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Sorry about the length!
Please only answer this question if you're not mean or a smart aleck, and you're mature. Thanks!
Anyway, I have a friend that I've known for many years. Her parents are going through a divorce. I know she's hurt, and I want to be there for her, but here's the catch.
I've noticed that we're growing apart. She hasn't talked to me for a long time, except for the few times we've talked on AIM, and I started all of those conversations. She hasn't tried talking to me at all, and we haven't talked about the situation, even though she knows that I know about it (She wasn't the one who told me about it). It's been weeks since I've been aware of this.
At first I wanted to give her time, which I have, since I haven't said anything to her about the situation. Now, I'm fed up.
I'm sick of us not talking. She has made no attempt to talk to me, even casually. Like I said, all AIM conversations were started by me. I want to help her, but I can't if she won't say anything to me about it. I just wouldn't feel right starting up a conversation about it because I'm unsure if she is ready to talk about it.
What also irritates me is the fact that we've been friends for so long, and yet she (like I've said) hasn't tried asking for my advice or anything. I feel like I'm not a good friend; like she doesn't feel that she can open up to me because she's embarrassed (or for whatever reason), even though I don't know if that's the case. What I'm saying is that she should know that she can come to me, talk to me and ask for advice, and not be embarrassed.
It makes me sad that I can't be there for my friend, and that she's not talking to me. What should I do? Please help. Thanks so much!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Its not you at all. My parents got divorced and all i felt was anger and i couldnt talk to anyone about it. I felt like i was the reason my parents were getting divorced. It may be the same with her. The only way she is going to talk to you is if you bring it. I know that it is really hard when your parents get divorced b/c you feel like you life is being ripped about apart. The only person th can really help her is her parents. Maybe if you tell you are sorry that she has to go through this and that you are here for anything. And telling her that it isnt her fault will help her pen up to you. It was so hard for me to tell my friends how i felt b/c i didnt want to take my anger out on them so i kept it inside. Getting over this doesnt take days or weeks it takes about 5 months up to a year to finally adjusting to the idea of divorce. just remember it isnt you.
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Give her time I've known my friends for years but when my parents got divored its not that i didnt stil love them its just that i neede time to myself to cool dowm and I DEFINAETLY did not want to talk about it to anyone. Its not that shes embarresed or anything she just wants to put it behind her not talk about it if she can help it sounds to me like you guys are very close, shell come aroudw when shes ready all you have to do is sit and be patient.
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Next time you talk on AIM, tell her that you wanna help her and that you'll be praying for her{unless your agnostic or an atheist} and that you understand what she is going through. Tell her that you dont like the gap in your relationship and that you want to talk to her.
I hope things get better.
--caden--
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I think you should ask her what is happening to your friendship. Tell her you miss talking to her and all that.
As far as starting up a conversation about her parents divorce...don't. If she wants advice let her ask you for it.
You have to remember that having an advice column doesn't make you an expert. It also will turn some people off completely. So don't for one minute let her believe that is the only reason she needs to talk to you. I am sure that isn't what you are thinking but, she may be.
******
Edit
*****
I hope you weren't offended. I didn't think that
was the case...just trying to cover the bases. It may intimidate her a little though. I DO apologise if it offended you.
So, concentrate on mending the friendship first thing. Don't worry about giving her advice until she asks. Fix the friendship and that will come naturally. :)
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she's obviously really upset about the divorce and she may be one of those people who keeps things that big inside. she has to deal with it at home..so maybe she likes her friends to be an escape where the divorce doesn't exist. have you hung out with her recently? invite her over. not only will it give you time together..it will get her out of the house.
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its obvious that shes upset about the divorce, and i think thats just the cause of all of this. since she wont talk to you, you should surprise her with something. for example, go to her house early on a saturday or sunday morning while shes still sleeping and kidnapp her and take her out to breakfast. that would be a lot of fun to cheer her up and also at breakfast you can try talking to her about the divorce and also about how u feel about your friendship. hope this idea helps youu
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I think your friend is getting a little bit depressed about this. If shes not talking to anyone, then shes withdrawing herself from a social group, which is a sign of depression. Parents getting divorced is a really tough thing to watch and have to go through. I know it hurts you to not be talking to her, but I think that you shouldn't give up on her. If you know for sure that shes not talking to anyone right now, you have to start worrying. I know that you don't want to push her, so the easiest way is to tell her this. "[Amy], I know you are having a rough time with your parents, I miss the friendship that was really strong, and I want you to know that I'm not going to give up on it because I am here anytime that you need to let it out."
Don't expect her to start talking to you afterwards. That is letting her know that you havn't given up on her, so she'll know that when she feels like theres nobody else, she'll remember that you are still there waiting. It's really ok to get upset and irritated that shes not confiding in you, but you have to avoid showing that to her, don't ever tell her that you're getting irritated with her. You have to go unleash that somewhere else, because you can't tell her that you'll be there and then tell her you're sick of her. Just because your friend hasn't came to you for advice, it doesn't make you less of a person, or a friend. What makes a friend a true friend is telling her every once in a while that you're here and that you aren't going anywhere, and easing the pain in the rough times. A lot of times what will help to get a person to start talking is to try asking her for advice about a little problem that you have and she may help and find that she can really come to you. But don't force it. You're a very great friend because of the concerns you have in your question.
-TheTeenGirl
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Since you haven't talked to her in person for a while, I suggest you do this over AIM.
Just IM her and say something like "Hey, I heard your parents are getting divorced. I know we don't really talk much..but I'd like to let you know that I'm here for you if you EVER need anything. Don't be shy or embarrased about it, I've known you for ages, it'll be okay. Anytime, just let me know."
She may not take your invitation for help, which wouldn't surprise me. She will, however, know you're there and if she really needs you she might want to talk. Good luck!
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first i think you should talk to her about it. Ask her why you two dont talk, ask her why you are always the first one to start a convo. tell her you dont want to be a bad friend by not helping or giving advice, tell her she doesnt ask for it and you want her to. Talk to her.
Even though youu feel like you are losing touch with her, still try to make her feel better. I know it might feel wierd bc you may not feel that close with her anymore but, she really needs someone right now. she might not come to you first so maybe you could go over her house and comfort her.
so i would ask her why she hasnt been talking to you lately and donr give up till you have an anwser, you know? your her best friends and you have a right to know why she isnts talking to you.
<< sorry so long >>
hope i helped!!
<3,
brunettecutie **
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my sister went through the same thing. eventually my sister decided to just tell her friend that she knew she was going through a hard time & if she wanted to talk about it, she was there for her. her friend still didn't love to talk about it, but sometimes my sister would ask a question. if your friend gets mad or upset, just explain to her you were just making sure she was okay, and that you care about her alot. i know its tough, but good luck!
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