Well here's my situation. My mother was seeing a man for awhile that seemed totally normal, well as time passed he began to become controlling and totally weirded out. He was suppose to be this guy living "the good life" with money ect. ect. Well things started to get weird whenever everytime we were suppose to visit his house the meetings would get "cancelled." After awhile he started to turn my mother against me. He convinced her that I was a hell raising child who needed to be locked up, and I needed help because I was "Ill in the head." All of this was far from the truth. Anyways, to make an extremely long story short, we found out he's not who he says he is, and he has a major criminal record, just got off parole for MURDER. He has an obsession over me (For God only knows what reason) and now the police are after him and he dissapeard before they got the oppurtunity to arrest them. This has brought so much strain on our family. My mom is constantly drinking, and I just can't look at her the same after the things she did to me because this psycho told her to. I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to what to do in this situation. I want things to be better in our house-hold after this, but I have no idea where to start to mend it back together. Sorry it's so long, thanks for the help.
KillingFrost answered Tuesday November 30 2004, 1:25 pm: Perhaps family counsiling, one of the things you have to do is make your mother realize that you want to fix everything, it might not all go back to the way it was, but if you make an obvious effort to try and fix and forgive she might realize what you are doing and try and help to, suggest to her counseling or some form of proffesional help. If money is an issue there are low cost centers out there. Best of luck to you. [ KillingFrost's advice column | Ask KillingFrost A Question ]
BloNdieSs_Kic_AsS answered Monday November 29 2004, 11:26 pm: thats really hard becuase your mom rerally was into him sicne heshe was lisnting to what he always had to say.. thats also VERY scary! id be still scared if i was you! Maybe try and talk to your mom about it and dont make her feel bad about what happeNed, things are already hard enough for her i think.. [ BloNdieSs_Kic_AsS's advice column | Ask BloNdieSs_Kic_AsS A Question ]
AsKmE135 answered Monday November 29 2004, 5:30 pm: Wow thats really scary. First of all I would change all the locks on your house incase this guy has a key.. and also if you dont have one already, **get an alarm system!!** You might want to go to counseling with your family to relieve all of this stress and to get your mom to stop drinking. Make sure the police are keeping a good watch on you. Dont let this guy ruin your family.. your family should continue living normally and happily. GOOD LUCK!! i hope the police find that guy soon!! [ AsKmE135's advice column | Ask AsKmE135 A Question ]
Striker6909 answered Monday November 29 2004, 4:49 pm: well it's supposed to be etc... but w/e well I think you guys should go live with other family for awhile just to get off the pressure of him coming after you guys... you should also talk to the police and make sure that they are monitoring you... as for your mom you need to try and help her get off the booze... and then talk to her one on one and make sure that she understands that you aren't the person that he said you were [ Striker6909's advice column | Ask Striker6909 A Question ]
Politics_Junkie answered Monday November 29 2004, 10:29 am: It's important to realize that you and your mother were both victims of an abusive person. You threatened his ability to control your mother and divided her attention, which is why he couldn't stand you. Now that he's out of the picture, your mother is going to have a great deal of difficulty getting by without him because he forced her to rely upon him for so long and likely destroyed her self-esteem. She may also feel some guilt about the situation. Your mother needs to seek help from the agency in your area that assists victims of domestic violence. You can probably find the contact information for that agency in the phone book. People there can provide the kind of unique counseling she needs, likely for free. You also need help, perhaps from a private family therapist, but it's quite possible that the domestic violence agency will have counseling available for you too. Abusers will destroy everything in their paths, and this man was no exception. Please contact the agency in your area to get help so your family can mend. [ Politics_Junkie's advice column | Ask Politics_Junkie A Question ]
dinoold answered Monday November 29 2004, 10:23 am: You mom's b/f is a HUGE liar. trust me ..have dated these guys..they come up with all these OUT thee storeis of being wealthy..and boom for some reason you never see the place or they never have money. wealthy people want to show you WHAT they have..so that is the first HUGE lie...
So now you know.he is a psycho..your mom needs help..she HAS to stop drinking..oh by the way..A RON OF US have been takne in by these losers..see WE want to belive their lies..
So she has to stop drinking..tell her that she is going to mess up YOUR LIFE..my mom drank and all THREE of us are so messed up it is not funny.
if you have to move..but change your number to an unlisted one..it is NOT up to you to mend this..you are NOT the adult
your MOM neeeds to BUCK up..realize that men are SMUCKS and stop the HOOCH!! NOW!!!
if you can get her to someone that can figure out why she dates these loers..ok...
zapreth answered Monday November 29 2004, 9:36 am: I agree with the others. You and your mother need serious professional help. To make you feel a little better, probly not but it's worth a try, confidence men(he's a classic) have this weird ability to make perfectly rational people think and do crazy things. They seem to know just where a person is weakest and dig until they can work it to their advantage. His obsession with you is because you didn't buy his line. It's kind of an ego thing, plus it made you dangerous to his plans. (Whatever they were.) The kind of pyscological damage he caused to your mother needs immediate attention to help her heal. Family couceling will help your relationship with her only after she has reached some peace with herself but the couceling should go hand in hand with her treatment. I've felt the power of a true master at the game, but luckily he didn't want anything from me and my parents kept me far from his influence. They know what he is, and the only reason he ever came close to me in the first place was because he's family. Kinda hard to accept your uncle is a creep of the first order, but everyone has a black sheep in the family I guess. Luck! [ zapreth's advice column | Ask zapreth A Question ]
BballMeggs935 answered Monday November 29 2004, 7:22 am: Sit down with your mother and tell her u miss her the way she was. Tell her it wasnt her fault this guy was a criminal.IF THAT DOESNT WOR THEN find someone to hellp u guys get threw this [ BballMeggs935's advice column | Ask BballMeggs935 A Question ]
VonBondie answered Monday November 29 2004, 4:26 am: This is obviously a very serious matter, and you have a lot of work to do. I don't believe you're in the rigth place to be asking this sort of question to be honest, you should phone a counsellor of some description (there are many toll-free numbers listed on [Link](Mouse over link to see full location))
The people on the other end of the line will be fully trained, and will respect your privacy. This is a serious topic and needs proffesional guidance. [ VonBondie's advice column | Ask VonBondie A Question ]
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