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helping my friend.

Question Posted Saturday July 15 2006, 8:13 pm

I'm 14.
To make a really long story shorter, my bff...Jane. Has an abusive boyfriend, also, she's only 13, which makes it even more weird. She's going out with a 15 year old.
And she says I'm the only one she told.
She says he doesn't like beat her up, he just hits her a lot..
I never noticed, but recently she's been wearing long sleeves. Because she's actually BRUISED.

But, Jane says she really has it under control, and doesn't want to break up with him because she apparently realllly likes him. And she says he likes her, but..

I said if I were her I would break up with him.
Then she said something like that I didn't know what love was, so I couldn't say that.
I've never really been in this kind of situation before.
Do I tell an adult?
If you were me..what would
ugh, I'm kind of confused.
And I want to help my friend.

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Saturday July 15 2006, 10:03 pm:
Wellll thanks people, I didn't find telling an adult that obvious, I've never been in this type of situation before. .

Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?

goodadvicegiver85 answered Wednesday July 19 2006, 5:14 pm:
Well, first of all, even if she doesn't want you to, to be a good friend I would talk to an adult about it before it gets to the point where he is ACTUALLY beating her up. Sit her down and explain how you feel and what you think she should do. Then ask her what she wants to do. If she wants to stay with him, let her learn from her mistakes, but if you start to see an increase in depression in her and worse bruises, then it's time for you to do something about it. Be a good friend and don't let it get to a bad situation. ~nickie
p.s. if you need to talk you can "im" me anytime.

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NeedAdvice21 answered Monday July 17 2006, 10:17 pm:
you probably should tell a consuler or tell your mom to talk to your friends mom. im sure they could work it out that way. if my boyfriend did that to me, my mom would notice and i would break up with him anyway. also you could try to tell her that its physical abuse, if should would listen to that. i hope i helped.

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SparkleAngel answered Monday July 17 2006, 6:26 pm:
you should tell an adult even if you don't want to she will thank you in the future because someday if you didn't tell an adult she could be seriously hurt hope it helps

>>> SparkleAngel

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tiffanyD answered Monday July 17 2006, 12:19 pm:

Do NOT confront him on your own! If he beats his girlfriend, he won't have any trouble smacking you!

Tell an adult, preferably her parents, or your own parents. Your friend doesn't know what love is, couldn't possibly begin to know what love is at 13, because what she's going through is NOT LOVE. Hitting her a lot is beating her up..and she does NOT have it under control if he's leaving marks on her, and especially if she thinks it's okay!
Kudos to you for wanting to help your friend, but you HAVE TO TELL AN ADULT!!!! The best way to help your friend is to get her out of that situation NOW. She might be angry at you at first for telling, but once the blinders are removed from her eyes and she's herself again, she will thank you. I promise. Good luck...and please go with your instinct and tell someone!

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Lucky answered Monday July 17 2006, 1:35 am:
I'm really sorry. I think you should tell an adult. It's not worth your friend being hit.You may not no what lovee is like, but you do see that your friend needs help!! She might be mad at you when you do it, but no guy is worth Jane's suffering. Tell an adult. I MEAN IT!!!!!

(hope it works)

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clechauri answered Sunday July 16 2006, 6:41 pm:
would tell an adult she will get mad at you but sh will thank you in the long run

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LilBSUBabe08 answered Sunday July 16 2006, 3:23 am:
First off, thats very mature of you to recognize that you friend needs help and to want to help her. Your friend is obviously not realising it herself. To answer your question, if I were you, I would tell an adult. However, make it, if you can, an adult that your friend trust. It helps the matter a bit cause your friend wont be so upset that u told them. I would prolly talk to like her parents or my own (and possibly ask my parents to talk to her). That kind of thing I would think would work in this situation. However, hunni, realise that NOONE CAN BE HELPED UNLESS THEY WANT THE HELP. You friend is going to have to want to fix this situation, otherwise, it is virtually pointless. Just make sure that your a good friend and are there for her through it all. It will mean a lot to her in the end and she will thank you some day. Trust me. I wish you the best of luck with this situation. Let me know if I can help you with anything else. <3

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GirlyGurl101 answered Saturday July 15 2006, 11:04 pm:
Hmmmmm... this is so difficult. I'm trying to picture my bff like that. Ok I got it. I would tell my mother if that didn't do anything then I would tell her mother. She would be upset (your friend), but it seems like you really care about her and don't want her to be hurt, so do what you think is right. I'm just saying what I would do. She might be mad for a couple of days, but eventually she will be happy you did it (I hope).
Good Luck
I hope I helped at least a lil bit! :-)

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danielle<3 answered Saturday July 15 2006, 11:01 pm:
Okay, if i were you then i would tell an adult. Your friend is possibly in a lot of danger because now he would only hit her but it can get worse and that wont be good. She will find another guy. But you should tell an adult so she can get out of it while she can.

Good Luck =]<3

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sassysara answered Saturday July 15 2006, 10:22 pm:
I just want to tell you how brave you are and what an amazing friend you are being to her. Even if she gets angry that you tell an adult eventually she will realize that you only did it to protect her. Many people in your shoes would just assume that it wasn't their business, your actions are probably saving her alot of emotional and physical pain and may even be saving her life. Being a friend does not mean always agreeing with a person it also means to look out for them because you care.

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Tay33 answered Saturday July 15 2006, 10:01 pm:
i would def tell an adult because if it gets bad enough he could maybe put her in the hospital

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Razhie answered Saturday July 15 2006, 9:24 pm:
Who hits a thirteen year old girl? A complete and total scum bag.

Yes, you tell an adult and you tell one quickly.

If you think you can convince your friend to tell someone, even go with her to help her do it, then that would certainly be better. But if you’ve tried and she just won’t tell an adult then it is time for you to do it for her.

Do NOT wait for this to get any more serious. This is more serious then it ever should have gotten! There are no second chances here. No one should ever be given the chance to hit you or anyone you love a second time.

Dear, you sound smart and I think you know the score here: You don't need to have drowned yourself to look at a grown man floundering in a 1/8 inch deep puddle and know that isn't drowning and you don't need have experienced love to look at your friends bruises and say that isn't love.

Tell an adult you really trust, a teacher or counselor or a parent. That adult will probably speak to Jane's parents.

If you want, they might not tell them that it is you that came forward with this information. You could certainly deny to your friend up and down having told anyone what she told you. That would not be the best thing to do, but I for one wouldn't hold it against you.

Your friend will probably understand why you told, even if she angry at first. In the end I'd bet she'll be grateful.

But honestly dear, even if you loose this friendship over telling, you need to tell an adult. If you love your friend that love demands you help her. It sounds like you know that telling an adult that can protect her is the only thing you can do that will truly help.

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honesty answered Saturday July 15 2006, 9:24 pm:
well if i was in your place i would set her straight and tell her what horrible thimgs could happen if she dont brake up with hem.if that doesnt help you really should tell an adult i mean she is your best friend you dont want her to get hurt she will be mad for a while but later she will thank you because you never know you could of saved her life. he really could hurt her.and if she really is your best friend she will understand but it might take some time.hope everything works out bye.

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Mollysie answered Saturday July 15 2006, 8:59 pm:
Oh man. This guy, has so serious issues, and your friend Jane seems like she needs to get help. That is not love and don't ever think that. You need to tell somebody, if this guy is hitting her on a regular basis think about what he is capable of when she gets mad and wants to fight back. It's a terrible situation I know, your friend might be upset at first, but it is for the best you tell an adult. It's up to you about which adult you choose, maybe your mom, or a school counsiler. I wish you the best of luck! I hope I helped at all. I love feedback good and bad.

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holahayley56 answered Saturday July 15 2006, 8:49 pm:
A person who hits a 13 year old girl, is mental. & need help. That, or he has major anger managment, to a point where its not safe. If she has bruises on her arms, & after she tells him to stop.. & he still doesn't. Confront him yourself. But, don't wait on this. Do it right away. If he doesn't stop in about.. lets give it a weekk. & espically if hes getting worse, tell an adult immediatly. Why does he hit her in the first place? She doesn't need him. He doesn't truly like her obviously that much, if hes willing to hurt her.

-It also depends on how your looking at this situation, if you think he isn't nice, & you don't like him, & you know hes trouble, then tell an adult right away.
-If you think he just has anger managment, confront him first.

I hope that helped! byee.

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orphans answered Saturday July 15 2006, 8:40 pm:
The fact that she is in a abusive reltationship at a young age is strange. You should tell her that you really care about her and you don't want her to get hurt anymore. If she still refuses, tell her to be carefull and to let you know everything that is going on. If it starts to become more serious, tell her that you want her to stop seeing him for a while or else you will tell a parent. She might get mad but its for her own good.
Let me know!

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