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Telling him.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 months. Before we started going out, we were really great friends. He was my best friend. And I have a STD, HIV actually. I got it from birth because my mother had to get a blood transplant and back in 1986 they didnt check blood for HIV and such, we've been talking about being intimate with eachother. I am 15 and I need to tell him before we have sex. I need help on the following things:
1.) How to tell him: What should I say? Should I have my sister whos like my best friend be there with us?
2.) When should I tell him?
3.) How do I handle the thoughts of being rejected and trusting him?
He is my best friend and I trust him and I talked to him and have told him that I have something I'd like to discuss with him and I made him guess on what it was and he said "is it a genetically passed STD?" and I did not say anything.
I'm scared that he will tell someone. He's very trusting but I dont know, He would be the only person I told besides one person and the only boyfriend I've told. Please help.
Comfort my thoughts on this so im not such a worried reck
Thanks
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Hi, having HIV is a hard thing to deal with.
Before telling him you have to decide whether he is the "one" , if you trust him and love him enough to take such a big step it is best you tell him. I would suggest you try to tell him when your alone. This way he will be more honest with you about his feelings, if your sister is there he might not tell you exactly how you feels. If you decide to tell him, wait for the "right moment" you will know when that is. But make sure you tell him before a night together.
Talk to your sister though, ask her what you should do and let her know you are going to tell him. I am sure she will be there to comfort you.
As for rejection, if he rejects you after you have been honest with him, then you have to know he is not worth you or your love. Be strong, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
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It would probably be better to have him in a place like planned parenthood so that a conselor can be on hand to help him understand things. Its a big situation to deal with and if he hasn't been educated properly he may not know how to properly deal with the information you are about to give him. Alot of people are very ignorant to the ins and outs of HIV and such. I would like to know how things go once you have told him.
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Hi hon, if he truly is your best friend he should totally understand. He might react weird, emotions like anger and fear are totally normal.
Ask him not to tell anyone if you're not comfortable with others knowing. If he is your best friend, he should respect your right to privacy.
I think you two should go to a free clinic or Planned Parenthood, both places will know how you can be intimate safely and how to not ruin the 'fun' while still not passing on HIV.
Good luck, I'd be interested in hearing how it goes.
Do you have a liscenced therapist or someone you can talk to about your trouble trusting him?
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Because I am a Minister first It's my position to advice you to focus on your schooling , continue to follow your Physicians instructions that has been provided to keep this disease under control and continue to enjoy friends , however at 15 you do not need to be talking about having sex with any body .
If you refuse to take my advice from above, then if you cherish your friendship with your friend, you would tell him that you have this condition, not telling him would be a disaster; if you're really his friend you would give him the option to choose oneway or another
I know that it's not your fault that you inherit this condition but you can not sacrifice his health because this has happen and it would be selfish by all measure to hid this from him because you fear rejection, the wises thing for you to do is to tell him; and if you need support from your sister then ask her to be there , I'm sure she'll honor your request .
I will pray that God gives you a miracle
God Bless You ~
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Tell him NOW, tell him yourself and honey, I hope he doesn't betray your trust or freak out or break it off with you but you really need to prepare yourself for the worse. You are in a terrible position and are going to run into this problem a LOT in the future. I'm so sorry, noone deserves this. Why not find a good support group for times when these issues come up in your life?
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okay, well to start off, you DEFINETLY need to tell him this. you guys cant have sex and risk him getting as STD and the finding out it was from you, that will make it worse. i think you should tell him you have to talk to him and just be like "look i know weve been talking about becoming intimate and i thnk i should let you know that i have HIV". And you have to know that some guys are asses and he might not be nice. but if hes not, your better without him cause if hes your best friend he should handle it well.
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be extremely honest thats what you need to do tell him the whole thing make sure you are serious about it as much as he will
i hope i helped
kristin
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ok i dont fucking apreciate you calling me a fucking dumbass. i know a LOT about HIV thanks. my fucking best friend has it. if it was good advice up until the whole "spit thing" then i shudnt have gotten a fucking 2 and u shudnt have been a fucking bitch.
i was fucking jokin around to make a fucking uptight comment a little bit more fucking not-uptight. and a lot of ppl mentioned kissing thanks.
you need to learn that if you want advice take it... otherwise go ask a fucking guidance counseler or doctor
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I am really sorry that you have to deal with the responsibility of having HIV - especially at such a young age.
Sex is a huge responsibility (see my response about 3 questions down from this one) and it's something that even a 15 year old withOUT HIV is too young to handle.
My advice is to NOT be sexually active. And just explain to your friend that you don't want to have sex until after you are out of high school.
If you are afraid he won't like you anymore, than you don't have as good of a relationship as you THINK.
In addition, I'm guessing that your HIV status is a huge secret. (although based upon his question to you - I suspect the word is already out) Once you tell this guy about your STD, your secret WILL be out. Chances are, your friend will seek advice and before you know it, the entire school will know your secret.
I think you would be wise to wait until high school is over. There are a lot of ignorant people out there that will treat you differently and say hurtful things too and about you. High School is difficult enough without having to worry about this stigman, the fear of pregnanacy, the fear of infecting your friend, and the emotional burden that is associated with being sexually active.
Enjoy your life. Don't complicate it with sex.
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Having HIV entails great responsibility. Before you spill the beans you need to lay down your cards first. Tell him that this should be between you and him only. Open his eyes to the fact that you are only doing this because you feel deeply for him and that you trust him as your friend. If he is open minded then he will understand, but if he doesn't, be prepared for the worst. Having HIV these days is not such a great deal? If you he was properly informed on how you can acquire such, then this won't be such a problem. Gudluck!
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