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Q: society tells us that having premarital sex is wrong, (risk of pregnancy, stds...) but also emotionally, that you cant handle a breakup after you lose your virginity to someone, it changes your life forever, etc. I know all of that, but is it true with EVERY SINGLE relationship that if you have premarital sex, it'll drive you two apart and you'll eventually break up. How wrong is it to have sex in highschool (only with 1 person of course and you keep it between yourself.) my boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months and I want to have sex with him eventually but I'm afraid it'll make us break up... why does that happen? like think back in the 1940's, if you got pregnant both of you would drop out of highschool and GET MARRIED...why cant it be like that these days?

Sex won't make you break up, but it might complicate things. I think it makes people stay in relationships longer than they sometimes should, because they're afraid of losing that connection, even if the relationship becomes based on sex. It also has health risks (which I'm sure you're aware of), and you can be faced with life-changing situations that you can really regret later in life. There's a reason people don't get married at 17 anymore: you have a lot of cool, single, independent life to live, and you won't be happy if you miss out on all that and marry young.

There are worse things you can do than have sex, but I'd urge you to hold off until after high school. I'm sure you love your boyfriend now but at your age, you change so much every year that it's hard to keep the same feelings for one person through everything you go through, and then you might regret not being a virgin when you're older and the man you want to marry really does come around.

Q: Ok, I apoligize in advance if this is really long.

But, i have this friend. We've been really close since elementary school. I really enjoy spending time with her. But when the topic about money comes up, it just makes me ache inside. I don't show it. Okay, so my family doesn't have the kind of money like her family does. Most of the time she just shoves it in my face, i don't really know if she does it on purpose or it just comes naturally.. but it's really starting to make me extremley upset. For example, we're supposed to hang out, and then shes going shopping. I sort of had the option to go with her, but i don't have any money to buy anything. And truth be told, i don't want to watch her shop, that makes it worse. I just want her to realize that theres more things to do than shop & spend money. She has everything i've always wanted. I don't know how to explain this to her, nor i don't even know what to say to her. Any advice on what i should say? Or what i should do?

Thanks Much.

Sincerley, Unhappy.

I'm not sure if the issue is what she has or what she thinks... she sounds awfully materialistic. I can barely stand to go shopping, I'm sick of having all that commercialism shoved in my face. She might not realize how uncomfortable she makes you, but you might drop some hints about how there are other fun ways to spend time that don't involve as much money, like just hanging out and talking or going to nature trails or museums (lots of them have free admission days, you just have to check). Tell her it's not just the money that bugs you, it's doing the same thing and being obsessed with the same yuppie marketing all the time. You just might get through.

Q: sport finder
i go to a school where sports mean alot..i have tried a bunch of differnet sports..but none of them work for me..i am tring to stay in shape..but i havent as much since i quit my last sport..i really want to try out for a sport this year..any ideas of which one i should pick..i'm not to good at sports ..but i'm detirmned to do this!

The best sport is track! They don't have tough tryouts, the teams are big and coed, and there are so many events that you're bound to be good at one of them. I was a high jumper for four years and I loved it, I did it in college and everything. It's like flying.

Q: Ok well at camp this summer, i had a boyfriend 3 years older then me. You know we would hold hands and stuff and kiss and everything but like everyonce in a while he would grab my boobs and my butt and i didnt really like it but i just threw it off. anyways when i got back home, guys were all calling me a slut, and theres this guy Diantrey, and now hes like all over me grabbin my slappin my ass grabing my boobs tryin to undo my bra and stuff its getting so annoyin. now its starting to spread around my neighbor hodd now people are tryin to like hook up with me say hey baby wanna come over to my hosue tonigh. anyways i've been puttin it off but now its startin to get to me. does anyone have any advice how i can stop all of this???

I'd smack him! Seriously, it's so stupid how judgemental people are when it comes to girls. If you grabbed some guy's ass, they wouldn't call him a slut, they'd call you one. How is that fair?

So from now on, I'd just look at them and say, "My boyfriend got to grab my boobs, because he was hot and cool. You are not. So get off me, loser!" and leave it at that.

Q: I'm trying to decide what I'll study in university, and I'm considering engineering as an option. I know that you're an electrical engineer. Please tell me what you had to study in university and what your job is about.

Also, does it matter what subjects I do in high school? I'm in year 11 now and I do 3 unit (all other subjects are 2 unit) maths, chemistry, physics, biology, advanced English, and economics. I'll probably drop biology and pick up 4 unit maths in year 12. Do you think that these subjects are good ones if I want to study engineering in university?

Engineering is a great option! I absolutely love my job, and I loved college, too. I was in an electronics engineering technology program so we got to spend lots of time in labs building stuff, but if you're more theoretical and like math a lot more, you can do pure electrical engineering and have a good time with it. You get to work with the coolest people and read about really cutting edge stuff in engineering, and with an electrical degree there are a million different places you can go. I went into the aircraft industry but the possibilities are endless.

I'd say you're doing fine. High school doesn't matter all that much... I wasn't in a lot of the advanced classes, and I came out just fine. It's just important that you take a math class and a science class every year, and really take the time to understand things, don't just do what you need to in order to pass the test. You'll really regret not grasping those foundations if you slack off now.

Q: I'm having a really hard time looking for a job. I applied to all the really good jobs that I like. And they said they would call, but they don't. Then my cousin got a job and said that she called them back. And she got an interview and got a job. Now I'm job-less. I did what she did, and they said that either their manager was on vacation or they're not hiring right now. Why can't I get an interview? I'm still applying and I made sure that my handwriting and answers on the application was acceptable. Does anybody have any tips on how I could get a good job?

Well, this might sound bad but they really might not be hiring right now. It's late June. Students lined up for summer positions a month ago.

You can keep trying but if you want a job now you might have to lower your standards and go with fast food or something, hate to say it.

Also, make sure you're dressed nicely when you pick up AND drop off the application, and smile a lot, all that stuff.

Q: I have had a debate with a friend of mine about whether it's proper to refer to myself as a feminist. I believe I am a feminist, but I can also see the argument that because I am not a girl I can not be a true feminist, even if I hold all the beliefs of a feminist.

Men can definitely be feminists. I'm friends with lots of them. There've even been cool guys throughout history, like John Stuart Mill, who made fantastic contributions to the feminist movement. If you think men and women deserve to be treated equality and acknowledge the fact that we're not quite there yet, you're a feminist, and it doesn't matter what gender you are.

Q: I'm getting a new computer soon and I'm not sure what operating system to install. I've been using Windows XP for a while but i've had quite a few people tell me that Linux is better. I use a computer for playing games, watching films and word processing. Which operating system does these things the best? I already have windows xp so cost isn't an issue.

I'd dual boot if I were you. Install your Windows XP first, but partition your hard drive so there's room for linux. Then install a simple linux distro, like SuSE. You'll be able to experience the greatness of linux but if any of your games don't run, you can shut down your computer and switch to windows. I've been running linux for almost five years and it's amazing... I'd never go back to windows. And SuSE comes with software that's gotten me into stuff I never even thought I'd like. I'm convinced that if every american tried linux out and saw how stable and fast and secure it is, Windows would be in big trouble!

Q: I'm 26 years old and pretty lonely. I'm finding it harder as I grow older to make and keep good, healthy friends. My best friend has a problem communicating and being around when I need her. I always feel like I'm only here for her comfort and it really sucks. She's always just so flighty and in and out of my life. I guess we are friends when it suits her needs. I don't know how to go about telling her how I feel about it.

I guess the bigger problem is that I really don't have any other friends. I don't know where to start making them either. I am a queer femme and it seems my community is pretty cliquish. It sucks and I hate being lonely.

I would love it if you had any advice to offer.

I'm with you there, it's impossible to find friends after you're out of school. I moved to a new town three years ago and it's been tough, but I finally feel like there are cool people I can call up whenever. Here's a list of stuff I did:

1) Went to meetups ( http://www.meetup.com ) of stuff that interests me.
2) Joined a church.
3) Bowled on a summer bowling league.
4) Volunteered for a political organization during a campaign.
5) Went out with coworkers.
6) Joined a running group.
7) Did stuff by myself. Seriously, for a long time I'd go to movies, shows, clubs whatever with nobody, and I'd take a book along to keep me company if I needed it. You'd be surprised how many people sit by you and start up a conversation!

My community seems cliquish too but now I've got people I can go out with, so I'm pretty happy.

Q:

everyone at my school says cheerleading is a sport and some say it isn't a sport..don't answer this question if you are going to write something mean or stupid. so is cheerleading a sport? and if no why is it on espn?

It's on ESPN because people like to watch it. I mean, why is Real World on MTV? It's not a music video.

A sport is an activity where you have an opponent who tries to keep you from scoring points, and you try to score points for your team to win, or there's some other standard measurement to see who does better (like, a stopwatch). Any activity that requires a judge to make a subjective decision about who's better is not a sport, it's an activity. Bowling is a sport. Ballroom dancing is not. Running is a sport. Debate is not. Football is a sport. Figure skating is not.

I think cheerleading is a good way to spend time, meet friends, and work out, but it's not a sport, it's a performance art.

Q: What program did you use to make the Stick Death Videos? I don't want to copy, but i've been thinking about just making funny little clips for my friends, but i don't know which program to use.

-addicted to the computer

I used animagic gif.

Q: Hi im in highschool and looking for a scholarship program for a medical school, my family makes only 60,000 a year and im afraid that there wont be enough money for colledge! I need a scholarship program, anything is apperciated! thanks!

Yeah, you've got a ways to go before you're ready for med school, but when you get there it's just like college... there are scholarships, grants, loans, the works. It's pretty hard to get into medical school though, you have to have really good grades in college.

Talk to your school councelor about this. They've got the mad hookup on all that stuff and can tell you when to fill out your FAFSA and apply for schools and all that. Most scholarship money you'll get will be through whatever school you chose.

Q: what happens if you really like someone and they sorta like you but all they ever want to talk about is getting the good stuff

Then they don't really like you, they like sex. Run the other way.

Q: I am now fifteen and the last time i liked a guy while we were going out was when i was twelve. its fucked up cause i've gone out with guys since then; and i've had crushes; but as soon as we're actually together the idea of commitment totally turns me off and i stop liking him. And even when we've broken up i remain totally possessive; i get jealous of him and tell him to wait for me and not date anyone else. It seems like I only want what i can't have, and i never want to keep anything thats too easily won. it's nice for the first few days... but then it actually seems like im tired of being involved. what the fuck is wrong with me? could it have anything to do with my mistrust in love, or perhaps my broken family?

You're fifteen. You're not supposed to want to get married and have kids right now, you're supposed to want to have fun and try out lots of relationships that aren't too serious so you'll better know what you want later in life. If you're really unhappy in relationships, just be single for six months or a year. I think it's stupid that society puts so much pressure on everybody to hook up, you know?

Q: Alright this may seem pathetic.. but I just realized I don't like my boyfriend that much anymore... I just can't dump him because I.. don't know I juust can't do it! So I was going to try to get him to dump me.. the only thing is I don't know how!! The one thing I don't wanna do is cheat on him! So does anyone have any ideas on how I should go about doing this!?

You've gotta dump him. I know you think it's impossible, but it's the polite thing to do. Just get up some courage, look him in the eye, and say, "I don't think this is working out." and that's the end of it. If you try to drive him away he won't dump you, he'll just be really freaking confused and later tell all his friends that you're one of "those girls" who plays HEAD GAMES... there's almost nothing worse that can be said about you.

Q: I'm a 17 year old female and I have this ex-boyfriend who called me out of the blue like 2 days ago. I haven't spoken to him in about a year and a half and the last time we spoke it didn't end so well.he broke my heart and slept with my best friend and I've hated him since. when he called he apologized about everything and we talked about the past and talked for about an hour.I was very suprised to here from him, but I also felt very relieved to here him say he was sorry, it was something I had been wanting to here for a really long time(I mean he was my first and he did break my heart). So I've asked a few friends what they think about it and they're all telling me that he regrets what he did and finally realized what he lost and that he wants me back. So what is it that he really wants or is what my friends are saying true?

You should ask him, not your friends. My guess is that if he wanted you back, he would have said "I want you back," or something comparable. Cheating is something that really eats at you, and he might be dealing with some demons there that he needed to get rid of. Don't read too much into it.

And even if he did want you back, he cheated on you! Don't even think about going back, that's stupid!

Q: QUOTE"I'm offended that you've told girls to forget about guys who are too shy to ask them out. Geeks have a lot to offer, and we might be shy, but we're not emotionless and are certainly better for girls than those popular jocks who just want to get laid."UNQUOTE

QUOTE"Well yeah, from a moral standpoint I'm sure you're much better. But you're still a lousy boyfriend if you're afraid of girls. I'm not saying geeks are a downfall in society or anything, okay? You're still a good person, I'm sure. Just not worth chasing after from a boyfriend standpoint. Women should not have to work hard to keep any man, you're not worth it to us. So I'm telling all my questioners to drop the battle, whether they're fighting another woman, an alcohol problem, or the fact that you're a big damn pussy. Get some guts, then think about what you can offer women. There are guys who know a lot about computers and aren't afraid to talk to girls, get to be friends with some females, it won't kill you. Quit staring at us from afar. You're not genetically encoded to be a loser your whole life... everyone can be cool if they're mature and determined."UNQUOTE

You are a feminist, you want equal rights...and yet you still preach that men should work hard for women, yet women shouldn't have to work for men. Is this equal rights? Sounds like a blatant double standard to me.

After battling shyness and low self esteem for years, I now approach girls...but its great when girls come up to me, too. I don't see anything wrong with it.

End your hypocrisy. Men should approach women, but women should approach men too.

How is going up and talking to a girl "working hard"? There are plenty of times when I'll tell a woman to be honest and up front towards a man she wants, even if it means getting past some shyness, and that's what I'm telling the guy here, too.

Sorry I don't replace every pronoun in every question with "he/she", but I was addressing this one GUY'S problem with WOMEN. When women write in asking what to do differently, I tell them to change.

Q: What do you do when you have a bestfriend and you r going out with her ex-boyfriend??? I mean I want them to both be happy, but I also want my own happiness. The catch is he doesnt kno if he wants to break up with me for her or not...but we think he does. What should I do?

Signed,
Confused Girl

I'd break up with him. Any time someone says "The catch is..." my answer is "break up with him."

Q: I can't decide whether I want to be a marine biologist or a zoologist! Please help mee!! What would u b?

I'd avoid them both... job competition is pretty high. But if I had to choose one, I'd be a zoologist. Marine biologists have to live by oceans, but zoologists can live anywhere.

Q: ok i have been going out with this guy for almost 2 months now and i like him alot but we havent even kissed yet, should i make the first move? and he doesnt call me..what is up with that? maybe he is just shy i dont know, and there is this other guy that i think likes me and i kind of like him too, but i dont want to brake up with my boyfriend for him, so what should i do about that?

Two months? I'd say you gave him plenty of time. If he's not even calling you, I'm afraid he's not interested. Sorry to say it but it's true. Call it quits and move on to the next one (they really are like busses... one comes by every 15 minutes).

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.