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Hey everyone! My name is Kristen, I'm 20 and I'm a college junior studying pharmacy. I've been blessed with a really good life, and part of the reason for that is because I've learned to see GOOD in everything that happens to me. I love giving advice, and I've been told that I do a good job at it, but I'll let you decide! Feel free to ask me anything... don't be shy, that's why I'm here. I've been through a lot... moving from one country to another, leaving and finding new friends, break ups, boys, middle school, high school, college, self esteem issues... pretty much most things that people need help with.
I usually spend a good amount of time answering your questions, so I would really appreciate it if you leave me an honest rating along with some feedback (good or bad!) It really does help me improve my advice... and in the end, that's good for YOU! Talk to ya soon! :)
advice
My friend Taylor, *of 7 years* always tries to make her look better then me. She always tells people I'm having a bad hair day, I'm breaking out, my parents are strict *even though HER parents are the super strict ones, deff. Not mine!* she'll tell them my families having money problems, I complain to much, or that my legs are a little hairy or something, especially around popular people and hotties.
She ALWAYS does this, I hate going places with her. She thinks she totally cool, but shes not. After two hott guys chose me over her, she's been like this. I'm not trying to compete against her, she just auotmaticly does this. I've tried talking to her, didn't work. What should I do?
hey!!
oh boy, do i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. honestly, i doubt that there is a girl in the world that hasn't gone through this. let me break it down for you: your friend is jealous of you and what you have, and she is insecure. when you are with her, you intimidate her and she needs to find a way to make you feel bad about yourself so that she can look better in other people's eyes. you're saying two hot boys chose you over her? well exactly... now she feels that you are better than her, her selfesteem has gone down, and now when you meet people she wants to make you look bad so that they don't choose you over her again!
basically, the only way to solve this in a matture way is to talk to her about it. i know you said it didn't work the first time you tried talking to her, but she probably didn't take you seriously. next time she does it (or if she has done it recently), pull her to the side, sit down with her and calmly explain to her that you don't like what is going on. don't yell at her and accuse her, because she will just become defensive and deny everything. just say "hey i want to talk to you about something. lately it seems like you've been putting me down in front of people and it really makes me think twice about our friendship." then give her examples of when she did it, and tell her that it hurts you and that it's not something you would do to her so she shouldn't do it to you either.
after this heart to heart, your friendship should become even stronger, and she should hopefully stop doing this. if she continues, then just tell her you don't really want to hang out with her anymore. it might be hard, but anyone who doesn't respect you and treat you right doesn't deserve your friendship! good luck and let me know if you need more help!! :)
Ok, so my best friend is with her second boyfriend ever. The first one only lasted a couple weeks and it wasn't really serious. She has been with the one she's with now since December. Well, they are wicked, wicked serious about each other and I've come to accept that and even be happy for her because she's finally happy again. But this has kinda started to get too far. Her boyfriend asked her to marry him when they become of age and she pretty much said yes. I guess I'm kinda concerned that she's throwing her life away over her second boyfriend. But the major problem with me comes from the age. I'm only 14/f, she's same as me, and he's 15/m. It freaks out alotof our friends because true love at this age is so rare. Do I talk to her or just stay out of it? Am I just jealous?
Hey!
Alright, first of all I don't think you are jealous... but on the other hand, do you think you might be? It is possible that you are a LITTLE jealous, which is totally ok! Who doesn't get jealous of other people and what they have every now and then? Don't worry about that.
As far as your friend's relationship goes, I wouldn't worry about it if I was you. It is her business, and if she is happy with this guy then let them be, and see if things change over time. Even if she stays with this guy for the rest of her life (which is not very likely), it doesn't mean she is throwing her life away. You don't have to have 100 boyfriends to have a good life... you just need to find the right one. Some people find that person on the first try, and others never do... it just depends. I have a friend that has been with her boyfriend for 7 years... since she was 13 years old! And they are very very happy together!
Those two are not getting married any time soon. It is all just talk. My bf and I always talk about that, and we are 20... just because we talk about it, it doesn't mean we are going to do it any time soon. Things like that take time. Every couple always says they will get married. Your friend has been in this relationship for a few months... that's not long at all. Their relationship is still in the easy stage... things will get harder. If they can make it through, then great, and if not then it wasn't meant to be. If she is happy though, let her be. Unless he is abusive or unless she has changed in a bad way because of him, I wouldn't say anything to her about it. There is no need, and she might get mad and take it the wrong way. :) Let me know if you need more help!
well the ppl who i thought were my friends always go put and never bother to call me to ever go but then when they need a ride home they always seem to call me cause i can drive i cant stand it what should i do ? should i get new friends and let them know how i ffeel ....Ill rate!!!
Hey!!
Well, I'm sorry to hear about this, and I don't want to jump to conclusions but it is possible that they are using you. It is also possible that they are not doing it on purpose and don't even realize that they are doing it.
If you want to find out what is going on, you can do one of two things. First of all, you can sit down and talk to them and tell them how you feel. Don't accuse anyone or point fingers... be calm, and explain that you feel left out and used. If they understand and begin to call you and include you all the time, then your problem is fixed. If not, then forget about them and find new friends!
If you don't feel like talking to them, then just stop giving them rides. Tell them that gas is too expensive and you don't want to waste so much of it anymore (or if your parents pay for the gas, tell your friends that they won't let you waste as much anymore). If they keep calling you and want to hang out despite the fact that you can't drive them around, then they are true friends. If they disappear and you never hear from them again, it's their loss and your cue to forget them and find friends that will appreciate you!
Whatever you do, don't let them walk all over you... you don't deserve it! There are 250 million people in the United States... if a couple of them can't treat you right, you should have no problem at all finding new friends that will! :)
okay so my best friend has been seeing this guy, well shes been kind of ignoring me.. and then she made out with him last night for the first time, and she didnt tell me first..she told all my other friends.. who are her friends too, and they ended up telling me.. i dont know i got really mad about this and can u please tell me if im over reacting? bc i think she blew me off the other night to go hang out with him too.. plz help
hey!! alright so there are two things going on here... first of all, it sucks when a good friend finds a bf and ditches you for him... most people go through that. if they just started dating, give her a little bit of time... like no more than a month and see if she still continues to do this. if she does, then you can approach her (nicely) about it and tell her that you are happy for her but you feel left out. why wait a month? because if they just started dating, she is still excited about the whole thing and wants to spend a lot of time with him. plus, she is much more likely to be understanding if you say "for the past month i've felt left out" as opposed to saying "you've ditched me the last week"!! you guys can work something out... maybe have a day where she can hang out with you without bringing him, a day to hang out with just him and every now and then, both of you can hang out with her and a few other people. mixing things up like that is the best way to make sure that no one feels left out (you, her bf or her other friends).
now, moving on to the making out and not telling you thing... a lot of times, believe it or not, people feel the shyest around people they are closest to. the reason she didn't tell you first is most likely because she was nervous about it and didn't know how to bring it up. it might not make sense that she would feel this way around her best friend... but think about it... she was nervous because you mean the most to her out of all her friends, and she doesn't want to say anything stupid in front of you because you are important to her, and your opinion of her actually matters to her. she was just afraid of screwing up. it's completely normal... most of my good friends have done that, and i have too. it takes a lot of weight off when you tell people whose opinions you don't really care about, and then let the news make its way to those closest to you. just approach her about it and say something like "so i hear last night was a big night for you" or something like that. basically, don't make it a big deal and get her comfortable so that she can open up to you and tell you about it. eventually your friendship will become stronger and more open as you two continue to do this, and no one will be shy about spilling anything to the other one!
well, as you can see, you're not in the most fun situation right now, but everyone goes through it so don't worry. all it takes is an honest talk or two to make those problems go away... there is no need for fights and drama, although you do have the right to be hurt. if after talking to her a couple of times she still doesn't care about your feelings, then you can think about making her a less important friend in your life and finding someone who will respect your feelings! :) good luck and let me know if you need more help!
my best best best friend is moving to eather London or Dubai! im really upset and most days of the week i end up crying at night. theres absolutaly nothing i can do about it. its a definate and i only have one more month with her. who knew our 7 year friend ship would come to a end. im so upset. please help
hey! aawww im sorry! :( i moved when i was younger and had to leave my best friend of 8 years. it sucked really bad, and i cried about it all the time because i felt like i will never get over the loss. it's perfectly normal to cry and let it all out. you are sad... you should be sad, and that is OK! crying will help, so don't be ashamed to do it. as far as what to do, you guys can call and email each other. post pictures online if you have digital cameras on a place like yahoo pictures so that you can each see how the other one is living and stuff. fill her in on everything and have her do the same. you guys will be friends forever... you are not losing a friend, you are just not going to see her as much! save up money and maybe go visit her for the whole summer in a couple of years! calling might be too expensive, so you should deffinitely get a calling card... or even better, each one of you should get SKYPE (at http://skype.com/download/). it's a free software that you download onto your computer and then "call" each other for free using the computer! all you need is a microphone and speakers so you can talk to each other... and if you have web cams, you can even see each other as you talk! all you would have to do is arrange a time when you can both talk, and one of you will "call" the other one using skype... it's easy and free!! it's normal to be sad, but don't worry eventually everything will be ok! just keep in touch and you guys will be friends forever... no matter where you live! :)
pleeease help! I have a guy friend that is always up on me i use to like him but i like someone else now, so he always flirts with me and has his arm around me and holding me and i dont want to tell him NO GET OFF ME! caus i still wanna be his friend, just not like a couple, what can i do to kinda give him the idea i dont want a boyfriend and what can i say to make him stop putting his hands around me other then no or get off me or your making me uncomfotalble, they all sound so stupid
hey!! alright this guy likes you, and he needs to realize that you don't like him ASAP because you don't want to lead him on and hurt him even more in the end. i can see why it bothers you when he puts his arms around you and stuff, and honestly there isn't much you can do other than tell him that you don't want him to do it or just take his arms off of you. you don't have to be harsh about it... just playfully pull away when he does it. after a couple of times, he will deffinitely get the hint!
as far as letting him know that you don't like him... you don't have to tell him that straight up, but what you CAN do is bring up the fact that you like this other guy to him or to a group of people while you guys are talking. you can just say something like "___ is so cute!" or "i really like ___ a lot"... something like that! that way he will know that there is someone you are interested in, and it is not him. at first he might be hurt and even ignore you for a bit, but that's just because he is trying to get over you! if that is the case, let him go for a little bit, and once he is healed you guys can be friends again! :) let me know if you need more help! good luck!
OKAY THIS IS KINDA LONG SO ILL GIVE ANYBODY A 5 IF THEY READ IT...
me and this girl have been best friends for about a year...well we hung out everyday and talked about everything...she talks a lot about people behind there back and im the kinda person who doesn't say things about people behind there back...well she always says to me im not her true friend and everything and then when she wants something (like if i have money or my car or something like that) she's nice to me...we hang out everyday though and her parents love me...well she started going out with this kid and i mean he's cool and we all chill...well she talks shit about him behind his back all the time...she always says she just uses him for his money and other things...well about a night ago we were drinking and playing a game with her little brother...he won and i was really drunk and i said something mean about her little brother when he went upstairs...(now she talks about her family all the time and says stuff about them all the time) well she got mad and right after i said it i was like omg im sorry i didnt mean to say it it just came out and then she started going off about how im not her true friend and everything but i went to jail for her bc she got jumped and i jumped in and helped her...now i know i shouldnt of said the thing about her little brother and i was telling her im sorry and that i didnt mean to say it it just came out...and now were not friends anymore and its killing me inside...everyone says this girl is trouble and doesn't care about anybody but herself..and for the past year yea we've gotten along but she always bosses me around and yells at me but i love her like my sister so i need help on wut to do!! thanks!
well, as hard as this may be for you, i think you should be happy that this happened and put the friendship behind you. from what you are saying it sounds like you are not happy being her friend, and that defeats the entire purpose of friendship. if someone treats me like crap but then acts nice when i have something that they want, i would ditch them without thinking twice about it. you should be proud of yourself for not talking sh*t about other people behind their backs... why would you want to be around her if she does that all the time? she probably talks about you too if she even talks bad about her own family! and her boyfriend... if she is openly telling you that she is USING him, then what's to stop her from using you and everyone else she is "friends" with. this girl sounds like trouble, especially because other people are warning you about her as well.
just be happy that you are no longer friends, and find some people that make you happy and you get along with. you want friends, not a boss! a friendship where one person thinks they are better than the other person and bossess them around is NOT a healthy friendship that will last forever... so why even waste time with it? your friends define who you are to other people. if everyone sees you hanging around this girl, they will assume that you share common interests and they will assume that you are a bad person just like she is. so don't even worry about it anymore, just put it behind you and move on. :) good luck!
When i was eating lunch with my friends,my other friends in the different table were looking for my friend and they saw my close friend hanging out with their friend and i heard them saying saying"gosh!why does she always take her away?"and her friend said" i know she she always do that!!" should i tell my close friend what my other friend told her? and if i tell her is that being loyal?
hey! hmmm sounds like you guys are in middle school, right? pretty much the worst time of my life and every other girls' life as far as i know.
anyway, i don't think you should say anything to your friend because it was just stupid gossip that doesn't really need to be spread. the other girls are obviously just jealous that your friend is talking to their friend, and they needed to comment on it in order to make themselves feel better about the fact that their friend isn't stuck to them like glue.
it's of no importance, but if you go and tell your friend, then the whole thing could turn into a mess and get you in the middle of a sticky situation. you don't want to be stuck in the middle of the whole "he said she said" drama, because it will only backfire on you. so my suggestion is, don't do it... stay out of it. those girls had no reason to say that, and even if your friend knows about it, so what? she can talk to whoever she wants, and the other girl can hang out with whoever she wants as well.
my little sister is in middle school and i always tell her one thing... if there is drama, stay out of it. if you hear gossip, don't repeat it, because then people will see you in a bad light and you could lose good friends. just stay out of it all... you will be much happier!! :) good luck!
Hi,
I'm 14/f and well...
I am not sure how to start. Let's say my "friend" wink wink, was persuaded to go to her best friends (male/16) house - because he said he 'needed help fixing a computer in his basement'. Her parents were out, and they weren't answering the cell phone. She figured 'Hey, it will only be for a few minutes'. So she rode her bike there (he lived just a few blocks away). Let's also say her friends parents weren't home either.
Well the boy and her had been best friends for about 3 years now, because they had a lot in common. My friend thought she knew him very well, but obviously not. Once they were in the basement, he tried to seduce her. She was not into him, because she liked him as a friend. When she turned down his offers, he grabbed her shirt and hit her with an object on her back. It hurt very bad but she was only knocked to the floor. He asked her again if she was going to cooperate, but she didn't answer. He hit her one more time.
She felt numb and helpless and the boy raped her. Right on the basement floor. He forced her to play all his sick games and she was to remain silent. She wasn't sure if he was planning this and it all happened so fast. After he was done, he made her sit in a chair and listen to the rules. He told her to not tell a soul and he threatened her in an unimagineable way. Then he sent her off.
You would never think these things would happen to you, but they do. Right when you least expect it too. My 'friend' feels that if she tells her parents, that it will ruin the rest of their lives. She feels that they will never be a normal family again if she says anything. She does her best to cover the mark on her back where he hit her. This event happened about a year ago but it seems like everything is her fault. Is there a way I can tell somebody about the boy without letting them know it's me? It would mean a lot if I could get that pitiful excuse for a man arrested, without making a big deal over myself. I just don't want anyone else to get hurt. I looked into it but I need some more elaborate ideas. Thanks.
hey!! omg ok there is NO way you should have to keep this to yourself any longer! this is NOT your fault at all, and it is so unfortunate that it happened! but you need to put this guy in his place! you can't let him get away with this, and maybe even do it to other girls! he hurt you and put you through so much, and now it is his turn to have to deal with trouble, because he deserves it and asked for it!
if you tell your parents, it won't ruin your life in any way! it will actually make your life BETTER!! why? well first of all, you won't have to keep this a deep secret... it is such a big problem if you don't tell anyone about it, but you will feel so much better once it's out in the open! second of all, you will feel stronger. right now you may be feeling weak and helpless because this guy did this to you and there was nothing you could do about it! but once you put him behind bars and give him the punishment he deserves, you will have the upper hand on this and feel so much stronger and better about it!
honestly, you won't be able to get him in trouble if you tell anyone about it but don't tell them that it happened to you. they will need evidence, and they will need to speak to the girl that this happened to! this girl is YOU! talk to your parents... sit down and tell them everything! cry if you have to, just let it ALL out without holding back your emotions. tell a teacher, tell a guidance councelor, go to the police and tell them... just tell someone! they will all be of SO much help! you have to do this ASAP... not only for your own sake, but also to make sure that he gets in trouble for what he did! don't let him get away with this, his actions absolutely disgust me. none of this is your fault and you shouldn't have to feel this way about it for the rest of your life. get off the computer right now and tell your parents!! PLEASE!! and let me know if you need ANY more help... or if you just want to let me know how things go!
don't worry, once the word is out, he won't be able to do ANYTHING to you (even though now he still can because he is not in jail and he thinks you will never tell anyone)! you have to put this pig in his place!! :)
Okay, I'll try to make this short.
My best friend introduced me to this boy, and we all decided we want to be best friends. Well, him and her got super close (they go to catholic school together; i go to public school) and he and I aren't so close. She and I are because we live very close. We've hung out quite a but, and my best friend told me she likes him. Well, of course, after liking her brother for over a year, I decide to like newboy. My friend understood, and was happy that I didn't like her brother anymore. She and I even kind of came to the conclusion that we're taking the "May the best whore win" route of who gets him (if he even likes one of us) But the problem is: I really am getting fond of this boy. We have lots in common and he's everything I could ask for. And we're kind of throwing hints at each other that we like each other (well, that's what it seems like to me). I don't know what to do! I don't want to loose my best friend, but I really like this boy!
honestly, this is a tough situation. even though there are millions of guys out there, sometimes it feels like there isn't anyone right for you, so when you find one you like it's hard not to go for it.
but this is your best friend you are talking about. basically you are choosing between her or this boy. yeah there are plenty of boys out there, but are there plenty of best friends like the one that you have now? is she easily replaced? if the answer is no, then i think you should both reconsider. tell her that you shouldn't risk your friendship over this, and that you should both move on and forget abotu this boy for now.
how would you feel if she "won him over" and they started dating? that's exactly how she would feel if you get with him. talk to her and tell her you feel a connection with him that you don't feel for every guy. if she understands and is willing to back off, then go for it. if not, i would either forget about this boy or leave it alone for now but go back to him once she decides she has stopped liking him.
ultimately, it is up to you, but there is a risk involved, and you have to decide what is more important... your friend, or the boy? good luck! :)
my friend is a really light drinker. well lately she has been drinking alot. for the past 4 nights she has gotten really drunk. well last night, she began puking and got really sick. im really worried about her. she tells me not to let her drink that much but when she is drunk there is no way of taking a beer from her. what should i do?
hi! when she is drunk, you absolutely have to make sure to take it away from her when she has had too much! everyone that is drunk says "no i am not drunk" and "no don't take my beer" but they are drunk... you can take it! just grab it out of her hands and make sure she doesn't get another one! tell her that you are worried that she might be drinking too much, and that you don't want anything bad to happen to her! many people die of alcohol poisoning every year, so i am sure she doesn't want to. google alcohol poisoning or alcohol deaths and show her a few articles you find! it's so sad to see pictures and hear about young people who died from drinking too much... it should get to her and make her think twice!!
and if you ever see her (or anyone else) pass out after drinking a lot, DO NOT LET HER!! that is how many people die from that! make sure to keep her awake, and if she is throwing up a lot, or throwing up while she is passed out, or if her heart beat doesn't seem normal, CALL 911 RIGHT AWAY!
I'll get to the point. when i was 6 & 11 i was rapped.Im 14 now but whenever im with my boyfriend and were kissing or somthing ill start screaming and hell be all scared that im dieing or somthing...what should i do?
hey!! is this a new boyfriend? if so, then maybe you guys are just taking things a little too fast, considering all that you have gone through. talk to him about it, and tell him what happened. explain to him that you want to take things really slow. once you build your trust for him, and when you feel ready, you will be able to move on and do physical things like kissing with him! but all you can do right now is open up to him and explain to him what happened. if he understands and is supportive, he will be willing to give you as much time as you need! if not, then he just doesn't deserve you and you can go out there and find someone that does, and is willing to give you all the time you need! :)
Well, i know this guy from my previous office.
Ive left the office, so i don't really see him anymore.
This guy, he's a lawyer and talks pretty well when it comes to work but ends up so shy when i asked him a personal question in the sense that he doesnt even say a word.
How do i talk to him on the phone (ive got his no) or even get him to open up?
Is it ok for me to just call him occasionally to ask him how he is or wish him goodnite, even if i dont really know him that well?
The funny thing is, he doesnt say no or yes to my personal questions to him but he still replies my sms once in a while.
I think he probably knows i have a crush on him.
hi!! ok now when you say personal question, what exactly do you mean? if you are asking him just general questions and he is freezing up, then he is just a shy guy. but if you are asking him VERY personal questions, then maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable answering them. but i am sure they are not very personal, so he is most likely just a shy guy. i think it's a good idea for you to try and make the first move because you have nothing to lose. i would give him a call and ask something work related since you said he is not shy when it comes to talking about work. that way he will get his confidence up at the beginning of the conversation. not only that, but men like it when they are asked for help because it makes them feel important. so call him up, and ask him for some sort of advice that you know he could help you with. after that, then you can say something like "so how are you doing? how is work going?"... just general questions. if you are feeling brave, ask him at the end of the conversation if he would like to meet up for lunch or dinner or whatever it is you want to do. if not then tell him it was nice talking to him, and you'd love to hear from him again! then maybe call him again a few days or a week later just to ask him how things have been. at this point he will get the hint that you like him, but i have to warn you if he is REALLY shy, then you might have to make the first move and ask him out! but GO FOR IT, you have nothing to lose! if he says YES, then you have a date! and if he says NO, then you know not to waste your time on him! but as far as getting him to open up, it is just something that takes time! make him feel comfortable by talking about things he knows about, and before you know it, you guys will be talking about everything! good luck, hope that helps!!
SOrry about the subject.
I was online the other day at like 3 am and my ex had IMed me. i brok eup with him about 2years ago. It was kinda the parents fault because of my grades and they told me i couldnt see him anymore. So online he was like hey slut: im like shut up and leave me alone. like half way thru him talking to me he told me if he ever snapped he would kill me. He said when i broke up with him i made him suffer and i causeed him to have no respect for girls anymore. Im like why do you say stuff like that and he said he can. He has a girlfriend right now that he has been with for over a year they live together. He had no trust in me what so ever. We wouldnt of lasted. My question is what do i do about him saying he would kill me? I dont have any prove because the message got deleted. I told my mom.
He lives in a different state. And he doesnt know where i live because i had moved.
Any help would be wonderful thnk.
he wouldn't find you or do that, he is just trying to scare you. don't talk to him, just block his screen name and forget he ever existed! if he somehow does contact you and threaten you again, tell him to leave you alone or you will call the police. that should get him running.