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I didn't tell anyone I was raped and I kept dating my rapist
Hey! I'm a fifteen year old sophomore girl. When I was in eighth grade I was at a friends house with a few people. At one point I went into the basement to get a soda and this guy followed me. He pressed me against a wall and covered my mouth and started grinding against me and kissing my neck. I've always been small and I couldn't push him off. He fingered me and told me to give him head but someone called down the stairs and he let me go. I didn't tell anyone... And I kind of just forgot about it. Freshman year I started dating this guy for about five months when he raped me. He apologized once and i just started crying. All he said was "its okay"and that's the only time we talked about it... We kept on dating for another three months and then broke up. Again. I never told anyone. Until recently.The guy I'm dating now I've been dating for six months an he's a junior, 17. We've been friends for years. Hes the best guy I know... And I've always loved him. I told him about those two stories ltonight. He really angry and I don't know why. All he said was "why didn't you tell someone?? Why didn't you tell me??" and he stormed out and drove away. I don't know what to do. I mean I understand kind of... I regret not telling anyone but I can't do anything about it now.. Im scared he hates me and I have no explanation for him... What do I do?? He won't answer his phone.
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When me are mad, and they don't wanna be mad in front of you...they take a drive. Let him talk to you when he's ready. As for the rape...you need to talk to a councilor.
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Well, you should really get some help about this. You need to tell someone that this guy raped you. You need go to someone, like the cops, or a trusted adult. About the guy you were dating, just say I'm sorry I didnt tell you or anyone else about it, I just felt cornered and trapped, I couldnt do anything about it, and know I feel really bad. If you really like this guy, just POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO HIM.
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I'm going to take a different approach to your question.
Most states have a five year statute of limitation on rape. This means you can still report the rape if I am reading the correctly. I am going to ask you to do two things and I will explain why. First: I would like you to contact a group called RAINN, Which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They have a 24/7 365 telephone hotline 1-800-656-HOPE. They also operate and online hotline. I think talking to one of their telephone counselors is best. Second: After speaking with the people at RAINN and TELLING THEM what happened, all the details, you need to take their advice and talk with your parents.
Why am I suggesting you do this? For one thing you are saying that you have forgotten about the rape, but you have not. Rape is a trauma perpetrated on you. No matter how far you bury it in your subconscious it will come back to haunt you when you least expect. Think about what just happened. Then think about years from now being in bed with your husband making love. You've never told your husband, but all it takes to bring back a memory is a certain smell, a touch or even a word and this happens during your love making and you freak out. How do you know explain this to your husband. Can this happen, yes. Will it happen, it has to others who have tried to deal with it by suppressing it. This is why you need to talk to people like RAINN and let them help you find a professional in your area to help you deal with what happened properly.
Why do you need to tell your parents? One reason is they really need to know so they can be helpful in dealing with this. Second they will need to help you with reporting this to law enforcement. This is going to come down to your word against his since you did not report it right away. All the evidence is gone. Fact is though is that if he raped you he has probably raped others and will rape again as long as he can get away with it. By reporting it to the police they can investigate and talk with other girls he has dated. If a pattern is seen he will be arrested.
You didn't say why you didn't report it and why you continued to date him. From what you wrote sounds like a typical abuser. He abuses and then apologizes, I'm sure he has done this to others as I said he fits the pattern of an abuser.
He is also guilty of false imprisonment when he held you against the wall and did not let you go. He behavior need to be changed. He needs a wake up call and the only way to do that is to report him to law enforcement. Please do this not just for yourself but for those that follow you.
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Hun, to put your fears aside, HE DOES NOT HATE YOU. He wouldn't get that mad if he did. It sounds like he might actually love you. Guys can get really protective when they are in love. He's probably not answering his phone because he's trying to calm down. He cares about you and he hates that you weren't willing to tell anyone that someone hurt you. What you need to do is just give him time. Chances are, he will come back to you. To me it sounds like he will. Time is all you can do right now. And when he comes back, don't bite off his head for doing this. Just be understanding. Trust me on this, he cares about you. A lot. Please let me know how this turns out.
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He's angry because he feels, on some level, that he owns you and your sexuality, that as your boyfriend he is responsible for you. So, since there was a part, a scary, unpleasant part of your sexuality that made him very uncomfortable. It was out of his control.
What's more, he doesn't understand that you had to live with what happened, which means you don't necessarily just cut the person who assaulted you right out of your life, but instead you worked through it very differently than he might have wanted you too, or society tells girls they should.
None of this makes your boyfriend a bad person, but it does make him someone you have to tell very directly, and very honestly, that although it's okay for him to feel that way, he also needs to work on getting the fuck over it.
You made a choice. Maybe it wasn't the right choice, but your choices where your own, and you were allowed to make them. You don't owe your current boyfriend any apology. Just be ready to answer his questions as honestly as possible, but also remind him that you are in charge of your own life, even your own mistakes, and that he needs to accept that, even if he doesn't understand every choice you made.
He's scarred. It's okay that he is scarred and angry, just remember that it's your life, your choices and your experiences. You don't owe him an apology, or groveling, just the truth. The truth might not make perfect sense to him, but he's going to have to get past that on his own.
Relax. He'll come back to you with questions. Just let him be and keep reminding yourself that it's okay for you to have made the choices you did, even if you think they are mistakes now.
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