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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
advice
I have this friend, ok, lets call her x. And her boyfriend, J. X and J have been going out for a month. They are both 14. X is very primiscous and likes to make out and stuff, which is fine with me. Like, they kissed the first day they were going out. They go over to eachothers houses all the time. And x (my best friend) said she would never lie to me. She knows how conservative i am. I think having sex at 14 is disgusting. I told her that and she said, dont worry im still a virgin. Then, j's best friend told me that they have had sex like, four times since they started dating. I havent told her yet, cuz she'll get mad. I havent talked to her since i heard about it, i wanna tell her, but i dont wanna loose my bff. WHat should i do? HELP!!!
If you care about her, then you need to tell her what you heard. And you need to let her know that she can tell you anything w/out fear of being judged or labeled as something harsh. She doesn't need that from her bestfriend. You're supposed to love and support her THE WAY THAT SHE IS.Yes it may be against your better judgement to do so but it's her life, and she must live it the way she sees fit. It's not yours but hers, and I quite aggree w/ you.
Just tell her what you know and ask if it's true. Promise that you won't tell , and tell her that you won't criticize her if she has. Why would she be angry w/ u , unless you weren't able to come to terms w/ what she may have done? And if that's so, then maybe you should rethink your friendship. However, I don't think it'll come to that at all. I think you're stressing out too much. You simply have to let your friends live their lives the way they see fit and live yours the way you see fit. Just support her and don't criticize her. Accept her no matter how much snogging or etc. Bye.
heres the thing... i have a friend that likes me, and shes a girl and so am i. And im not Bi that i know of i mean when i think of ever being in a relationship with a girl i just dont see it even being possible i mean i cant even picture it. But i think i definitly have to like her though, because i find myself waiting for her to come online and anytime the phone rings i hope its her and when im going to see her i get exited.. and all that stuff.. whats going on with me, i dont understand, im not bi.. than why am i have these feelings?
Maybe you are and you're just in denial. However if that's not the case, then maybe you're simply in MUCH need of a friend. People act like this when they're lonely and can really get on well with one person in particular. Do you do this when others call or with her in particular?
However, there are sites where you can go on to test maybe if you're bi, as you put it. I'm not saying that you know, that they'll diagnose you for certain with whatever this is,which I don't think is very serious at all. At least when it comes to your sexuality. However, these sites help you identify signs and tendencies that you probably hadn't even noticed that you were prone to do yourself. It wont do any harm to do some research which will help you. I just think that this girl could be a best friend of yours. HOWEVER, your title was I DON'T KNOW IF IM BI. So, hopefully that'll help some.
theres this kid in my class that like sits across from me on a diff table (our tables face forward, and its two people per table) and like everyday if i glance at him or something, or he notices im there, he like grins at me or comes up to me and sings like a funny song, dances, or something. He's friendly and stuff, but what do I do back? All I do is smile.. or do I like bring up a conversation? ahh how do I do that without sounding like.. eager or just bad? lol Or sometimes he just stares at me for a long time smiling and im like "what?" and then he keeps staring... anything funny or witty or whatever that I should do back? Im not gonna stare at him back cuz that would look retarded. or is he making fun of me? i doubt it, though.
Ask him the question that will solve your problem. Say," I don't mean to be rude, but why do you do stuff like that." When he says," what/stuff like what?" Then you tell him whatever it is that he does. Don't sound rude, and let it known that you're curious, not trying to be flat out rude. From there, use your womanly intuition. Good luck.
i am 18 yr old boy doing b.tech.right now into my first year.theres this girl,a close friend of mine,whom i like... or may be a bit more than liking.she likes someone else but does not want to get into a relationship with that guy.she is also close fiends with the guy she was going around with previously.i sometimes get a feeling that she likes me and sometimes feel that she ignores me.just tell what should i do to attract her attention towards me.so that she gives me more importance than others.i want to top her priority list in all matters.please help
Simply show the girl signs that she is your type priority.And I mean that she really is your top priority. Worked when my man did it. Maybe it'll work for you. Try it. It won't kill you to. Have a lovely day.
I have just recently started uni and for the first few weeks i actually made a lot of friends. Everything went so well and we had a lot of laugh for the first few weeks, it seems like all the friends i've made are actually my best friends. However things has gone a little bit sour afterwards, some of those friends of mine begin to talk less to me like as if i am becoming too boring for them. They begin to hang around other people who are more interesting and more funny.
These kind of things have happened to me since high school, i get along so well with people at the begining but then things get shytter later on. Is this because of something that i might have said or do? its like one day they know me well and the next they are like who are you do i know you? -_-. Or maybe i don;t share something in common with them? that they get bored of me? it hard to talk directly to them because they would just make up any lame excuses.
For some others i see their friendships build up really strong and they can actually maintain it for a very long time and they always do things together.
Why can;t i be like that? being able to maintain friendship for a long time with others and to share your good times, bad times and sad times together. i always get cut off somewhere during the line and it is really irritating.
Plz give me some advice on how to build a stronger friendship, i appreciate it.
I can understand and relate to your issues and your worries. However, you're stressing way too much over this. You just need to calm down and take a deep breath. You know the best friendships that you can build are the ones that we really don't have to put so much effort into. That's true, it really is. Although, with any friendship you're going to have to work hard at staying and maintaining a strong relationship. BUT YOU DON'T WORK VERY AND EXTREMELY HARD. Friends that have that strong relationship usually maintain it and they don't have to work extremely hard to keep it. It's weird and it is very ironic, but you'll find that it's true. Even if they do have subtle or big differences in each others character. However, they are strong enough to work through it.
Don't try so hard to find and maintain a strong and balanced friendship. You should try and socialize with others, but you'll find a friend when you're more relaxed. And I don't mean just a friend, I mean a strong friendship. You have to be you. And they will love you regardless. Some of the things that we search so hard for tend to find us when we lessen up our search.
ok i have 2 best friends a boy and a girl,and they been my 2 best friends forever and we been like a little group the 3 musketeers and now all of a sudden he asked her out n now im left out there together and im scared that if they break up i have to pick sides i need help really badly
The best thing that you could do is to tell them both what you are feeling. Don't shield or hide your feelings because that could complicate things between all three of you in the future. Tell them both that you are worried. Tell them what you're worried about calmly and make them promise that they won't make you choose who to be friends with between them. Make them promise that. Also, try at least to make them feel as if they were you. Then they'd understand why you're so stressed out and that could so work to your advantage. That will. It just depends on your approach. Be honest and not too the OC DRAMATIC. Just state your feelings and be for real. Hope I was some help. Nice day to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's this girl that I am friends with and we seemed to have a really good relationship at first, but ever since she realized she can tell me anything (I'm really good at keeping secrets) she only tells me her problems. It seems like every time I see her she has some sort of depressing story and she always expects me to help her! I'm an advicenator myself, so I do give a lot of good advice, but she keeps pelting me with all of these things that really aren't that big of a deal, but she overreacts and gets really upset about them. Now I never want to be around her because I don't want to get sad, but I think she sort of needs me now and I don't know what to do! She gets upset about EVERYTHING, like if she sees the guy she has a crush on hugging another girl (hugging is a big thing at our school, everyone hugs everyone else) she will freak out and start crying and get really mad at that person and then just expect me to fix it! It seems like my best friend and I are just her counselors and that we are expected to change everything that goes wrong for her. We think she may actually need psychological help, but we have no idea how to say this because she will get really upset, and talking to her parents is not an option. Help! I'm posting this in the morning because I know there is another sob story at school waiting for me, and I'm hoping it'll be the last one!
First, you should put some distance between the two of you. You know, let her know that you will be there for her when she needs you. Just make sure that she knows this, and let her know that this is exactly what you need. If she's a good friend, she'll understand your predicament. And also, tell her to not focus upon the negativity in her life because if you only focus on the negative things in life, then all of the good stuff shall pass you by. So, if she gets too annoying, then tell her to just deal with it. It's life and it's hard sometimes. Ok, hope I was some help and see you later.
I was at a restaurant having a couple of drinks with some friends of mine. Two of them were single, and the other were a married couple. I am also single. Well my one single friend asked me to talk about my uncle and his crazy wife for some entertainment. None of them know my uncle and wife, or have ever met them. They live in another state so I didnt feel bad making a joke about them. They ARE crazy (in my opinion). I wanted to make them laugh so I told them how last Xmas my uncle said infront of the whole family that if you saw his wife naked you would need therapy. Everyone laughed. Then I said in front of the group" well uncle jim if you hate your wife so much, why don't you divorce her"? His response was that he "couldnt afford it". Everyone at the table roared, everyone, that is except the husband of the married couple at the table. I think I'm the only one who noticed this, but his face actually went white and he looked like a deer had got caught in the headlights when I made the comment about asking my uncle why he wouldnt divorce his wife if he hated her so much. So my question is, was his reaction a sign that his marriage may be on the rocks? I've heard from my other friends that they have been fighting a lot.
I'll rate high!
Most likely, yes, their marriage maybe experiencing some trials. But it's THEIR MARRIAGE. You have/had NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR PROBLEMS. So don't worry about them. LET THEM WORRY ABOUT THEM AND THEIR TROUBLES. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but people get really #@$%$#@, you know, when you get into "THEIR BUSINESS." So, AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT THE JOKE, STAY OUT OF IT. Don't even approach him about the joke and his reaction to it. STAY OUT OF IT. Only do something when HE ASKS YOU or TELLS YOU SOMETHING. Let them handle their own problems. Trust me, getting involved in marrital problems is messy, most of the time dangerous, and @#$%$#%$#. So, do yourself a favor, and avoid it. Stay out of it.
I have a problem with people being jealous of me. I don't know why they are - I'm not extremely beautiful or wealthy. I'm just an above average looking girl with average intelligence. I don't have a bf either, so this makes their jealously all the more perplexing.
I have a part time job with a union, and can afford to live on my own. I have an appartment I rent, a car, and a lot of nice furniture. I own about 150 CD's and 70 DVD's.
I by no means am rich, but only have myself to look after. So I can afford to spend my paychecks on what I please. I had saved up a bit and just bought a new futon and recliner. That made some of my friends REALLY jealous.
This one friend of mine makes just as much money as me but says that most of his paychecks go towards paying credit card depts. I have never had a credit card so don't have this problem. My sister is also jealous of me because she owes money to student loan payments. I never went to college so don't have this problem. Some of my other friends don't have cars, and are always saying how lucky I am to have one. But they don't relize how much money I put into it. I just paid 400 to replace the breaks. I wish I could just enjoy what I have without people feeling jealous. I earned it. What can I do, and how can I stop people from envying me?
Like you said, you earned it. YOU EARNED IT, YOU EARNED IT, AND did I mention that YOU EARNED IT. You earned your right to have all the money that you need for yourself. The guy that's paying off his credit card depts, well that's his fault not yours. He's the one that got himself into serious debt not you. His problem, he needs to deal with it. Also, your sister complaining about not having enough money to pay off her college loan. Well, since you never attended college, and since you never went there for her in her place, then how is it your problem. It's not your problem, it's hers. So, she's gotta be a big girl and deal with it. She will. She knew that higher learning was going to be expensive and she went through with it. That's the price she'll/she is paying. People are jealous for some of the stupidist things. But what you have to do is to take the time to evaluate the situation and reasoning for their jealousy. In this case, they're jealous b/c everything seems to be going good and right for you. Some people just can't stand that. They are also in predicaments that they don't want to be in at all, and they'd love to be in your place. But what YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS THAT IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. IT'S THEIR PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY CREATED IT AND NOW THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. THEY made THEIR bed, and now THEY have to lye in it. So, ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHTFULLY EARNED AND FORGET THE FOOLS. Their problems that they made for themselves, not yours and so not your fault. Let them deal with it and move on with your life.
I have a male friend who is 39 and has told me that he never wants to get married or have kids. That is fine- for him. But I've told him how someday I want to be in a proper marriage and have children. Well we were talking today and I told him how a medium had read my palm several weeks ago, and told me that I would be having 3 children, (one set of fraternal twins, and a girl). Well this is what my friend said "well you better get started right away, and you'll need to find a husband".
I thought this was a very vindictive thing for him to say. I am only 27 and told him I still have a lot of time before my clock stops ticking. I have a theory on his attitude: two years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me. I told him I was saving myself for my future husband, and that I wanted kids. This is when I found out that he never wanted to get married or have children. (not that I wanted to be with him anyways).
So my question is, does anyone else think what he said was mean? And do you think he said it to get back at me for not wanting to sleep with him?
I think he meant what he said in a hilarious joke kind of way. What you have to understand is that most men do not want children. I think the idea of having a responsibility that ties them down for the rest of thier lives frightens them. You just have to accept the fact that he doesn't want to have children and that he may only want to be with you in that way. I don't think he said it b/c you didn't sleep with him but I think he said it because it's what he meant. And why get angry with him over what he means or feels. Respect it and get over it. Hope you have a nice day.
Hey everyone. I'm in a spot of a dilemma here. You see, I have this friend who I've been chatting to online for around 2 years now and he's coming down to meet (don't worry, he's not a pedophile or anything. we've spoken on the phone and web cam and all) anyway, we were planning to see green day together and he already bought the tickets and his plane ticket. Anyway, a few days ago my good friend who lives here bought me a ticket to see Green Day. It was going to be a suprise but then he found out I was already going and had to fess up. Anyway, the next time he saw me he HANDED the ticket to me, which I now have. My good friend bought the ticket for me as a present and I don't have to pay him or anything, and I'd feel bad making him give it to someone else. But the other guy can't cancel his plane ticket or sell his ticket (since he lives in brisbane and i'm in melbourne) advice please??
thanks
Well, it's really who you care about the most and who you want to go to the concert with you. I know that you want to be considerate, but this really is one of those situations where someone out of the three of you will be offended or insulted and one of those people may end up to be you. Tell the guy that handed you the ticket your situation. Tell him where the guy is flying from and try to make him understand that you really and extremely are sorry about it and maybe that he could go himself or give someone else the ticket that he wants to have the ticket to go to the concert. Just try to make him understand . Just try. Really try and make him see how much you care and how really sorry you are.
me and my friend were best-friends since we were 4. we're 13 now and since we were 9 she's been hanging around with other people at lunch time.It didn't bother me that much .She became way more popular but it was like nothing had changed outside of school.When we 1st went into 1st year in secondary school (in Ireland)and i was really happy that she starterd hanging out with me in school again.Now we're in 2nd year and we don't see each-other outside school that much and we don't hang out in school and we're only in three classes together.she still talks to me like everything is fine.She doesn't sit beside me in two of the classes unless her friends aren't there!Sheonly sometimes sits beside me in the other class but lately she hasn't even been doing that!I think she's using me but if I tell her then she might not be my friend at all.What should I do?HELP!!!P.S. I'm a thirteen year old girl.
Talk to her about your feelings and if she doesn't respond the way she doesn't want you to respond, then you have to find a new friend. You don't want to be friends with someone that treats you like dirt. You want a friendship with respect. You want a friendship that has that attention and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Nothing. Talk to her about it because you could possibly value this friendship more than she does. Please. Trust me, it may be the only thing that's helpful for yourself. Just talk to her.
Hear is my problem I was friends with this girl for two and a half years then all of a sudden we are no longer friends. I mean she didn't tell me anything. I waited to see if I was going to hear from her but nothing no phone calls and she never came over my house again. I wrote her a letter and she never responded. I don't get it the last time I saw her was when she had a boyfriend. I use to work in a retail store and everytime I would see her she would be buying some things for a baby. So did she have a baby or is she just picking some things up for a friend. But if she did have a baby why would she want to stop being friends. I have another friend and she was also friends with her too but they keep in touch. I wish I knew what happen and how come she doesn't want to talk to me. At frist I thought it was because she had a boyfriend and so did my other friend and I was single. But that's no reason she should stop talking to me is it? Please help me we were such good friends and I would like to be again but I dont' know what to do.
You can keep speculating but that is all that you're doing. Speculating. If you want to find out the answers to your questions, perhaps you should ask her about it face to face. Don't force the issue and don't be aggressive with the issue, but make it where the issue shines with significance. Be patient and understanding . And you should prepare yourself for the possibility that she may not want to be friends. And that's alright because with time, people grow. And people change. So you do have a right to be angry IF she decides to end this friendship, but you'll have to move on and move forward with your life and respect her decision. JUST LIVE.
Ok how do you really know if a guys flirtting with you? Like this guy hes seriouly like my best friend! I can tell him anything! Well he like jokes around with me and stuff but how do i know if hes actually flirting? Like is he just being friendly...i don't think he likes me cause where just good friends even though sometimes i wish he did...so what would you consider to be flirtimg? but yea any advide??
Notice the looks, the touches, the smoothe seductive sneer within there voice. Look in their eyes too. It's really not a good way to differentiate but with different people comes different things. Sometimes you can tell the humor within their eyes. You have to have a lot of intuition you know. Really, it's like there trying just hard enough and sometimes they get it just right on the brink. Just try and look at what they do and how they move towards you.
i am really upset right now cause i have known my one freind for like 13 years btw im 14/f and shes trying to make me jelous cuz she and i have the same freinds at this tiny private school, cuz for some reason she can make friends easier then i can. im also very quiet until people get to know me but my friends that she and i have i feel like there leaving me out and when i ask them if there mad at me, or asking them why there leaving me out they say no of course not n just ignore me. like i know there not mad at me n stuff but they just keep on ignorning me for no reason. i also want to make some new freinds and im really quiet n i dont want to ask how was your day or ask about music, movies or books...i dont keeep up. so i need help n i swear ill rate fives
♥
Friends do that when they want to be portrayed as cool by others that they are trying to please. So you really need to talk with other people b/c you're quiet , I know. But how are you going to meet people if you don't talk to anyone. It's going to be difficult if you're a bit reserved, but it should be challenging b/c that's life. You may find people that you're easily compatible with in a friendship. I don't know and you don't know yet. So try it and go for it. And treat your friends witht the same inferior attitude that they use towards you. Let them know that the sun doesn't rise when they say so .
My friend.. is on the edge of not being my friend anymore. She's driving me insane. All she ever talks about is how sucky her life is. She hates her parents, car, job, school. She hates everything and is CONSTANTLY complaining about how sucky her life is. She thinks at 18 she's had the hardest life ever. HA! If her life really sucked that bad, she would change it right? No, she just likes to nag. How can I tell my "friend" (in a NICE way) that if she doesnt stop B!tChing than Im going to have to start ditching?
Say what you mean to her in a considerate tone and tell her that there are some things that she is going to have to do to make this "unfair" lifestyle of hers disappear. Tell her to find new ways in which to express herself such as through physical activities, poetry, writings, etc. Or through something that she is interested in b/c there has to be something. Just tell her that it's time to start talking about something else for a change for at least once in a while. Also stress the important factor that you'll always be there for her whenever you need her / to talk about SIGNIFICANT things . Otherwise, don't mention it at all. Say what you mean directly and clearly.
My friend was forced to take a drug test by his mom and it he failed now shes callin his friends and tellin their parents to drug test their kids shes gonna call my dad soon and have my dad test me i want to know if its true that if you dont do marijuana often that it will clear out of your system faster than if you do it constantly?
No. It doesn't matter how often you do it. If you do marijuana regardless of the hours or how many times you do it(costantly or not) if you do it they'll detect it. So if you don't do it, then you have nothing to worry about. If you do, I'd start drinking things to flush it out of your body.
my problem is my friend who is girl, we both work in a same office and recently only(about 3& 4 month) we had become close friends (well i was atleast) in this three month we used to talk about everything, eat together with our group
but recently because of my nature i started carrying for to much or more u can say carrying like sister(my age is 22 and she is 30 un married)
but insead of what i feel about her she has taken the wrong impression of what i feel for her
i had a meeting with her told her told her my feeling
but she said she is feeling Uncomfortable with our Relationships and told me not to call her
and for work related mail her
i know y is she felling that way because of me as i said before i starded to care for her interfere with her life i even told her to give me a miss call on my cell when she reaches home
and once we had gone for a movie on friendship day
and when she did not sit next to me i made a huge promblen between the movie i was on my cell messaging any things to my friends and when she asked me i told her u were not sitting next to me thats y
so please help me i dont love her
i really like her has a sister and a friend
And will always do
I think that you need to respect the space that she needs. She really needs time to figure out her feelings towards you and she needs to do this alone and this requires some time. You need to respect her space and you need to let her grow. She has a right and she really deserves it. Just tell her that she really is just a good friend, like a sister, and that you'll respect her space. I know that it will be difficult since she is such a good friend and all but she needs to know that you'll respect her wishes and give her the distance she needs. And if she doesn't want to talk with you anymore , respect it and move on. That is just the way people deal with things. Especially women. Move on and don't let her get to you. Just try to be understanding and you know just be real with her. If she's too immature not to address this directly, then trust me, you could do a lot better .
I know this sounds like a wussy story, but for the life of me I do not know why I feel this way....
I have this female friend whom I have been good friends with for many many years, We almost went further than friendship, but I declined cause I felt I would lose such a good friend.
Over the years we have always been friends, and I know now that she is the one for me, but how do I tell her?
she has been married and divorced, moved to another country with her boyfriend where he dumped her.
I moved to another country for career reasons, she has asked if she can come and stay with me for a few months, I am really exicted about her coming, but deep down I am full of fear because of the way I feel!
If I tell her, I may lose her or it could be I am gutless in the face of the one I truely love!
Any ideas people?
Don't let your fear overule you and do what you need to do since she is a need/ neccessity for you. It's alright to have fear because fear is understandable. You also need to learn how to control your fear. As long as you are understanding and communicating and give / and or be willing to give time, then somethings(the basic issues) might as well be covered. Just give her time and don't force it but be gentle enough that she knows that you are always there for her when you need her. So i hope I was some help and have a nice day. You really do need to tell her and let her know that you're not rushing her into anything that she may not want to do,
hey...
..There's this guy I really like. I'm 14 years old and he's 17. We used to just be " buddies " and he used to talk to me about the girls that he liked but I knew that he would never in a million years talk about me that way. Boy, was I wrong.
..I've liked him for about two years now, and he's finally noticed me now since I " grew up " if you know what I mean. We've been talking about hooking up for a while now, but the problem is is that he's my brother's friend and if my brother found out that I was hooking up with his friend he would kill me and his friend. So... we really don't know what to do. At first we decided to just be friends with benefits lol :) but that didn't work...We just keep on talking about how it would be soooooo great if we were actually bf and gf. I really don't know what to do about this because I don't want to mess up my brother's friendship with the guy and I don't want to lose someone that I like very much. Please help in any way that ya'll can. Thanks.
- Melisa
Tell your brother that you are growing up and that he's going to have to accept the fact that he can't beat every guy away with a stick...maybe a fist... that walks by you one day and says, gosh that girl is hot I want to get with her. If need be, tell him to get a life and that to get used to it. You deserve to be with this guy now that you've waited that long and now he wants you. You deserve to have him and tell your brother this. This is your life not his. Are you really...really...going to let your brother dictate to you when it comes to who you go out with or who you won't go out with. Come on . Get real and tell him to get real too.