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Halloween party vs. my mother's funeral
My mother just recently died from lung cancer. She was just diagnosed on Sept. 15th of this year and she passed away on October 28th, 2005.
My boyfriend of several years had already told his spoiled rotten, self-centered, selfish daughter that she could have a Halloween party before the incident with my mother came up.
Instead of being here, supporting me, helping me make the needed arrangements and just being a shoulder to lean on, he decided it was more important to help out with his daughter's Halloween party, because everybody knows "Courtney" comes first....no matter what!
I think that's about as sorry as you can get. What do you think?
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well im sorry about the death in the family and im sorry about your boyfriend he should be there for you and i think you should confront him about that but it is his daughter and i know where your coming from i have a younger brother and every thing has to be about him. .anyway. .just tell him and hope that he will come to his senses and relize what a jerk he was being.
hope i helped!
ml
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That's not right. If you haven't already, you should talk to him about this. Tell him that you don't appreciate him not being there for you.
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You should definitely dump him. I mean, his daughter should be very important to him...but a Halloween party. ?!. That's bullshit compared to a funeral. Seriously, though, this guy isn't worth being with at all, whatsoever.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with you that in this case it was wrong. He should have managed to be there for you and arrange a little smaller party for her. And I'm sure he could have gotten some other help with it, or maybe asked you to help (just a little) to help take your mind off your mom for just an hour or so. It sounds more like you just got a huge dose of what a jerk he is and maybe a lesson in that you don't want a future with someone who would ever treat you this way. I do believe that once you've had children they should come first but I'm positive there had to be some possible way to help you and not let down a small child either.
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I understand him wanting to be there for his daughter's party and organise it - that's perfectly natural, even credible in a father; most never bother!!
However, it's not fair on this occasion. It would be easy enough to get another friend or relative, a teenager who wants some babysitting money, or a professional childminder to take over for the day. You need to tell him that you understand his daughter is very important to him but some things are more important - you are going through a very tough time and could use some support!! Personally I would tell him that if he wants support with regards to his daughter (he's sure to want you to help out with some 'Courtney' related stuff some time) then he'd better start showing me some respect.
Don't blame it on the daughter though...it's not her fault if she's spoilt. Treat her with kindness and normality and hopefully you'll be a good influence on her and in a year or two she'll be more human :)
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what on earth wold make him think tht his sister comes before his girlfriends dead mother! i just dont understand. we have to do something about this. its just not right.
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I am so sorry you even have to ask this question!
I agree you can't get much sorrier than that. Its so sorry as a matter of fact I have to wonder what on earth you put up with every other day of the year.
I hope you don't live with this guy. I hope the party isn't in your home. If it is I would send this guy packing as soon as humanly possible.
A guy who has kids needs to spend time with them. That's commendable. But, in this situation, you and your feeling should have came first.
I think any parent planning on sending their child to the party would have understood its being cancelled.
Sorry to hear about your mom.
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I am extremely sorry for your loss.
It is pretty dispicable that your partner is not supporting you at this very difficult time in your life, but I think GDROB2 raised some good points. If your partner is trying to be supportive but genuinely feels that he is compelled to keep a promise to his daughter then you have an issue with his spoiling his daughter, but his intentions are still good. If, on the other hand, he just doesn't want to stand up to his daughter then he has really let you down. How old is the daughter? It's much harder to explain to a 4 or 5 year old exactly what's happened and why it means they can't have their party because, as GDROB2, they can't really understand what the loss of parent means to an adult, but if the child is much older, particularly over 8 or 9, then they do have the capacity to understand and he should have put you first.
Normally I advise people to talk things out, but you are undoubtedly in an very bad place emotionally and it will be difficult to discuss this rationally with your patner. Perhaps it would be best for now not to have a full blown discussion about it, as it seems there are many underlying issues with how he treats you and his daughter, but save that until after the funeral and for now just repeat to him that you need him and his support at this time. He could just be in denial: for many people the death of a partner's parent is a wake-up call about their own (and their parents) mortality, and he may be throwing himself into this party for his daughter as a way of avoiding his fears. Keep telling him that you need his support and hopefully he will soon come round and begin to treat you much better. You do still need to talk this out, but I think it should wait until after the funeral when you can give it your full energies. All the best, and again, sorry for your loss.
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Hey Hunny,
I think that is so very wrong! If you and his daughter are fine with each other, he should have really been there for you. He could've had his daughter's Halloween party made for another time or just told her she couldn't have one. I am very sorry for your loss! Your mother's death should've been more important than a Halloween party. Once again, I am very sorry!
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Hi,
Courtney is a little girl. She was promised something by her father. She is not going to understand what death of one's parents mean and why she cannot have her party. To a kid her age that is a big promise and when adults break promises to kids it is never a good thing.
Understand he cares for you, will help you but his hands are tied. Do not let your sorrow and anger be taken out on that little girl. Your mother would not want that. I am sorry for your loss and burden. I would suggest though to get the help of your father or another adult to lessen the work and grief.
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I'll get straight to the point. Your boyfriend is a prick. And if he isn't going to be there in your time of need, then he'll probably never be there for you. If his daughters stupid ass halloween party is more god damn important than your mothers DEATH then there is something seriously wrong with him.
Either he needs to be beaten with a stick or needs a major reality check. My stick is ready by the way...
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WOW!!!!!!! that was a very mean thing for him to think i mean seriosly your mom died he shouldve been there for you i mean ya his daughter comes first but in theses types of situations he should be there
i woulsd seriously thing about your relationship
sorry if i didnt help
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His daughter should come first in his life... BUT. A halloween party crosses the line. Halloween is NOT important. NOT AT ALL. Your mother is important. And I think that he was ridiculously wrong. Tell him that you're upse that a halloween party came first, as thats trivial. If he doesnt understand that, then you should drop him. That's really disrespectful and hurtful to pick a halloween party over supporting you.
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If he really cared about your feelings he wouldn't of done that. He could let his daughter have a party on a different day and jus sent her over a friends house to sleep over while he helps you. Talk to him and tell him you really nned his support right now and get someone to take care of his daughter and support you and be there for you. Also I am very sorry about your mom. I know ALMOST nobody understands how that feels when someone very inportant to you and has supported you and loved and cared for you in her an your past life. I am so sorry about that. If that ever happens again just tell him that you can't take it anymore and lecture him until he understands.
< Hope i helped
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I think that if no one was going to be there to take care of his daughter then MAYBE that could be an excuse but i also think he should apologize to you ask him if he has ever heard the term "life or death situation"
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