Question Posted Saturday November 19 2011, 12:37 pm
I'm a 19 year old male of mixed race. My life has been a nightmare starting with my childhood. I was beaten by my religious fanatic father regularly, and was molested by my babysitters 12 year old daughter at the age of 7. Every close friend I made from kindergarten to elementary school moved away. I began setting fires and choking dogs and hamsters from a young age, and have always wanted to kill people. I have been bullied throughout my life for various reasons, and at one point planned on shooting up my high school. I was kicked out of 2 high schools for fighting and subsequently attempted suicide twice. I have been to psychiatric hospitals and have been in counseling for years. I seem to only attract emotionally abusive women, and my friends always betray me. I see no value in human life, and could easily torture anyone to death, even my whole family and feel nothing. I don't have any emotions and I don't think there is nothing I can do to change at this point. What should I do?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category? Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health? VoiceofReason answered Wednesday November 23 2011, 11:20 am: What you are doing is committing acts of rage. You are also re-enacting in your personal life what you saw in your home life. This is very common. I can't really tell you much beyond what your counselors already have only to say to try to step back and look at this rationally. By continuing to act out you are only allowing your dick of a dad continue to have power over you. You can get back at him by becoming a rational, successful human being. But to do that, you are going to have to ask yourself, "what the fuck am I doing this shit for?" and compartmentalize what happened in your past from what you want to be.
You feel cheated and marginalized and that is understandable, but if you calm down, relax and stay out of environments where dysfunctional people tend to congregate (bars, for example) then you will find yourself in a more positive situation and mindset. [ VoiceofReason's advice column | Ask VoiceofReason A Question ]
Carriebeca answered Monday November 21 2011, 12:32 pm: Up until now, your life has been a reaction to your upbringing. Setting fires, abusing animals, fighting and attempting suicide are all signs of extreme anger at what has been done to you.
Whatever anyone else says or does for you, only you can change your life into something worthwhile. You know this somewhere deep down; you've tried relationships, looking for love, friendship, stability and commitment but they fell apart for whatever reason.
Have you explained to your counsellor how you feel? Sounds as if you need to go a bit further and seek medical help with your emotional state, feeling as numb as you describe is not good.
Get help now before the situation escalates into something that cannot be put right. You know you need help, or you wouldn't have asked for advice. Take this advice - find help. Let me know how this turns out and if you do turn your life around. Keep in touch if you need to offload some of that tension you feel and you need a friendly ear. Take care of yourself? [ Carriebeca's advice column | Ask Carriebeca A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Sunday November 20 2011, 7:04 pm: Asking for help tells me that somewhere deep inside there is a good person trying to get out. Psychiatry is not truly an exact science. Sure they can medicate you into a compliant state but you become somewhat of a walking zombie as well.
One thing I have personally found out about psychotherapy is it works best when you are totally comfortable with your therapist. Sometimes this takes a few tries to find that therapist you can be comfortable with.
As for being a psychopath; I'm not a psychiatrist so I can't make that diagnosis. I can see that you have a problem personality. Can that be labeled a personality disorder, same answer. What I can see from what you have written is that it appears you have every right to have a problem personality. You have not had anything near an ideal childhood.
I am going to recommend you contact a group called RAINN. They are a national Network that specializes on helping people that have been abused. The name RAINN actually stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. While I'm not sure the volunteer that answers your call can be of too much help. what I am sure of is they can help you find a physician you will be comfortable enough with to get the treatment you need and have the best chance of success. Their hotline number is, 1-800-656-HOPE. This number is answered 24/7. Please call them. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
NinjaNeer answered Sunday November 20 2011, 3:42 pm: Because you're here, asking this question, that implies that you do feel some sort of regret for the past. That's good... that's some sort of connection to the world.
You're not going to find anyone here who can heal you. You'll find a lot of well-meaning teenagers, and a few adults who know a lot about life, but you won't find a psychiatrist who knows your entire case history and biology.
That said, I have a mental disorder of my own, have been in psychiatric hospitals a few times now, have attempted suicide, and had some serious trouble with relationships until the last 5 years. So I sort of know where you're coming from on that front.
Look, you sound like a smart person, based on your writing skills and your grasp of reality. Use that. You may not feel for other people, but surely you can understand that to hurt them would cause negative repercussions for you. It's a matter of doing the right things because they need to be done to keep you alive and well.
As for your friends and relationships, that can be difficult with a mental health issue. People can be jerks once they find out a situation isn't simple. I got through it by keeping my distance from new people until I was sure I could trust them and by being very selective in who I kept around. That way I didn't open myself to being hurt so easily, and I met some great people who have been there for me even when things get really bad.
Keep up the counseling. If you're going to a psychiatrist, keep doing that as well. Just remember that nobody's hopeless. My husband was told at one point early in our relationship that there was no hope for me; that I'd always be the way I was. Things have changed with the right treatment. I know every disorder is different, but you never know when they'll crack yours. And if all else fails, pragmatism rules. Any species' main goal is to keep existing. Doing the right things will cause you to keep existing in a way that you want to exist (i.e. not in prison or the hospital) [ NinjaNeer's advice column | Ask NinjaNeer A Question ]
hitler_the_goat answered Sunday November 20 2011, 2:37 am: well, you can't exactly fix that with duct tape.
consider doing an audit of yourself. what do you like about being you, and what do you not like? based off of that, change your behavior. you're not going to be able to change the fact that you're a psychopath, but you will become whats called a functioning psychopath.
its all about self control at that point.
-Gunner [ hitler_the_goat's advice column | Ask hitler_the_goat A Question ]
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