things hard to deal with and be in need of help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. What you need to do is take the help that you ask for with an open mind and willingness to succeed in getting better.
It would appear from what you have written you are a product of your mother being raped. This does not mean your mother loves you any less. I'm sure she loves you a lot. She had choices before you where born but she chooses to have you.
As for your biological father, forget him. He was nothing more than a fertilizer salesman who made a forced sale. Your real father is the one who provided for you. Was there for you as grew and in every way was a parent to you. He may not be your biological father but he is his your dad and you should love him all the same and maybe even more.
Here is a number I would like you to call: 1-800-273-TALK. It is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. It is open 24/7 365 days a year. They will help you find a crisis center near you who will help you get the right help you need. They will also stay on the phone with you as long as necessary if you are in crisis. Please call them.
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These people thinking that religion is going to keep you from wanting to commit suicide have their heads up their backside.
You seem to be feeling overwhelmed and cornered. You also seem to be taking the problems your parents brought into your life too much to heart and blaming yourself for them. Here is my advice:
1. Step back from this emotionally.
2. RATIONALLY sum up the situation as far as your parents are concerned.
3. Ask yourself, "why should I blame myself for any of this and why should I let these obviously immature, mentally ill people sabotage me?"
4. Suicide doesn't solve anything. You're just running away from the problem. Take it as a challenge to make plans as to how you can extricate yourself from the nonsense you have endured. Then once you've overcome the negativity you have been handed you will feel amazingly good about yourself. You gotta take a shot at making things better for yourself. Don't look at surrender as your default position.
5. Remember, the fault for what is going on in your life is your parents, not you. So put the blame where it needs to be, on your folks, and while so doing reaffirm in your mind that you are the good person you so obviously are.
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Listen your not the only one:) all you have to do is pray to god every night! Or just say phillipians 4:13 about 10 or 20 times a night or when you get angry...i can do all things through christ which strengthens me...that will probably do the trick. Or another solution is just take deep breaths and think positive:) hope this helps:) im praying for you.
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My dear,
Im Anna and i am sorry for all you had to go through...It is not right to kill yourself. You will go to hell and that is ETERNAL PUNISHMENT~~ really bad place to be!
Jesus made you because he loves you so much and he gave you suffering so you can offer it to him and be good so you can go to heaven with Him when you really die naturally. do not be selfish- try to see the whole world, others have it FAR WORSE than you have- seriously... and why dont you help other people and you will feel better.... try answering some of the columns here.. other kids need your help too! and they would be happy if you can think of them also!
THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING we may not know it yet but there is.
Say this prayer with me:
LORD, WHEN I LOOSE HOPE BECAUSE MY PLANS HAVE COME TO NOTHING, HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT YOUR LOVE IS ALWAYS GREATER THAN MY DISAPPOINTMENTS AND YOUR PLANS FOR MY LIFE ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN MY DREAMS. aMEN.
You will be alright, distract yourself, keep busy doing something for others and il be praying for you too...
go talk to a priest in confession, you dont have to be catholic or anything, just try to open up to a priest about your situation and i really wish you well!
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