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May 16, 2008Answers:
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I was on this site before recording my first single. I will stay a member of this site. I am asking that each of you support me by visiting my webpage. I have posted music that I have written and recorded. Check out Wildside featuring Father Jah, and I want, created in memory of 2Pac.http://www.reverbnation.com/Venomtheonly1
I am open, honest, truthful yet also insightful and understanding. I am a Strong woman with morals, belief, and character. I value life, myself and life of everything, everyone and all. I am mature, caring, giving, straight up and real!
I am not harsh, rude, or disrespectful but I am going to tell you the truth because you are asking for that. If you want a lie or support that you know is invalid because you question it yourself, please don't get mad at me for the truth because that is what sets us ALL free!! Peace, Venom
advice
My wife and I seperated a year ago. During this time we both have dated other people. She has mentioned several times that she wants to get back together, but every time that I do what she asks and try, she says that I am putting too much preasure on her. She has told me on four seperate occassions that she has broken up with her boyfriend, and we have gone out on dates, but then I catch her on dates with him, and she says that she lied to me. Is there anything that I can do, or should I just give up?
You should just give up. If your wife wanted you, she wouldn't lie to you. She would display that she wants you in action, not just words. Also, here is the thing, if you want her back, step back for a lil' bit. Stop seeing her, stop buying her things, and stop taking her out! Leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do, as you see she is going to do it anyway! I am not sure as to what happened with the two of you, but I will say this, IF you split up b/c of lies, cheating, and deception (and for real I sense a bit of manipulation too- unsure of whose end yet it does exist somewhere in this mess), your relationship will NEVER be the same so why even bother it. Move on.. As soon as you do, she will want you back, and then the ball is in your court. YOU ARE THE MAN, YOU ARE THE LEADER, YOU ARE THE HEAD, So you have to take control of your relationships and where you want it go to in the future. Trust me, step back, get your stuff together, start FOCUSING ON YOU!! B/c u haven't been.. "smile" Yes, I do know... anyway, start focusing on YOU... and then when she tries coming back, TAKE IT SLOWLY, IF U WANT HER, WHICH I WOULDN'T WANT HER.. Remember this, YOU ARE NOT SECONDARY MATERIAL TO ANYBODY OR ANY1! You are FIRST and if she can't appreciate, or see that, then why waste your time continuing to show her? You aren't a dog, and shouldn't be made to do tricks or jump through hoops, ITS TIME FOR HER TO START JUMPING through hoops, you have chased her long enough!! Now move on!! Go to your browser, type in Venomtheonly1 Move ON... and listen to it. or go to reverbnation.com/venomtheonly1 AND listen to Move on. It's my single, and it's me singing, so listen to it and listen closely! Let this be your motivation, and remember to always KEEP IT MOVIN'.. Peace, Venom
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 7 months and it has been very rough. My dad and him used to be very good friends and now they are not and my dad doesnt like him. My boyfriends ex and my dad talk and it just causes a bunch of problems not only with me and my dad but my boyfriend too...any advice? i try to just ignore the stuff being started and said but it puts alot of stress on our relationship. It makes us both afraid because of all of the stuff being said. any advice?
You have omitted information needed to answer you with truthfulness or deepness. Your posting only leaves me to say "Ignore him". I can feel your energy thus far as reaching out for more.
The relationship between you and your father is more valuable that the relationship between you & boyfriend (unless you are at the age to be engaged & this man is your husband). I would first talk with dad one on one, to determine his concerns. (trust your father's instincts, I wish I trusted my father's). Once received, dig into yourself, deeply and start digesting the things your father feels and/or has identified. (think deeply) If these are matters that are of concerned legitimately beyond an opinion (opinions are like a holes, and everyone has one)- then speak with your boyfriend. (as you must mediate maturely). If the concerns of your father makes sense, then perhaps back away a little to find yourself a lil more to see if you want to continue endeavors with your boyfriend.
Now the EX- If your father is pushing your ex on you and you aren't feeling it, then advise your dad that this individual is deceased within you emotionally and you'd appreciate it if he would allow that past relationship to rest peacefully. You have NO CONTROL over his relationship with old due, or the ex- however you do have control of your involvement with it (even indirectly my dear) Good Luck, Peace and Blessings, Unto you...
If this didn't answer you, hit me on in my inbox and we will take it from there, according to your wishes.
Venom....
His name is Justin. He's absolutely beautiful. I met him six or more months ago through some friends. We had something for each other, but I had a boyfriend at the time so it went nowhere.
Now I've been single for awhile. For I was dumped for an eighth grader (I'm 19). Anyways. He and I got together and ended up hooking up a few times. Which is fine by me because I'm still a little shaken from my last relationship. Yet, I can't help but fall for him.
He constantly tells me that I'm not making a good choice by falling for him, because he's a 'monster.' He calls himself this because he's unstable. A year ago on his birthday, his girlfriend was shot in front of him outside of the mall in a mugging. He is still absolutely devastated. He thinks that dating someone will be a betrayal of her. I understand this completely. He even said he prefers we no longer have sex because he doesn't want to hurt me, or have me change for him.
I'm completely confused and torn in two. Do I continue to follow? I know him a lot better then he thinks. Or do I just.. drop it? And how? I don't think I've ever been so stuck in my life.
I am not going to start by pointing fingers at anyone regarding any of the matters at hand.
I want to first say that the person you are involved with isn't a "monster", he has monster events that have happened to him in his life, as do all of us (regardless of sex,age,race,religion, etc.) So, with this being said, He should be respected, as his wishes.
He has identified that he has some matters at hand which prevent him from actually opening up to you or anyone else at this time. He too needs time to heal, as you did. Now, the question at hand is are you completely healed from the (8th Grade incident)? I am asking because you have made mention to this. There must be internal healing on both behalves before prosperous aspirations emerge within your relation/friendship. you feel me? He is reaching out for help- due to the emotional attachment that YOU seem to have, you are automatically and internally charging yourself with a responsibility that isn't yours. If you want to honestly be a good friend or partner, ASK him what he wants you to do to help and if he wants your help. He needs to seek counseling with a professional counselor, as he needs to talk. He must release first before he can release to you. If he sees sex as a staggering block, stop putting it on him, dear heart and park the breaks.
Focus on YOU and allow him to focus on HIM so that you two can focus on UNITING as a WHOLE in completion (sexually, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc). If you wish to speak with me, in addition to this response, feel free to contact me directly...
Good Luck & KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, FOCUSED, AND Stabilized... Venom
Im an 18 year old girl. I met a guy at a club one night we were both drunk and i didnt give him the time of day. I saw him multiple times at the club before we started talking. He was always telling me he wants a gf. When we were talking he started to tell me he'd love waking up to my face everyday, i got scared because i had gotten out fo a 2 year relationship 6 months before and he had been out of one for 4 months. I pushed him away becasue i could bare the idea of getting close to a guy i barely knew. After a while he started hanging with his ex becasue she is best friends with his sister whos realy close with him. I never brought it to his attention that I was confused. We started talking again i slept in the same bed with him 6 times without doin anything with him. He would tell me he wants me to be his gf i hadnt had sex in 8 months so finally out of no where it happened then he told me he wanted to be my bf but i didnt take him seriously becasue he still slept with his ex and hung out with her all the time. I saw his sister the other night she said hes obcessed with me and never stops talkign about me. I feel like shes just tryin to get him lucky becasue i dont know why she would say that when shes best friends with his ex all three of them were at the club when she said this. I dont know what to do I like when guys chase me I dont want to be caught up in that but I like him.
Leave his sister out of it. You are 18 years old and capable of making your own decisions. You seem confused in that you like him, then again you don't want to be involved. You have also identified the ex a couple of times too and that you like being chased. So, first have a real heart to heart with yourself and find out what it is you want.
Make sure you aren't interested as a sense of competition with the ex. Make sure you like him before approaching him. If and when you do approach him be real with him. Tell him how you feel. Don't say things his sister told you - stay away from the he said she said mess... Let him know that you would like to get to know him better and more.(stay friends) and take it from there. Good luck, and remember to keep it real! IF YOU TWO do hook up - let him know up front that you aren't going to be played (sexually or with the ex) if he still has feelings for her, cancel that thought! so that you don't end up hurt and played - so I am saying this do not up the cookies anymore until you both know what you want, what direction you are going, and are on the same page. Good luck Miss Lady!
Venom
I'm 15, I'm a girl, I'm in love with a 28 year old man, he is in love with me, we have never done anything, not even kissed, but we go on dates and meet up about 3 or 4 times a week.
Is this wrong? And does he just want sex? Because that is what I'd normally think, but we've been dating a few months and he's never so much as suggested anything. And we were friends for ages before that too. I don't know what to do.
And I know I'm young, and people say I'm to young to be in love, but I've never felt like this before.
Yes, it's wrong. I am going to say it from a different point than what all you have read. Whenever you have to question something in being right or wrong - it's normally wrong. It's like a dress code- should I wear this to church or school? If you are questioning it then it's best not to do it.
I don't know if he just wants sex or not, but I will say that he is immature mentally. I am not saying he's crazy, but I am saying that a 15, and 28 year old have nothing in common. If his interests are the same as yours, he is immature. If your interests are the same as his then you are growing up too fast. I think you are attracted to the risk factor, it's exciting, it seems fun and adventurous but it's more so dangerous than all. You are feeling infactuation. Girls do mature faster than boys, this is a studied fact; however you are a young lady and he is an older man. If you care for him, you will end your contact with him to prevent him any legal action. I am sure your parents aren't aware of this. Key Rule: If someone is willing to date you, without consent of your parents, he will possibly do things to you and with you without consent of you.
Since he is so interested in you, why not ask him to meet your parents, and see where that goes. "No where", so do not waste anymore of your precious time. This man has a thing for young girls, and he needs help and counseling. This road is leading to no where or somewhere you will regret in your future.
Good luck dearheart, and do what is best for you, your life and your future.
I will start off by saying thanks for the advice. I understand how you feel and why you feel the way you do. I also feel this way sometimes, and I stress SOMETIMES. I do know that she fell out of love with me before she cheated, and I also know why she fell out of love with me. I know that it wasn’t my fault. Her expectations of marriage were different than mine. She believed that marriage was supposed to always be like it is in the beginning of the relationship; with the butterflies and sparks, etc. She also is the type of person that never wanted to talk about problems she was having. She would just keep things bottled inside and act like everything was ok. She is very non confrontational. So when she started having problems with the marriage, she never talked to me about it to try and fix it. All I was saying is that even though I know it wasn’t my fault, I still am hard on myself. It’s just the type of person I am. I am a perfectionist. Whatever I do, I must be the absolute best at. Now I thought I was the best husband (because I never heard any complaints from her) She used to brag to me to all of her friends, so I always was very proud to be who I was. Now after I discovered the affair we talked about where things went wrong and why she did it, I realized that I wasn’t perfect. There were some things that I should have done different. I am not condoning what she did, and I’m not placing the blame on only myself. I’m just saying I know that I can be a better husband than I was before. She also doesn’t blame me AT ALL. She realizes that she is the one who was unfaithful and hates herself for it.
As far as trust is concerned, of course I do not trust her right now, and she doesn’t expect me to. We both know that it will take a very long time for that to come back, and she knows that she is going to have to earn it. I won’t continue to stay in this marriage if I sense things are either getting worse, or not improving at all. I won’t be walked on, and my wife knows this. The reason that I have stayed so far, is because I love my wife with all of my heart. Despite all of this, I know she is genuinely a good person. She is going through a time of her life where she is really discovering who she is and what she wants in life. We were married very young, and she has changed a lot in the last year or so. I haven’t changed because my goals and expectations are still the same. I still want the same things I have always wanted. And I have all of those things right now, which is why I am not giving up on our marriage. My wife made a mistake. Yeah it was a HUGE one, but I do believe in second chances, and if she really wants this to work, and give me a second chance on being a better husband, than I will give her another chance also.
Now the only problem is this, I am not exactly sure what she wants. And that’s mainly because I don’t think even she knows what she wants, since she is changing and becoming more independent and growing up so to speak. (We are both 25) When she cheated on me, she immediately thought that our marriage was over. I told her it would be if she ever cheated on me and vice versa. She never in a million years expected me to forgive her. This threw her way off guard and really messed with her head, because she had already given up on the marriage. She thinks that there is no recovering from this. AND THIS IS WHY SHE WON’T COMMIT 100% YET. She doesn’t want to go through life miserable trying her hardest every day to make this work. Now I don’t believe this. I think it can get better, and she can love me again, and we can get back to the way things used to be; maybe even better since we would have gone through a crisis together and survived. These are the things I have been telling her, and why I came to you for advice. How do I become the man she once loved, and get her to fall back in love with me? I do believe that people fall in and out of love. There are no guarantees. Tomorrow I might meet another woman and fall in love. I could change. All I know is that right now, I love my wife very much, and I am not going to lose her without a fight. I will exhaust all options before I say it’s over. She is a great woman, and a very important part of my life. She just became week, and this guy took advantage of her. BTW, I know this guy is a complete lowlife for doing what he did. And I didn’t mean I think he is superman. I was using that as a metaphor for what she seen in him. Since the relationship between them was very new and fresh, she hadn’t yet seen any of his flaws, or bad qualities. He was perfect. Hence, Superman. So I hope that cleared some things up. If you have any more questions feel free to ask. I am willing to hear whatever you have to say.
I don't have any other questions.. I did see this question earier this week and I didn't answer it because I feel like many of the subjects you have addressed have been previously discussed.. After you told me you had already been trying, I came to the conclusion that she just does not want this anymore... I understood the superman metaphor which is why I said he is in a wheelchair now.. what I was saying to you is this, she may not see his flaws now but eventually she will see his flaws as he develops new ones... if you have the energy to fight, do it. I wouldn't personally... I wouldn't keep stretching out my hand to be slapped and not held. To each it's own. I wish you the best of luck and I do encourage counseling...
My boyfriend and I have an age differences, I really didn't worry about it because I didn't think it was that big until my brother said something.
I was born:
March 20th 1994
He was born:
Oct 31st 1992
There is NOTHING wrong with the age of you and your boyfriend at all!!! Your brother has another issue and it has nothing to do with you and your boyfriend.. ask your brother what the real issues is..I will tell you what it is: You have a boyfriend, period!!!
Ok I was at a party and I was kind of fliritng with this girl. We were both sober. Later that night we sat next to each other on the couch and she let me put my arm around her. Then the two of us made out in the rain. When I left the party I texted her later that day and asked what her favorite part of the party was. She replied it was meeting me. Is there more to this or is this just like a party hookup kinda.
Hard to say right now.. call her and ask her out! tell her that you are interested in getting to know her better and see where that goes. Make sure she is single first, hell don't get caught up in some triangle cross type of crap.. if she is single, go for it. Make the first approach. I think she just may like you too! She may be waiting on you to let her know what's up! Good Luck
Okay so I am honestly in love with this guy, but he doesn't feel the same way about me. He told me a while back that when he broke up with me he knew we'd never be able to date again but I have this feeling that says I don't think he was telling the truth when he told me that. At the same time there are some people who have shown interest in me, and I mean my mind tells me it's just smart to move on and not keep emotionally hurting myself over this guy, but also wouldn't it be unfair to both the guy I'd be dating and to myself if I dated them while I was actually in love with another guy? I've tried getting over him but I just can't, and I feel as if I could wait for him forever even if I never did get him back. I know I'm young, but I also don't think like a person my age and I do know I am truly in love with this person. But at the same time, should I try to date again and stop being hopeful or listen to what I feel and trust that there is still something there that can come back in the future?
I am sorry for your hurt and your breakup. I don't think you should date anyone else right away just because they would be a rebound person. It's not cool to hurt someone because you are hurting. (even if it's unintentional). Instead I would move on with my life without anyone in it right now to take some time out for you. Hang out with some friends, so some fun stuff - school is out right? Try to stay active so that you have no time to sit and mope over him. IF you are still calling, texting, IMing and emailing, STOP.. let it go. He may just contact you and if he does, don't jump on it immediately because you want to make sure that this is what the both of you want. Give yourself some time to hurt and heal before you starting dating other people. So, the thought is this: you are giving yourself time to bounce back girl, not him time to come back! You feel me?
Good Luck and Keep it movin! Hey, listen to Toni Braxton- Take this ring and Beyonce - Freakum Dress.. get hyped up, cute, and go out with your girls and have a damn ball!!! Don't give him any power over your happiness... Do you!! "smile"
ive been dating this guy on and off for about 9 months now and big problem he hurt me alot and hes a reall bad boy drugs sex alcohol. he played me with other girl.. not because hes a player just because of where he was raised and how his mom and dad werent really in his life so he felt lonely and depended on girls to fill that whole and not only one girl can satisfy him which kills me inside. because i love him so much i want to help him become a better person but what had happened was he had left me hanging after i lost my virginity to him and a week later he calls and he apologizes and now we're sort of together but he's opening up to me and he's actually seeing his wrong and changing attending school no more drugs out of the playing girls buisness.. but my family hates him and forbids me to see him. and he kills me up inside to split the 2 most important things apart. they would kill me if they knew i was with him again they hate him for hurting me and i have to lie to see him and it just eats me up inside... i love him but i love m family and im scared if i tell them about him they'll take away my freedom and take him away from me.. i just dont know what to do? should i just keep hiding him from my family..?
I encourage you to let it go and find someone you don't have to lie about being with. There are a few names I could think of to call this guy but I won't do it. I will say this,I have been through this same thing and it hurts so bad and each time the hurt gets worst. There will be another time and more times after that. He isn't going to change until HE WANTS to change. You can't help a person change. If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you.
He is a compulsive, habitual liar and you aren't the only one he is lying too. Bad guys look for good girls because we are the ones who are considered as easy, stupid, and gullible. Trust me. Don't allow your family to take him away from you. Love yourself enough to take yourself away from him before he takes the person you are.
The broken family thing: that must be a playa code or something. Every loser I have ever dated, married, dealt with used that same damn excuse when the truth is: I am selfish, I like hurting you and other girls because you all let me do it. Until he realizes what an ass he is, and becomes disgusted with himself, he isn't going to change. I knew a man who claimed change for 12 years and the only thing he changed was his sneakiness so that he wouldn't get caught!
He did whatever he need to do until he got it, after he got it, he left you hangin'.. he will do that to you as long as you choose to deal with it. It obviously bothers you as you posted your question. No, man or BOY is worth you lying to your family about. Your family loves YOU and wants what's best for you and your life. This Boy doesn't. He wants what he can get and you deserve and can do MUCH BETTER!!! Good Luck dear heart
Like I said before it is a very complicated situation, and I’ll only told you some of it. The affair started as a friendship (like most do) and elevated very quickly. I think a big factor in that was he was leaving for Iraq for 6 months. It became physical between them only a few days before he left. She was sad to be losing him as a friend, and that’s how it happened. So besides the couple of days before he left, the affair was mainly through email, and messengers. Well I discovered this and flipped out. We then decided to try and make it work. Well after 2 weeks of me putting in all the work, she was still very emotionally distant from me; acting the same way as before I discovered the affair. Well I suspected she was still talking to him, and I was right. I guess she felt so horrible for breaking my heart but since she was in love with him, felt bad for breaking his heart also. She emailed him to make sure that he was doing ok, and that’s how they started talking again. Well, after I found out about this I was furious. I told her it was over and that I never wanted to see her again. I also said some very horrible things to her, some things that I am not proud of. But I know it was the anger talking. Anyway after the dust settled I realized that I still didn’t want to lose her. I love her way to much. So I took some personal time and went home to visit some family. After a couple of days she called me and told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. She ended it with the guy for the second time and told him that we were gonna work on us. So I came home. We made up, made love, and had a great couple of days where things seemed to be getting better. She finally started to give me the things I was constantly nagging her about. But that only lasted for 3 days. You see ever since I first found out I had to constantly tell her that I needed reassurances, and for her to show me love and affection. I needed to be convinced that she loved me and wanted to be with me. I need to be needed and appreciated. I was very insecure and still am. You were very right when you said that I have very low self esteem right now. I always thought I was this great husband. For almost 7 years we have never had any problems. We never argued, and I always treated her like a queen, and vice versa. She used to brag about me to all of her friends about how great I was. Everyone was so jealous of our relationship and the way I treated her. But anyways she wasn’t trying very hard to make me happy. I was actually fighting for her, and I wasn’t even the one that was unfaithful. I finally got fed up with all the B.S. and told her I think it would be best if she left. So she did, and assumed that our marriage was over so started talking to him again. I immediately regretted telling her to leave. The next day I told her I was sorry for that, and asked her to come home. I told her that I loved her and never wanted to be without her. She said that she wasn’t ready to come back yet and stayed away for about a week. This is when she finally had the courage to tell me that she wasn’t in love with me anymore. One thing worth mentioning is we have always been dependent on each other. She needed me in her life and I needed her. So while she was gone she also discovered that she COULD make it on her own as a single mother and that she didn’t NEED a man in her life. She became much more independent. I guess this is a good thing for her but it doesn’t make me feel good about myself. I am the type of person that needs to be needed. It makes me feel special that someone needs me. So she finally came home and told me that she is really ready to try to fix our marriage, and broke it off for hopefully the last time with the other guy. I do think that it is over between them now. I now have the challenge of getting her to fall in love with me. It is very hard because she sees all of my negative qualities and flaws. These things are on the surface and when she looks at me, this is what she sees. On the other hand, this other guy is superman. She sees no negative qualities in him, and doesn’t see his flaws. Which is why she fell out of love with me, and in love with him. I have to replace all the negative thoughts about me with positive ones. As far as “What she wants,” I don’t really know. I think she wants our marriage to work, I just don’t think she believes it can. She gave up from the beginning which is why she wasn’t trying very hard. I know this will be a slow process, but I am very determined to win her back. Anyways, I’m sorry for rambling, but it does help to talk about it. What do you think?
I am not going to go much into detail regarding the relationship itself beccause I think we have already addressed it. There is an area that we didn't go into that I would like to discuss upon.. trust. Adultery is a hell of a thing to overcome and conquer. To be honest with you, the problem isn't you, it's her. My husband committed adultery on me with someone he didn't even know upon meeting her and it went on for a year before I even knew it. I found out by investigating and contacting the woman myself and she told everything. IF a person hasn't changed completely, they will do it again. I SEE your rambling as unresolved issues with yourself and issues of confussion for taking her back so soon. I did the same thing and the problem with it was that he kept doing it until I finally stopped all communications, divorced him and had no contact with him for 2 years. He is now a Deacon, and has completely changed his life and decided to love me back and fall in love with me again, as I did towards him too. It is a slow process.
You 2 have more issues going on extending past communication factors and it isn't going to happen overnight. She fell out of love before you knew it. If a person is in love they will not commit adultery or even deal with the opposite sex period. I do not believe in opposite sex friendships because BS always comes out of it unless someone is gay. So, don't think she fell out of love when she started seeing this other man, it was before then which lead her to act upon it. If she is so easy to fall in and out of love changed are she will do it again but with someone different.Now, what if he weren't leaving the states, would she want to be with you and be faithful to you? Your honest opinion. Always be honest to yourself so that you know what to do and provide peace within yourself.I am encouraging you to stop focusing on potential and could be's of your marriage and focus on what it is period.. You know what the deal is and you are in some type of denial.. why? Love does not hurt. Love isn't deceitful or manipulitive. It is faithful and understanding.
Yes, he has flaws, you have flaws, she has flaws and so do I. No one is perfect and if they claim to be, they are liars. There is a book called when your lover doesn't love you back. I went through so much crap in my marriage trying to save it before I realized I was losing myself. You must rise above all of this and get busy. If you invite her out and she says no, go somewhere by yourself to think and meditate. Cry if you need to, but don't let her see you at a weak point because she is already thinking you are weak for taking her back so soon.
She knows you have self esteem issues and is going to play that to her advantage. I used to be her at a point of my life. I was married before and I did the same thing to him all the time.. I finally ended up divorcing him for the love of my life and highschool sweetheart, who hurt me for over 18 years of my life. The grass isn't greener on the other side, and it takes women a hard bump on the ass the realize that. I don't trust my husband completely as I should now, but I am trying hard and he is too. It is a life long process and if she isn't willing to put in the work, what do you have to work on? How does she feel about you? NOT your assets, or what you can do for her, but YOU period??
WHAT SENSE does it make to think you have to win your WIFE back. She isn't your girlfriend, but acts like a girlfriend and not a wife. How long are you going to be walked on and over? seriously.. I commend you for working your marriage out and I encourage it but NOT at your expense only. You aren't married to yourself.
I can say start at the beginning, but if she is already at the finish line, there is no beginning. What is she saying? What are her signals and what are you doing with her signals and words? My X husband was like you and it got to the point that he pushed me away due to his consistency and I wanted no contact with him. I eventually divorced him without realizing that I was leaving him for a man who would dog me with ANY woman, beat me, lie to me, use me, not help me with the kids, or anything.... he didn't want me but didn't want me to have anyone else. Are you in this type of situation? If so the hell with that.. Be happy... Forget the negative qualities she sees, what do you see? Are there things you can change, if so, what are they? Listen,Superman is in a wheelchair, so what does that tell you? If she sees him as superman and thinks he is so much better than you, let her have him and see how he really is. He messed around with a married woman, so that tells me what type of person he is already! He has no morals. She may need to find that out for herself. Sometimes, you must let something go in order to come back to you (but you accept on your terms, time frames, and conditions).
Stop blaming yourself because of her jacked up decisions to commit adultery... she did it because she wanted to do it. If she isn't taking that responsibility of her wrong actions, decisions, thoughts and choices, I would question if I wanted to be in that marriage. She has to deal with that choice, not you or your children.
You seem like a nice, caring, strong man who is allowing a woman and her selfish actions make him weak.Claim who you are back as a person, most importantly as a man. You are a man! Ask her what she wants, don't drag it out and then before you know it you are married for 20 years and not happy and still being cheated on! Do you think it's worth it just to say you are married. If God sends you a wife, she isn't going to do BS like that because it is not of God. Do you two go to church? Do you pray together? Spend time together. I am sorry this is so long but it is important and I want you to know it. Marriage consists of the following realms: Physical, Mental, Communicational, Spiritual, Emotional and Sexual. If there is a gap in any one area, without God in the center, your marriage has failed. Where are you two in your marriage? Do you lack any of these areas? These are basic building points.
Hey thanks for the advice. But I also have a few more questions I would like to ask, and since you've been there maybe you can help. This is a very very long story, so I will give you a brief summary of what has happened so far. We’ve been married almost 6 years now. Everything was going perfect until about 2 months ago. After our child the spark started to go away, and she also started to dislike some of my qualities. For instance, not helping out as much with our child, and not showing her enough attention, etc. This really was starting to bother her, and the little things she wished I was doing started to add up. She then had an emotional affair with a guy at work. It escalated to a physical attraction, which lead to some fooling around. As far as she says, they never slept together, but it got pretty close. I believe her. Anyways, she fell in love with him. I discovered the affair only about 2 weeks into it; partly because I can read my wife like a book. Ever since then we have been having problems. I told her I realized that I made some mistakes, and I told her that I still love her more than words can describe and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. She finally came clean and told me that she was no longer “in love” with me. And for a month and a half I have been trying so hard to make this work. I have been doing all the things she wished I was doing. Asking her to lunch, cleaning, cooking her dinner, helping out with our daughter, and so on. I actually went above and beyond. She on the other hand hasn’t been trying to make it work. I think she gave up because she doesn’t believe we can ever get better. She doesn’t have faith. She left this last week to clear her head to try and figure out what she wanted. She came home the other day and told me that she wanted to make it work, even though I know she’s not 100% sure. She has been fighting this decision ever since the affair. I’ll say that we have almost broken up several times since then. I have also been maybe a little too aggressive. Constantly talking about it, and being very desperate, which ultimately pushed her further away. I couldn’t help it though. I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her. I tried to change, I actually did, but she feels that I’m forcing it so it’s not helping. You said to start going on dates and being more romantic. But I have tried that, and it’s still not getting through. I think a big part of that is because she never really thought it could work. She gave up. Now the situation is, she moved back and told me she is ready to try. I now have to make her fall in love with me again. I believe this is very possible, and I also believe IF we get through this, we will be better and stronger in the long run. I just don’t know how. People say to become the man that she originally fell in love with, but that was 7 years ago, and I don’t know how I differ now from the man I was. I don’t feel different. I still love her the same, if not more. You said to do the opposite of what pushed her away to pull her closer to you. Well, I have been trying that, but it hasn’t worked so far. Do I just keep at it? I know I can’t make someone fall in love with me, but she was once before, so I’m not giving up. I don’t want to lose her. Any advice?
Yes, I do have some advice and it is going to be straight different than you would expect. You have stated that you have been trying and she has been basically rejecting you. Now, since that is the case, here is the suggestion that I have. You don't sound like you have much confidence in yourself. I get a vibe as if you have low self esteem. I have been through adultery before and that doesn't help with either area. So,you must take control over your marriage. How? Prepare dinner (a late one when the kids are sleep) light some candles, and tell her what you want. Take charge and ask her what she wants. If someone tells you they want their marriage then they are going to meet you half way, and accept you and your efforts while making them too. IF SHE STILL ACTS LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU OR THIS MARRIAGE: Do not allow yourself to be used. Seriously.. I wasn't aware that you had been trying so hard. It flat out pisses me off to know that you have been trying and getting ignored or played to the left so to speak - I have been there too on both sides of it, and it hurts. Make this a point to be your VERY LAST effort. I understand that you don't want to lose her but if she wants you to get lost, it's time. You can lead a horse to water but you can not force it to drink.
At dinner, let her talk too and listen closely to what she is saying verbally and her body language too so that you know where it is all heading. I encourage the both of you go to marrital counseling. Also I am recommending 2 books (female and male version) called the 5 languages of love. These are spiritual marrital counseling books that helped my husband and I so much.
For some reason, when women have kids, we feel the attention shift and causes us to feel unwanted or unneeded by the man. We require so much attention, and love more than men actually because we are such gentle creatures.. sounds weak but it's true... You may have slacked in some areas (cleaning, cooking, making love, walks, talks, expressions of love beyond verbal), and you have to rekindle this and connect with your wife. Are you sure that this affair thing is over with? Sometimes women look out of the corner of our eyes because we know what we have done. Let her know that she can trust you and that you aren't on some revenge tip... ASK her what her needs are, and if you can provide them do it, if you can't provide them, say it... do you guys have a median or is it her way or the highway (vice versa)?? There has to be some common mutual ground for both of you so that you will meet up in the middle. It seems like you guys have passed eachother up so you BOTH must turn around and meet up in the middle unless she wants to keep on pushin' up the road. I know what you want, but what does she want? Let's start there first...
I recently discovered that my wife isn’t in love with me anymore. She hasn’t left me, but it’s come pretty close. I know that after we had our child, that the spark hasn’t been there. Our focus has become our child and our careers. I also know that I have made some mistakes in our marriage. But I do believe that I am a good man, and a good husband. She doesn’t have high hopes that we can ever get back what we used to have, but I do believe we can get through this. I love my wife more than words can describe and I just want to win her heart back. Has anyone gone through this and succeeded? Can anyone give me advice on how to make her fall back in love with me?
Yes, I have been through this and as a matter of fact several of times with the same man for over 18 years now. Truth is everyone falls in and out of love, so it's natural and isn't a sign that things are good or bad. Instead it's a sign that work needs to be done. Children do take away from intimacy. We as women sometimes need to know that we are appreciated by actions and not words. Flowers, cards, love notes, poems. The things done to get us are the things needed to be done to keep us. This goes both ways of course. She needs to let you know that you are appreciated too. My suggestion is a weekend get away with no children. Somewhere that you will need to drive to in order to have conversation on the road (with some nice music, Sade, Maxwell,) and talk about how you feel about her, what your dreams and goals are and that she is included. Get your connection back.
My x husband and I divoreced in 2005, and remarried November of last year. It's hard but God is the center of your marriage. I am not sure if you are religious or not, but I am and I know of God's miracles. It is important to have compatibility and not competibility. It is a requirement to grow together and not separately. Write down when you started growing apart, and why. once you have done this, do a serious self evaluation to determine if something has pushed your wife away from you in order to do the opposite to pull her closer to you.
Good luck and best wishes to your family.
Hey im 18/f Im torn between two really great guys. This may be kinda long but i rate high! So my current boyfriend matt hes 21 and i really like him we've been dating for about 6 months and the relationship was going sooo great in the beginning and now its slowing down and not so exciting which i understand relationships are like that! We also started noticing we're starting to fight with each other. The other guy is 18 and hes one of the guys i went to school with. We've always had a thing but never really acted on it. Hes so nice and hes in the military which kinda stinks because he told me he was going to get deployed in 2010 he was told. The only bad thing about that situation is that hes going to be gone for a while =( they're both such nice guys but im kinda torn between the 2 of them. Also my family and i are taking my current bf to chicago with us. I just really dont know what to do! My feelings for my current boyfriend are wearing off and im having new feelings for the other guy. Im so confused and im not sure what to do! Please help! Remember i rate high! thanks a bunch!
Hey Girl, seems kinda jacked up and I can see how you are torn. I would first talk to the guy you're going with, and tell him that you feel like you 2 are drifting apart from each other and tell him why. Ask him if he feels the same way? listen to what he says without interrupting him. Tell him that you are open to seeing other people if he is - which means that you two will be only friends... he can see other people and so can you. At this time, check the other guy out, see what he's about and how you bond with him. Keep in mind that new flings or new relationships send wrong connection vibes only because it's something new and just like your vibe is wearing off with your current man, it could do the same with the new guy too.. Don't get all serious with him and don't be as serious with your current man either. Take time for you to really sort out your feelings and wants for your life. Yeah, he is going off to the military, but you will be going off to college soon yourself as any other guy you date (most likely),so it's all good. You can still be cool and date (without upping the goods), until you determine what you want from actual actions and not mental thoughts.. you feel me? Good luck Sistah and always be true to yourself.
16/f, boyfriend is 17/m.
he's in this backyard wrestling federation, and i'll admit, he is VERY good at what he does. we live in Indiana, and he's been to Illinois, Ohio, Michigan, Tennessee, and Wisconsin to wrestle. in a week he's going to Pittsburgh to be in some other federation's show.
all things aside, he likes himself more than he likes me. his ego is..huge. he's cocky, yet confident, he's good at everything he does, and he knows it. i know he likes me, a lot a lot, but i don't like the fact that he puts himself before me. we've been together for almost two months, and it just hit me a few days ago. we were in his room, getting ready to go out on a date. i was looking in the mirror to see if i looked okay, and he said "Daaayum". thinking he was talking about me, i laughed and said "you like?". i turned around to see himself admiring his arms, not me.
i don't know what to do. do i fall into his shadow and appreciate that he's even with me, or what?
please help/
Hell No you don't fall in anyone's shadow girl! He should appreciate that he is with you, just as you appreciate that you are with him. If not,then someone is being taken for granted.
Check this out, I knew a man who thought the sun rose and set on him only. I thought he would change, after years of dealing with his selfishness,self centered, thinking he looked better than me, over confident, arrogant,cocky butt, I realized this, I was losing who I was because I was falling in his shadow... you can stay with him if you like, however you must change self to an image that you like and appreciate. Once you do that, you will end up leaving him because you will begin to see more and know yourself more. This weekend girl, do you! what I mean by that is go and get you an outfit, change your hair style up, think of something that you want to do or somewhere you want to go, ask him out. Go out and have some fun (only what you want to do). It's give and take. Have a conversation with him and tell him straight up how you feel and that you do not like it. See how that goes and take it from there. If that conversation doesn't go well, arrange a second plan for later on with some of your girls and go somewhere and kick it. Don't answer any of his calls until his voice mail reflects a different attitude and HUMBLENESS, not cockiness. This will either make or break your relationship.
im 13 years old i need help because i went out with a girl and we dated for a little while we were friends before we went out but then when we broke up things were not the same i kept wanting to be her friend and she did too but then one dayshe suddenly
stoped talking to me. i want to be her friend but she does not return any of my textmessages what should i do?
I am sorry for your break-up and the fact that she is ignoring you. First, you have to understand that you can not force anyone to talk to you. If she doesn't want to talk to you then let it be..sit back, and wait. Normally when you ignore someone they want to talk to you more. If you stop calling and/or texting, she just may call or text you. If she doesn't, then she doesn't want to be your friend. You are 13 and have much time for relationships and friendships.. if you two don't work it out or become friends, you will look back on this and laugh about it.I encourage you to learn from this experience and use it for the rest of your life.. the lesson is this: Don't keep contacting a person who doesn't want to be contacted or doesn't wish to contact you back. It leads to future issues as you grow up and I know you aren't going to be a stalker or someone who harrasses people, ending up in court. "smile"
Good luck dearheart, keep your head up and keep it movin' baby! The world is yours...
im 13 years old i need help because i went out with a girl and we dated for a little while we were friends before we went out but then when we broke up things were not the same i kept wanting to be her friend and she did too but then one dayshe suddenly
stoped talking to me. i want to be her friend but she does not return any of my textmessages what should i do?
I am sorry for your break-up and the fact that she is ignoring you. First, you have to understand that you can not force anyone to talk to you. If she doesn't want to talk to you then let it be..sit back, and wait. Normally when you ignore someone they want to talk to you more. If you stop calling and/or texting, she just may call or text you. If she doesn't, then she doesn't want to be your friend. You are 13 and have much time for relationships and friendships.. if you two don't work it out or become friends, you will look back on this and laugh about it.I encourage you to learn from this experience and use it for the rest of your life.. the lesson is this: Don't keep contacting a person who doesn't want to be contacted or doesn't wish to contact you back. It leads to future issues as you grow up and I know you aren't going to be a stalker or someone who harrasses people, ending up in court. "smile"
Good luck dearheart, keep your head up and keep it movin' baby! The world is yours...
ok so here i go my so called bestie is flirting with my boyfriend and hes a huge flirt hes been with her befor and broke it offcuz she kissed another girl but im afraid hes still got feelings for her how do i tell her o stop with out getting her peeved
Ps. she is realy sookie
He too is to blame for being a flirt not just her. First tell her that you don't appreciate her actions and that it is becoming a hindering to your friendship and relationship. Ask him to chill on the flirting and respect you. Should your requests be taken as a joke, cut them both off as they mean harm to you and no good and use better judgment in friends and boyfriends in the future.
Love yourself more so that you are concerned about your feelings and not someone getting upset about them being wrong. Speak up for yourself and this thing will go on and on when you are older. Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything. Remember that dearheart and good luck!!!
Hi, my relationship is somehow difficult and complicated. It's hard to explain.
I met this girl 4 months ago. We officially went to bf and gf after 2 weeks or so. We had a great time, till I had to go back to Europe. Before I left we decided that she moves to me to Europe to stay with me and learn german,...,...
The first couple weeks went great. She told me that she loves me all the time and that I'm so different and I'm the one. I got a lot of emails and she was getting in contact with me all the time. After like 6 weeks everything changed, she did not call that often anymore; she did not say I love you anymore. She started to see her exboyfriend again, but she told me every time she saw him (why would she tell me that, if she would have feelings for him she prob. wouldn't tell me) She told me I just care about him, and he invited me to this and that. I know a long distance relationship is not easy, so I decided to fly over. She was very very happy to see me, she was so nice to me in front of all her friends. But the 2nd night we were talking about us. She always blocks and doesn't want to speak about it. I asked her what she feels for her ex. She was I don't know. The thing is, he's almost double her age and I think she doesn't know what that means if you ever want to have family or children (Of course it's possible, but just more complicated). They broke up because she thought they are too different and he never paid attention to her. Now, since he knows she has me, he calls her 24/7 even night time. I know he called all the time and she called him too when I was there. But I do not know what that exactly means, I told her I do not like it. She told me, I can't say what she can and what not (Which is true) I just don't like it. She was: He calls me once a day, that's it. The I asked her so, what's up with us? She told me she loves me, but she is not in love with me, she barely knows me and I went away for 2 months. She is not ready to move in with me she thinks, or she is just way to scared, she was, what if it is not working out? Also she told me she needs her free space, but she does not have that when she's living with me. Also I souldnt call her all the time, she feels controlled and needs space. I call her normally once a day, that's it, I do not think that is too much. what does that mean? I know she is really really afraid of commitment, her earlyer b'friends did hurt her a lot when they broke up and they cheated on her and stuff. So I can understand that it is not easy for her. She told me she never going to trust a guy again. I also started to think that she's maybe tying to protect herself by not letting her feelings out and trust, because she is afraid to get hurt again.
I did not know what to say and we went on for the next day. The next day a friend of her told me, you know she wants to argue with her boyfriends and she needs sometimes to be in a little fight. She always had bad luck with boyfriends, but he thinks that there are some girls they need that. The next day, exactly that happened (unplanned). We went out and in the middle of the party she told me, you know, we just had fun in the beginning, not more. I was like, what are you talking about! I know she was in love then with me, so why is she saying that. So I left and went drinking with one of her girlfriend. After a while I went back to de dancefloor and tried to dance with her. She blocked me off completely, so I left again and went back to drinking with some friends. At the end of the evening she jelled at me why I left the dancefloor and and and. The next day we went to six flags, in the car she was sooo angry about what happened yesterday. She told me she spoke with a good friend the whole night and she wanted to break up with me and though my stuff out of the apartment today. She told me: seriously, I do not think it's working out, we are just too different. But her friend could convince her not to break up and wait till the end of the week, because I just came over because of her. She hasn't broken up with me yet, and I'm back since 3 days. She also told me in the car that she normally does not give 2nd chances. I was like ok. Why is she giving me a 2nd chance when she doesn't know what she wants or feels? We had another great rest of the week. We had a lot of fun and I had the feeling she is happy with me and feels something for me, she liked to hug me and and and. So I thought there is something, otherwise she could just say, you know I break up. I could feel that she likes me. Before I left she also gave me some of her cloths to bring to Europe and I met her mother and brother for dinner. Why would she introduce me to her family if she s not in love with me? I asked her before her mom and her brother came to the restaurant, why are you bringing me to a dinner when you want to break up anyway. We do not have to do that. She was, I wouldn't bring you here if I would break up with you. (I ---> confused!)
The day when I was back in Switzerland she skyped with me and her mom and brother was around too. Why would she do that if she is not sure about us?
I just do not know what to think, I'm somewhat confused. Maybe someone can give me some advice or advice. I can not talk about it with her, she blocks all the time.
She also told me she is really really afraid that when she is moving over that it will not work out and she doesn't know if she is ready to live with me, it's a huge comitment for her.
I mean I think there are signs that tell me, she is not loving you and she wants to break up. On the other hand she does always things that keep you on believe, oh, maybe she really cares and just doesn't want to show it because she doesn't want to get hurt when she goes 100% for it.
I also think I souldn't call that much within the next few weeks, just to give her her space and to see. I'm just afraid that if I do not call, that she just thinks, okey that's it. No one calls so we just leave it like that. I called her on Monday when I arrived at the airport, then we skyped Monday night. Now it's Wednesday and I haven't heard from her. I know that is maybe just me, but I need a certain degree of commitment.
Thankfull for any advice, I will add some more input later.
Greetings from Switzerland
talk with her and advise of how you are feeling. Be sure to explain that these aren't just insecurities, these are actual responses based on her actions, her words and her distance. Gain clarity in order for you to receive clarification in addition to closure. You can't force anyone to want you or treat you the way you want to be treated. If she doesn't want you, or if she is torn between her ex and you, let that go so that you don't tear yourself behind her being torn.
I agree about providing space, but not before providing clarification in order to be on the same page. No comment or conversation explaining where you are emotionally or what your next step of action is symbolizes a coward avoiding a situation and you are not a coward! Good luck sweetness and love yourself! I hope all works out according to your desires and wishes for the betterment of you as a person.
First of all, i'm 18 years old (female). I haven't had a serious boyfriend in over 2 years. that's not the problem. anyways, i have dated a lot of guys. usually, girls like guys who open the door for them, compliment them, call them baby and stuff like that, and want guys who won't just use them for sex. ok, i hate all that. i hate talking on the phone with guys and i hate when guys will do anything for you. it seems like i would rather have sex with a guy that will use me instead of dating a nice guy. whats wrong with me??
Dear heart, there is nothing wrong with you. I understand what you are going through in your thoughts. It is called the good guy/bad boy syndrome. Usually at the age you are, values, morals and demand isn't socially accepted, appreciated or understood. We as women tend to be attracted to men who aren't gentlemen, but thuggish. Thuggish in dress, thuggish meaning the opposite of respectful.
Start first trying to date guys who will open doors, speak to you with respect and like you for you - important: you aren't respecting yourself by SETTLING for anything less than a gentleman. You will appreciate it more as you get older. Start respecting self more by wanting more for yourself differing from sex only. There are some good guys out there, try giving one of them a chance. You aren't a door mat!