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He wont talk.
Hi guys.
Sorry if this is really long...i rate high.
Alrighty.
Well i have a boyfriend and i love him to death. We've been together for over 3 months and ever since ive knwn him he never EVER talks about his problems.
If i know somehtings wrong he'll say things like.."Its not important" or "Its nothing" when i can seeeee that its bothering him a lot. I want him to know that he doesnt need to act all tough around me. And i need him to know that he can talk to me about anything. I just dont know what to say to him.
Ive tried the usual..."you know im always here for you" and all that and he says he knows but it doesnt change anything.
Do you guys have anything i could say or do that would get him to know that im always there...and ready to listen?
Any advice is great advice!!
Thanks...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey, some guys just dont like telling girls there feelings. You can see that he's hurting and you need to make sure he can see that your always there for him. Instead of just telling him that you should give him a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek and tell him that you care about him and that if you need someone to talk about anything that he can trust you. Rate me!
:->Michelle
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Sit your boyfriend down and let him know whats going on. Say I am so lucky ro have you. Your the best boyfriend I could ever imagine. Your always there for me when I need help. But now its time for me to help you. There is obviously something bothering you and I think we should talk about it. Don't think you a wuss for talking about it because your not we are here to help each other and you deserve the best help I can give. Hopefully you can get him to talk. Let him no that no matter whats bothering him you aren't gonna tell anybody... be true to him like he is to you and things should work out. Let me know
♥ kelli
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maybe if you open up about something first, he will open up as well. like talk to him about family problems you used to have, a divorce if your parents are divorced,friend or ex bf problems, etc.
if you get on a serious topic and you open up, he might do the same
-maybe have a romantic candle lit picnic thing at the park, that could set the mood for a serious converstation
i hope this helps
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i think that you should just let him know that your always there to listen if he ever wants to talk and let him know he doesnt always have to keep it all bottled up.....once you've made it clear that your there for him then its up to him, let him come to you when he's ready to talk
hope that helps
~alli
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I think the best that you can do, is get him when hes in an ok mood and nothing seems to be the problem, and tell him that you're concerned. Maybe, the best way of going about this is to come and say, "Listen, I always feel that I can tell you or talk to you about all of my problems, and I know you're here for me. But, I want to help you too, and when you say that your problems aren't important, it kind of hurts me because you look like you're in pain, and I want to hear you talk about whats going on, please tell me whats going on in your life, I'm really worried." You need to basically tell him that you're hurt and concerned with him. If hes still not wanting to come around, I think you need to start doing it back, it may seem cruel, and wrong, but when you've got a problem or something is bothering you, just say, "you know, I could tell you as always, but I never seem to get that in return, which would be nice to have." And then change the subject. If you need anymore help, feel free to inbox.
-TheTeenGirl
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Allright, it seems as if you're boyfriend is a typical man. Go figure. If he does tell you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. OR, sometimes it could be that he's thinking WAY too much. One small thing you might have done, even if yoy didn't notice it can make him think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
Don't worry, he'll probably come around soon. He might be trying to protect you from something, or he might be very embarassed. Either way, he'll probably end up loosening up and tellin you what's bothering him. I wouldn't read too far into it if I were you.
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Keep trying to talk to him. I would agree with others when they're saying that he's just trying to get your attention or make you feel sorry for him. Talk to him, and if you can't get anything out of him, there's PROBABLY nothing there.
♥ Melissa
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Ok, this question is not tough to answer at all! I had the same problem with my ex. Ist really easy to take care of the problem. Wat he is doin is tryin to get you to feel sorry for him. And in a way your fallen for the "oh its no biggy" deal! So heers wat you do, tell him that a relationship revolves around the truth!! and that him sayn that its not a big deal is not tellin you the truth!! You desirve to be treated better than that! Don't let him be that wayto you! Its wrong and not verytruthful!!! c-ya later, mandy
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I know a guy who was just like that to me. I'd tell him all my problems, and stuff, but he would never tell me any of his. I knew a lot was bugging him & everything. And i'd ask whats wrong? and he'd be like its nothing. And i never could get him to open up. There isnt much you can say to make him open up to you. Tell him you want to hear whats going on with him and its important to you. But your not going to pressure him to tell you. That may not work, but i think you should say it anyway. He knows you are there and im sure if he's ready he will tell you. Sometimes guys are like that. Sometimes the problem is too much to handle and they dont want to tell anyone. Or maybe he doesnt want to worry you. Or bother you with his problems.
♥ nicole
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I've been with my boyfriend for over 14 months. It took him about 9 months to actually open up to me and tell me what was wrong when he was upset. You have to understand with guys, they like to think they're big and tough and if they tell you what their problems are as if you're a shrink, it makes them feel... I guess you can say "Less of a man". You can't keep pressuring him to tell you what's wrong. Ask him ONCE what's wrong. If he says It's not that important or It's nothing, leave it at that. Just say okay and leave it alone. He already knows that you're always gonna be there for him and you'll always listen to him, but TRUST ME, he WILL NOT TELL YOU. I tried my hardest with my boyfriend. It takes them a while to crack open their "bad ass" outside and get to see their softness. Even still, it could be nothing. So you just have to leave it alone. I know it sucks, trust me it does, but you have to leave it alone. He'll begin to open up to you in a few months. Just wait it out a bit =)
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Well he probably thinks you wouldn't understand his problems. Give him time. If its important enough and he loves you, he'll tell you what's bugging him. Good luck! Hope I helped!
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It saddens me to say there is very little one can do in such matters. Guys for no fault of there own have devolved a sense of arrogances. They feel that is not “Manly” to open up and share their feelings, they are afraid of being called; as Arnold states it, “Girly Men”.
That way of thinking can only change if the Guy wants it.
So what can you do to help him break down the Walls of Pride (Yes Plural)? First of all like any great opponent you must know first what exactly you are up against. I mention the Walls of Pride earlier, I will not discuses what they each are but I will, however, tell you about their builders. The Walls, like most barriers are there to keep others out, or oneself in. The way of thinking that your bf has came by; peers, today’s media, poor family life, betray of some sort (or what they think was a betrayal), cultural, and most importantly a lack of example! All these things combine to hedge up the way to a guy’s feelings (there are other reasons but for the sake of this discussion I won’t name any more).
So what can you do about it? Well now you know more about how the Walls come about, you can help him by looking at the list I’ve just listed off and look at the things you can control (or can influences). Once you’ve found what you CAN do, start influencing him in a positive way (be careful, it is not as easy or safe as it seems; friend can have a powerful effect in a young man’s life, both for good and for bad. That is why it is so important to hang around good friends).
I hope this help, let me know if it did and how it turns out. I wish you luck, you have a terrible and treacherous road ahead, one I know all too well. I’ve seen both worlds, where guys will hold in their feelings and go mad, but will open up eventually with the help of good friends, and time. Just remember it may look hopeless, and you think you aren’t making that much progress, but you are. Keep with it. May you see what I have seen already.
~Teen Guru~
PS if you like to know more on the subject or have further question remembers I’m only a mouse click away.
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guys are programed for some reason to think they have to be tough and not show much in the way of emotions. I think he may eventually let you help and tell you what he's feeling if you just keep letting him know you're there for him. It may take a long while so if it doesn't happen right away don't be concerned. It isn't you it is just the way he was brought up to think about things.
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I saw that someone said that he could be protecting you from someting or he's embarrised. Those are good reasons why he won't talk. Also, a lot of us guys do like to stay strong in front of our women. It's sorta like, we know that we can take care of you. Staying physically, and emotionally strong reassures that we can take anything... Well this is kind of hard to answer, because I haven't felt that way in a long time. But I hope I helped.
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It sounds like he might be tryint to hide something from you that he is trying to keep all to himself. Talk to him in person and try and ask whats wrong *do what your doing now* and then when he says "It's nothing important", look him strait in the eyes and make eye contact and say "Please tell me if anything is wrong, I hate to see it when you are like this *which you said you are* and I really want to help me, let me listen please." And see what he does, usually when you make direct eye contact with someone it tends to alter the feeling the other person is feeling and may get him to say what is bothering him. Let him know your there for him constantly and you always will be.
I hope this helps and you find out whats wrong with him.
-Ryan
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Well it could be that he's trying to protect you from something.. Or maybe he's embarassed about it. But if it really bothers you then i suggest that you say "I know you might not want to tell me but I think honesty and trust is good in a realationship so if you can tell me then we should talk IF it will make you feel better." Or "Hunny, i love you and I need you, but we have to be open with each other and i'm worried about you will you tell me what's been bugging you." Something along those lines or you can *if you know what its' about *break the ice with a joke and then say btw about that.... and so forth. Hope that helps.
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