There isn't much to say about me. I like to give advice just as much as I like to get it. I think when you are in a situation it is much harder to see an obvious answer than if you are not in the situation.
Gender: Female
Occupation: student
Age: 15
Member Since: May 27, 2005
Answers: 254
Last Update: July 17, 2009
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I truly don't know where to start with this.
I would like as many opinions as possible.
and I'm sorry, but it's long and a bit scattered, so please bear with me.
I have a best friend who I've known since I was 5. I am now 20 years old. I am female and he is male (he is 19 and we will call him "M"). 2 years ago, he told me he liked me, but at the time I had a boyfriend - and I still do now (different guy from 2 yrs ago) who's now actually my fiance (we will call him "B").
I told "M" I didn't like him in *that* way and thought we would be better as friends. It didn't seem to affect our friendship after that. He still told me he liked me, but knew nothing was going to come of it. I didn't mind this, because I didn't expect him to just wake up one morning and be over me.
Throughout these 2 years after he told me he liked me, our friendship was great - we would hang out a lot and do what friends should.
but a few months ago, "M" went to university. During that time, I got a new boyfriend ("B" my fiance) and when "M" came home from uni for the Christmas holidays, a few things happened.
Bear in mind this is the first time "M" and "B" met.
We (along with my other friends who also came back from uni) went on a night out. "M" got too drunk and let's just say he did a few things which he shouldn't have (was acting flirty with me, trying to touch me etc with "B" right there) "B" hated this and I'm sure anyone else would.
Since then, "B" has tried to get along with "M" the next time everyone hung out but it just wasn't happening and "M" kind of ignored him.
I spoke to "M" about the incident of him trying to touch me and he simply said he's sorry, he doesn't remember and he was obviously too drunk.
Then he went back to uni and so did everyone else.
After that, me and "B" were fine. "M" would ring me sometimes and it would annoy "B" a lot because it was at silly hours of the morning and he didn't appreciate someone who caused us problems and who he knows likes me, calling me quite often.
But I didn't answer the calls anyway cos I knew it upset "B". Instead, I asked "M" to only ring me if he really needs me for something. It took a little while for him to listen, but so far I seem to have got across to him and he only calls me if necessary.
Here's the big problem which is jeapordizing my relationship with the person I love.
"B" constantly talks about what happened with "M". I told "B" that I forgive "M" for the problems he has caused.. and he went mad.
I believe in giving people chances and I would like to give "M" one chance, because deep down, I know he is a good person, with a kind heart and I do believe he would never do what he did again. but "B" isn't having any of it. He hates me talking to him and he won't let me see him when he comes down from uni again in 2 weeks time.
"M" is oblivious to the fact that "B" and I STILL argue over something that happened 3 months ago. Sure, I told him about the incident and to stop calling me so much at the time and it's worked.. but I don't know what to do, cos I know "M" is gonna ask to hang out like we always used to..
I don't wanna hurt "B" and go against his wishes, but I just don't know what to do. He trusts me and he knows I would never do anything. but he says "M" doesn't deserve to see me after what he's done.
I need all answers please. I don't know if I should just keep my fiance happy and not see my best friend.. or see my best friend but hurt my fiance. There isn't any other option because "M" definitely wouldn't want to hang with me if "B" is there.
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It sounds like your fiance is a lot more controlling and insecure than he makes you think. He tells you that he trusts you, but just doesn't think M "deserves" your time, when he probably just isn't comfortable with it. When it comes down to it, it's your decision. You're not doing anything wrong by keeping in touch with an old friend. This is something you two definitely need to work out before you get married. He shouldn't be able to veto you hanging out with people just because of his own insecurities or for any other reason.
This issue is deeper than figuring out whether or not to hang out with your best friend. This could foreshadow future problems. I would advise that you see your best friend, but talk things over with your fiance some more. As long as you are clear about your relationship with M, B should be able to handle it. If not, there is going to be much more for you to worry about.
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ugh okay so im only 13 and i hate my life. like its not bad or anything but im always depressed and ive had a lot of stuff happen to me latly that i just cant handle and it doesnt take much to make me sad or mad and ive already tried to commit sucide but that didnt work and i want to run away so bad but i dont think i could go through with it and im just to confused as to wat to do becuz i dont wanna see a counserlour and i really dont think im depressed so i dont need to take any pills but is there something wrong with me and if so how can i fix it? this has been going on for way to long and i just want to give up and run away so bad (link)
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You've obviously been feeling quite a mix of emotions lately. It's good that you've realized that something is wrong. That's the first step to getting better. Even if you aren't clinically depressed, you would be surprised how much it helps to talk to a counselor. I'm very good friends with the guidance counselor at my school. She does not judge you at all and has a lot of great things to say to help you become less confused and lead you back in the right direction. Your guidance counselor is probably just as great. They are all sworn to keep everything confidential, so your parents won't even know unless you want them to. I really recommend at least trying it once.
The only way for life to get better is to keep living it. Stay strong and things will get better. I promise.
If you need anyone to talk to, I'm online all the time. Let me know in your feedback if you want my screen name or e-mail.
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me and one of my guy friends have been friends for like, 4 years and everyone always says we should go out. we always laugh it off and say that we never would because were just friends but the more i think about it the more i kind of get what everyone is saying. we get along really well and our personalities to match up pretty good but i have that lame fear that if we go out that we wont be friends if it doesnt work. i dont have a thing for him, or much of one anyways but i could see myself with him. i want to try it out and date him but i dont know if hes thinking what i am and i dont know how to tell. were like best friends and everyone thinks we like each other or that were flirting or that were already going out. thanks soooo much (link)
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never go out with someone just because you make good friends unless you really really have feelings for him. i have a friend like that and i thought just like you are about dating him, but i decided, why ruin a good thing now? keep your friendship strong and, who knows? maybe you'll end up together when you're older!
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when people are asking who my friend's crush is
i always say"i dont know" or "she never told me"to protect her secret.
after that i tell my friend and say"T was asking who you like" am i being blabbermouth or helping my friend?
im from spain. (link)
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you are helping your friend. you are keeping her secret and letting her know who is interested in knowing it. it doesn't hurt or make you a blabbermouth to tell her who was asking. =).
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I have a terrible friend who thinks shes cool and hates me and my friends. She always hangs out with us and then talks about us behind our backs to US! I got into a fight with her(because Im the only one who will stand up for myself) and I hate having people hate me so i appologized and she just forgave me like that! (She said "I forgive you, HUG!") It bothers me and now were back to her using me and my friends and she thinks shes popular. What should I do? (link)
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she doesn't sound like she has any friends that truly like her. Sorry to sound like your mother, but how would you feel in her position.
She just wants to fit in somewhere. You don't have to be her friend, just don't be mean to her.
Don't confide in her about anything. When she talks about people just tell her that's not cool and change the subject. The more you feed into anything, even by fighting about it, the more she'll do it. She has nothing else to talk about with you guys, so she feels she must do that to fit in. There's really nothing else you can do. =/.
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no she said maybe but he knows shes obssesed with him and eventually say yes i know hes sure of this...thats why he asked her. (link)
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okay..then if you really like him and he really likes you..tell him as soon as you can. you'll get what you both want and save the girl from being hurt..she will eventually be hurt if he doesn't really like her.
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a girl in my grade named anne, whom i know (I am friendly with her, but not really friends) told a friend of mine (elle) about these pants, and then elle told me about them. i went to the store & i really like the pants. they are very distinct jeans with flowers all over them. i really want them, but anne has them already. would it be bad for me to get these jeans? anne isn't in any of my classes, and she's a nice girl, but i still don't know if it's okay (I AM NOT GOING TO ASK HER). i see her on occasion at the end of the day. these aren't just any pants, they are very cool with flowers down the leg & on the butt. do you think anne would get mad? do you think elle would be like "you bought those pants after i told you where they are from & anne already has them!" do you think anyone would be mad or do you think it's okay to buy the pants? THEY ARE SO COOL! (link)
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if they are at a store that a lot of people shop at..and you've shopped at before, you shouldn't even feel guilty buying them.
if they are really unique (it says on the site that they are rare) and you can't get them at a store many people go to..you can stlil get them if you like them..but girls do have a thing about having the same clothing as someone else if its something unique.
do what you want. its just a pair of pants.
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Please only answer this question if you're not mean or a smart aleck, and you're mature. Thanks!
Anyway, I have a friend that I've known for many years. Her parents are going through a divorce. I know she's hurt, and I want to be there for her, but here's the catch.
I've noticed that we're growing apart. She hasn't talked to me for a long time, except for the few times we've talked on AIM, and I started all of those conversations. She hasn't tried talking to me at all, and we haven't talked about the situation, even though she knows that I know about it (She wasn't the one who told me about it). It's been weeks since I've been aware of this.
At first I wanted to give her time, which I have, since I haven't said anything to her about the situation. Now, I'm fed up.
I'm sick of us not talking. She has made no attempt to talk to me, even casually. Like I said, all AIM conversations were started by me. I want to help her, but I can't if she won't say anything to me about it. I just wouldn't feel right starting up a conversation about it because I'm unsure if she is ready to talk about it.
What also irritates me is the fact that we've been friends for so long, and yet she (like I've said) hasn't tried asking for my advice or anything. I feel like I'm not a good friend; like she doesn't feel that she can open up to me because she's embarrassed (or for whatever reason), even though I don't know if that's the case. What I'm saying is that she should know that she can come to me, talk to me and ask for advice, and not be embarrassed.
It makes me sad that I can't be there for my friend, and that she's not talking to me. What should I do? Please help. Thanks so much! (link)
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she's obviously really upset about the divorce and she may be one of those people who keeps things that big inside. she has to deal with it at home..so maybe she likes her friends to be an escape where the divorce doesn't exist. have you hung out with her recently? invite her over. not only will it give you time together..it will get her out of the house.
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O.k Well my best friend is a total whore... i mean like shes the type like if you have a dick .. shell suck it like after an hour of knowing you.. i confronted her about it like.. why have you changed so much (because she was never like this)The Other night i said some
things to her i maybe shouldnt have said..
but i meant them she told me i was never on her side, and i never helped her through anything meanwhile when she broke uph with her boyfriend i was there, through everything and when other people called her a whore i was there through it allll!!!
Well I Told Her i hoped she got pregnant and, shes a f****** whore, and a slut, and guys only want you for a#$ soo yea, i was pretty mean she was probably crying...
But today i was thinking am i just jealous of her. I mean shes a whore and she gets all the guys she wants, i always thought that if you havent done a lot of stuff with guys they'd want you more, am i wrong... AM I JEALOUS? (link)
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you aren't jealous. you are smart and you respect yourself and you want the best for her.
if you are willing to do things with guys just so they will want you more..you are attracting the wrong kind of guys.
respect yourself and you will find guys who will respect you.
you could have told her a little more nicely..but she needs to be told the truth.
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I like my best friends X. They just broke up and it was only 2 months but i still cant like do that to my gurl. and the guy is still like in love with her how can i get him to see me?n not have my friend get hurt or mad? (link)
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here's what you do. wait a WHILE. get to know him more..but don't be too flirty yet. once you think that she's moved on and he is over her..do you still like him? this could be just a passing crush and someone new could be headed down the road..so take some time before you jump into anything. just make sure you ask her if it is okay with her before you do anything even after waiting a while longer.
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14/f.....i just met a new friend named Kate..i've got to know her and she's really nice. she liked this one guy named Phil a few weeks ago but claims she doesn't like him anymore...but you she still sort of does u kno...1/10..anyways i sort of like him now(even though ive never talked to him really; i just think he's really cute). so would it be wrong to start liking him publicly??? and i dont really want to ask her if its ok b/c i am afraid it will ruin our friendship. what should i do??
and my second question is if i do end up liking him publically..how should i get started talking to him?? thanx
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haha. how do you like someone publicly? do you like say it on tv and post signs?
okay, sorry, i couldn't resist.
this is how i really feel..because i was in the same position.
wait a couple weeks and don't tell her. wait and see if she starts liking him again. sometimes people go back and forth when they are starting to move on. once you feel a little more optimistic that she may not like him anymore, its time to talk to her and ask her permission before you do anything. if she's a good friend, she will probably say its fine. if she says it isn't, it doesn't mean she is a bad friend..she is just telling you the truth and you should respect that.
once you start liking him "publically"..just talk to him like you usually would (you do talk to him, right?). maybe even write him a note during school claiming to be "bored" and pass it to him in the hall. make it a little getting to know you type thing..like make a survey for him and just tell him random things about your day. that will give you stuff to talk about later on in person..instead of it seeming like you are pulling stuff out of midair. try to hang out with him more..and just get to know him better. if you think that there is a possibility that he likes you too, tell him how you feel. just be prepared for whatever answer he may give you.
good luck!
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my girlfriend is having a halloween party and i forgot about it and made plans with my friends to go to the movies. should i go to half the party and then to the movies or to all of the party. do you think my girlfriend will be mad if i dont go to the whole party (link)
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i say go to the whole party. she's your girlfriend and she'll want to spend time with you. can your friends come with you? you can go to a movie with them any other time..but she's having this party this one time. i would be pretty mad if my boyfriend ditched my party or even half of it to go to a movie with his guy friends if he already said he would come.
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Ok I was just wonnderring one of my best friends is a guy and i kinda like him but he likes a girl who is now his girl friend and he likes her like crazy... does anyone watch laguna beach? i was wonderring if guys actually acted really like stephen on the show does... (if you dont watch stephen and lc are like best friends and lc liked him for a really long time but he never did anything about it because he always liked her her as just a friend just like me and my friend and he liked this one other girl who was his gf on and off but then lc she got a boyfriend and he suddenly got jeleous...)so i was wonderring if guys were actually like that, if i suddenly find a guy who i like and stuff would by other friend feel jeleous... i doubt he would care but i was just wonnderring if there were guys who acted like that in real life or if its just crap... if your guy can you tell me if you have ever done something like that or when your bestfriend who was a grl got a boyfriend did u get jeleous or how did u react?
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every guy is different..but it can happen..as it did with stephen. seeing as he's one of your best friends, he would probably just be happy for you. especially since he really likes his girlfriend. i say don't even try it. you will hurt whoever you go out with to get him jealous when it might not even work..or even if it did..you might not ever even know. i hope this made sense. i scare myself when i use ".." a lot. haha. keep your eyes open for someone new that you actually like!
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ok i only date aboriginal maori or ti or amercains so i only date darker boyz like my bf is aboriginal but when white boyz ask me out and i say no they say im racist cause there never seen me whith a white man im not racist i just dont find them very hot i like them as friends thats it and how can i be racist if my dads family is white and my mothers family is black thats not racist a (link)
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no, that's not racist. it's just what you like. of course they are going to say something mean like that..you rejected them and the need an excuse better than "she doesn't like me" to keep themselves feeling cool. haha. but don't be afraid to date a white guy if you meet one (i'm talking later on cause you have a bf) that you like. what if he's everything you want except for his skin?
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During 4th period yesterday, my friend, Ryan had my cell and I forgot to get it back from him at the end of class. So he had to keep it and his 5th and 6th periods are football. All the football guys know me so I guess they thought they could mess with my phone and it would be alright. Here's just a few things I found out they did:
1. changed my b/f's name to "cock sucker"
2. took pictures of themselves in the shower (surprisingly enough, I wasn't turned on)
3. sent dirty texts to people
4. changed my dad's name to "do not answer"
5. downloaded all these songs and games
6. i have a "never delete" folder for the texts i want and didn't want to delete and they of course, deleted them! (they claim this one was an accident)
7. and changed the language to German
I was furious with them when I saw my cell. Mostly at Ryan for letting them do it. So, I am not talking to any of them until I figure out if they're worth it or not. Specially Ryan. Now, he claims he is mad at me because I had no right to be mad at him because it wasn't his fault! How immature is that? I don't care that they used up my texts or downloaded stuff that cost money and I don't want them to pay me back or anything but what should I do?
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the downloaded games and stuff..that costs money doesn't it?
ask your friend to ask them to each pitch in a buck for that.
you have a right to be mad because that was very immature..but they were just having fun and when a bunch of guys get together they can often go overboard.
you can't hold a grudge on all of them because..it's not THAT big of a deal..just make sure they know you didn't appreciate it and that they apologize.
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Okay. Me an this gurl have been friends since the 6th grade, and now were freshman. We told each other everything we were like each others other half. Everytime you seen me you seen her. Well last November we went to the mall and to eat an bowling. Well while were there I met this guy that I have been with now for a year next month. An every since about January Mine an the gurls friendship has just broke. We would always get into it. And everytime something happened we blamed each other for it. Well everytime me an her got into it i told drew (my boyfriend) we he started disliking her because she always hurt me. As me an her drifted apart me an Drew got closer an closer. We became *bestfriends* I tell him everything an he tells me everything. Now he doesn't even like when I talk to her because he says shes a bad influence on me. Shes always trying to bring up our old friendship an how she misses it. And of course, I miss it just as much. But Shes not my bestfriend anymore .. Drew is. He knows stuff about me that no one knows. An I kno stuff about him that no one knows. We just so close. And she always brings up how he took me away from her an stuff. And I dunno what to do I wanna be friends with her but I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were. (like vacations together an stuff) And Drew doesn't want me hanging out with her, like going to her house an places. An sometimes when I do he gets like extreamly mad. So I dunno what to do? Ahhhh. Help! (link)
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definitely try to get close to her again..no matter what he says. if he has a problem with it..you should have a problem with him. he is your boyfriend so obviously you are going to be close..but he's not going to be around forever. what happens once you break up? you will have no one. i know this from experience. my best friend was the same way with her boyfriend. i was the only one who knew that after they broke up, she would regret spending all her time with him. i was the only one there for her when she was upset after they broke up. all of her other friendships were extremely weak. be grateful that she still wants to be close to you because later on, you will be glad that she's there.
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i have 2 groups of friends. group a always thinks im leaving them for group b... and vice versa. what do i do? (link)
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try to spend equal time with both of them..and let them know that you don't hold one group higher than the other. maybe get just a couple people from each group to hang out together if possible..because if you tried to get everyone from both groups to hang out..like have a party with both of them..it would be completely split in two. just let them know that you value all of your friends and you want them to respect that.
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I had a friend sleepover last night, and now she wont get up!!!!!! I've tried everything, and i'm absolutly starving! What should I do?! (link)
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be nice or she won't sleepover again! go get something to eat by yourself and wait it out. don't let her sleep in too late and waste the time you could be spending together!
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i hang out with my friends at school but i keep very quiet or else someone will start talking crap about me but when im with friends from sports i can relax and just let myself free. when i do something funnywith my freinds at skool they dont think its funny but when i do it with my freinds from softball they laugh soo hard they are crying. but the problem is thAT my friends from sports go to diferent schools than i do. what should i do>? (link)
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spend more time with your sports friends to keep you happy because you seem to have a good time with them. also..stick with your other friends..they are different people, but also be on the lookout for other people who appreciate you.
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ok heres the story: my friend, lets call her becky, well she has had a boyfriend for about 2 months now, lets call him bob. becky really likes bob but then again she can't make up her mind who she likes. she flirts with other guys and like me and her sister and her ex-bf think that bob is using her. bob is younger than her by a couple of months. every time i am with becky and bob they hold each other and crap and i am tired of it.(i'm not jealous b/c i have a bf.) bob makes faces behind beckys back and talks about her and shit and it makes me laugh so when becks asks what is so funny i say bob and then like he totally denies it. something is fishy about him b/c he wouldn't let becky see his yearbook. (btw becky is homeschooled and bob goes to public school. i don't know how to confront becky about this. i tried asking her before but she doesn't listen. i don't know what to do! HELP! (link)
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becky probably doesn't realize that she's flirting with other guys..if you really have strong feelings about it then let her know that you think she is being a little too flirty. them holding each other is also fine..thats what people do when they really like each other. bob making faces behind her back could just be him making fun of her jokingly. i know my friend's boyfriend does that sometimes but just in a cute funny way. as for the yearbook, he probably doesn't want her to see his picture or something. they seem happy..so you don't have to worry.
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