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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I have been seeing this guy for 2.5 years, we both came out of a bad breakup and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time. As time past I fell in love with him, he was in financial debt so I lent him money that he promised he would pay back, took out a loan as he told me he was selling a property and would have the money to pay me back which he lost and now in shortfall.
I believed what he was saying, he manipulated me into paying his bills etc as well and promised he would pay me back but never did. I had to ask to contribute to the loan otherwise he would not have paid me anything. Total is around $18,000.
In April this year he went from single to a relationship on his facebook and said he had to do that so girls would not go after him. During that time he told me that, a girl was hassling him and he owed her money, so asked me to call her for her bank account details. After I spoke with her she told me she was in love with him and I felt like I was in the same situation, he denied sleeping with her. I broke off seeing him because I had the suspicion he was seeing other women, which he denied. After I broke it off he said he wanted to move on and meet someone that his family would approve of, they would not approve of me as I am older than he by 12 years. I am 49 and he is 37. He kept wanting to see me, didn't want me finding anyone else.
Two days before Christmas he called and said he needed money as he was in trouble. I told him I didn't have any and could not get any as he has drained me dry. I recently found out that this guy is now engaged with a baby on the way with the girl he denied being in a relationship with in April.
I know this guy is not good for me and I want to cut him off but don't know how to do it as he owes me money. I have the feeling he will not pay me back as he has lied and cheated, not only with me but with the girl he is engaged with, as he was seeing me at the same time. So do I cut my losses and run and how should I handle it??
The Answer
Before you cut your losses completely, take a look at the paper trail. Can you sue him for all or a portion of the money he owes you?
Obviously you should not have a friendship or any sort of romantic relationship with with him anymore, but speaking to a lawyer about his debts does not mean being his friend. It's a pretty clear way to cut him out of your life. Although it might seem cruel to sue a man with a baby, it might be the kindest thing you can for his partner and their child by exposing his past manipulation and abuse of your trust, even if you only go after him for a small portion of what you can easily prove he owes you.
Gather your paperwork and e-mails togeather regarding the money you had given him, and speak to a lawyer.
If you never cohabitated, proving the money was a loan is easier than if you lived together and finances were shared. I really think you should consider taking this a legal route.
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The Question
is it weird that my boyfriend and I are wanting to have a baby? were both young, but very into this idea/choice were slowly making.
thoughts, ideas?
no put downs please!
The Answer
Weird to want? No. It's natural and normal.
More important question: Is it a good idea? Is having a baby a responsible moral choice right now?
No. Absolutely not. If you have to ask strangers if it's weird or not for you in your boyfriend to desire a baby, then you are absolutely too young, completely unprepared emotionally, and should not act on your desire at any point in the near future.
I really want a snow leopard, but the depth of my desire, and my partner's agreement and the depth of our being very into the idea of having a pet snow leopard, doesn't make it a good idea for us, or for the leopard.
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The Question
so I've had this friend, we met 4 years ago. I'm 24 now.. Started out as just friends (best friends) I was dating his friend... I tried a few times to leave my boyfriend, as the situation was bad, but couldn't. I ended up cheating on him with my friend. More than a few times. We had a 6 month thing going on behind my boyfriends back (please don't judge without knowing backgroud) well, he got into some trouble annd went to jail and then moved 3 hours away. I completely blocked him out of my life. A year later he messaged me and all those feelings came back. We spent 2 weeks together. I told him I could never be with him because I know the way he is (he's a womanizer) and he lashed back at me and said he couldnnnt ever be with me because of the way I am. He started dating this girl and told me he ciuldnt sleep with me anymore because he was going to be "faithful" just to proove a point. So I said screw it and stopped talking to him, even changed my phone number. He tried to contact me via myspace but I deleted my myspace shortly after. We didn't talk tor 2 years, and I called him 6 months ago, just to see how he had been... I was curious. We always had this connection as friends it was insane. Well we only talked a few times and left it at that. In the past two months he called me and was very persistant about seeing me. I told him at first it would not bea good idea, but finally gave in. I found out he has a girlfriend and we've slept tgether and fooled around in the past few months. He even sat on the phone with his girlfriend (knowing I was with him) and talked all mushy... they've been dating for 8 months now. He also said he is moving here, and moving his girlfriend here too... I really miss him, even just as friends, but he wants his cake and eat it too... I feel like I'm falling for him everytime I see him and I have to stop myself. I've obviously wanted to keep our friendship, trying to keep in contact forall theseyears.. but I don't know what he's thinking.
The Answer
Honestly, you need to stop asking what he is thinking.
Jus pay a bit more attention to what you know.
You know that he disrespected and betrayed both you and his girlfriend with his behavoir towards you both. You know he had sex with you behind her back.
You know that you can't be with him because of this completely unacceptable behavoir and you firmly suspect that you cannot be his friend without slipping into sleping with him. You've got good evidence of this being true.
If you can't be his friend, and not fool around with him, then you can't be his friend.
I don't think either of you are capable of being friends right now without crossing that line. Do you think you are capable of that? Do you think he is?
If you answered no to either of those questions, than as much as you might still care from him and miss him, the only respectful and fair thing to do is end the friendship.
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The Question
Alright well my boyfriend said that he had found a website that could hack into my blackberry and show him all my recent calls and texts. Well I've been having some conversations about our relationship that I'd rather him not see right now. Is there such a site and if so how can I prevent him from doing so?
The Answer
If he can, he is commiting a felony crime and you should report him to the police.
However, he probably can't do it. There would need to be spyware on your phone, at very least, to enable him to do this. Even then, it's very unlikely he is capable of it.
It's much more likely that he found a website that SAID it could do this for him, and he downloaded it and ended up with spyware on his phone or computer ;)
Also, once a relationship has reached a point where one person is threatening to hack into the phone of the other I think you can safely call this guy you EXboyfriend. There really isn't anything to be gained from continuing with him after that.
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The Question
Can you play Oblivion on a Mac computer? I've seen people play oblivion on high settings and their not having issues....
The Answer
I'm not the best person to answer this, but since you don't have any responses yet, I'll start and hope someone else improves on my limited knowledge...
No, and sort of.
The No is that Bethesda doesn't make their games for the Mac OS. (You have no idea how annoyed this makes me. I would love to play and mod the last two Fallout games easily, but alas I've not set myself up probably to do that on my Mac.)
The 'sort of' is that it is possible to install Widows on your Mac computer, and use your installed version of Windows to run software only meant for Windows.
Frankly, I'm not smart enough to walk you through this, maybe someone else will be, but if you have a licence for Windows, you can install the Windows OS on your computer in a few different ways.
You can probably do some googling to find out how, or you can hit up a tech savvy friend to walk you through it.
I haven't done this yet, since I haven't had the time since I got my Mac in the summer, but I plan on buying a friend a case of beer and giving them my Windows liscence key and asking them to dual boot my Mac so I can play the old Elder Scrolls games and Fallout New Vegas. (If you like Oblivion, You should try the Fallout games.)
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The Question
---- Hello again,Razhie! Wow, I thought I was one of the only few who spend thousands of words expressing themselves or their idea. Hypothetically, we might do well together fighting some battle, with words anyway.
---- Don't worry my "feeling" weren't hurt when you called me or it "shit","absurd","cheap', or "disgusting". Because, that's usually the response or attack someone gets when some people tried to dissect the thinking process of the people who are rather towards the left side of politics. Was that put mild enough for you? I hope that makes you feel more comfortable during this mental dissection or operation into the minds of some people who don't think like most everybody else. Yes, I agree not everybody should think alike completely but there are areas of our society where we need better analysts and planners of our education system, welfare programs, international trade policies and cooperation with the X-Files with their determination of keeping human DNA from being mixed with alien DNA which would create a new Human Hybrid! Now, before we get to the next issue ................NO, WAIT !! Relax, I was just trying to break the monotony of being too serious and add a little weird humor! Did it work?
----Let's try to get a deeper understanding of what is trying to be said about the state of mind of the far left wing citizens in our society. But, do you want to keep attacking me on how I worded the message that is trying to be delivered for people to think about?
----Why are you so hung up and focused on the fake Dr. and the fake GDS or otherwise known as Genetic Deficiency Syndrome? I guess you didn't like the way I delivered this "food for thought".
----The text of the partially fake report was not "completely and utterly a lie". Only the storyline was with humor and you should have realized that when you read "bad genetics in their POLITICAL family tree". But, maybe you were too emotionally wrapped up and affected by what you read by that point. That's okay, I understand the Human mind is not a mechanical machine but, the mental clutch can also slip some.
----Baby blue colored walls works well in soothing the disruptive spirit. Do you need baby blue colored walls in your pin? Hey, you're right! Direct personal insults are fun! But, we seem to be going in circles and I do find your response interesting. Such Vigor!
----It is not a "scam", and yes sometimes "the ends does justify the means". As long as it is done in a peaceful non-physically destructive way!
----Also, this was not a "tyrannical" nor "hateful act". My gosh, you are sounding like an enraged person that wants to only throw insulting rhetoric that makes no sense just because you are so mad. Wow. And it's a good thing you don't know what race I am or what race I may be mixed with. Because, I'm sure you would try to label me as a racist or one of those mixed raced racists! Which reminds me, I would like to ask their parents why they decided to create another race of people for our society to have to deal with. Oh, relax I just made that up and threw it in there but, I would love to see the expression on your face when you read it. No, I don't mean what was said there. But, you could have fun there, attacking me on that. But, you can't now because I retracted it!
----For many many years I have noticed how the far left liberals/Democrats are always the political party and the followers of, whom are the ones who do name-calling, untrue accusations, claims someone is a Nazi, a homophobe, etc. And wrongly cause a good Politician or other to have to spend most of their time proving those false accusations are not true. Just as I am doing here now with Razhie.
----Well,Razhie, I would like to thank you for helping me make my point about the mindset and the irrational behavior of the far left liberal when confronted with an opposing viewpoint. I did it rationally, cute, cleverly and a little bit humorously.
----And out of great respect and appreciation of the presence of this website, which I accidentally stumbled onto, I will no longer effectively change the format and expected subjects and conversations to be held on this website. My intentions were not to make anybody furious and mad but, to just interact in a civilized debate regarding an issue I felt was important to mention. And it should have been mentioned somewhere other than this website, for that I apologize. Thank you.
----
The Answer
Although I am glad you can at least recognize the misuse of the site, but you don’t really owe me any apology for that, I just hope if you choose to stick around you’ll keep the mandate in mind.
I am not enraged in the least. I suppose because I am not trying to be cute, or a little bit humorous, it could be seen that way. I hope you can believe that, but I expect an ‘angry liberal’ will be more of your expectation. However, I'm really not doing anything other than being consistent and clear about the point I feel is the most important to make with you, and it is not a political point at all.
That point is that the behaviour you chose to engage in is not morally acceptable. Lying for political gain is a tyrannical and hateful act in a literal sense. Please consider the techniques of deceit, media control and misinformation used by tyrants, and fictionalization of science and evidence used by those who hate based on race or creed or religion. I was being quite literal when I used these words. Your distortion of evidence in attempt to get illicit a particular emotional reaction from the public does stem from that traditional of misinforming for the sake of persuading people to act against others out of fear and hate.
At very least, you were not successful at be satirical. As much as I would like to believe that was your intention and you simply didn’t achieve it well, that’s difficult to accept as true in light of the purely ideological motivational claims from your last message to me.
I have not called you any names. I have, consistently and correctly, labelled, not you as a human being, but your behaviour on this site. You have mocked my sexuality with a spouse, called into the question the ethical management of this site, and belittled me in quite a few ways offering back handed compliments flowery insults and asking disparagement rhetorical questions. Again, this is akin to trolling: Attempts to say inflammatory things to illicit a certain response. It isn’t so much that it is hurtful, as it is frustrating. I have offered you the repeated respect of having faith in your honesty and genuine belief, even when I believe you are in error, and attempted not to laden down my responses with humours rhetoric, but worked from the assumption that we were having a conversation of substance.
All I have said, and continue to say, is that I do not accept that your behaviour in your initial post was ethically correct and provided my informed arguments for this position. In this post, I have added that I find it very difficult to believe that you were merely attempting to be satirical in light of your last follow-up with me. I have said before and will again that I believe that for the sake of the honest and respectful arguments you claim to support, that you should seriously re-evaluate your approach.
Once again, I cannot answer for every person with whom I share any viewpoint. Nor do I ask you too. All I ask, and continue to ask, is for you to recognize that you engaged in a behaviour that is quite objectively reprehensible, dishonest, at odds with what you are trying to achieve in your desire for rational, evidence-based discussion, and that spreading misinformation as you did comes from the toolbox of the very dishonest, power hungry pundits, entertainers and politicians, that you rail against.
I shall continue to ‘attack’ dishonesty and deceit, no matter who perpetrates it and liberals are no more innocent of this than conservatives are. I shall continue to argue that ‘ends justify the means’ is not an acceptable ethical perspective when it comes to how we share the ideas which will shape democracy and governance. I will continue to argue that representative democracy demands honest portrayal of the facts. I will continue to attempt to hold you that standard, myself to that standard, and the politicians I both agree with and disagree with to that standard of honest discussion of evidence. I do not accept that deceit which is simply “peaceful and non-physically destructive” is morally acceptable (neither do many courts of law! Has it occurred to you that if a Doctor by the name you used did exist working in the field you mention, continuing to spread the blurb you originally wrong on this site might justify a case of liable against you despite the fact you could easily claim you were peace and not physically harming them? That at very least should help you to see why your initial behaviour here was not defensible in a purely objective sense.)
I do hope you’ll continue to use this site, albeit in a honest fashion. Diverse, literate views are a great thing for those seeking advice from us. However, I’m probably not going to respond to another ‘non-advice’ question in my inbox again. That is against the rules of the site and we could both get banned for using questions as conversations as we have been doing.
Finally, just so we are totally clear. I am not arguing with you politically. I’m not terribly interested in that discussion with you with you right now. What I am arguing for is the WAY that discussion should take place. What I would appreciate if you would pay attention to is my arguments against your choices and behaviour used to promote your ideology in your initial post. I firmly believe it was inappropriate, and whatever our beliefs, we should all endeavour to behave with intellectual honesty.
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The Question
My girlfriend found out she's pregnant two weeks ago. When she told me she immediately said she was going to abort it and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I tried to tell her that I really would love to raise the baby, with or without her around.
I think she's making a drastic decision. I feel like if she seriously goes through with getting rid of the baby we created together then I'll be forced to dump her. I love her but I wouldn't be able to get over this sort of thing. We've been together for 2 years and this cold side of her is completely new to me. It's like I don't know her at all now.
I understand her not wanting to be a mom right now. I'm 22 and she's 21 and so we have a lot of time to make those sorts of family decisions. I would love to be a father already though, even if it means raising my son or daughter as a single parent. I know I could do it, and I would never make her be a part of raising him or her if she didn't want to.
I have a really good, reliable job. I have my own apartment. I have a great family support system. I'm in good health. I have a few younger brothers and sisters so I know what it means to bring home a newborn. I know I could do this, and it's what I want.
How can I convince her to give birth? I know about the rights of the woman and "her choice" but what about the rights of the man? I helped make this baby with her. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life, alone or otherwise, raising him or her. I want this baby. Is there anything, absolutely anything, I can do to keep him or her around? Somehow get some sort of custody? Please, help me. She has an appointment coming up and she just won't listen to what I have to say about this. She just has to give birth and from there I will take care of rest of the baby's life. Why won't she just listen?
The Answer
The rights of that man are to have an opinion, and to share it clearly. Until a fetus can be removed from a woman and grown in a test tube, that is all you have.
So share your opinion clearly and with good information. Look up the paper work that you could sign that would release her from financial obligation and make you the sole provider for the child. Tell her if she aborts you don't feel you can continue to be in a relationship with her. She deserves to know that truth, even if it's difficult for her to hear.
However, she also has a right to turn you down and have an abortion. Her window to get an abortion is closing quickly, so if you want to be heard, you are going to need to get yourself heard quickly.
I'm sorry for all the pain and struggle of this, but the only thing you are able to do is try to make her hear your alternative plans. In the end, you can't remove the nine months of life changing work, plus the early infancy stage where she will medically need to be present, from her shoulders, and it is up to her if she wants to take that on.
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The Question
What is the easiest way to get sticky tack off bc I've tried scratching it off didn't work out well:P please help Idk how to get it off??
The Answer
Goo Gone is great stuff. Every home repair kit should have some in it (but as someone who is totally and completely allergic to it) I'd also suggest trying to freeze it off the wall with ice cubes.
(Unless it is carpet, than I'd agree steam is your best bet: Goo-Gone is highly acidic and can leave stains.)
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The Question
Good morning Razhie! What is a troll? I have been called a Seagull while walking around the slot machines in Las Vegas. There, a Seagull is somebody who walks around the slot machines looking for somebody who mistakingly left money in the slot machine. I wasn't looking for money that people left in the machines, I was enjoying looking at all the nice machines and the people enjoy using the slot machines. But, some close minded jerk decided to label me for something that I was not. I guess it's easier to call someone a name without being more specific about the certain characteristic about that person that you want to complain about. Like here as you want to complain to me about how I presented an issue that I think is very important that more people should be thinking about.
When you read this report of mine, and as you came across "Political Family Tree", at that point why didn't you realize parts of this was made up? And then, you actually tried looking up the Doctor's name? Some people would say your over-liberal state of mind would not allow you to come to a more logical conclusion according to the phony bits and pieces you found in this report which would have meant to most that of course there is no such doctor as stated if this person states in his report "Political Family Tree" or "G DS" otherwise known as Genetic Deficiencies Syndrome". But, I admire your vigor and determination in thoroughly checking out what you can in the context of this report. But, the object of this report is to make people think and help analyze what's going on around them which may help improve their daily lives and become better people for us all to live amongst. Are you able to understand that? Or do you want to keep on bashing me on how I wrote it as opposed to the message trying to be presented? A talk host of one of the most listened to talk shows on the airwaves in the history of the world once made a good point when he said this- "If somebody cannot attack the message that somebody brings to them then all they want to or able to do is attack the messenger!" And statements like this and others is what brought so many millions and of good citizens to listen to these educated professional Talk Show Hosts who presented more issues that concern these millions of good citizens. Who is this talkshow host I'm referring to? Rush Limbaugh! Oh, now you are going to be throwing things across the room, pounding your fist on the tables, yelling just as loud as you can, and you probably won't even have sex with your spouse tonight because somebody mentioned the name Rush Limbaugh! Right? You see this is what we mean when we talk about the liberal mindset, yes you. Look how you and/or your friends react when you mention Rush Limbaugh. About 20 years ago when Rush had already had the most listeners of any talk radio show than any other show in the history of talk shows, I had asked a person I worked with if he had ever heard of Rush Limbaugh. He replied "What, that lying fat pig?" I said "Have you ever listened to one of Rush Limbaugh's talk shows before?" He replied and said "no". Then, I said "Well, how did you get that opinion of him?" He said "Well, that's what my friends tell me." This mindset is what helps turns people into asinine over-liberal minded fools otherwise known as jackasses. And I am not calling you a jackass because I don't know you personally and I don't have enough information from you regarding your political beliefs and understanding of them. I think schools and colleges should have an open forum, like we're trying to have here today, which allows the students to listen to and try to understand the points and issues that talkshow Hosts are trying to present. And yes, liberal talk show hosts will be invited to participate. But, the left-wing liberal talk show called Air America went out of business because there weren't enough listeners listening to their show to make it financially worthwhile for businesses to pay for ads on their liberal minded left wing talk shows. Why weren't there enough people listening to Air America left- wing talk show as well as most of the other left- wing Liberal minded talk shows? It's quite simple, they weren't worth listening to with all their close minded half ass investigation and not considering or going over proven facts and statistics which would help them reach a more realistic conclusion to the issues and problems at hand. Remember The Truth Is Out There! Do YOU WANT IT?
And if you want more true that is verifiable, if you want to take the time to prove what they're saying is true, then try listening to any one of these professional talk show hosts who care and love this Country and care about all communities and peoples regardless what the asinine liberal left-wing try to convince you of. Using this person who responded to my report as an example of this ferocious hateful attack when I'm only trying to make people smarter and insist that they Don't Be Stupid.The following talk shows are the most successful and highly rated in the United States. And if there was an equally as high rated liberal minded talkshow on the airwaves I would be glad to mention it also. But, there's none. The informative educational Conservative Talk Shows are: Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingram, Bill Handel, Mike Savage, Sean Hannity,and Larry Elder (a Black Gentlemen). Visit any one of their websites and you get an idea of what they're about and their concerns about OUR COMMUNITY and OUR COUNTRY and OUR POLITICIANS which helps make it what it is today.
Regarding insulting names and terms-The term or statement "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder" is extremely mild compared to the insulting names and titles given to Conservative Politicians and talk show Hosts. All of which is hateful nonsense that has no relevancy in the characteristics of or actions taken by the politicians they are attacking nor the Talkshow Host they also attack. So what's good for the gander is also good for the goose. It's not right but that's the way it is.
And as far as being liberal minded, I believe all persons of all faiths and political backgrounds have at least one or two or even maybe three issues that are of a liberal mindset. But, it's the extreme radical left-wing close minded idiot that gets into political power and starts controlling our schools and our community systems as how they see fit which has been proven many times in the past not to work. But,for some reason they just keep wanting to try things that consistently doesn't work. And then when you ask them why did they do it this way instead of a better way which could've been found if they'd only tried to find a better way to fix a problem and their response is "We thought it would work." or "We cared so much, we just wanted to do something!" Feelings and emotions sometimes get in the way of helping people properly analyze and fix a problem. Just because it FEELS good it doesn't necessarily make it right or work well. But,it's absolutely a good place to start. That is, approach the issue with open arms, warm hearts and the loving desire to fix what ails you but don't get so caught up in your personal feelings that you end up not doing the right thing because it hurts your feelings when you need to be stern or harsh in order to properly fix a problem. It's kind of like what you go through disciplining your kids. Your kid really wants something really bad and you know it would make him or her feel really good to let them do it the way he or she wants to, which also would make YOU feel really good to let them do what they really want to do, but if you let them do it their way it'll end up really bad. So, at this point what do you do? Do you let your kids do it the way they wanted to which makes them feel really good and makes them really like you a lot and makes you feel really good to know that they like you a lot for what you let them do? And then you just let the shit hit the fan and then when everything is all really screwed up everybody turns to you and says "Why did you let the kids do it their way when you knew it wasn't the right way to do it?" And you end up saying "Well, I thought it was the right thing to do, it felt like the right thing to do." But, it wasn't the right thing to do and you let your kid do it and now they're in the hospital with two broken legs! And, if you have the tendency to think and act this way when in charge of our schools, social programs, welfare programs, national and international important issues then a lot of us will still save you Shut up, sit down and let someone else of a better mental ability to analyze and properly implement a system or program that works better and is more efficient. What is so hard to understand about what I'm trying to say here?
I think the Internet communications system is one of the greatest marvels that mankind has created for himself. Which allows any information from anybody to reach anybody else in the world, if they want to look for it, see it and read it. And I would like to thank Advicenators.com website for the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences with the rest of the world! I hope the ads that you are being paid for on your website continues to make it worthwhile to keep this website open.
The Answer
Troll is a pretty basic, common term, NOT for who you are as a person, but for the activity you engaged in. I'm sorry you felt I called you names. I try to avoid that. I certainly did label your behavoir very clearly in very negative terms, and I stand by calling what you did trolling. If you are a regular to online communication you've likely seen the word troll before. If not, please, do what I love to do when I run into a word I don't understand: Get some more information. Develop a deeper understanding of the word.
Unfortunately, there is little I can say to you if you don't see the inherent hypocrisy in attempting to "make people think and help analyze what's going on around them which may help improve their daily lives and become better people for us all to live amongst" by lying to them so completely and utterly. In my opinion, the the ends should not justify the means.
I'm certain you believe, deeply and honestly that you were behaving rightly. I'm certain, as you eloquently put it, that it FELT right to you to perpetrate this kind of scam, however, lying for the sake of political and ideological gain will ALWAYS be a tyrannical and hateful act, no matter how great you personally believe your 'greater good' to be.
I will not argue with you for a moment that very hateful and ineffective name calling and lying is happening on both sides of the aisle. It's true. Conservatives pundits and entertainers are certainly receiving the brunt of it. But I'm not the 'big bad liberal media'. I'm one person, one citizen, who is honesty and sincerely speaking the best truth she has, and is responsible for researching and forming that truth to the best of her ability. I do seek out greater minds, but I am not easily fooled by pretty words. I verify and I continually try to do my best and seek the truth: And the truth I have found is a socially liberal world view, and a rather centrist fiscal opinions. I cannot be asked, or expected, to answer for the misdeeds or unpleasant behavoir of all people to with whom I have little to nothing in common with, except that we share some political values and opinions, anymore than I would demand everyone who called themselves a conservative to answer for your lies.
This site is for advice and is not friendly to trolling. For the sake of explaining why your behavoir was, in my view, trolling, I'll define the word:
Trolling is defined as "posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
That is what you did here in my informed opinion. You were outside of the mandate of this site, and you were deliberately and dishonestly attempting to provoke people with inflammatory comments. I'm certain there are many forums and places online in this great marvel of the internet where you are welcome to behave this way. I am not someone with the power to ban or discipline people on this site, but in light of my very long tenure here I feel confident to say to you that this probably isn't one of those welcoming places for this type of dishonest content.
Finally, I do feel I have to add for the sake of all of us who work so hard to make Advicenators a place for advice giving, that no one receives any money for running this site. We are all volunteers. I am not the owner of the site, but as far as I know the ads you see do not cover the cost of keeping this particular communication marvel up and running.
Take care, and please consider forming your questions on Advicenators, as honest requests for advice. Perhaps someone can suggest to you a better course of action than deceit in your endeavors to persuade people politically.
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The Question
Should I send in an application to a job that I'm REALLY interested in but think I'm underqualified for? I found this particular job that I think sounds AWESOME. I told my mom about it and she said I should apply anyway because most jobs will train you how to do something before having you work for them. I don't want to look like an idiot applying for a job that I have no qualifications for or experience in though. What do you think?
The Answer
Yes, but with some qualifiers:
If you do not have any of their 'requirements' at all (So, you meet NONE of the objective standards they ask for like 'having a drivers license' or 'this kind of degree or 4 years of work experience' ectra...) then you should not apply.
If you are missing some, or even of most of those sorts of requirements, go for it. But if you meet none of them, don't. The reason you don't is because something else might come along at that company and you don't want to have appeared annoying or like you were carelessly applying.
It's the difference between looking at your cover letter and resume and them thinking "Who the hell is this person and why do I have their stuff?" and them thinking "Well I'm glad I know this person's name since they are obviously passionate, maybe something will come up for them, or they'll reply for a position they are more suited for."
So re-read the job post and ask yourself if you are simply under qualified, or completely unqualified. If you are under qualified, go for it. If you are completely lacking in all the technical skills and experience they are asking for, then you might be better off writing the company and asking them what other opportunities might be available.
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The Question
I've been okay lately. I have been taking birth control for a while now and i do not think i'm pregnant.
my pee is clear, and once every two days it is yellow and only SLIGHTLY cloudy. (it is not near as cloudy as it was a year ago when i had my bladder infection)
whenever i laugh or sit a certain way. or scream or sneeze, (for the past week and a half) .. i have been feeling recurring pressure and slight pain (that feel a little like cramps) right where the two of my ovaries are and a little in the middle of them.
it only slightly burns when i pee like a bladder infection but not nearly as painful.
i dont even remember having the two ovaries hurt though whenever i used to have my bladder infection.
this seems like a new thing.
it's not an std because ive been with this one guy who is certainly faithful. so please don't even mention those.
thank you!
The Answer
Whatever it is, you should see a doctor.
It could certainly be the beginning of a urinary tract or bladder infection - it's unlikely you noticed the very first stages when you had one before. As I've had more and more of them in my life, I've begun to notice the first symptoms earlier and earlier, to the point where I sometimes think "Hey, I have a urinary tract infection, but if I go to the clinic right now it wont be far enough along for them to test for it, so I'll go tomorrow."
It is good to know that it is possible, although very unlikely, to have an STD as a virgin. Even more likely to be carrying one without knowing it. Although what you've described aren't really the symptoms of an obvious STD.
Just get yourself to a doctor. If it is a urinary tract infection, you want to cure it before it evolves into a bladder infection or kidney infection.
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The Question
For decades Doctors and professional Psychological Analysts have been trying to solve the puzzle of this mysterious yet destructive dilemma. It has not been determined if it is a disease which is affecting the human Brain's ability to properly analyze facts and truths presented to them which they find mentally impossible to properly analyze to help them come to a logical solution to the problem trying to be solved. Dr. Shawn Czerwinski is a Political Psychologists at one of the finest universities in Philadelphia. He believes it is due to Genetic Deficiencies Syndrome otherwise known as "GDS" which ultimately affects the ability of the human Brain to function properly. This disease or impairment is due to poor genetics in the political family tree of the persons affected. Dr. Czerwinski and other colleagues have agreed that one of the best remedies for this mental problem of not being able to properly analyze proven facts and statistics to reach a logical conclusion is quite simple. Those with the extreme liberal minded deficiencies should either study more, communicate more with smart and intelligent people, stay away from their extreme liberal minded friends who may carry this uncurable disease or just simply start believing that it's very possible, if not probable, that you're wrong and if you can't properly analyze something that concerns your family, neighbors, friends, community school system, County programs then just shut up and sit down and let more intelligent people be in charge of analyzing and solving our problems in society and elsewhere. So, what other cures or remedies are there to help the mentally impaired over-Liberal minded persons in our society?
The Answer
Please go troll somewhere else.
You made this shit up. There is no such thing as Genetic Deficiencies Syndrome, and the phrase "political family tree" is absurd. Plus, nothing appears online when you google or PubMed search the name Dr. Shawn Czerwinski at all. (I really was expecting to find one Dr Czerwinski at one of the 17 universities in Philadelphia, but didn't find a single one...) So, I feel rather confident assuming you made that up as well.
Which makes this behavoir cheep, cowardly trolling. Rather than having a real political discussion about values and evidence, you made random, offensive nonsense up, and that is not just disgusting, it's very core of the political problems in this planet right now: People who make shit up.
Of course, you aren't the first person to try this particular fictional story. Michael Savage, Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck have all tried to promote this joke as well, looping in a few crack pots with degrees while they do so, in order to sell books and frighten people.
It has no basis in science I've ever read, but it based on stories from people who are looking to confirm what they already believe is true. What science does actually tell us with a great deal of confirmation, is that the more highly educated a person is, the more likely they are to be socially liberal. Socially liberal minded people also have a tenancy to score higher on abstract thinking tests, and tend to achieve the highest and most sophisticated scores on the moral and ethical questionnaires used by physiologists to measure a person's empathy and understanding of just action.
Fiscal conservatism has a real and valuable place in governance of any large body of people, but to call liberalism a mental disorder is to spit in the face of everyone (even members of a 'conservative' political party) in the last 200 years who fought for individual liberty, human rights and fair treatment from employers and governments. If you are a woman, you just called the vast majority of people who accepted the 'progressive' idea that you shouldn't be your husband or father's possession, mentally disordered.
If you want to read an actual scientific study that examines people's values and political persuasions, try searching value mapping studies done in the last few years.
If you want to be a troll, go someplace else.
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The Question
Hey! I'm a fifteen year old sophomore girl. When I was in eighth grade I was at a friends house with a few people. At one point I went into the basement to get a soda and this guy followed me. He pressed me against a wall and covered my mouth and started grinding against me and kissing my neck. I've always been small and I couldn't push him off. He fingered me and told me to give him head but someone called down the stairs and he let me go. I didn't tell anyone... And I kind of just forgot about it. Freshman year I started dating this guy for about five months when he raped me. He apologized once and i just started crying. All he said was "its okay"and that's the only time we talked about it... We kept on dating for another three months and then broke up. Again. I never told anyone. Until recently.The guy I'm dating now I've been dating for six months an he's a junior, 17. We've been friends for years. Hes the best guy I know... And I've always loved him. I told him about those two stories ltonight. He really angry and I don't know why. All he said was "why didn't you tell someone?? Why didn't you tell me??" and he stormed out and drove away. I don't know what to do. I mean I understand kind of... I regret not telling anyone but I can't do anything about it now.. Im scared he hates me and I have no explanation for him... What do I do?? He won't answer his phone.
The Answer
He's angry because he feels, on some level, that he owns you and your sexuality, that as your boyfriend he is responsible for you. So, since there was a part, a scary, unpleasant part of your sexuality that made him very uncomfortable. It was out of his control.
What's more, he doesn't understand that you had to live with what happened, which means you don't necessarily just cut the person who assaulted you right out of your life, but instead you worked through it very differently than he might have wanted you too, or society tells girls they should.
None of this makes your boyfriend a bad person, but it does make him someone you have to tell very directly, and very honestly, that although it's okay for him to feel that way, he also needs to work on getting the fuck over it.
You made a choice. Maybe it wasn't the right choice, but your choices where your own, and you were allowed to make them. You don't owe your current boyfriend any apology. Just be ready to answer his questions as honestly as possible, but also remind him that you are in charge of your own life, even your own mistakes, and that he needs to accept that, even if he doesn't understand every choice you made.
He's scarred. It's okay that he is scarred and angry, just remember that it's your life, your choices and your experiences. You don't owe him an apology, or groveling, just the truth. The truth might not make perfect sense to him, but he's going to have to get past that on his own.
Relax. He'll come back to you with questions. Just let him be and keep reminding yourself that it's okay for you to have made the choices you did, even if you think they are mistakes now.
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The Question
i think i have an over-eating issue.
im a skinny girl. 5'1 110-108 pounds.
but im obseed with being skinny.
i do a lot of starvation diets then i binge and eat ALOT.
ill have like 4 chocoalte corissants, 8 oreos and a lot of nuts and pasta.
then ill take laxatives.
and i do it every day. it goes in cycles
once im in the mod i cants top and i just eat for weeks liek this!
im scared for my health and im scare dimg una gain weight.
what do id o.
The Answer
You have a problem, and over eating is not the problem.
You have an eating disorder, and your thinking and obsessions around food are unhealthy and will hurt your body (far more, and far faster than being a tiny bit overweight would could ever be). It is not the food you are eating that will hurt you, it is the starvation diets and laxatives that will tax your system and make you very, very ill.
You need to speak to a parent, or a doctor or counselor to get some support to deal with your eating disorder.
Your thinking is deeply messed up right now, it really is. Get some help.
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The Question
So i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, i'm only 17 and he's pretty much my first real long term relationship. The only thing is when we first got together he wasn't very attentive and well like most teenage boys clueless about anything. He had a friend that was very romantic and came after me and i had never had that type of attention before and i fell for him. So i cheated on my boyfriend, who i then broke up with so i could convince myself that the cheating meant something, but my boyfriend then pulled his shit together and wouldn't let me just leave and when i tried to break it off with the other guy he threatened to tell my boyfriend everything if i didn't sleep with him, so i did and he virtually left me alone to be with my boyfriend after. It sounds screwed up but it sounds like lesson learned, right? the only issue is i never felt bad about cheating i only felt terrified of getting caught and once i was in the clear from being caught i relaxed and enjoyed my relationship.Now you see my boyfriend is a real goody and i started hanging out with i guess you could say some bad kids, not really bad just not straight-edge and i started feeling really drawn towards this one guy in the group and now we kiss and cuddle and talk a lot. I'm not going to do anything more with him than kiss but still i should be feeling bad, right? it's not that i don't love my boyfriend cause i do (and nobody tell me this whole 'if you really loved him you wouldn't be cheating on him' bull crap. life isn't black and white)
I don't understand why i don't feel bad about the cheating. does this mean i'm a bad person? or like a slut? i'm not sleeping around or anything, i'm not gonna lie most of these cheating things are way more emotional than physical (the first guy was at first but then he threatened me and i just decided i deserved the punishment). can someone maybe provide some insight for me? i just want to know why i don't feel bad and why i don't seem to have 'learned my lesson'?
The Answer
Of course you can still love someone and cheat. People who are truly in love can do awful, unforgivable things to one another.
The problem is that you don't respect him enough to not deceive him. Your problem isn't cheating. It's lying.
It's the fact you get off on lying, on pulling one over on him, on establishing emotional and sexual connections with others under his nose.
Maybe an inability to commit completely to one romantic partner is just the way you are. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, until you lie to a partner about that ability.
Maybe there is nothing at all wrong with you, except for the fact you are deceiving someone right now.
You are still at the early stages of self discovery, so I'm not going to throw out a bunch of theories of why you are this way, but I'll tell you this:
You ARE this way. You know it, and every day you pretend you are not this way with your boyfriend, you are behaving like a rather awful human being.
You need to fess up to your boyfriend, or break up with him.
Tell him the truth of who you are, and ask him to understand you aren't interested in or capable of a strictly monogamous relationship, and hope he is open to a different, honest relationship with you. Or walk away from him without that confession.
Anything less is deceit and betrayal. It's not a failure to love - it's a failure to respect another person enough to tell them the truth, to let them have their own opinions and beliefs, and to make their own decisions with all the information. Cheating or not, that lack of respect does make you a pretty lousy person to be with.
Why don't you feel bad? Maybe you are nuts. Maybe you are awful. Maybe you are just that selfish. Maybe monogamy is just not for you. Maybe you are an alien being. It doesn't really matter.
Whatever the reason, to be a respectful and honest human being, you need to behave better.
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The Question
My inner labia is bigger than my outer labia. It sticks out and looks like lips. Anyways, i have a lot of inner thigh fat. Does that have any connection to inner labia? if i loose weight will my labia shrink. also, is there any diet i can do to shrink my labia? surgery is not an option. i know that breasts shrink when women loose weight in their belly. if a woman looses weight in her thighs, does her vagina shrink with it? What is inside of a labia? puss? fat? somebody help me, Thank you:)
The Answer
You can't shrink them.
It has nothing to do with your weight. The labia is perdominately made of skin and tissue. Much like your lips or eyelids protect your mouth and eyes, they are there to protect the vaginal opening, and will not change drastically with weight loss or gain.
I suppose, if you starved yourself to near death, they might shrivel a bit, but not much.
I know it's hard to believe, but most woman's inner labia protrude. They come in wild colours and varrying sizes and most men don't give a damn. The only one's I've ever heard express a preference have perfered large labia.
There is nothing you can do about it, and no reason to waste your energy worrying either.
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The Question
I recently found out that I'm expecting. I'm 19 yrs old & really anxious about the consequences of vaginal childbirth on.. well.. my vagina. plus terrified of the pain of child birth. so if a C-section is an option, that's what I wanna go with, but obviously my boyfriend and I don't have a TON of spare cash laying around when we have to plan for a child. Soo I just wondered if C-sections cost money in Canada or not? I wasn't sure given that it isn't really 'necessary'. Personal experiences are appreciated
The Answer
A C-section will be covered by your provincial health insurance in Canada, if you can find a doctor who agrees to perform one. It’s very unlikely you’ll find a doctor who will deliver your baby via C-section if it’s not necessary to do so. Thier professional assocaition might even discipline them if they did so.
As others have said, a C-section is riskier for both the child and mother, and takes longer to recover from. A responsible doctor will not agree to a C-section simply because a patient wants one. In Canada the control on many things is not that they aren’t covered, it’s that it doesn't matter if it's covered if you can't find a doctor who thinks it's an okay idea.
You just found out you are expecting and it's perfectly understandably to be scarred out of your wits. You've got a lot of time in the next few months to prepare, and speak to experts and learn about what is happening and what will happen. Don't jump to conclusions like "A C-section will be better." It probably wouldn't be. Get yourself to a doctor so you can begin to get the medical support and information you need.
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The Question
Okay, Im 18/f and my boyfriend is 17/m. I've had sex with two guys, and he is still a virgin, because the last girl he was with for a year and a half was saving herself for marriage. We have talked on and off for a few months last year when him and his ex broke up; than they got back together; now we have been together for a month. The chemestry between us is amazing. We have a great connection phyiscally, emotionally, and mentally. Well, I know boys will be boys, and they get horny quite often, just like girls do too. I very rarely get horny. There was an inncident that happened when I was 15 where I almost got raped, if it wasn't for my friend that walked in, and got him off of me, I would have. (I was drunk at the time too) Big mistake. I told riley about it at the beginning of our relatioship, and he cried because it pissed him off somoene would do that to me.
Well. Riley has already fingered me, and what not, but since then, Riley is always trying to pull moves on me, when he knows IM not in the mood. Yesterday, I wasn't feeling good at all, and we was laying in his bed together, I was trying to take a nap, and he tried rubbing on me down there, and I told him to stop, he did for maybe a minute, and did it again. Theres been a couple of times, I've told him No, and he still tries. He says that he loves me, but yet he doesn't stop when I ask him too. He said its hard for him to control himself with that kind of stuff, and I told him if he really loved me, he would find a way to control it. I told him theres a difference in my sexual stop, and my serious one, and he knows the difference in them pretty well. He just doesn't know how to stop when I tell him too. It usually takes me to cry in order for him to stop. He knows about me almost getting raped, and yet he doesn't stop. I think he's confusing lust with love. Maybe he's only with me because he knows I've had sex, and I will have sex with him? I don't know.
The Answer
It doesn't matter if he confused or evil.
Regardless of WHY he is doing it, he is being an asshole.
You have to stop making excuses for him. 'Guys will be guys' is not an excuse for bullying you and pawing at you.
You are right: He DOES know the difference between playful and not. And he also DOES know to stop. Only an idiot wouldn't know. You need to stop giving him permission to indulge in idiocy. It's disgusting that you need to be upset enough to cry before he can get a very simple message through his thick skull.
This is not 'normal guy' stuff. Normal get the message, and back off. They don't need tears before they understand that a girl isn't enjoying being touched that way.
What you have to do is sit him down, at some point when you are not cuddling or being close and let him know firmly, that what he is doing is not okay. Being horny doesn't mean he can behave however he wants. He needs to listen and respond appropriately. If he can't do that, he can't date you.
The next time he keeps pushing, stop, stand up. Remove yourself from his reach and repeat your message of no. If he keeps doing this, break up with him. It will poison your relationship if he can't respect your messages and you both can't discover ways to initiate intimacy that don't lead to you crying.
No more excuses from either of you. His behavoir is not okay.
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The Question
I eat a lot of Clementine, and i'm just wandering if too much vitamin C is bad for you? and how much is bad? If not, what are the good things for your body of consuming a lot of vitamin C, thank you.
The Answer
Vitamin C is very good for you. Your body (unless you have some sort of medical issue) is typically pretty good at simply storing or ignoring any extra vitamins you eat and treating them as waste.
However, it's good to note that many of the things which are high in Vitamin C are also high in citric acid. If you eat way, way too much critic acid, you can end up with a sore throat and mouth, or irritate your skin. It's not dangerous, but if you find your hands starting to itch or dry out, or clementines giving you a sore throat, then it's time to cut back a bit.
Of course, that doesn't apply if you are taking vitamin C supplements as well. It's pretty much impossible to overdose on Vitamin C from eating foods high in Vitamin C, the amount you'd need to eat in a short period is huge, but it's a bit more possible when you are using manufactured supplements or shots. Vitamin C overdose can cause diarrhea and nausea, and in some people, more serious problems.
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The Question
If you know anything please help.
My youngest cat is aroung 10 months old and her right eye is foggy and red, this has happened before, but i just wanna know what it is. She is a very social cat but now she is very shy. this has just started today. If you know please tell me.
The Answer
If her behavoir underwent a drastic and sudden change, you should take her to a vet right away.
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