Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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22/f, 28/m
I'm upset. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and it has always bothered me about the amount that he has traveled. We do have communication and trust issues that we're trying to rebuild (due to his past mistakes), and we're going to our first couples therapy on Wednesday. However, I'm debating on whether or not to go at this point.
My boyfriend travels at least once a month. It's for both business and for travel for his fraternity (not college fraternity). Recently, I told my boyfriend that I felt that he travels too much. When he's back, he works during the day, comes back home, uses the restroom for 20-30 minutes, comes to bed and wants alone time for awhile, leaving me only 20 minutes of his undivided attention with him.
He told me today that he won't be here on Valentine's Day. He told me that it's because his fraternity brother is being ordained as a minister on Valentine's Day. I wanted to be okay with it, but I'm really not. He told me that Valentine's Day is a joke to most people in America and that everyday can be Valentine's Day to us. Which doesn't make any sense if I feel that he's absent or not here... But saying, "I love you" everyday should make it seem like it's Valentine's Day. I told him that sometimes it's not enough due to his daily schedule and he tells me, "it should be enough." Whenever I bring up this situation, he says, "I've been laying here with you for the past hour. It should be enough." Talking about something that bothers me, is undivided attention, but it's not any way for us to connect or bond. Then he would say, "You should focus and appreciate about what you have and not focus on what you don't have."
I don't want to sound needy, but 20 minutes of undivided attention per day is not enough. It seems like he spends most of his time on Facebook than he does with me, and according to him Facebook is "down time" for him.
Talking about it doesn't seem to help because I can see from his point of view, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's not enough time for me to feel emotionally secure in the relationship. He only has time to talk about this at night, and it's a long discussion, so he gets tired, tells me he's tired, and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up acting as if the conversation never happened.
I keep trying to have this conversation but neither of us are getting what we want. Me talking about it, frustrates him and makes him unhappy. Me not talking about it, makes me unhappy.
In the case of one, the freedom to travel and have their own schedule, in the case of the other, participating in their definition of a true relationship, with attention to time spent together, trust, and transparency. What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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ok First off.....your only a year in and your going to go to couples therapy??? yeesh!!!
Honestly it sounds liek your trying to make something work that just cant, he doesnt value the things you do. Like simple holidays such as V-day, and typically MOST men use that excuse when their just being lazy and dont wanna lift a finger. So i think its up to you to decide here just how much your willing to deal/put up with in order to be with him.
He sounds like he doesnt reallyyy want to be tired down, hes traveling WITHOUT YOU btw (my hubby travels for work too and he FINDS a way to bring me AND our 4 year old son WITH him. Even if it means buying tickets at his own expense.....so im not really sure what to tell you there.
He shouldnt be OK at this point in such a new relationship with just blurting out that he wont be there for vday, and nor should he be ok with making plans that over lap that day and dont even involve you period.
Next, if you cant even have simple trust in him then im sorry but its over. No relationship can withstand time if you cant trust. thats one of the main foundations of a long term relationship. theres no way around that one, and it concerns me that this is an issue THIS early on. the "honeymoon phase" of a new relationship should still be there and its not.
Lastly, he doesnt even value the relationship enough to allow you to address important shit here.....now ask yourself how long do you think you could put up with that?? a week? and month??
your sort of putting yourself through this by allowing him to treat you this way. You need to demand respect as a women and as an equal partner if you want this to work and you havent, and he knows it because your not putting your foot down on anything.
my husband has tried to use the "well everyday can be vday if we want it to be" you know what i say back to him when him or any man says that to me?? "BULLSHIT" flat out, calmly and looking them square in the eyes with a serious face. i will repeat myself if they try to defend this stupid way of thinking, the next time shaking my head.
hunny, hes simply just not making time for love. hes disinterested and maybe he needs time to figure out that you dont treat your lady like that. leave him for a while, gather your thoughts, ask yourself if this is what you really want from life, and then go from there.
See if he contacts you, asking to come back or if he simply allows you to walk away. this will be the true test of his resolve to want to make things work. Stay calm, tell him things arent working but you wish him the best and want good thing for him but you simply not a good match at this point. see what his response is. this is another test.
more importantly DO NOT let your emotions over whelm you here. this will cloud the real issues your trying to find a solution for and will in the end only damage things. be kind, tell him its not his fault that he travels so much but that you need more then what he can give you emotionally as a partner. Youve tried talking to him about these things, he doesnt want to address them so its time for you to leave peacefully. A lady always knows when to leave.
He just has different priorities then you, but you deserve someone who wants to give you more time......dont forget that...good luck.
; )
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I'm a white cisgender homosexual female. White racism isn't real, cisphobia isn't real, misandry isn't real, and heterophobia isn't real. Were white people enslaved and segregated for decades and still get killed in hate crimes? Nope. Do cisgenders get an increased risk of being bullied, suicidal, or killed? Nope. Did heterosexuals get burned and prevented from being married and have people insult them for holding hands in public, or people call things they don't like "straight"? Nope. Do rich people starve on the streets and have no clothes or water and need to work their ass off? Nope. Did males ever get sold into sexual slavery, rights taken away, pushed from science careers? Nope. It makes no sense to me these people who had everything handed to them on a golden platter with a silver spoon in their mouth already with a head start in life feel opressed. Why? (link)
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Im not sure what the REAL question is here because you started off with just ranting at me about what YOU think you see and not what OTHERS have actually experienced.
I cant break down and address every. single. aspect of what your saying here because it would take forever and frankly, i dont have time for that, im white and i dont think any of the things your talking about here. I certainly didnt have the best childhood, and i know plenty of others who didnt either, i dont have any phobias like what you mention here.
Also just because your white doesnt mean your born into the best family or born with ANY type of "spoon in your mouth". so thats false. Its teachings from older people that effect what your talking about, and yes because people are naturally designed to sometimes be afraid of what they know nothing about, i think thats only natural for the mind to create things and then turn them into "worse case scenarios" ALOT of humans do that, and its not always something they can control. YOU sound like the bigot here if anything else because of the way you choose to view the world. I dont know if its based on things youve heard and seen but you seem smart enough to know that you shouldnt believe everything you see and hear. question everything. dont be a sheep.
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No one is giving me the support I want n it been so hard 2 me because I haven't tell anyone how I fell (link)
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Well that depends. What kind of support is it that you need?? you havent given a whole lot of detail....inbox me if you want more info....
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I'm 22 and never did it before. I just started dating this guy and we really want to have sex, but there's one thing I'm worried about.
What if he literally can't fit inside me? I have a super narrow pussy........ the opening is less than an inch in diameter. His cock is big! 6 inches in circumference. And how bad does it hurt to have your hymen broken? (link)
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well first things first, it WILL be a bit uncomfortable. Thats just how it is the first time, and theres not much you can do about it, but no it shouldnt HURT really bad if he fingers you first and uses lots of lube, and goes in and out SLOWLY until the skin can stretch and get used to it.
Youll be fine, just GET LUBE. and a simple lubed condom is NOT going to be enough. NOT for your first time and just trust me on that cause that was a mistake i made MY first time. buy a SEPERATE thing of lube. they sell them everywhere and no one is going to look at you odd because your buying it. (((i know alot of people have that fear)))
youll be fine.
good luck
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I'm going to make this brief, yet informative as possible. This happened all around 2-3 years ago.
It all started when my mother passed away and we were left with her life insurance benefits. My dad, brother, and me each got around $141,000. At the time I was around 20 or 21 and to me it was quite a lot of money and wasn't sure what to do with it. I wanted to go back to school but my dad told me to wait. So he helped me and my brother set up a money market account with Citizens Bank that way it would sit there and build interest. I wanna say that he might of been the primary owner of the three accounts he set up and we were the secondary owners because we had the ability to withdraw and deposit money into the money market account. Plus I have a document stating that the life insurance was to be divided and entitled to the following beneficiaries correspondingly.
Later on he suggested the idea that we all chip in to pay off the mortgage of our house and that he would put all of our names on the deed. Some time has passed and I asked my dad when we were gonna follow up with it and told me he was getting the paperwork for it. So one day I checked my bank account and noticed my money market was empty and had been withdrawn and so has my brother's.
Basically my dad withdrew from me and my brother's money market accounts, ALL the money that was entitled to us, deposited onto his account and ended up paying off the mortgage himself and only putting his name on the deed of the house, not honoring the deal we all came to.
So I confronted my dad about it saying he didn't actually pay it off with his own money, the deed should have three of our names on it, but since he did not honor the deal then we should have our money refunded back to us but he won't do it.
So right now he is a different person from before and I believe he has intentions of selling the house we are all living in because all of us can't live together due to conflicting reasons. Unfortunately there is no contract of physical documentation about the deal being recorded, it was more of a "he said this" situation. Basically I've been lied to, stolen from, and cheated by my own dad which became heavily influenced by the large sum of money that was left to us.
What should I do? What can I do? Am I able to put a Lien on the house before he sells it? Or should I get a lawyer involved and attempt to sue him? Go to a debt collection agency? How do I go about this? (link)
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im going thru something similar right now with my moms stuff, she passed away in 2012 and im just now getting the clearance to get her 401k and im her next of kin on paper!
for this, you should try to contact your local legal aid. they can see you for free and see what they can do. just call them and say you like to find out who you talk to about a legal situation where family has scammed family, and just see what they say. They'll point you in the right direction.
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Judie - that is horrible advice.
Cut the crap - men don't want to date/marry an obese woman.
You can blow sunshine up someone's ass all day long with your pie in the sky views, yet if she isn't willing to put effort into losing the weight within a fair time frame, then move along.
I'm not going to invest my time/energy/money into someone that continues to gain weight and poses a dire health threat to herself and her longevity.
Life is too short.
Men are visual creatures, that's life.
Keep your obese view point to yourself and go enjoy time with your obese husband.
If you think appearance doesn't matter, then you truly are living in a pipe dream.
Obese women are hideous; there is absolutely no attraction whatsover to fat rolls, massives asses and tree trunk arms and legs.
I'm not going to pull any punches and why should I. Too many people are overly concerned about political correct behavior.
To hell with that - control your terrible carbohydrate,sugar/fat laden eating habits, deal with your potential thyroid issues and/or go seek counselling.
Do you think obese women have the energy to go out for a nice hike, or enjoy all the wonderful things in life that require a modest amount of physical energy? No, they don't.
Men - it's not worth it.
Move along. (link)
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so whats the question here??
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Helping a friend wh needed a place to live 'temporarily'. She's started sleeping on my couch and her belongings, which mostly look like trash is taking over my living room. It's just passed a year since she moved in, renting a room from my husband and me. My 2 boys can't stand her. How can i ask her to leave without sounding mean...what do I say? Do I need to put it in writing? (link)
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I agree with the others. This is a common thing, you do something out of the kindness of your heart for someone you care about and before you know it they end up thinking they can stay with you forever and no longer have to try to get their shit together because your taking care of them.
First off does she have a job?
Is she putting money away so that she can get her own place or a roommate?
does she talk about moving out and getting her life together ever?? Or has she turned into a permanent fixture in your house like a child or a family member who isnt required to leave ever would act?
when shes in a good mood, talk to her about helping her find her own place and talk about how fun house hunting would be and decorating her own place, and just try to make it a FUN "we'll do this together" kind of thing. Act excited and start looking for places that would be within her price range FOR HER if you have and then tell her later about "some of the cute place i found for you today!" and say things like "ill call and we'll set something up to go take a look at it!" and if she says yes and goes along with it, once your IN the place say things like "you could put a really cute futon or couch here" and this or that over there, and so on. This will make her feel like this is a change for the better and that if YOUR her best friend and YOUR excited then she should be too and look at it like a positive thing. Tell her youll be there with her every step of the way, and to think of all the parties, and holidays she could have people over for and all that.
(((this is the best way to NOT have to get anything in writing and making it look like your just being a good friend and trying to help her get on her feet)))
if she has a job and some money put away then ask her how much she has in savings and use her financial info to look for places in her price range. Help her move if you have to, and try to keep a positive vibe to everything.
If it seems like shes starting to react negatively, say to her "well....dont you WANT your own place??" and act like your confused and dont understand why as an adult she wouldnt want bigger and better things for herself. The things she says back to you will tell you alot.
Ive had this exact problem before TWICE one with my brother and the other with a best friend so inbox me if you need more help. ; )
good luck!
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Is using a toothbrush a good thing to use to masturbate? will sticking it in me cause a problem? (link)
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Oh lots of people use electric toothbrushes for this. Ive heard of it and its common because of the vibration the brush gives off and for females usually they like to hold the rotating moving head part of the brush against the clitoris to help stimulate and get things moving towards orgasm faster. just make sure its clean, no one ELSE uses it ever ONLY YOU, and that you only use it for that purpose. Be sure to keep the head of it clean and away from anyone else who could grab it and think its ok to use! lol. ; )
i would not suggest sticking it up INSIDE you that could be really painful. If you have to, buy a cheap dildo from a sex shop and stick that in you and then use the brush to get things going at the same time.
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23/F
So basically I'll start off with I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and when we broke up in June I felt so sad i have always had depression and self harmed myself but no one knew Fourth of July weekend I felt the saddest I have ever felt and looked at my medicine cabinet and said what am I going to take to kill myself I thought about death every day and thought it was normal. I talked to my doctor and she put me on zoloft. I have never felt better until yesterday. I met this new guy and I finally moved on to my ex we had sex twice both with condoms. The only skin on skin action was us in the shower but we never physically did it until after with a condom. The next day I had an outrageous yeast infection and I found out yesterday I have Herpes. I have only been with 2 people and this is what happens...the guy I slept with is in denial and said he doesn't have anything but maybe he does now because I gave it to him! He was with his ex for 2 years and he said they are both fine. I just don't understand how this happened to me and now I am back in my hole where I don't want to live anymore. I feel broken and sad and nobody is going to want me. (link)
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ok i THINK males can be carriers without showing any signs so what hes saying doesnt matter. He should go get tested and so should anyone else you had sex with. they probably passed it on to you without even knowing they did it.
herpes is manageable if you treat it early. look it up and see what can be done. see a doctor about treatment options.
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My boyfriend asked me tonight if I was a virgin because he is and has never done anything at all. We've been dating on a couple weeks and I didn't know how to answer it though. This is why:
I've gave a few guys head
I've been fingered A LOT
I had anal twice
I masturbate like once a day
I never had like...sex sex, you know? Like the making babies kind LOL. You know what I mean. Does that mean I'm a virgin? (link)
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just say yes, because if your saying youve never had VAGINAL sex then your still a virgin in that aspect.
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I'm 19 going on 20 in 4 months time my boyfriend is 27 my mom has met him once and we live in different cities we would like to get married but I have a over protective/alcoholic crazy father what do I do to get him to accept it ? (link)
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Well hold on just a minute here, lets slow down and talk about this first.....
Have you been together for a while?? is there anyway you could just get engaged right now but not jump straight into marriage??
I mean you really dont know someone until youve lived with them, helped pay bills, the cooking the cleaning, i mean play house first before you just jump into something like that. Marriage is a serious life time commitment and although my husband and i met when i was just 14 and he was 21 at the time, we still took the time to LIVE together for SEVERAL years before saying "ok i think we're really ready for this"
Marriage isnt going to solidify anything that isnt already there. Two people that are getting married are just making it official and already know that they are a great match. as they say "test drive the car before you buy it" get me?
When you get married you become a team, can you ask yourself if your a team in every aspect of your relationship?? do you talk out major decisions before you make them first?
I dont want to discourage you at all but im trying to get you to ask yourself these things so that i dont have to. You also didnt include anything about how long youve been together so without that it makes it hard for me to give you advice on what a parent would think about your plan, or why hes objecting because there could be a thousand reasons OTHER than him being "old fashion"
Does he think your too young?
does he simply not like the age difference?
Is he against this because you havent even lived together first?
Does he want you to finish school first or something?? your really giving us very little to work with here....
So i cant give you any kind of definitive way to approach him in the right manner without more info.
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I'm 20 and wore braces four years ago that gave me a smile I'd always wanted. For years after I was told I had to wear a retainer to keep my teeth in the same place.
So I did, except about 6 months ago i lost it. I should have got to the orthodontists then to get a replacement-but was worried it'd not be on the NHS.
So now, six months on due to eating I have a hideously large gap between my front two teeth again and its causing me to cover my mouth when i smile. Like you could easily get a coin through there.
So is there any way without going to the orthodontists to get the gap reduced if not closed?
Thanks! (link)
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Yeah i second that, you need to get back to the dentist asap and get it fixed. the longer you wait the worse it will get.
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So my bedroom door keeps opening by itself. Usually just a little, but the other day it's been doing a lot. I'm atheist, I like to believe in science. Although I do have a tiny spiritual side. I'm jusr wondering if it's normal or...? (link)
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Oh well idk if youve read up alot on the "blood" moons we're having this month but its actually been blamed as the cause of ALOT of the strange things that have been going on in nature this month.
what i mean by this is:
Odd cloud formations
Birds falling out the sky and dying
antelope just keeling over and dying out in the middle of nowhere and crews having to collect the bodies and get rid of them.
and lastly about factories in china exploding or looking like it was hit by a missle when nothing came from the skies and there was video footage to prove it.
Ive also had some odd experiences in my home, and a few others i know have reported the same and we're still in the early part of september! lol
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i am 13, and i live with my adoptive parents. my real mom had me at 16 and got me token away when i was very young. i have always said that i would not be a teen mom, that i would wait for after marriage. but yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. how do i tell my parents? and i will not get an abortion and i don't want to give my baby away. so how will i tell my mom( that is 6 months pregnant) and dad that their 13 year old daughter is pregnant and wants to keep her baby? (link)
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Ok first off i want to advise you to think about your choice here (because it IS yours and yours alone obviously) Where is the father, and how will you support this child should you choose to have this baby??
If your not too late you can still either take a plan B pill. I know im always gonna sound like the bad guy because im mentioning abortion but you have to be realistic here and not be blinded by your own reality.
Would you make a good mother? Is this really what you want at this point in life. You are so very young right now and i know that it may sound like im being mean but im really trying to get you to think here. idk how far along you are but it may not be too late for a morning after pill. A MAP doesnt literally mean it HAS to be or can ONLY be effective the next day so keep that in mind if you DO decide to not go through with it.
Im sorry but at this age i do think you should consider aborting if its still early enough. You have so much potential because your so young, dont squelch that because you made one bad choice as a young teen.
I also feel i should mention here that because you are a minor authorities and the hospital WILL to your adoptive parents about this babys major issues and NOT you. are you ok with that?
There are some states where your parents can take over guardianship of the baby and they can do as they please with it and you have NO say in the matter and they dont have to tell you a damn thing about it. are you ALSO ok with that??
Im not trying to scare you here but you need to know the truth should this apply to you, also dont just assume that your adoptive parents are gonna just take care of you and your baby either thats a little selfish and unfair so i hope that your not thinking that things will remain the same after the child is born. With your adoptive mother being under what is already a stressful situation by being herself pregnant, you are complicating their lives in so many different ways. Your probably not even aware of yet. This will force you to grow up faster then you have to, breast feeding and getting up every four hours to feed that baby until its old enough, missing out of trips with friends, parties, things like that. Theres also a large chance that you will LOSE friends as well because youll be in a different place in life now then they are because they dont have kids yet. Naturally when this happens people stop calling and coming over to do things with you because their going to assume you either "busy with the baby" or you make them uncomfortable because they arent used to being around that yet. get used to that statement above about people assuming your too busy and never hearing from them again too because you know what.....i was one of the most popular girls in my crowd, i was MODEL and i was KNOWN and i had a hugeeee social life and then i got married and had a baby (as planned) and i lost so many friends because none of them had kids yet. Its really sad when your sitting there at 3am feeding your baby and you realize you no longer have a life anymore because of the choice you made. So be SURE that this is what you want because from here on out you are changing your life in a huge way ok.
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Most dairy cows get turned to beef once they stop producing enough milk. Also, in order for them to produce enough milk for humans they get artificially inseminiated to produce more children than necessary, their baby boys get killed and turned to veal, while their baby girls are prepared to one day take on their role. Cow milk is for cows, like human milk is for humans. Humans are the only animal species that drinks the milk of another animal. Chickens can live pretty horrible lives, too. It's said that a woman having 1 egg a day shortens her life as having 5 cigarettes a day. So how can a vegetarian truly be ethical? They can have just as much cholesterol as a meat eater, or even more, too. And before you say that plants have feelings, no, they don't, as they don't have a nervous systems or brains. You can get every nutrient you need from plants, there are even plant based b12 supplements, as b12 comes from soil enriched with cobalt. The nutrients you think that just naturally occur in animal flesh are really through the animal eating plants, so why not just bypass the animal, and avoid dying from the world's biggest killer, heart disease (link)
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I have to also stand behind adviceman here. There is no hard and set rules for HOW vegetarian a person wants to be because i know quite a few vegans, and vegetarians and they say its not even about what your saying its about the impact that it can make on NOT buying things from companies that have been known to abuse their production line of animals.
Some of these people i know also have their OWN chickens and goats to product what they want and have the comfort of knowing that it came from an animal that was properly cared for (almost as if it were a pet) which includes vet visits. Knowing that they dont have to buy eggs from the store that are expensive either is a huge thing for most of them.
so for alot of them its about what they can do to NOT aid in animal abuse, and make sure their eggs and milk are coming from healthy cared for animals and not from who knows where.
A few of the people i know have this "i feel guilty about eating meat" thing going on but ive found that to NOT be the main purpose for only eating certain things.
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Hi,
I'm Taylor and I'm a sophomore in high school. I have a boyfriend and I've known him for over a year. We started as best friends and then we fell in love and now we're dating. He makes me so happy and we share a lot in common. He understands my depression unlike any other guy, he's sweet, caring, he looks out for me and he means so much to me. My biggest issue is though...he's biracial. I don't see why my dad is so fucking judgmental of his skin color. He calls him ugly, and a nigger (even though he's actually not fully black he actually looks more white then he does black). Last night, I had a bad day at school. I was on the phone with my friend Haleigh , my dad found out about me dating AJ and he snapped...he said things like "my shit looks better than that ugly nigger" , "you only hang with your friends so you can hang with him, I saw on Facebook" , "you lied to me about your feelings (which in fact I fucking didn't, I told him we were friends a month prior but things have changed since then), he said he doesn't want zebra babies for grandchildren, "you're a princess and he's a frog", and more other hurtful things. My mom said that if AJ leaves me, no white guy will want to date me because I dated a half black guy. I just don't fucking understand why my dad is so fucking judgmental of race, he judges the outside but not the inside and it hurts me very much. After me being upset with school, and then my dad getting into me about something I can control, it was unnecessary. After he found out I was dating a biracial guy , my dad said "I'm no longer his daughter and to not say shit to him and that my boyfriend had mental issues". (Which in this case, no we both have depression and we support each other) I've already lost so much. It hurts me. Later that night, my boyfriend and I talked about what happened on the phone. We talked about the things my dad said and my boyfriend said that I shouldn't let my dad get to me that way , and I agreed. I spent a lot of time crying over my dad yelling at me. I still love my dad, but I don't know anymore honestly...what can I do to get him to fucking realize that my boyfriend is a good person even though he thinks he's "ugly". Please help...any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. And God bless. (link)
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Well it sounds like he needs to be confronted on this issue.
Maybe next time he says something awful like that then maybe you should tell him that you can have your boyfriend come over and he can say that shit to their face.....that is...if hes not a coward right?? lol
i love to mess with peoples heads that say shit like this about other races. lol
Then ill also continue to use it against them at every opportunity i can....you know real subtle like....you things like while your out and someone asks him something and you want to calmly take that moment to shame him just a simple "oh his opinion doesnt matter hes racists anyway" to whoever is talking to him.
you know real calm, and uncomplicated things.
Then let him know that you WILL CONTINUE to do whatever you feel is needed until he stops with the comments about your boyfriend. cause whats the worst he could do to you for it??
this is called mental warfare my friend. He wont know when or where your going to do it either and that can scare someone MORE mentally and get them to rethink the things they say than anything else. If he knows your capable of this and will not hesitate if you feel disrespected then there could be room there to change himself. NOT being publicly shamed is a pretty fucking big motivator id say.
You can also casually let him know that you will let any friends, inlaws, or people he knows, KNOW that he is racist as well if he continues with the hate. your tired of hearing it obviously and this is the most calm, matter of fact, non-violent way of putting your foot down. whatever happens stay calm, do not let effect you or at least dont show it, and wait for results. If he chooses to try to disown you then let him. He brought this on himself and is only digging himself in deeper so it would be wise of him to stop now before he regrets something he said for the rest of his life.
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I'm 14 and my friend is a year older than I. We've been friends since we were little kids and our parents are close friends. Awhile ago my dad was on Twitter and he saw her page and it said stuff like "I like sex". I told my dad it wasn't hers because I didn't believe she would do something like that plus when we hang uo she doesn't seem like that. So today my friend from church was on Instagram and she showed me a picture of her in only her bra (it was a top of the body picture) and I was like wth. I need to know if I should tell my dad he was right and tell him to talk to her parent or if I should try to talk to her myself or if I should just leave it alone. If I tell my dad I'm scared she might be mad at me. And if I talk to her what should I say? Please help! (link)
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maybe let her know that her doing things like that is going to attract the wrong kind of people. perverts, molesters, and god knows what else here.
Shes putting herself out there as someone that shes really not and this could lead her down a dangerous road. if you want to try to talk to her first you can but if you find out shes still doing it i would talk to your dad and tell him that your genuinely worried about her and that you dont want her to get in trouble because that wont necessarily fix it cause she could just go elsewhere and keep doing it and then youll never know if she actually stopped or not.
he needs to tell her parents and then they need to say it doesnt matter how, i found out the point is i know. (only do this if your NOT going to talk to her first because youll be the first one she blames for it later)
If you think you can talk to her and handle this between you youngsters then thats fine too, but if she keeps it up she will find herself in some hot water someday with a guy she gave the wrong impression to about herself and some guys are violent when they feel mislead ok.....so she needs to just stop now while shes ahead.
just tell her that you saw the pic she posted, that your concerned for her, and that posting things like that could mislead and/or attract the wrong kind of attention. unless thats what shes going for.
Young girls sell on the market for pretty high in the world of human trafficking when it comes to prostitution my friend. All it takes is her meeting up with someone who is misleading HER back as some cute young guy and they could snatch her and sell her for money in mexico or something, so this is more about her safety then it is about when people she knows will actually think.....
have a heart to heart with her, warn her of what shes doing, and of her safety and hope to god she listens......
good luck
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My mom tells at me constantly, then pretends like nothing ever happened. She calls me names, one time she kept screaming that I'm pathetic, over and over again, I just can't take these insults anymore. I started cutting every time she breaks me down. I don't make them very deep, but just enough so they bleed. I just hate her so much, if I could, I would try to get some space for a while, but I can't, usually when she does this is at night, and I can't get out because of my curfew. I did try to talk to her about it, but she said it was my fault. I have really bad grades, I just don't care about them anymore. Sorry if there are so many questions in here, but I just really need to vent, and get some advice. BTW I'm a 13 year old female, if that helps. (link)
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Sounds like your mom is going through some issues of her own right now and she doesnt know how to deal with it and because you live with her and your right there, you become a target of it.
At this point theres only so much you can do but im gonna try to help you as much as i can here and i hope that you can pick an option and run with it.
You could try nicely asking her if you can talk (maybe again at a different time even though i know you said you tried) it might not have been a good time.
You need to ask yourself first "do i have the courage to stand up to her and talk to her like an adult?" if the answer is yes or that you willing to try at least then heres what you do.
Walk into the room shes in, if shes watching tv, or reading, get the remote and turn the tv off and say "we need to talk....." and look her straight in the eyes and do not break contact. this is what adults do when theres a serious issue that they want to address with other adult.
(staring and making full eye contact will show her that you ARE VERY serious and that today is the day that your GOING to have some sort of conversation here)
So unless she gets up and walks away, then you maintain eye contact, and tell her that you understand when she gets upset with other things that are going on her life right now but calling people names is not going to fix anything and its not going to "make it better" so lets just stop with the name calling if thats ok.
I think your old enough to be able to say these things to her at this point and have her at the very least take you seriously and think about what shes allowing to spew out of her mouth at people.
If she tries to blame you for everything then just reply with "oh thats mature mom.....cause EVERYTHING is just MY fault ALLLLL the time huh???"
say nothing, stare, and let her decide how she wants to react to that.
If she says she treats you the way she does for whatever reason, say "well your certainly not helping anything get better by acting the way you do" leave or walk away and let her stew on this for a little bit. Sometimes adults need time to process what their child is saying to them because your starting to become old enough now that you can think for yourself and you have your own ideas about things and your going to start voicing your thoughts.
Just because shes had a bad day doesnt make it ok to take it out on other people around her. you can also mention that to her before you leave the room.
just remember adults need time sometimes to think things over before they will be willing to come back and talk about the exchange you just had so after youve said how you felt, be sure to give her a little bit of time, maybe a day or two, to realize what shes done and build up the courage to come to you about it too.
next option. Find a friend of hers (or a family member) that you know really cares about you and tell them about how badly things have been and what youve been doing. sometimes when it comes from another adult, your mom may take it more seriously.
lastly, tell a counselor at school whats going on if youve tried to talk to your mom and she just wont listen. thats a last resort because if your mom doesnt get off her butt and do something they will call CPS and MAKE HER for your sake. dont be afraid, its the schools job to listen and do whats best for you.
I suggest trying to talk to her first to get her to realize whats shes doing, remember that shes not going to make an over night turn around, these things can take time for an adult but if shes been warned about her treatment of you from someone else who is taking notice and is serious then she may rethink her actions.
good luck = )
I want to add here that over the years ive known alot of people who were cutters and one of the things that helped them to stop when they felt like hurting themselves was to put a rubber band around their wrist and just snap it. it can help distract you from the cutting while still giving the sting you are craving. (idk how badly your doing it but ive known some pretty bad cutters and that helped them some, please just try that instead of harming yourself next time ok)
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A year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend which is now my ex because I just didnt feel like being in a relationship yet. Now, a month ago I was invited to my friends birthday party. While I was there one of my best friends started talking about my ex and how he was a 'player' to all the people there(Got rejected 3 times). 2 months after the party, my ex texted me on how 'mean I was' because apparently I 'called him a player'. Then he ranted on why he agreed to break up and how 'bad' I was. He's nice and all but he just lashed out at me. What do I do? (link)
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What do you mean "what do i do?" here? ignore him and never talk to him again. You dont need someone like that in your life and you shouldnt even dignify what he says to you with a response.
Cut ties with his friends, youll make plenty of friends in your lifetime ok. The world isnt a small place.
sometimes i know there are people you like alot that are still connected with him and thats ok. But you may need to distance yourself from those people if they are reporting back to him about what your still doing these days or anything like that.
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I love my mom to death. She means the world to me and her and I are very close. When things are good, its great. But like any relationship, there are ups and downs. When things are tough they are bad. Disagreements happen. Every few months we have am argument, they happen, sometimes over silly little things, sometimes over things that have nothing to do with us, just stress about money or other relationships. But every time we argue, she accuses me of pushing her away(which I don't, but she takes things personally sometimes, we all do. I'm just as guilty now and again of that), she stops talking to me for days, weeks, at one point months. She blocks me on Facebook. I get blamed for everything, although I am not innocent. I make mistakes. She never takes responsibility for her part. She says she's done and that's that. Eventually we make up and things are OK.my question is, I want to talk to her about her behavior? The blocking the not talking for extensive amounts of time, the blaming and responsiblity, everything, without sounding like I'm attacking her or bashing her. I can't keep dealing with this. It's unhealthy, I question at times its borderline abusive. (link)
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See if you can get her to go to counseling with you. Say its to help better your mother daughter relationship(just say whatever you have to say to get her there) so that you guys can "work on things" and it doesnt have to be this ugly cycle.
Appeal to her softer side and just do whatever you have to do to get her to go once your back on her good side. This will make it look like you want to bond, and grow closer, and that your trying to "make the effort" on your side of things.
; )
good luck
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