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Am I normal?
Do any other girls have a list of qualities that they want in a potential boyfriend? I have a list of about 20 things that I want a guy to have before I date him.
For example, he must be a non-smoker, have a good job, live on his own, be neat in appearance, have a vehicle, and no children from a previous relationship. These are just some of the things. I had one guy ask me out but because he lived with his mother and smoked I turned him down. Another guy asked me out and he had a 5 year old daughter, so I turned him down to. Some people say I being too picky, well I tell them I just have high standards.
Part of the reason for this is because my last boyfriend was a total loser. He was on welfare, he didnt have a car or a license, he was dirty, he smoked, and was financially and mentally abusive to me.
Do any other woman have high standards? And do you think I'm being too picky? Also do you think I'm scared of being hurt again so that is why I strive so high, and subconsiously I'm doing this so I won't have a boyfriend again?
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i have almost the same qualities as you its not that you are being picky it is just that you know what you want and you will find that guy vary soon just relax and dont worry.
amllittlekitkit!
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well you might be soing the right thing to have high standards because in a relationship you want everything to be perfect so keep going with your list
ther is somebody out there that matches your standards
I hope I hepled
Jessica
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I like high standards. I am christia so i was raised up to have high standards. I always made a list especially when icking the right guy for me. We have alot of the same qualities about finding the guy. You will find someone that has the same beliefs as you and you will be very happy.You are not picky at all. If you hang out with someone that ahs those bad habis then he will rub the bad habits onto you and you wil start to do them so you want someone that doesnt do them.
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It's fine to have high standards, but think about this. By passing up a guy just because he smokes, or some other aspect that goes against your list, you could be passing up the love of your life. And just because certain guys meet these qualities doesn't mean that things will work out.
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You have the right to have high standards. You aren't picky, you just want someone who you like and will get along with. After all, you are going to be dating this guy. I think that your standards might have been affected by your last relationship. It's okay though. Just be sure to give some guys a chance. Nobody's perfect. Hope my advice helps! ~Jenny
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Hey hun i`d give you a big hug for havin those high standards i always incourage girls to have standards and stick to em that way you have less broken hearts cuz your not just going for some random guy.. Hell no your not picky but yes people might think so but fuck what people think you keep those standards.. yes it might be a while til you find a guy you want but atleast when you find one it`ll be your dream come true hehe.. You might be scared of gettin a broken heart but what girl isn`t.. so i think thats normal.. ♥ Dez
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No i don't think your standerds are to high i just think you want a good man. I made a list of things i wantd in a guy too but it's not that long on the count of i'm only 15. it was just 10 things and well the things that you listed is what alot of women want in a man. It doesn't mean your picky and it doesn't say that you'll never have a boyfriend because subconsiously you don't want to be hurt again. It's just saying that your a women who knows what she wants.
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You have good standards. Don't settle for anything else than you want, because you won't be happy unless you do. Just get as many of them as you can. People are entitled to a FEW imperfections. (= Good luck!
♥ Melissa
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I think it is good to have some standards and to get as many of them as you can. I do think you're scared of being hurt again, and I can't blame you there.
The thing is, nobody's perfect. I think you need to make another list and this time make a column for things from the first list that have conditions to them.
Living with mom? That would depend on the age. You don't mention yours.
A younger guy who is in college might be an exception long as he hasn't been going to school for 20 years already and has some sort of future plans.
Smoker? Not a great thing but doesn't make a person a bad guy.
Kids? That one is iffy. Does he take care of his kids or does he try to ditch his responsibility? (personal opinion is if he isn't with their mom he's ditching.)
There are widows or those who have custody of their kids though and are very responsible.
Have a job. That's a must.
Car and license. A must.
See what I mean.
I'm afraid if you get REALLY picky, you will still be looking at a list 20 years from now instead of a husband or boyfriend.
Try to be a little flexible while keeping your standards high. :)
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It's perfectly reasonable to have high expectations from a relationship, and it's great that you value you yourself enough to realise that you deserve a really good man. However, it is important that you don't think of a potential partner as just a list of characteristics or things that can be checked off on a list. You might find a guy who fulfils everything on your list, who you just don't spark with in person, or worse, who doesn't really respect you. Similarly, you might find somebody who doesn't answer to absolutely everything on your list, but makes up for it in other ways.
I don't think you should throw away your list. I think it's a good thing to have something you can look at and remind yourself that these are qualities you want and deserve from a relationship. It's also a good screening process - if you can rationalise why you should just stay away from bad boys that you might be attracted to, then this will likely prevent you future heartache. I do however think you should avoid seeing the list as the be all and end all. When you meet a guy, don't run through a mental checklist - talk to him and get to know him a bit so that you are judging him not just by your preconcieved notions.
My mother used to tell me that the best way to find out what you didn't want in a relationship was by dating. You already know from experience that you don't want somebody who has all the qualities you listed, but you might find that some of them in isolation bug you less then when they are part of a whole package. If you otherwise like a guy apart from one thing that you don't like, get to know him a bit more to see whether you could really live with that quality. If you can't, you can't, but do be prepared to try. All the best.
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every1 should have high standards... but there is a difference between being picky & having high standards... no one is perfect that is a well known fact... now there is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a smoker or a man with children... but turning a guy down because he lives with his mother... i mean yeah that is a lil weird... but it shouldn't be a big deal.. take chances... you don't have to commit until until you are ready... you may miss out if you dont give people a chance...
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You're probably scared of being hurt again. It seems like you do have high standards. I mean, what if someone has 19 out of the 20 things, so basically perfect. But that one thing is he smokes. Are you going to turn him down? One of the things about relationships is looking past your partners imperfections. I'm not saying you have to accept someone who is a serial killer or rapist, but them smoking, or something else like that.
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Not to cause a riot here, but I completely disagree with your standards. I can understand not wanting to date someone because of something, like being dirty and abusive, those are good reasons. Having a kid from another relationship isn't that bad, what the guy was married and his wife was a total jerk and left him with the kid, you could be missing out on the perfect guy. Its just that certain things can be worked thorugh, like getting a job, or getting a car, or stop smoking. Its true high standards will get you into a great relationshio with the perfect guy, but will you love him, will he be too perfect. I think you should at least give guys a chance, at least one date to figure them out, see if he's worth it or not. And yeah you could be doing that to not get hurt again, thats natural everyone does that, but you know hurting is part of love, you have to get throught the hurts to get to the bliss. You don't have to listen to me, but just think about it, good luck I hope you find the right guy.
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You aren't alone at all. All through high school I saw so many bad relationships and I gained a sort of fear of them because I was afraid of getting hurt like so many of my friends. I set practically impossible standards and felt very similarly to you even though our situations are almost completely opposite. My high standards certainly paid off though and I am in a relationship with someone that meets them and meets them well. People set standards in order to ensure their happiness so that they can't get swept off their feet by someone and end up blinded by the moment. Have faith, be strong and someone that is right for you will come along. You're not looking for a few months, you're looking for someone that you can be happy spending the rest of your life with. I hope you find what you are searching for. Sometimes you may have to be a liiiittle open, but keep your standards. They will help you much much more than harm you. Remember though, that even though a guy might not meet some of your standards at first, you can help him meet them or even grow to love his imperfections. Good luck!
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