about

I am NOT THE USUAL. I am a woman with many ideas, thoughts and experiences to share. I am not the usual because even though I am a female, I am not into the whole cooking and fashion type things. I am more about interactions with people, be it your friends, family or special someone. I have maintained a very successful relationship for over a decade and every day we grow together.

I have to say that the main reason I looked into something like this is because my friends and family use me so much as their own personal therapist and thought that I should start my own advice column somewhere. So I am here to further my skills and see if I can be of help to others.

I have also set up other successful couples that still come to me with question after question on what to do in different instances. This is because every one can use some true to life, honest, non-biased, non sexist advice and I have that to offer.

Those in denial may not be ready to deal with my advice. I have helped others find their faults, admit love, and even apologize for wrong doings. Only the mature can handle what I have to offer.

Please don't come here thinking this woman will join the male-bashing because I won't. I love men and all they stand for but know that all men are not equal and I do dislike the scum but I am fair.

Please, use me up at your own will for as long as you have me because soon, I will only be found in your local paper or favorite magazine, with my own column.

Young and old, come visit, let's see what we can learn from eachother.

advice

okay please dont judge me im begginnggg you..
but im 14 gonna be 15 in like 8 days.
but me n my boyfriend of 3 years have had sex b4.
and this last time we had it he didnt wear a condom.
i took a test and it showed up positive.
i took one about 3 weeks ago.
i took another one just last week and that one also said positive.
i have no i dea what to do.
my byfriend and i both want to keep it.
but have no idea how to tell our parents.
pleasee tell me something to doo.

Im not going to judge you as a person in either a good or bad light but one thing I can say is that this is the irresponsiblity that should scare you about having a child. Your not even mature enough to know how to handle this situation correctly. Thats why kids shouldnt have kids.

Children cant raise children nor should they have to. Your best years have yet to come and until you get around 17 or 18 you barely understand what's going on around you.

You may be a smart young girl, you may know how to show love and I'm sure your child will be a beautiful child but your role as a parent is to know how to care for the child, pay for the child, teach the child and at 15 you dont know anything yet.

One thing adults hate about being grown up is that you now are in complete control over your whole life. Theres no mommy to come and cook for you and clean for you. Theres no one to go to and tell them when you're hungry. Now it's on you and thats just being an adult and your saying with having a child at your age that you are willing to give up your entire childhood to prove that you can do something this major and it does scare me a bit as it should you.

I am 100% against abortion but stories like this make me understand how aborting one life can save another. Honestly if you have this child, you will miss out on anything wonderful and great you could have achieved by finishing school and becoming a phenomenal woman before being a mother which takes so much to accomplish just to be a good one.

I can go on forever with this so I will stop there and hope that you take this issued directly to your parents and dont hide it. Anything can happen to you or your baby and I want you to be safe and do the right thing.

Good luck to you....

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what do i do? i just found out that my best friend ariel likes my crush drew...and she is talking about him and it drives me crazy. I ask her why didnt she do anything about it and she said cause she knows that she would have no chance and nothing would ever happen. but it was like a day before she told me that he started smiling and staring and being all nice to me...i just dont know what to do...im kinda scared that he might like her instead of me cause he knows her better. But i told him i liked him and it kinda scared him i guess,,,but like now he is being all nice to me and staring and smiling alot. and like if i laugh or something he looks at me...but i just dont know how to handle this....she didnt want to tell me but i made her and she said she didnt want to hurt me,, i know she means well but she keeps on talking about him like he is a slab of meat and saying that she likes him more and everything...and they went on a trip to FCA thingy and i couldnt go---it wasnt just them it was a whole bunch..and she was saying things like you need to go cause he is going...but then again i dont know if i want you to go------and im gonna sit wit him and tell you everything when we get back...so can you help me cause i have never had any experience with this before and i really dont know what to do......sorry its long....

Its so sad how these issues come about. One thing I really want to say is take note....These things will continue as you grow and have other girls around you. You may like the same guy and dont think they will like them less when they find out that you like them too because it doesnt usually go like that. For some reason it seems like they will like a guy more when they see another girl in the picture. Its at this point when the other girl begins to wonder, wow, I wonder what she sees in him, I wonder what he does for her, better yet, I wonder what he will do for me.

Dont be down or discouraged by her actions. If you like a guy I say, let him know and then back up to see how he reacts to you. You can let him know quietly or have a friend pass it on to him but once you make it known, the best way to see if a guy likes you back is for you to see what he does with the information given.

For example, if you tell or show a guy you like him, in time, if he likes you he will start to look for you more, joke with you more, when you come around, he wont wanna pick up and leave. The best yet is when one of your friends come around, he wont pay her any attention and only wants to ask her where you are.

You will always have a girl who will like someone because someone else liked them, be sure to chose your bestfriends as careful as your boyfriends.

I hope you get the guy!!!!

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I get $9 a week for allowance. I feel like I should be saving money for college, but even if I put half my allowence in each week, i will have only a tiny bit of money by the time I graduate, (im a freshman) so should i begin to save now, or just enjoy my allowence each week?

Please honey enjoy your allowance. That money is suppose to be for you. Funds for college is not a worry for you not now anyway. You will have plenty of time to pay for college.

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I'm a girl and I'm almost 16 and I have never been in a relationship with a guy. I cant figure it out! I know myself that I'm easy to get along with, im friendly to everybody, and nobody dislikes me. All my friends say I'm so cute, but I know im not gorgeous. But I like my body/who I am... I am not self-concious. I have crushes on guys, and somtimes they find out about it, but they never ask me out! So I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been kissed. Frankly, at my age, it's embarrasing! I've liked this guy for a couple of months now, so I told my friend to slip it to him, but she said that she thinks hes already in one of those "we like eachother, we know it, and were kinda dating" relationships with somone else. and she dosn't want me to get hurt and I dont want him to feel bad or akward. I feel like all the guys and girls in the world are already coupled up and I'm the odd one out!! What can I do? About the boy I like now? What about my situation in general? i welcome any advice, or just comfort. because this is really bringing me down.

You sound like many single adults. Sometimes it's not gonna be the one you choose but it doesn't mean it won't happen. If you are all those great things you say you are then you don't have to be out there searching for him. Plus many men like to do the chasing, once you let them see that you like them too much, they get big headed and want to see you sweat.

The way you describe yourself sounds like when you do find that right man he wont be turned away by your personality or your over-experience. No man likes a girl that has had too many boyfriends and too many kisses at 16.

It's something you will learn to respect, when a man doesn't take advantage of the fact that you like him. When it's your time, you will find the right type of guy that will like you for the right kinds of things. Don't rush, all good gets rewarded.

Stay a good girl and watch and see!!

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my boyfriend used to scratch my back and bite me a LOT during sex, i loved it!...but now, he barely does it. though when he does, it's extra hott, but i've tried telling him he should do it more, but i think in-the-moment, he forgets. plus i'm always on top so it makes it a bit hard to bite my neck. i'm VERY into vampiric sex, and he's into whatever i'm into basically. i just need to know a way to get him to do it more often. we are also out of ideas on new things to try. new positions, new ANYTHING. what all is there to do that makes for hott sex?

If your man used to do those things alot but has slowed down with it, maybe he was concerned that you would be bored with the same old thing. The scratching and biting does make for great sex but it doesn't call for it at all times. Maybe your man realizes that and likes to give you different feelings during each encounter you have.

Maybe by him not doing those same old things, he is actually giving you more. That is definitely makes for hotter sex. You can anticipate what he has in store for you next but since you do like for him to do those things, try this...

While you two are in the moment, whisper to him, really close in his ear, exactly what you want him to do to you. It will excite him and please you. If at any time you want him to touch you in a way and he is just missing all the cues, feel free to gently grab his hands and place them where you want them to be.

Another idea, since you like it wild, dont be on top so much, try standing. If you are flexible, standing can lead into many positions even a sitting or laying position and it's not as restrictive as being on top.

Always having open communications will always lead to great sex also. Hope some of these ideas help you and you find a way to enjoy every experience to the fullest.

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((the story)) Im pregnant oh and im also 19 years old.. i recently found out and i called the father of the baby.. he is not my boyfriend.. but he is the boy i love with all my heart. he is the love of my life. when i told him he just right away said i dont want it, that i needed to take care of it.. i got mad and just hung up the phone and sent him a text saying i would talk to him later, that i wasnt in the mood to talk... later that night we talked some more, he made it 100% clear he doesnt want it.. he told me to take a pill or get an abortion.. i said ok... but the truth is.. i dont know if i want to... i know im young, i know i have my life to live... but i want a child... i feel like i need it.. to fill the emptiness i feel inside me.. that i have felt for such a long time... but at the same time.. i know if i keep it i will loose him, which makes me not want it... i love him with all my heart, with everything i have..but i know and feel in my heart that he and i will never be what i want to be... we have been "together" ((friends with benifets/bestfriends/'inlove'/all of the above)) for 2 1/2 years now.. and he knows i love him, and he claims he loves me aswell.. but he never wants something "real"... if i keep the baby, i am like 90% sure he will have nothing to do with me because i will be going against his wishes.. that or i just dont tell him and i leave to live in the US ((i live in mexico bythe way)) to stay with my family who lives there...


((the question)) should i get an abortion and continue being in this f*ed up relationsip that goes no where with theman i love.. or should i keep the baby and risk losing him forever, yet gaining a new never ending love of a child??

Well having a baby would be so much more than you having that space filled and the never ending love. If you want to consider having a child you have to think of all of the other aspects. Things that can't be settled by just getting a hobby. When you have the baby, there will be love, with double expenses to follow.

When you do decide, you have to only think about how much you can handle and understand that when it all goes down, you are the only one that can never leave and go home or hand them off and walk away. That baby is there at all times and will always be first.

I would never say don't have the baby based on any money issue because when God sends our children, he sends blessings and agels with them and somehow hard or easy, you will make it through.

It's also hard to find a boyfriend with a baby so if you really want a family, give it some time, find you a prospective boyfriend that can turn into your husband and who would never abandon you or you're child.

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15/f

this so gonna sound really weird but how do girls orgasm? or like how do u know if youve gotten an orgasm? help?

At your age it's normal to be questioning about this thing but I was really thrown off guard.


When a woman orgasms, its a feeling that is felt in side and it kinda feels like a tickling, tingling feeling. It feels a bit uncontrollable and extremely good. It is also very hard to achieve so if you don't have one for along time to come, don't blame the guy, your body isn't ready to register that feeling yet and no one you will be dating will know how to give it to you.

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I love my boyfriend, and when he gets released, we are goin to get back together, but in those 2 years that he is gone is it bad if i meet someone at the time???cuz im not gonna want to be lonley the whole time and ive been crying like crazy that there taking him away. But do you think its bad that i get a new boyfriend in the meantime?

Well if you want to see other people while he's gone, not to say that I agree but I would definitely not tell him until he comes home. This will give you the time to see what you really want and also allow him peace of mind while he's away. Those times are hard enough.

I can't say that it's bad for you to not want to be lonely. No one does and that is something you should stress to your boyfriend and maybe he will understand that he can't be careless and get locked up and leave you like that.

It sounds harsh but trust me, that's all he has been saying to himself when he was pulled away from every one he loves. He will have to agree and he may even understand but be honest with him no matter what you chose to do.

Hope this helps.

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I have been married for 5 years, and for the past 10 months have been having an affair with a man from work. I love my husband, but I know that if I tell him the truth, we will be over. My husband is very good to me. The affair is now over. I have been feeling guilty and depressed, and I don't know if I should tell my husband. I also think there is a possibility that I might do this again, and I can't explain why. What should I do? Tell him, and try to move on, or move on myself, and try to spare our relationship?

In this case, it would matter what YOU wanted more. If you feel like this is a relationship you want to persue, then I would say of coarse you should explore the opportunity but that would also be if you weren't married.

See, as boyfriend and girlfriend, you are not bound as one and you havent vowed your love to them but as husband and wife, its a different story.

If you want to make things right in your marriage then I would tell you you need to tell him and stop seeing the other guy along with being ready for the storm you caused in your home life for a
while. (small price to pay for a clear concsious)


If you are in fact ready to leave your marriage and see what the other man offers, then I say go for it. There is no point staying in a marriage when other men are still an issue for you.

Many would stay in the relationship and lie and fake through it but if you truly love this man or ever have then you want to make this as easy as possible on him and let him go.

Dont get me wrong, this is all easier said than done but relationships are hard work and when those situations come about, we have to let our minds put our bodies in check. You know you have potentially caused him alot of heartache but time heals all wounds.

If this is just a co-worker I would say chances are, he's not even worth messing up what you have but after 10 months with this man, he is your other man. Sad to say but as long as he's single, you may have a chance and husband #2.

Hey, in the end it's all about you ma!

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I don't know what to say or do. I graduated college a few months ago, and now my parents are on my back about doing something with my life, as they like to put it. I got in a huge fight with them over this, and I have ZERO support from them.
-what I want: job/internship in magazines to gain experience, and then eventually go to grad school.
-what they want: get a job, and apply to grad school at the same time.

I want to get job experience BEFORE I apply to grad school (journalism), but that is something they absolutely fail to understand. I don't know what to tell them...it's as though every chance they get, they're on my back about this.
I had a terrible day thinking about it, and it always makes me feel like complete crap.
What should I do?

You said it right; Parents just dont understand. You have your own ideas and thoughts and even your own plan, which is all good but parents start our planning for us once you hit grade school and what parent wants to be wrong or not followed.

They may not like what you have planned for your life but you're already on the right track since you have a plan and know what you want to do.

Definitely hear them out and decipher if they had any advice that you could follow that may make things easier for you but in the end, you are in control over your life. You may find a way to amaze them and show them your dream from your own actions and making it happen.

Without support many things are more difficult to accomplish but not impossible. Show them you have what it takes to succeed and they will soon be right behind you once they see how invested you are in doing what needs to be done for yourself.

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my boyfriend has been saying i love you for a couple of months now. i do say it online but not in person or over the phone yet. he understands i'm waiting for the right moment. [btw, i'm speaking from a 9 month relationship]

it's just i don't know what's wrong with me. i can feel it, but the words don't come out. i love you is like saying sorry. by the age 7 or 8, i never spoke of those words [to parents or friends]... maybe because i was embarrassed or i dont know. i want to say it but i'm afraid i'll freeze up. i'm naturally quiet, close to a mute anyway. so maybe it's the anxiety or the experience/reaction of his that's scaring me. i felt forced to say it [over the phone] in another relationship.. but this one.. i told them how i felt about it and i can wait comfortably. i think i'm strange.. it took me so long.. by the age 14.. i could finally apologize to friends.. and maybe around 16, i would go and say i love blahblah [a close friend]. but in a relationship.. it's.. a lot different. what's wrong with me? there has been times i've wanted to say it but.. it just won't come out. i freeze up and get shy.

This is soo sweet. I think it's a bit hard for every one the first time. You don't know how they're going to look at you or what they will say.

It could just be your natural way of not being ready to say it. Maybe you feel forced and need a more comfortable situation to let it go.

Plus you may feel like you're giving something away and dont know if the receiver is welcoming.

If you feel you want to say it and you can feel it deep down and not that you want to say it because he did, then i suggest you say it in the midst of a joke or a conversation so then there wont be an awkward silence and you wont feel like your waiting for acceptance and yet, you still got it out.

Hope this helps!

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Okay, Might Be a Little Long-ish, SORRY!

15/F

i've been with my boyfriend for 9 months so far, and what we have done includes:
making out
feeling up
handjobs
fingering

okay, so i told him that i was going to give him a blow job for his birthday which is on tuesday :) haha. so i was planning on it for tomrrow, and we were gonna go to a football game at school and go somewehre for a while :D
BUT, last night i was hanging out with him and he tells me that NO, he thinks we shouldnt do that!
i was like, wtf. i thought you wanted it.

problem: HIS PARENTS.
his parents don't really trust him, and they randomly check his phone for texts, and read his emails, and actually took away his laptop. they are nice to me whenever i come over, but i know that his mom thinks i'm a slut. HA!

anyways, he says we should stop doing ANYTHING for a while, since he's paranoid and his parents know a lot more than he thought they did about what we've done.

so what do i do about this situation? i'm a very horny child (LOL) and don't want to stop doing stuff with him, and plus this is making him unhappy and i don't like that!!

sry, it's long, but please help if you can.

I would say that you definitely dont want to do anything that may get him in trouble with his parents. That kind of thing can make you not see him for a long time. Remember, they have all the power. If your boyfriend choses to respect his parents wishes or simply stay safe from any problems with them, then respect that.

There will be plenty of time for pleasing the one you love but maybe he is not ready for all you are bringing to the table. Slow it down and dont show him that not wanting to do that is affecting you sooo much.

You may be horney but you are right, you are a child, try to gain his mothers respect by showing her you and her son can enjoy eachother at a child's level and maybe she will learn to respect you. If she has been reading his mail and text messages, she may not respect your actions and you and him may be farther apart soon enough.

Give it a try!!

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how can u tell when someone is flirting with you?

Well, if you feel like they might be then they probably are. My co-flirters can attest that you like to make yourself seen or heard but with some sort of questionable cover up but can still be spotted.

Constant touching, eye contact, gestures or even someone being extra nice to you. If they seem flustered around you and always look away when you look at them, its probably because they don't want to get caught watching you. That is also a sign.

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I don't mean to get graphic... but I've been on the pill for about three months now.. a little more... i've still got two weeks before my next period but I have some symptoms of a pregnant woman. My nipples are extremely sore and sensitive.. it will bother me so much that I can't sometimes wear a shirt to bed without a bra. This doesn't occur this badly before my period anyways. And I'm not so much tired, I'm exausted. I haven't noticed any nausea. Should I wait to take a pregnancy test? Could I be pregnant?

The symptoms you noticed could simply be from the pill. There are hormonal changes that will occur when taking them and you mentioned some of the same things I had noticed in my first couple of weeks on the pill.

Never wait to find out, Please go get tested right away.

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Okay... I've been off the shot for nearly six months. I had sex unprotetcted over last weekend and I'm wondering if its possible that I'm pregnant. I think it is but im not too sure. My sister said it took her nearly a year and a half to get pregnant, as well as my sister in-law. My other sister that was on the shot is having a problems trying to get pregnant. Do you think I am or What? Im confused~!

Well, you could of coarse be pregnant. The best way to tell is to go and get a blood test. Everyone has different reactions to the shot. For me it took about 8 months off the shot to get pregnant which was way shorter than the time it took my sister to get pregnant.

You never want to wait around to find out. Go and see for sure and do it right away.

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I have been with this guy for a really long time but I hate that he thinks the sex is so good because it makes it hard to really tell him what I want. What do you suggest?

Well if you have been together for a long time, I would like to think that he is open to listening to you. It is hard if he thinks it's all good but he only thinks that because he doen't know any better. If you sit him down maybe over his favorite meal, with his favorite drink and bring it up as if you want to make it better, not just fix what he's doing wrong, then I believe he will be more apt to listening and absorbing, rather than being defensive.

Assure him that you like what he does but want to keep things new and fresh. If he is the type that likes to talk about how good he is, he will definitely want to be the best he can be!!

Good luck to you!

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