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Is it wrong?
Okay I am 18/f and I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's 22 and he lives about 1 hour from me because he moved that far to work. He comes to visit me every weekend and calls me every night. We have alot of fun and talk about everything. We have been dating on anf off for 3 years now and are planning on getting married in about 1 1/2. Recently at my work I noticed this guy flirting with me alot, and well I do the same. I saw it as harmless, I would joke with him and stuff and he would back. He had a girlfriend at the time too, but just the other day he walked over to me and pushed me against the wall and said 'watsup babe' and laughed. I found it funny at first but a little odd, then I found out he broken things off with his girlfriend partly because of me. He also slipped me his phone number in my work folder and the other day I saw him he asked me to come to his apartment. I really find him attractive(he looks like the lead singer from my chemical romance) and really like him, I only want to be friends with him because I love my boyfriend so much and wouldnt ever cheat. But when Im around the guy at work Im much more open and talkative then I am with my actual boyfriend. Im just asking if its wrong to be friends with a guy that likes me in a way that my boyfriend wouldnt find appealing?
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i think that is totally wrong girl
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Dear Is it wrong,
Man did you ever set yourself up on this one. You should ask yourself if you truly love your boyfriend. When a woman loves a man, she has eyes only for him. If you're noticing other men, then there is something missing in your relationship with your boyfriend. Eighteen years old and already talking about marriage.
You should be living life, discovering yourself and making a career. Guys are a dime dozen and when you find the one that makes you laugh day and night, the one that won't leave your side for anything, even a job, then that's love. Why are you in this long distance relationship? Did he ask you to move with him? Long distance relationships tend to fade the longer you go with out seeing one another. The guy you work with likes you because you give back what he dishes out. I mostly agree with what the other Advicenators said about getting yourself into a position to have to lie. That's NEVER good. Honesty is always the way to go. Talk to your boyfriend about the distance between the two of you, talk to him about the guy at work. Tell him you are attracted to this guy, but it makes you feel guilty because you love him, yet the distance and his absence every day make it very hard to keep from being lonely. Why has the relationship with your boyfriend been going on and off for three years? Why has it not been a solid three years? Look at everything here and ask yourself WHY? Question your own motives. I could just tell you to invite them both over at the same time, get some cooking oil, a game of twister, strip in front of both of them and say “Who wants to play?” BUT hey, some people find that sort of thing nasty and wrong, until they try it. You sound like a pretty intelligent person and you have been given advice from many different people here. Go with your gut but always be honest with yourself and everyone around you. Happy Halloween :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Im sure your boyfriend lets you have friends, but that guy seems alittle more then friendly. Im not saying use are doing anything, but hes alittle to flirty and thats not good. He might also think you like him too. From what I read your leading him on, maybe not leading him on, but your going with what hes doing and thats not good. He might get the wrong impression and try to make a move. You have to think whos more important him or your 3 yr boyfriend. Also, every girl has atleast one boy they can talk to more then there own boyfriend and thats normal, but dont get to involved because you might hurt more than one person.
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Sometimes when you are in love...you question yourself on things such as these. Do yourself a favor and tell the guy at work that you REALLY can't pursue ANY type of relationship/friendship with him. I know that will be hard--being that you work with him and all but you don't want to break your boyfriend's heart...or your own for that matter. Oh and another thing...the guy at your work sounds like a scumbug...thats a classic "I broke up with my girlfriend for you".
Careful.
-Nina
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My advice to you would be to be friends at work.
What I mean by that is don't take it outside of there if you are serious about your boyfriend.
This guy is looking to get you to his apartment and I don't think that is a good idea. Unless you are looking for a heartbreak keep your distance.
Don't feel obligated because he considers you part of the reason he broke up with his girlfriend. That's a great line. :)
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Wow, where do I begin? First of all, you're trying to carry on a long distance relationship. Doable, but hard, as you're now seeing. Secondly, you need to be upfront with the 22 year old dude. Don't keep him in the dark;what if he were doing this with another girl? If you wouldn't care, then you two shouldn't be exclusively dating. If you like this guy, go back to his apartment knowing that he wants to have sex with you. Don't be in denial;this is exactly what he wants, b/c he's been working for it for awhile. I think you've already made up your mind whether you're gunna do this or not, so just make the decision with a clear head,ok?
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You are flirting with disaster.
I'm not saying you aren't perfectly capable of maintaining a friendship with this guy while remaining faithful to your boyfriend only that your co-worker has decided to make it hard.
He knows you are in a relationship but he is still making open and sexual advances. That is scummy, it really is. It also isn't the behavior of a friend who respects your choices or your sexual ethics. He thinks you will cheat, or dump your boyfriend for him. Now where did he get that idea?
If you aren't honest with both guys, you will get trapped in your lies eventually. Tell your boyfriend about your concerns about your friend and that you are going to too set him straight but still be his friend. Then tell your friend you aren't up for cheating and would appreciate if he could respect that and just remain friends.
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Well, you are opening yourself up to a lot of problems if you do develop a friendship with someone who is interested in you romantically. You will be sending a message to the guy who is interested in you that you are open to a romantic fling with him. Your boyfriend will see it that way as well. There is nothing you can do that will get them to see it any other way. I wish there was. As you go through life you will run into people who you will have a strong chemical reaction to. It may even be overwhelming sometimes. Don't mistake this for love. This is lust. It's fun when your single, but, when you are seriously involved with someone and you truly love them it will be disloyal to them if you were to act upon these feelings. You know you aren't going to go anywhere with it so why start it. It's not wrong to have male friends its just that you have to consider the problems that will develope if you persue this with this particular individual. Loyalty is a very important part of love.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
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its not wrong that your co-worker is attracted to you, and you've said that you wouldn't cheat, so i dont really see any problem, just dont get to attached to him, and let him know that you have someone else, and are not looking for a realtionship with him like the one he obviously wants with you
bottem line is: its not wrong, but if you give into anything hes offering then things could get ugly, just tell him, and your bf how you feel and work everything out
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Did you re-read what you just said? 'to be friends in a way that your boyfriend won't find appealing'. If you know that your boyfriend probably wont be happy about this, you shouldn't do it. Just because you're more open and more talkative doesn't mean that you have a closer bond or anything similar to what you have with your boyfriend. It could be that you just see him as a person who you can talk to easily, like a really close friend. not a boyfriend. I would suggest that you don't be friends with the guy from work in a way that your boyfriend wont like. You can be like, close friends with him, but nothing else. I think if you really love your boyfriend like you say, think before you act. If you can really like another guy, you should re-think of whether or not you want to be with your boyfriend. You can only have one guy. Seeing that you guys have been going off and on for 3 years, I'd think that your boyfriend would be more important and you'll consider him before you do anything you'll regret. So, basically, if you think your boyfriend won't like how your friendship with the other guy is, then you shouldn't do it.
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