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College and parent--I'm desperate for help, please.
Okay. I'm a junior in high school and I'm graduating at the end of this year. I want to enter college in the Fall of 2006 and major in math and physics, those have always been areas that interest me. I have already applied to four different colleges, I'm working on scholarships as hard as I can, and I have two part-time jobs in addition to keeping up extracurriculars and 4 AP classes. I'm working as hard as I can this year because I really want to set myself up for college and living on my own.
Here's the problem: My mom has forbidden me to apply to any colleges, she wants me to go in the Fall of 2007 so that I can get in a full year of work, because she says I'm not mature enough. I have worked really, really hard at everything: I've kept up my chores, my job teaching piano, my job at the library, my schoolwork, and being in a musical, and she still won't let me. Now, normally I would think that working for a year to save up money for college is a great idea. But my majors are in math and physics, and a year is a long time to be away from calculus and quantum mechanics. I'm really afraid of losing the momentum, and of missing my chance to go for my goals.
My guidance counselor at school tells me to apply to every college I want to and not worry about my mom just yet...along with a score of other people, like my dad, my grandma, my boyfriend, and various other family friends. It's just, I'm really worried about this...like the fight that will ensue once I start hearing back from the colleges I applied to. I'm completely dedicated to going in the Fall of 2006...with or without my mom's consent, but I would really like it to be with.
Is there anything I can do to convince her I can handle it?
Sorry it's so long -
Nevaeh
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Trust me, you don't want to wait. The chances of you going back to school after taking a year off are lower than if you go right from high school! I also agree with your theory that it's a long time to be away from physics and math. Try talking to your family and letting them know how important your education is to you. If they don't support you, just think about what it means to you to be going to school in the fall, and make a serious decision as to whether or not you can deal with the ensuing fights.
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Apply to colleges now. Don't wait. Many scholarships are available to high school seniors that you will not be eligible for if you wait a year. Check your local university library for scholarship books. Ask the reference librarian to show them to you. Also ask your high school guidance counselor how to get money for college. You will need several thousand dollars over what colleges will admit to and you won't find out until after they hand you your financial aid check. The University of California, Santa Barbara does this and their excuse was, "These students parents have a lot of money." If one counselor isn't helpful - ask another and keep asking until you have put together enough to go. But go now! You are extremely intelligent and should not give up. Your mother may just fear how much she will miss you. Don't give up something this important. She'll soon get over it and be very proud of you.
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dude, if you can do all of that stuff, you will have no problem at college. your mom should be able to see this. just do your own thing, and it will be alright. if you're worried about paying for school, have you thought about joining the military? don't stop reading just yet. Air Force ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Course) is a great program. you just take an extra class, go to a 4 week Field Training between your sophmore and junior year, (not 6 or 16 week) and when u graduate college, you become a second lieutenant in the Air Force. you won't be on the front lines, and you won't die. this is a great opportunity to get free college, and a guaranteed job once you graduate. it can't be any easier. seriously. i'm in it now, and i love it. with a math and physics interest, you could be an aerospace engineer, designing new airplanes, or anything. think about it. let me know what u think.
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it sounds like you have worked realllly hard! dont give up on all that hard work just because your mom wants you too. apply to whatever colleges you would like to. after all, its your decision, not hers. try to sit her down and talk it out with her, but tell her that no matter waht, you are going to do whatever you feel is right for you. someday she will understand i promise but for now, if she REALLY wont budge on the idea, i say do w/e it takes to go for what you want. if it means only getting one parents sigiture, go for it good luck with everything i hope i helped
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The best thing is to do what you want. This is your life and not hers. You make your own decisons and she cant say anything. This is about you and no one else. You do what you think you should do and how you should do. If you are doing great and you are doing what is in your best interest then you should go for it. If what you are doing now doesnt please your mother then do it without her. If you go to college and show you can do it then she will come around.
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Here is what you do. You go ahead as your guidance counselor suggested and apply to as many colleges as you want. Have the return address be to your grandmothers, aunt, or friend’s house. Of course you ask permission of the person before you do this. Ask your guidance councilor if they could be sent to the school. Then, along with your father, you start finding out the real reason your mother doesn’t want you to go to college. Now what has been bothering me is your mother’s argument that you are too immature. I think that this may be true in her mind. You see I don’t think she can bare to see her little baby all grown up and going to collage. I think it is her attempt at keeping you with her a little longer and her illusion of you as her little baby girl still dependent upon her. You have almost a year to work on her and overcome her fears. She’s also worried about all of the awful things that could happen to you. You know, kidnappings, date rape, drugs…you know the fears. She probably doesn’t think you are experienced enough to handle these types of situations. Elicit your father’s help if he is supportive of your going to college he should be willing to back you up. Now, if you can’t seem to sway her by the time you are going to school you have two options. You most certainly can go ahead to college. You will be old enough to do as you want legally. You could also make a compromise and go to the local Jr. College for a year. This could keep your momentum going with calculus and quantum mechanics. You could spend a year there and then transfer. It doesn’t matter what college you start off in. It’s the one you graduate from that matters.
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I've got good news for you.
Once you turn 18, your mother has no more say over what you do than I do. She can't do anything about it. Period.
Worried about money? Scholarships (sounds like you could get a few because you work so hard) and student loans can fix that problem.
You can't spend your whole life worrying about what other people are gonna do when you make your decisions, even if those people are ones you care about. You need to live life for yourself. What do YOU want to do?
Have confidence.
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Since you say that everyone else, including you, think you should go in Fall 2006, I think the problem may lie with your mother. She may be having separation anxiety at the thought of you going off.
I agree with your guidance counselor. You should go ahead and apply to all the colleges you want to.
I would speak to your mother. Tell her that you'll miss her too, but that you think you are ready. Remind her that you keep up your chores, your job and your schoolwork right now. You may have to have other family members and even your counselor talk to your mother. Tell her that while you appreciate her concern, you have to do what's best.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
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I don't think she will handle it until she wants to. I think you bring up a really good point - it's kind of bad to take a year off if you want to major in math and physics. You've likely already pointed this out to her. Since you have your other family members backing you, I think that you have a good chance of going to college regardless of whether your mom supports you. I think that you should try to go no matter what, and if it leaves you and your mom on bad terms, she'll have to get over it eventually. She, of all people, has no business keeping you from your dreams.
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This has nothing to do with YOU not being ready. This is about your mother not being ready to let you go. She will never be ready. In 2007 it will be something else to come up that will prevent you from being prepared to go in her eyes. You are in a no win situation because no matter how hard you try nothing will be good enough. BECAUSE it's not you that needs to mature and prepare to move on with your life. I'd guess you are an only or youngest child. Some women just can't bare to think of having an empty nest (all their children gone on and not needing her any more.) Your mother will get over it. This is a growing process for her as well as for you. Do what you need to do to reach the goals you've set for yourself, and tell your mother that you love her and will always need her in your life regardless of how close or how far away or how old you are. Prepare for a rough time, but I'm sure you'll all weather it fine. Full steam ahead!!
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