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i REALLY need advice!
A little less then two months ago I found out my cousin was raped and i've been having some trouble dealing with it.I'm really close to this cousin , she's liek my best friend.when i first found out i just started crying , i couldnt even look at anyone for a copuple days.That i had to cry myself to sleep.i used to live in a house with her in when i was younger,i lived on the bottom and she lived on the top.Whenever i think about her and her baby i cant help but cry and its so hard for me to look at her without crying.I cant help but think maybe if i hadnt moved away i would have been with her and i could have stopped the jerk who did this to her.I seem to be the only person in my family who thinks she can finish high school and still take care of her baby.i mean its her family thier supose to be supportive of her.She was raped when she was 14 and had her baby when she was 15.She was born about 3weeks ago.I still cant help but worry about her and feel like i could have done something and i should tell my parents to be more supportive of her and stop thinking so negative.I couldnt even talk to my best friend about this w/o feeling stupid so if anyone has any advice for me, please send it.
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Wow! Your friend, her parents should be supportive of her. They are the ones they your suppose to trust most and they're not supporting her? That's not right. First and formost, you just have to be there for her. Tell her that you support her all the way and you'll always be there. Maybe she just needs someone who would be there for her, a shoulder to cry on. Next, don't blame this one yourself hun. It's not your fault that this happened and it's not yours. Don't put yourself that because you thought you chould stop it, it happened, now you'll have to deal with it. I'm so sorry, that's so sad. But, all I have to say is be there for her. Tell her to be strong. Believe in her.
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awwww i am so srry! if no one else will b supportive of her and u have tryed 2 get them 2 b u just have 2 be there for her 100% and just let her know that u will b there for her when no else will b. i am sry that something as terrible as rape happened 2 one of ur family members. if u live close 2 her u could go and help her take care of the baby when she is doin school work or something 2 help so she can finish school. *i hope i helped some u can ask me neother ?'s u want netime* *STEPHANIE* *X*O*X*O*
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I can understand that you would have a hard time dealing with something this big. It is really huge when someone so close to you that you love so much is hurt so badly like this. I'm not going to lie about how it isn't so bad, because, to be blunt, yeah, it sucks. Big time.
But really, you have to ask yourself this: could you really have stopped the "jerk" who raped your cousin if you had still been living with her? To be honest...probably not. You might have been at a friend's house that night, out of town, etc, etc.
I don't always like to bring God into this, because a lot of people get offended when religion is mentioned. But I am going to offer my views from a religious point of view, to see if they help you at all.
I have always believe that everything is predestined, that God knows what is going to happen. And this does not affect free choice; God just already knows what decisions you will be making. I also have always believed that God favors each and every one of us by giving us each different gifts to further His kingdom.
I do not want to call your cousin's rape a gift. But maybe the baby is a gift. Maybe raising this child will change her life, for the better. Maybe it will open up things to her she has never known, like a love so big it cannot be broken. And she can use this knowledge to further God's kingdom.
Also, remember that you are not the only one who cares for her. I am sure that your parents love her very much, and that she is getting a lot of support right now. But maybe high school just really isn't a good idea, what with her new baby. Going to school, dealing with social problems, homework, pressure from teachers...add having a baby to the mix, and it is just way too much. You're right that she could probably finish out high school, but it might be too much stress on her. Taking time off might be a good thing.
As always, remember that everything will be okay, as long as you do what's right by you.
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When someone you love is sexually abused, you become a victim of the abuse as well. You feel totally helpless and don't know what to do. Talk to a psychologist, school counselor, etc. S/he should be able to give you information on how to cope and how to help your cousin cope. Educate yourself on sexual abuse and the healing process, so you can understand what she is going through. Be someone with whom she can share her feelings, and be supportive (if she's feeling angry, let her feel angry, etc). Express your own feelings of compassion - there is probably nothing more comforting than a genuine human response. Believe her story, believe the amount of damage it did, and definitely do NOT sympathize with the abuser at all, or make her feel like the rap was her fault in any way. Help in any way you can: encourage her to go to counseling and offer to babysit when she goes, have a good cryfest (both of you), etc. I'm a rape survivor and it really touches me how much you care for your cousin and how much her rape affects you. Best wishes.
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its great she has someone who cares so much about her. Just make sure your cousin knos that your there for her, and anytime she needs you your there. Especially with high school starting, if you live close to her then offer to babysit all the time, like for free and stuff. And remember its not your fault, you werent there when it happened so you couldnt do anything about it. Just be happy for her, that she has a new baby!
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Well i just wana let you know that no matter wut even if u dont know me i will be here for u even though im a stranger talk to your cousin tell her how and wut u feel if you parents dont understand dont worry cuz mines dont either. sORRY BUT U SHOULDNT FEEL GUILTYV EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. YOU KNOW ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. LOOK U WANT ME TO TELL WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. WELL MY GOOD FRIEND I CALLED HER MY COUSIN SHE WENT WITH ONE OF HER HOME-BOYS IN A CAR TO DROP HER HOME. WHEN SHE WAS GETTING IN THE CAR I TOLD HER DONT GO CUZ HE MIGHT RAPE YOU AT THE TIME HE WAS DRUNCK AND HIGH BUT SHE WENT AND FROM THERE YOU KNOW WUT HAPPENED. (GOT RAPED) mY FRIEND MADE ME FEEL GUILTY SAYING U PROBABLY GAVE HIM THE IDEA IT MADE ME FEEL USELESS FOR WEEKS. UNTIL SHE FOUND OUT HOW I WAS FEELING AND MADE ME FEEL ALOT BETTER
I HOPE I HELPED. kit-IM ME AT AOL- crazyprincesse27 or yahoo pinkprincess542000
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Its not your fault at all. you couldnt have help it anyway. you just need to be there for her and you need to talk to your parents and make them understand what your feeling.but right now, ust be there for her.
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Hey, don't worry, it's not your fault about what has happened. It's the a-hole who did this to her. I think you should definitely talk to your parents that it hurts you when they think negative thoughts. Tell them that they should be supportive towards her. It's good that you think she can finish school and can take care of her baby. Stay by her side through everything because if she needs someone to talk to, she knows that you are there for her. Good luck! I hope I helped and I hope everything works out :)
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Ok first of all, i know you must feel really bad about what happened to your cousin, i mean who wouldnt!Theres probably nothing you could have dont to stop this...everyone feels like they could have always done something but thats not always the case. You dont need to start crying about this everytime you see your cousin! Imagine how she feels, it probably just reminds her about what happened! you need to be there for her, not try to put yourself in her postition! if she needs to talk, listen, be there for her like you said, thats what family is about! I know ppl that have kids at an early age and were still able to overcome obsticles such as school, you have to be there for her and support her! thanks for the question and i wish you all the best! :*:SaRa:*:
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Im realli sorrie about your cuzin.Its not your fault this happened no1 could stop it.Yes i think you should talk to your parents to b more supportive bcuz its not her fault im sure she didnt wanna get preg. GOod luck! tell me how it goes. and again im realli sorrie
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I'm sorry your cousin has to go through this. There's nothing you could have done to stop it from happening, who knows, you could have been raped too. You should talk with your cousin a little bit, though. I've read a magazine article about high schools made especially for girls with babies (they have day care and everything) so maybe you could research it on the internet. Let her know that you think she can make it- be supportive and positive! As for everyone else, you can't change what they think, but if they really start to rag on her, stand up for her since she can't be there to do it herself. Good luck!
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Dear Really,
I noe this is hard for u to go thru. Maybe she should press charges on the guy who did that to her. Think some people may have been killed after a rape. BUT remember ur cousin lived strong through it. She may have a baby and if she doesnt want it there's a lot of mothere's who would want the baby. I hope i helped take care! Bye~
*Kristi*
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dont worry...its not your fault about any of this!! its noones fault but that jerkz fault that did this to her!!
and..yes i think you should talk to yur parents about this and let them kno that it hurts you to hear them say that she cant still attend school AND take care of the baby..tell them to plz just support her and have a little more faith in her than that.
and..i kno its gon be very hard to look yur friend in the face without crying for a while..but plz dont stay distant from her cuz if theres anytime she needs yu..itz now..so stick by her side!!
good luck and im really sorry to hear about all this...but congratz on the baby:) even tho it was made from a rape, its still a beautiful joy and a bundle of love:)
hope this helped..keep me posted!!
<3 alwayz, ash
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wow..that is really tough i am so sorry..it is not your faut! ok, its not like you would have just let it happen. there was nothing that could be prevented in this case. and you are right, your family is supposed to support her, and they should not think negative. just try to offer help any way you or your family can - offer to babysit if she needs to study, anything. she should still be able to lead a normal life. its not fair to her that people treat her different if they even do, and if they do, thats their problem! dont let anything bother you, just ignore everything. and dont feel stupid! that guy made a big mistake!! if he has a record, and they test DNA and stuff then they can track him down and stuff, so just dont doubt yourself and keep your chin up. i hope i helped out and good luck. if you need anymore advice just check out my column..its got my AIM sn.
me
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