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StEp DaD
so what do you do if whenever you get in fights with your mom your step dad gets involved too adn every time he gets involved i tell him hes not my dad so stop talking to me and hten he says yeah im glad im not bc if i was your dad id beat your damn ass ... idk what to do or to say to him and its really pissing me off! please help!
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First of all you have to think about what your step father may be feeling also, no offense but being a step parent is just as bad as having one maybe even harder because you always feel the child may hate you in some way or another. It sounds to me like he just wants you to respect your mother in which you really should. A mother goes through alot in life also. She may be there one day and not the next. What happens then? I know what it's like to argue with your mother believe me I'm not innocent I've done it, but I've learned in the end, she wasn't trying to torment me she was just trying to guide me, which felt like torment at the time. When you are older you will be very thankful for it. It has to be hard for you're step father to watch you two argue, he loves your mother, and loves you also. No one can ever take the place of a real father but he sounds like he is trying his best only to be shot down at any given moment. He didn't have to step in and help raise you, it was a choice made out of love. You should honestly cherish that. All I'm saying is try to see his side of things. It will help you two understand each other better. He also needs to know that every teenager argue's with their mother, and that was definately the wrong thing to say even if he didn't mean it that way. Children need encouragement not anger. Maybe you need to sit with him and tell him how them words make you feel. Maybe you will both come out happier, maybe even make a truce, for you both to try a little harder. It don't seem like he's going anywhere anytime soon, so it's easier to learn to live with it. Good luck!!
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Firat and foremost, take all the advice anyone gave you who is under the age of 30 and forget it. Telling him hes not your dad is just WRONG. How do I know, I am a step dad with two disrespectful kids who play the system to the hilt. Try giving him a little respect and be amazed at how it could be. Being disrespectful by saying what you said is surely not the answer. I dont want to be my step kids dad, but I love their mom and they live in my house under my roof. I am a part of their life whether they like it or not. As are you, your mom picked him for a reason. He must do something for her to be their to begin with., Try treating him how you want to be treated. That simple. Stop acting like he's trying to be your dad, because that isnt always the case. He's there because of your mother, NOT you. He's an adult and in a position that deserves respect, not ridicule, and a disrespectful step child. Just my opinion, I had a step mother who treated my half bro and sis different than she did the rest of us. Been there done that. Does it matter to you if your mother is happy or not??
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You should be happy you have a step dad who has taken you n your mom in with him and provides stuff for you. Alot of guys that see women with kids will just look the other way. and when he says that hes glad hes not ur dad hes gotta have a comeback!(or is that just me?)
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What a sucky situation...just be the bigger person and dont let him get to you..make the BEST of it you can. Ignore him. If he still gets in you and your moms business NICELY (even though it will be hard) say.."Can you please let me and my mom work it out on our own?"
Hope that helped!!
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eww..step paresnt..you know..you can never win there...
Your step dad should not get involved in the fights unless it concerns him.
As far as him saying that he is glad he is not your dad..i am sorry but HOW super childish is that? Hello he is the adult...gag..he needs to get a real age.
You may never get along with him..and hey easier said than done wiht him..and if you have to argue wiht your mom make sure he is not around.
but your family needs to sit down adn establish some ground rules...and your step dad need to grow up.
Man ..i feel for you...nothing worse than an sult who acts like a child.
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OHMiG0D!! Does he seriously say that?! I have a stepdad too.. and yah.. I say that stuff. A coach called and wanted me to play on an All Start Traveling team for softball, so I talked to my mom about it. We obviously couldn't carry a conversation without my stepdad coming in.. and he started yelling. If he's abusive.. tell someone! That's not safe.. and I don't blame you for saying "YOURE NOT MY FATHER!" cause I say the same thing. He has no control of your life.. that's your birth parent's decision. Talk about it with your mom.. if kids were her first priority-- she would think about getting a divorce. =P
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give the guy a break! her may not be your dad but he is the one who has put up with you since you were six he is the guy who has probably paid half towards those clothes your wearing or your christmas/birthday presents. he probably want to argue with you either, your not even his kid, but he has helped bring you up, he deserves some respect...this will get easier as you get older believe me.. i live with my step dad and we used to fight like cat and dog but as you grow up your like "holy cow he must really love my mum to put up with the all that shit" but this must be harsh on your mom too she wont want you two to hate each other, what do you want her to do break up with him and be unhappy just to make your life easier. try havin a word with him but be civil dont let it turn into another argument at the end of the day he is the one who has been the "dad" figure you should be thanking him cus he doesnt have to spend anything on you he chooses to. hope this helps :)
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TeLL that man tO bacK oFF...omq that shit is sO rude!! He`z nOt yOur dad..sO tell him yOu alsO dOn`t have to respeCt him as OnE either. iF yOu want tO be mOre mature abOut this situaTiOn i wOuld say tO taLk tO him and tell him that yOu dOn`t like havinq him treat yOu that way. the arqueMent is with yOu and yOur mOmm and its nOne of his business!
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The first thing you have to do is give up the "You're not my dad, I don't have to listen to you." attitude. That's will piss him off every time, so unless you are ready for a knock down drag out every time, drop it.
The guy is trying to make things work out, and help your mom raise you to be a decent human being. Could you possibly cut him a break every once in a while?
Take a deep breath and see if you can discuss it like the adult you want to be. There are going to be arguments with your mom for a while until you grow out of the rebellious stage that you are in. And sometimes you have fights you didn't even start...I had one last night with my mom. She is just being irrational, so I had to just let her be. It isn't about winning or losing, its about growing up and having sense and responsibilties.
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thats sounds like my moms bf! lol! i just ignore it and say good because you better not lay a d*** hand on me!
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Hey~what I did, was I would only talk to my mom when he was gone or if I was in a different room. Just try to avoid your dad, don't be rude about it but ya know don't get...rude?! if that makes since!
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i dont have that good of a relationship with my parents either, and i get in fights with my dad a lot. but ive learned to get through it, and i talk to my friends and they help me through it and it really helps just to simply talk to them and tell them what i am feeling and things like that. also, talking to someone close to you is probably the best thing because it gets ur anger out.
i hope i helped =) if you need to talk to me ne more, you can IM me honeybuns530 or email, re.dewoody@verizon.net
much love,
~*rachel*~
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he sounds absolutely horrible!! But you know what you should do? just ignore him, defy him, and tell him that if he was your dad then you would have his pimply bottom. get yourself beaten up, and then just show your mum, and other adults the wounds he has inflicted upon you. another thing you could do is tell your mum how you feel, and if she doesnt understand, well, do something drastic!! i dunno!
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doesnt it suck! i hate my stepdad we always get into arguments and the best ones are when its not my fault ha those are good no apologies or nothing but my stepdads a loser and if i do anything to stand up for myself he just yells at me and then he throws phones thats what he does when hes mad. i usually lock myself in my room whenever he gets involved with anything that doesnt concern him or if it does even and i fight with my mom when hes not home thats how i keep him from getting involved in anything sry im not too much help i still havent come up with an answer to that one yet
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Well, think of it this way - he sees you fighting with his wife. He is stuck with the oh-so-wonderful job of trying to do what he can to be a dad for you at times. You think that makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
He's just trying to help. Sadly, you snapping at him doesn't help, either. Ideally, you should realize that fighting with your mom isn't a good idea in the first place, and maybe, just maybe your step-dad might have a decent compromise or idea to sort thing out, or at least get you and your mom to chill out for a bit.
aka, give the man a chance.
EDIT: Then learn to ignore him. This doesn't change the fact that he's married to your mom, and that he IS going to attempt to step in when you and your mom argue. You're going to have to find a way to live with him or totally shut him out.
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