about

Please note that at this time, I am not accepting questoins. I am having serious doubts about the amount of time and patience that this site requires of me, as well as how I fit into its structure. Becuase of that, I will not be checking advicenators for a while, and thus WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. Here's my intact profile, however, in case I come back.



Welcome to my humble abode... or something.

My name is Brie, but you can just call me Wily (no, that's not my real last name). I'm an eighteen year old from rural Mid-Michigan (think Saginaw or Bay City, only surrounded by miles and miles of trees, corn, and sugar beets).

I'm an honor student, sort of. Not to brag, but I was Salutatorian of my high school class. I specialize in English, educational topics, and social studies, but I'm good with basic sciences and drama too.

I'm a big geek; I like to write and play RPGs, and my favorite video games ever are the Pokemon series. I'm actually a relatively well-known Pokemon master (I've moderated the forums of two bigger Pokemon fansites, and have been an on and off admin at one), and at the two sites where I became relatively popular I aquired the reputation of "The Pokemon Professor." However, that doesn't do me much good here, becuase who is going to ask about Pokemon on an advice site?

I don't have much experience with relationships but I have a natural nack for giving advice about them. I also don't know anything firsthand about things that we do not mention in polite company, but I know a lot about the science and psychology of them, so I'd be glad to answer safety-based questions--just don't ask me about technique, becuase I know nothing. I'll try to answer anything you throw at me, and many things that you don't, though, so feel free to try me.

Be warned though, I'm not afraid to tell it like it is. There are stupid questions, and if yours is one I will respectfully tell you so, and attempt to give you the information you need anyway. If you need to buck up and accept what's happening, I will say so. However, in this column I try to maintain a standard of respect, kindness, and helpfulness; you will not be flamed here. Unless you're a babyeater or something.

So, drop me a line, and I'll do what I can. Live long and prosper!



Requirements

Now, I know this is gonna kinda look stupid, what with this being an advice site at all, but I have a few simple requests for you.



If you do not follow these guidelines, I may not answer your quesiton. I will not say that I won't, because with some questions you don't need to say some of these things, and with some of these guidelines, you can't do anything until I've answered. But please make my life easier. That's what I'm trying to do for yours.

advice

condom packages always say that they are like 99% effective if used correctly and stuff, but in school we learned that since condoms are latex like balloons, they have tiny holes in them that sperm can swim through. wtf. how effictive is that?

You need to be careful about where you get your information about birth control.

For one, your school may be in one of the many states where the only form of sex education that schools are ALLOWED to teach is "abstinence only." "Abstinence only" Sex Ed teaches you that the ONLY way to prevent pregnancy and STDs is to avoid having sex. While Abstinence is the BEST and MOST EFFECITIVE way, it is not the ONLY way. However, states that forbid full sex-ed have programs that skew the facts slightly to scare kids into not having sex.

Condoms are an effective and convenient form of birth control, compared to other forms of non-hormonal, non-surgical birth control. They are made of LATEX. LATEX is used in medical settings. People are supposed to wear LATEX GLOVES when handling the bodily fluids to avoid catching diseases (like STDs). Latex is not "Just a balloon." I'm not sure just how effective latex is, but it's one of the best substances you can get for the circumstances.

I'm not sure of the actual statistics on condom effectiveness for pregnancy and STDs, however, you may want to google it. PLEASE be careful of your sources though. Church or religion based websites are usually biased against condom use due to many churches considering birth control or premarital sex immoral; condom companies are biased for it becuase they make money. You want an impartial source that is not linked to a religion or a company. I would try your local health department, or a nonprofit organization online. And don't just take one site's word. "Shop around."

If you do have sex, which I think you should not, please use condoms or other birth control, and make sure that you use them PROPERLY. Remember, abstinence is best, but if you don't do that there are other options... Everything you do has a risk of pregnancy and STD with the exception of abstinence. Make sure you're ready for that risk when you decide to have sex.

[view]

Fellow atheists: I have a friend who is a militant Christian, meaning, she thinks it's her job to convert everyone who isn't Christian into one, including me. She knows I'm atheist, but it really bothers me when she tells me that I'm going to hell for not believing in Christian ways. I've told her many times that I don't believe in a god, afterlife, or book of worship. Yet, she still has the nerve to constantly bring up "god" and how I NEED to be a Christian. Other than that, she's cool. Are there any ideas on how to get through to her that I really don't want her help when it comes to religion? I'm going to snap if she comments to me one more time.

Please bear with me; I'm a bit longer and more rambling than usual, and some of my opinions require a lot of points to come together. I may seem to be advocating her side at a few points, but that's not my intentions--I'm merely asking you to consider hers before you act, and ensure that you're not treating mistakes and slips as deliberate acts.

On to the advice.

I sort of know where you're coming from. I'm sort of a Christian, and my atheist friends were very relentless in trying to "convert me" to atheism or even "anything but Christianity." I didn't tell people they were going to hell, either.

I've also had Christian friends try to press their beliefs on me, although the fact that I believed in Jesus sort of got them off my backs.

You need to be absolutely sure that she understands how you feel. Make sure to tell her that her constant conversion attempts are hurtful, annoying, and frustrating to you. Tell her that you have no intention of ever converting, and that her behavior is driving you even further away from Christianity than you already were. Tell her that you value her friendship but you will not continue to tolerate harassment, and that if she cannot stop trying to convert you, you can no longer be her friend.

What ever you do, please, please, PLEASE do not try to insist that atheism is better, or convert her. You cannot defeat fire with fire int his case. When you try to tell anyone that the fundamental facts of their religious beliefs are wrong (i.e., trying to tell a Christian that there is no God, or an Atheist that there IS a God and they'll go to hell if they don't worship him), the person being told that automatically goes into a sort of "persecution" mode. I know this, I've seen it in myself and my Christian, Atheist, and Agnostic friends... And you need only look to history to see just how nasty "convert or ELSE" attitudes can make relationships and the world.

After you tell her how she's hurting you, avoid the topic of religion. If you talk about it after that, it'll seem like you're sort of flaunting it in her face. Also, she'll be less likely to lapse if you avoid the topic.

If she continues to preach, break off the friendship. She needs to learn that confrontationalist attitudes in religion do not work, and maybe, if everyone did this to badgering or overly pushy Christians, those sects would realize that telling people they are going to go to hell does not work. That sort of attitude is bad for everyone, Christian or otherwise.

If she stops pestering you, continue as normal. Try not to treat her badly just becuase she used to be annoying, should she straighten up. Some friends will drive you insane, and then stop bugging you... and it really hurts them if you bring up old hurts and old fights.

And one last (rather long) pointer--please don't mistake her reveling in her faith for tryin to push it on you. Obviously this is a touchy area... But she may continue to talk about God without actively preaching to you. (i.e. "I took a retreat with my church group, and I feel so much closer to God." versus "You need to go on a retreat so you can find God!")

If this false relapse makes you uncomfortable, please tell her. Don't simply assume that she's preaching, becuase she may not mean to. When you have a strong faith in anything, Christianity, Atheism, whatever, you have these moments where everything seems to make sense. And most people are compelled to share these moments with their friends--even if their friends have different faiths. The important thing is communication--if you're okay with this, then tell her, and if you're not, then tell her that you're not. If she doesn't listen to you... give her at least one second chance, and then kick her to the curb.

I hope I helped, and I hope this experience hasn't damaged your opinion of other Christians.

[view]

Hey i play sports and dont get me wrogn I love playing them and wouldnt want to quit...but iam kinda a tom boy so how can i become more girly??

Well, I'm totally going to get flamed for this, but don't try to change yourself... And if you do, make sure you're changing for you, and not anyone else.

I understand what it's like to be a tom boy. I'm a total gamer reject, and my favorite sport is football. I was extremely unpopular. I often tried to change myself, to be more girly, to be more likeable, to be more mainstream. While I did enjoy having girly moments, it was a futile battle and I eventually realized that I like myself the way I am.

However, If you want to make a foray into a more girly persona... start on the inside and work your way out. Don't go buying cute clothes or acting all Princess Peach like many of the other posters are advising. Real feminimity is inside. Start there.

What's your bathing regimine? Do you use the same old soap and water in the shower? If you do, switch to scented shower gels and matching moisturizers. Try using facial masques once or twice a week... Focus on taking care of your hair. I don't mean like styling it. I mean like taking care of it. Get it trimmed regularly for split ends. Avoid chemical or heat styling. Experiment with different styling techniques to see what makes your hair feel the softest. Don't focus on looking feminine... Focus on feeling feminine, and feeling healthy.

After that... Then you might wnat to experiment with clothes. Don't go overboard! You can dress girly and sporty all at once! Just look for things that have a more feminine cut. Don't wear anything shorter or tighter or lower than you're comfortable with, but try to pick clothes that flatter your figure. Don't be afraid of color. Don't obliterate your old style--adapt it to be more confident and a better reflection of all of you, rather than just your tomboy side.

Makeup is the last thing you want to mess with, but certainly an option if you're not satisfied with the girliness. Just remember that it's mostly bad for your skin, and that sort of counteracts the inner girly health thing. Good luck!

[view]


Is there any way to tell how big your breasts will get? Like if you developed early you're likely to have small breasts or if you developed late you'll most likely to have big ones? 1'm 13f I know it's not important I was just wondering

Whew, you asked a lot.

There is no specific way to determine how large your breasts will be. The time when you start developing has nothing to do with it. For example, contrary to the example you started, I was an early bloomer, but I'm fairly busty, and I have late bloomer friends who are flat-chested... But there are early bloomers in my family who have flat chests too.

The best indicator you have for your eventual breast size if your female relatives. Your mother, maternal and paternal aunts, grandmothers. Don't leave out your father's side of the family either; you get one X chromosome from your dad. For example, most of the women on my mother's side of my family have small breasts, but I do not.

Also, your breasts don't really stop growing until you're 16-18. If you gain or lose weight, that will also effect their size. The rate at which they grow is not static, either. Especially in cases of wieght loss or gain, it can happen in spurts. Without accounting for weight gain, I reached my full size when I was sixteen and I also started when I was 11, but I have a friend who probably reached her full size within a year of her period. There are far too many variables to be able to predict this reliably. Just take good care of yourself and eventually, your breasts should be the right size for you.

[view]

okay my friend got fingured by her boyfriend. shes just about 2 weeks late for her period, and she keeps asking me if that could have affected her period track. she keeps thinking shes pregant, but i know that cant be the case. can someone finguring you cause you to skip a period? or any thing? please post and fast with advice!!

Okay. Please listen to me.

It is highly unlikely that your friend could be pregnant. However, there is a very rare and special circumstance where it is possible. If her boyfriend had just masturbated and still had semen with live sperm on his hands, and then put the sperm-covered areas into your friend's genital tract, the sperm could have impregnated her. But this is NOT LIKELY. Still, she should take a pregnancy test just to be safe.

What probably happened is either stress or natural cycle fluctuations. If your friend is young, her changing body could cause her period to be late or early... or even cause her to skip it. If she's stressed out, that can cause skips and late starts. She's probably stressed about whether she's pregnant, and that can influence her period.

The best thing your friend can do is to get and take a pregnancy test right now. That should set her mind at ease, and allow her to destress and resume her normal cycle.

[view]

okay well theres this kid name ozzy and i like him as a friend but he likes me as more but i like this other kid that lives like 30 mins away and ozzy keeps asking me out and i told him i was going out with the other kid but even if i like ozzy i wouldny be able to go out with him cause hes dark and my moms racist in a way she just doesnt want me dating dark guys even if i was absolutely in love with them she wouldnt care it makes me mad but ozzy keeps hitting on me and asking me to flash him and stuff like that i have no clue what to do cause i still want to be friends with him you know some1 please help thanks ill rate 5s if its good advice

Well, for a minute, let's forget about your mom. Forget totally. Pretend she's not even in the picture.

Ozzy... doesn't respect you. Any guy that will ask you to flash him doesn't respect you. I suppose there is the rare circumstance where they're just kidding, but I get the feeling that this isn't it.

You cannot date Ozzy. I mean, you can, but it would be bad for both of you. I think you need to tell him that you wouldn't date him if he were the last man on earth and distance yourself from him. Tell him you'd be glad to be friends though. But keep him at an arm's length; boys like that can be dangerous.

As for your mom... well, that sucks. But once you get out in the real world she won't be able to influence who you date. Still, Ozzy is not good for you, no matter what color his skin is. There are a lot of great black and Hispanic guys out there, but Ozzy is clearly not one of them, or at least not a dateable one.

Keep looking, and keep Ozzy at a distance. Still, boys like that can be great friends, as long as you keep them far away enough that they can't pull anything funn. So tell him that you only wanrt to be friends and don't let him get too close, physically or emotionally. You'll be fine. And good luck!

[view]

for summer reading i have to write a 5 paragraph essay and in the first paragraph i have to include a thesis statement on the main topic..lol obviously(sp?) but i forget how to do a thesis statement so can someone please help me on what i have to include? thanks soo much! i rate high!

A thesis statement is basically where you say what your parent is all about. It's a one sentence summary of your essay.

When you write your paper, what do you want to say? Let's say you want to say that some book, let's say, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, is a good book.

For yoru first paragraph, you would do a little ldead in, talking about the book's basic premise, unique features, etc. This would take up about four sentences. Then, for your fifth sentence, you would say something like, "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone'S whimsy and complex plot make it a powerful book for children and adults alike."

Then you would back that up with three paragraphs exploring its whimsy and complex plot, and then write a conclusion in which you refer back to your thesis. Make sure that each paragraph you have has a topic sentence (basically a mini-thesis) and then supporting details.

I'm very bad at explaining this in static form, but if you want help on your paper, feel free to contact me outside of advicenators, using my contact information on my column page. English is my specialty and I'd be happy to walk you through the thesis process.

[view]

HEY! i really need some help. ok well, how do i get closer to god? i mean.....i dont feel close to him AT ALL. i belive in him and everything but.....i just dont know what all he wants from me. can you help?

Wow, you've just asked the single toughest question in the world.

Really.

I know how hard it is to be distant from God. I've had a few periods in my life, one that was only a few weeks ago, where I felt like I had no purpose or meaning in the universe; like God didn't love me. But eventually, something would always pull me out.

However, there are a few things that you can do to find Him (or Her) again.

First off, pray regularly. I don't mean canned prayers that you read out of a book or memorize, either... Talk to God, like you would talk to your mom or dad. Tell Him about your life, what you want, what you're afraid of. Ask Him questions, but don't expect immediate, or clear answers. If you want to be close to God, you have to let him get close to you.

Second, be careful if you try to pick a church. Don't let it suck up your life, or jump in head first. Listen to what they're saying. Is it logical as well as uplifting? Are they after excessive tithes?

Third, think about your life. Think about why you're here, who you are, what your purpose is. It will hurt. It's very painful to reflect on... and this is very trite, but God helps those who help themselves. I've found that if I reflect on a problem enough, God will nudge me in the right direction, and let me find the answer myself. Just be vigilant and persistent, but open-minded.

Fourth, talk to a wide variety of people you trust. Make sure you talk to your parents, unless they're unapproachable about religion... but try to get a variety of opinions. Talk to pastors and lay ministers, random people you iknow, about faith. Try to get a lot of different religions, even talk to a few atheists. They will try to convert you, but the point is to get ideas that you can agree with, disagree with, or use as springing points. Really explore faith in general, as well as specific ones.

And finally, follow your heart. God finds the strangest ways to guide us, and one of the strongest ones is our own feelings. Go with your gut instinct, and God will eventually guide you to something meaningful that you can use to create your own purpose... or guide you to what you need to pull through a hard time. I mean, He's shown me the way through my choices of VIDEO GAMES, of all things. Just listen to your heart, and you'll find the way.

One final note--don't expect instant results. Faith is an excercize in patience, and it hurts to wait for a sign... But it's worth it. Trust me, in the end it's all worth it.

I know it's rough to struggle with your faith. If you ever want to talk about religion, life, or anything, you can find my contact information on my column, and I'm sure there are countless others around here who'd be glad to help. You can even ask me another question.

But remember... God can give you nudges in the right direction, Himself or through others, but when it's time to do what you have to do, the choice is yours. You have to decide to make whatever difference you are called to, and you have to decide to accept whatever purpose you may serve. The choice is yours... but listen for His voice, and be patient, and He will tell you what he wants you to do.

[view]

Anyone have experience with wisdom teeth?

Well, my appointment for getting my wisdom teeth surgically removed is on August 2nd. No, my wisdom teeth have not sprouted, they're still hidden inside of my gums. I'd kind of like to know what to expect. I don't want to be too freaked out but then again I don't want to be unprepared. If you or someone you know has gotten their wisdom teeth out, could you please tell me the procedures before, during, and after? I'm not too worried about the after, I know it will be painful, but I can deal with it...just not the before and during. Don't give me a website, I've already done my share of researching, I just want to hear from real people that have experienced it. Here are some questions buzzing around in my head and I would be VERY GRATEFUL if these are answered:

- Will I get a shot for anesthesia? Knowing my dentist...I don't think I will get sleeping gas. Many people say they just got sleeping gas. My last bad experience at the dentist was when I had my four permanent teeth removed. And for that they gave me shots. Boy did it hurt. I still remember my eyes watering from the pain and the blood squirting...I am really scared of shots.
- How do they keep your mouth open? My brother said they stuck a big block into his mouth. Eek. I'm not to comfortable with that either. I have pretty bad gag reflexes.
- How can I keep the empty sockets that will be there after it's all done clean? I heard about salt and water?
- Any foods you would recommend? I know I'm going to miss eating "real" food.

Thank you VERY much for your help. It really does ease my nerves a little.

The anesthetic you get usually depends on the severity of the tooth problem and preexisting medical conditions, as well as personal choice. If your wisdom teeth are VERY messed up, you will be forced to take a general anesthetic (that renders you unconscious). That's what I had, and my recount will reflect that.

If you have to do general anesthetic, you won't be able to eat anything after a certain time of night. You'll go in, have your vitals taken, etc. They make you or your parent sign a waiver about the anesthesia risks. You will also get an IV with a saline drip, or something similar. Don't worry, that's just so the IV is ready when you need it. After everything's taken care of, and you're ready for treatment, they'll do last preparations. Asthmatics get breathing treatments (I did), and then the anesthetsiologist will give you some form of sedative, for me it was Versed. This relaxes you so it's easier to put you out and intubate you. Versed feels really crappy, but you'll only feel it for a few minutes.

You'll be wheeled into the OR (you can take plushies usually! they put them by your feet!), and given the general. Then you're out like a light. Once you're out, they put a tube down your throat so you can breath. This is intubation.

I don't know any details from that until after you wake up.

When you wake up, expect to be very groggy, and very sore. Your mouth will probably hurt, and your throat will feel as if its' on fire due to the intubation. It will be hard to open your eyes, and harder to talk or write. You'll be fairly aware, but your mouth and hands won't cooperate with you. Ask for ice chips. They'll help your throat.

After that, they'll let you wake up a bit, make you eat some food (I got sherbert), and then ship you home. Sleep in the car. Then go home and sleep. Don't try to read until you've been home for at least three hours and slept for at least two of 'em.

If you suddenly feel like you're panicking, like you're going to die or can't breathe, don't worry; panic attacks are a rare but normal side effeect of anesthetic. You can go to the doctor and get a mild sedative of this, or you can pray it away. Seriously. Focusing on a repetitive prayer, mantra, or verse will keep you under control until the attack subsides. Memorize a poem, a bible verse, or something, and recite it over and over if you start to panic until you come down.

That probably won't happen to you though. It's very rare and I have a neurotic disposition to begin with.

As for keeping your mouth clean, they should give you a syringe to use. First you use peroxide in it, then water. Just squirt it gently into the holes.

Don't use straws. They cause PAINFUL dry sockets.

For food, you will live on ice cream, yogurt, whipped cream, cheez wiz, and mashed potatoes. And soup. Don't suck on anything, AND DON'T EAT DAIRY FOR BREAKFAST. For the love of CHAOS, DON'T EAT DAIRY FOR BREAKFAST. If you're even slightly lactose intolerant, it will be miserable.

Also, soda is your friend. Sure, it may rot your other teeth, but it'll help keep your blood sugar up and keep you from losing too much weight. I lost ten pounds in eight days when I had my surgery, and nearly fainted when I went back to school.

And take it slow. It may take a long time, but you WILL feel better.

If my warnings seem a little bleak, I must warn you that I had a particularly severe scenario--my bottom teeth were dangerously close to nerves and my top wisdom teeth had broken into my sinus cavity. Your case probably won't be as bad. Consider my warnings a "worst case scenario."

Just do what the doctor tells you, take your medication, and don't push yourself too hard. You'll be fine.

[view]

alright, im 13 and my mom put me on birth control pills...but im a vergin. she doesnt belive me so now im starting the pill on sunday. so i told my bf and he said that if his mom knew about it she would buy him condoms. so we both laughed....sigh...ok now my problem. does this mean that he wants to have sex? or wat? i mean i LOVE this kid...and i was thinking about having sex with him for awhile now. but im not sure if he wants to. i mean i know were like really young but i really do love him. so do you think i should have sex with him and do you think he wants to have it with me or is he just kidding around? and if we did have sex where would we have it? please help me im so freaking confused! I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!! sorry if this is too long.

I really strongly advise against your having sex. I could tell you the usual stuff about how you're too young, you're not ready for it, your teenage mind can't handle it, blah blah blah.

But I won't. You're likely sick of hearing that.

Here are a few little facts to keep in mind about sex.

One, you are under the age of consent. Until you reach the "age of consent," the law says you're not mature enough to agree to have sex, so anyone having sex with you is rape unless they're younger than you. If they're younger than you, then they consider YOU to be raping THEM, if I remember right. Basically, you or your boyfriend could get in big legal trouble for this. Do you really want him or you to go to jail?

Two, birth control is not 100% effective, and neither are condoms. Together, they're still not 100% effective. While it's better than nothing, certainly, they're still not perfect. And as young as you two are, you're more likely to use them wrong. So you still stand a chance of getting pregnant.

Three, there's a high chance of STD. Yeah, condoms help. But they aren't perfect. And a lot of STDs are really hard to treat... some are even incurable. And they're all embarassing. The risk will still be there when you're older, but when you're older, the media and your school wil have prepared you for it better. You'll be more likely to use birth control right.

Four... well, Okay, I have to do a little nagging. You are kinda young. At thirteen, your body is still changing, and so is your mind. I mean, your body is still adjusting itself, and having sex while you're still growing and changing could be awkward for you and yourboyfriend. Also, your mind is still fairly undeveloped. I'm not saying that you're stupid or immature overall... but compared to the you you'll be in five years, you are. In five years, you'll know more about sex, and be better prepared to make a decision. YOu'll understand what it is, its consequences, its risks and benefits, and what your boyfriend wants, much better.

It is with those factors in mind that I advise you to wait until the age of consent in your state before having sex of any kind (including oral, anal, etc.) with your boyfriend.

As for the pills, the other posters are right, you're too young to be on it. The first thing you should do is research the pill, its chemistry, its side effects and function. etc. Understand just what it is you're taking.

Then, you need to talk to your mom. Tell her that while you're not having sex, that's not why you're bringing it up to her. Tell her that you're worried about the permanent side effects the pill could have (which, IIRC, include at least one form of cancer, and blood vessel problems), as well as the less permanent ones. Point out that your body is still getting into this whole "period" thing and would probably adjust better on its own. And ask her if there are any alternatives to hormonal birth control you could use that would ease both her fears and yours.

Condoms are a major one, as are devices that you insert into your vagina. That's about all that's availible that's nonchemical. However, maybe bringing this up will bring up why she thinks you're having sex in the first place, and you can reach a reasonable compromise.

You might want to ask her why. Why she thinks you're having sex, why she insists you be on birth control. Try to find some sort of compromise ground where you don't have to take the pill, and she can rest easy knowing you're not sleeping with anyone.

But don't lie to her. If you're going to have sex, then be honest about it.

Just remember... don't have sex until no one can get arrested for it, talk to your mom about better birth control, and be honest! Good luck.

[view]

Lately whenevr i eat pizza i get an upset stomach. I just ate some cereal with milk and my stomach is upset. I don't think i'm lactose.. but is this normal??? the pain is like squeezing and bloating. or like twisting.. (if that makes sense) thanks

It definately sounds like you have some form of lactose intolerance. Don't worry, I do too, and it's perfectly normal. A little on the rare side in some parts of America (where I'm assuming you're writing from), but still normal.

As the other columnists suggested, you can talk to your doctor about it. They can suggest tests to verify, treatment options, and other things. However, if it's not that bad, you don't really need to. Lactose intolerance is not going to kill you.

What you can do alone is experiment with just how much milk you can handle. Lactose intolerance comes in degrees, and a life totally without milk products is kinda crappy... but you might be able to have a little milk and still do fine. What you should do is go a few days without lactose, and then start drinking milk again. Start with like half a cup. The next day, have a cup. The day after, a cup and a half, etc. Stop the experiment when you get pain from it. If a half cup is too much, try going in teaspoon increments. Try to narrow it down to a fairly small range.

If you can handle at least a cup, you may still be able to do pizza and ice cream in small quantities. If you can't, consider lactase products (Lactaid, etc.) to take with them. I've never used them, but I've heard good things. Also worth a shot is soy milk, and milk with lactase already in it. I hear that both taste vile, but if the cereal you eat is flavorful enough, you may not notice.

In general, milk products like cheese, ice cream, and yogurt have less lactose than milk. Keep that in mind.

Also, try to avoid having milk products on an empty stomach. And NEVER EAT YOGURT FOR BREAKFAST. I learned that the hard way. Yogurt is a lunch and dinner treat for the lactose intolerant, if anything.

But, your suffering aside, you need to be sure that you're getting enough calcium and vitamin D. Consider getting some form of calcium supplement, or eating more vegetables.

And remember, there's nothing wrong with lactose intolerance, but there is something wrong with forcing yourself to suffer for it just because milk is "cool." Good luck!

[view]


I'm 14/f and I know I should be reading advanced books because I'm in 11th grade Honors english even though I'm a freshman. And, generally, I do. But a lot of the time I like to read books that are, well, sappy romance novels. Like the book version of soap operas. Big time guilty pleasure!!! I feel so guuuuuuuilty about it. It's like cheap candy, tasty to eat only not very nourishing, but it's a book. And since my family is big on reading "advanced literature" and my mom would freak out if she knew I was reading them, and I don't know whether it's ok for a person of my level of reading to be reading these!? I know it sounds like I'm being a snobby bitch that needs to be reassured of her own level but I'm not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks a lot!!!!!

x0x0

♥ Lulu

I sort of understand how you feel, Lulu. I was reading at a 9th grade reading level in third grade; by my eighth grade year I had reached college level. English classes have always been jokes for me, and my teachers frequently assigned me books that were too complex or boring for other students.

It's good that you read. VERY good. It's good for your mind, and good for your studies. And there's nothing wrong with reading some Trashy Love Stories. One of my best friends is the same way.

However, you should try to balance your literary tastes a bit, and make sure you don't read too many trashy romances. Remember, books have two levels--reading level, and interest level. Reading levels are an approximation of what grade you'd have to be into understand the words in a novel. Interest levels are the level the novel was written for. Romances tend to have low to middle reading levels--which is cool for those of us with high reading levels--and high interest levels. You are kinda young, and probably fairly inexperienced with sex and love. You need to make sure that these books don't give you an unrealistic view of romance and sexuality... which means that, like any guilty pleasure, they must be taken in moderation.

I guess, my advice to you is, try to keep toward the more cerebral end of the trashy romance fiction... and make sure to mix in some stuff from other genres are too. Classics are good, as is the odd sci-fi novel. If you want some suggestions, feel free to ask me in my own private journal.

Also, talk to your mom about sex, if she won't tweak out. That way you get mulitple perspectives on the act, so you won't get wrapped up in the romance novel concept thereof.

[view]

Ok..So Me & this kid Chris went out for like a month & then he broke up with Me bc he felt like it wasnt fair to me bc he liked 2 other girls. This was about 3 weeks ago. We still talk alot & I still really like him. He said he still liked me too but didnt wanna go out w/Me right now bc he feels bad bc he likes the other 2 girls also. What do you think I should do/say to him about this ? PlZ hElP !

It's very good that he was wise and kind enough to be honest to you. He has potential to be a good catch some day.

But not now.

Don't wait around for him. He's not ready, you're not ready. He seems like a good guy, but you never know. He might straighten up later, he might not. But you only have one life, and you don't have time to waste it on a boy who, while great, may not be right for you.

On the other hand, don't swear him off entirelty either. Love is confusing, and it can really mess you up. Everyone's entitled to be unsure. Give him some time. If he gets over those other girls--if he figures out what he wants to do and distances himself from them--and you're not otherwise involved with someone, feel free to give him a chance. But don't throw other boys aside just becuase he's ready, either. Think of it this way--he just stepped out of line. He can step back in, but if there's anyone in front of him, he'll have to wait his turn.

I know it's hard. But it's also life. Learning to deal with this will prepare you for later... and if all else fails, you got a good friend out of it, right? In high school (I get the impression you're in junior high or high school), you need all the (true) friends you can get.

[view]

I just gave my boyfriend head. We didn't use a condom.. He didnt cum or anything, can I still get an STD?

Becuase of the nature of certain STDs, it would be HARDER to get them if he didn't ejaculate. However, the chance is STILL THERE, and STILL GOOD.

Remember, the mouth is essentially a mucous membrane. The skin there is not as geared toward keeping stuff out as most of the skin on your body is. The same is true, although I think to a lesser degree, of the external genetalia.

Some STDs are spready by simple genital to skin contact, such as genital warts and herpes. (Did you know that you can get the STD herpes in your mouth, and oral "cold sore" herpes on your genitals? This usually happens when you receive oral sex from someone who has genital herpes or give oral sex when you have Type I in your mouth). I don't care whether he ejaculated or not, if his penis touched your mouth, there is a chance that you could have gotten an STD.

The nastier STDs are more likely to spread through ejaculate/semen, but that doesn't mean they can't spread in the pre-ejaculate or from being on the skin. If you had any cuts in your mouth, his pre-ejaculate (the liquid before he ejaculated) can get into it and infect you with whatever STDs he might be carrying. It's less likely becuase he didn't ejaculate, but that does not mean that it's improbable.

The best thing that you can do right now, is to get tested, and get your boyfriend to do the same. Getting tested for HIV and Syphillis at the very least, and everything else if you can. After that's taken care of, retest after six months. Why? Becuase you can have negative HIV test results for quite a while.

After that's taken care of, use condoms and/or dental dams.

[view]

hEy! i wanted to ask you this whats the % i could still get pregnet if
1. my boyfriend uses a condom and wen he cums he takes it out
2. im on the pill

thnaks..i want to be over protected! lol let me know if you know the answer! thanks!

I can't give you an exact percentage, as I'm not a doctor, but I can break it down a little.

There is only one way to be overprotected--an iron chastity belt. There are only two 100% ways to avoid pregnancy--not having sexual contact with a male (exception: fellatio), or having your reproductive organs removed.

The most established methods of birth control--such as birth control and condoms--don't have 100% rates, although I'm pretty sure both are individually over 90%. Coitus interruptus (pulling out) only has a 75% success rate at BEST due to sperm in pre-ejaculate.

Now, in combining birth control methods, you do reduce your risk significantly. In using a condom, the pill/patch/shot, and "pulling out" (before he ejaculates, not after), you do have a better chance of avoiding pregnancy than someone who just used one. However, you need to remember that it is NEVER 100% unless you just. don't. have. sex. Even if a lot of birth control methods are highly effective and you use them all, there's a tiny chance that they could all fail at the same time. Unlikely, but possible.

However, your three method plan sounds pretty good. Just make sure thaty you take your pills properly and that you use the condom properly. I have absolutely no experience in this area, but a little googling on proper condom use should be a good enough briefing.

Just remember, be careful, no such thing as overprotected, and keep careful track of your periods. Good luck.

[view]

Why should people become Christains? Like what iss the purpose in it?

In the loosest interpretations of the word, being a Christian is beleiving that Jesus was the son of God and believing in him will give you eternal life, etc. etc. So really you're only a Christian if you believe that.

The purpose of practicing the Christian faith would be to honor and have a relationship with God. How you would do this varies from sect to sect. Some branches of Christianity think that you are only saved from going to Hell by being a Christian--sometimes, only by being their kind of Christian.

If you're considering Christianity, ask yourself--do I believe in Jesus? Do I believe he was the son of God and had special powers? If you answer yes to these questions you may want to consider calling yourself a Christian.

But don't just join the nearest church! Don't go in blind. Look at the churches around you, consider their beliefs, and find the one that's right for you. The internet is great for this; you might want to check Google, Beliefnet, and Wikipedia for information on the churches you're considering.

If you don't really believe in Jesus, you're not really a Christian and joining a strictly Christian church would be a mistake. If you want to, you can even take parts of Christianity and other religions and sort of mold them into your own faith. But whatever you do, consider it carefully, and follow your heart. Good luck!

[view]

Does coffee speed up your metabolism? or anything with a lot of caffeine actually

In a way, yes, caffeine does sort of speed up your body. In fact, it acts a lot like those speed boosts in racing video games--for a little while, your metabolic rate and body functions go faster than they would normally.

However, unlike those speed boosts, caffeine has side effects. If you consume a high quantity of caffeine in a short period of time, when it wears off, you will "crash" and get tired. I speak from experience.

Caffeine is a drug, and while it has some positive effects, it has negative ones too. Just be careful, and make sure to eat extra healthy if you drink a lot of caffeine products or coffee. After all, most caffeinated drinks are just empty calories, with no nutritional value.

EDIT: For the record, the effects of caffeine only last a few hours.

[view]

Hey. Ok so if i turn my weight into muscle, will i become heavier or will i just have muscles and weigh the same...Any good answers i rate high!

For the record, if you balance your activity level and diet just right, you could lose fat and gain muscle in such proportions that you won't gain any weight, but will lose inches (around your waist; basically losing fat). However, this balance is difficult to achieve. Everyone has a different metabolism, and everyone's bodies work differently; I can't tell you where that point is for you, or even for me.

I say, unless you're doing this for athletic reasons, don't worry about your actual weight--weight isn't that important anyway. The number that's important is not in pounds or kilograms, but in inches or centimeters. Try to be healthy and strong, and the rest should fall into place. And if you're a girl, don't worry about getting ripped. We females require MUCH more excercize to acheive the buff bodybuilder physique than men do, so you won't look "gross" unless you actually try to.

For the record, if you're male, you should have a body fat percentage of something between 16 and 20 percent, assuming that you're not an athlete. For women, it's a bit higher, 18-22, I think. Don't let your body fat drop too low. If you're female and your body fat falls below a certain percentage, you could stop having your period.

So yeah, try to be healthy and strong, don't let your body fat fall too low, and you'll be fine

[view]

ok i am 13/f,

I was wondering if 13 is too young for someone to usae a tanning bed. i know it is bad for you, but is it to young. i know poepl who are my age and go year roung. i am only going for a month because i have an occatuion i want a tan for, and where i live we dont uch sun. myother question is,can i getskin canser even if i am only going a month..it is kinda late now to ask for me last day will be 2 marrow. but i would ,like to know your oppion.

thx, i rate high!

Alyssa

Now, I know all the other responders to this questoin have said that it's just fine.

It's not.

The younger you are, the more dangerous tanning is. There are a lot of reasons, most of which I, the average person that I am, don't understand. But one reason is that the damage done by tanning and sunbathing is cumulative. The DNA in your cells is damaged every time you're exposed to sunlight, obviously that damage is going to add up over time. If you start tanning very young, then you have more time to accumulate damage.

Also, when you're young, your cells are divding at a faster rate. You may even have reached your adult height by now, but everything else is still growing faster, including your skin. In fact, part of the reason people age is becuase slowed cell growth causes slower repairs to body tissues. If one mutation occurs in one cell due to tanning, every time that cell divides, its daughter cells have that mutation, then their daughter cells, and so on. The sooner in your life this occurs, the farther such a mutation could spread, etc. I'm not a doctor, so I'm not sure if I'm on the right track here, but even if my reasoning isn't right, my general conclusion is. Countless medical sources I've seen have cited the fact that the younger you are, the more at risk you are.

I also have an example to offer. My grandfather was a rather pale man with blue eyes. He got malignant melanoma sometime in his 50s I think, and died in his 60s becauase it metasticized. He didn't deliberately tan I dont' think, or at least the way you do--I think he's older than tanning beds. Then consider his dark-eyed, slightly darker skinned, daughter, my aunt. She went to tan (in tanning beds) very frequently starting, if I remember right, in her 20s or 30s. She was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma around age 40. Fortunately, they managed to extract it before it spread, but we still worry.

My advice to you is to stop tanning, or cut down heavily. If you insist on tanning in a tanning bed, try to avoid tanning outside as well. Always wear sunblock, even in the winter... and make sure to use high SPF in the summer. Also, consider going only for a subtle tan, instead of a heavy one. And don't be afraid of being pale. Pale can look really good. There was a reason it was all the rage 200 years ago.

But whatever you do, keep an eye on your skin. If you get any new moles, or if any of them change, see a doctor immediately. It's normal to get new moles into your twenties, but if you've tanned a lot I wouldn't take chances.

[view]

im a female 16 and me & my bf have been on & off for 2 years now we are long distance and it started out as a summer romance at the beach because my family spends the summer up there but turned into love. ok im madley in love with my boyfreind & when i talked to him the other day he said his freind came over and told him he should take this one girl he dated while we were seperated to the prom. i asked him if he was and he said he wasnt going to and he told his freind no but im kinda scared do you think hes still seeing this girl? do you think mabey he was hinting that he wanted to go to the prom and that mabey we should go? please tell me what you think.

Without knowing him, I can't say for sure what he's thinking. There is a small chance that he's just oblivious. However, it is more likely that he is trying to hint that he wants to go to prom with her.

I don't know him, so I couldn't say if he's still seeing her. Is he the player type? Then it's more likely. Unfortunately, you can't really confront him without angering him if he's innocent, or getting into a big mess if he's not. I would suggest calling together a "talk about us." That way you can voice your concerns, and he can voice his. Striaghten this all out. He should understand, and if he doesn't then you might have a problem.

Also, if I were you, I'd let him to go to prom with her. Prom is a very rare opportunity, and it isn't the same without a date you like. If she is the issue, then suggest he go with someone else. But don't insist he go alone; that's the worst thing you can do.

Good luck!

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker