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Forbidden and Secret affair!

Question Posted Friday August 14 2009, 3:15 am

I'm 15, I'm a girl, I'm in love with a 28 year old man, he is in love with me, we have never done anything, not even kissed, but we go on dates and meet up about 3 or 4 times a week.

Is this wrong? And does he just want sex? Because that is what I'd normally think, but we've been dating a few months and he's never so much as suggested anything. And we were friends for ages before that too. I don't know what to do.

And I know I'm young, and people say I'm to young to be in love, but I've never felt like this before.

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Cux answered Friday August 14 2009, 10:02 pm:
Not only is this wrong, but it's completely illegal.

I could go into a detailed explanation, but, put simply, he could end up in jail for even holding your hand.

Unfortunately, you need to either give it up, or wait until you're 18 to pursue the relationship.


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venom_97 answered Friday August 14 2009, 12:55 pm:
Yes, it's wrong. I am going to say it from a different point than what all you have read. Whenever you have to question something in being right or wrong - it's normally wrong. It's like a dress code- should I wear this to church or school? If you are questioning it then it's best not to do it.

I don't know if he just wants sex or not, but I will say that he is immature mentally. I am not saying he's crazy, but I am saying that a 15, and 28 year old have nothing in common. If his interests are the same as yours, he is immature. If your interests are the same as his then you are growing up too fast. I think you are attracted to the risk factor, it's exciting, it seems fun and adventurous but it's more so dangerous than all. You are feeling infactuation. Girls do mature faster than boys, this is a studied fact; however you are a young lady and he is an older man. If you care for him, you will end your contact with him to prevent him any legal action. I am sure your parents aren't aware of this. Key Rule: If someone is willing to date you, without consent of your parents, he will possibly do things to you and with you without consent of you.

Since he is so interested in you, why not ask him to meet your parents, and see where that goes. "No where", so do not waste anymore of your precious time. This man has a thing for young girls, and he needs help and counseling. This road is leading to no where or somewhere you will regret in your future.

Good luck dearheart, and do what is best for you, your life and your future.

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jm93 answered Friday August 14 2009, 11:41 am:
I understand you may think you're in love with him. But, at 15, I don't think you could be in love with anyone. Way too young.

When I was 15, I dated two older guys (never did anything). I dated a 19 year old, and a 20 year old. Why? Because I always find guys around my age to just want sex and to just be so immature!
So I hoped maybe an older guy would be more mature and/or not be a pig.

Well, I had a wake up call! They were just like the guys around my age. Basically, all guys want is sex. No matter how old or how sweet/nice they are. I was always told guy's don't mature and/or want to settle down until around 30-35. Even then they're still immature and pigs though.

In your case though, he's 28 years old. That is wrong. I know you may not think all he wants is sex because he hasn't mentioned it or anything and because you both "love" eachother. But, believe me, he's thinking about it. But, since your 15, he's not going to come out and say "let's have sex" like a guy around your own age would, because he knows it's illegal!

I do understand what you're feeling though. As I said before, you're too young to be in love, but, it could be anything from infatuation to lust to even liking a lot! Doubtful it's anything else than those.

I think you should stick with just being friends and maybe try getting a guy towards your age.

Good Luck :)

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chinita_95 answered Friday August 14 2009, 11:35 am:
Well, what I think is that there is nothing bad to fall in love with somebody...Just that your 15 and he is 28. There's a 13 year old difference there. I would suggest that you move on, cause you don't know wat can happen, cause he is 28, a man, and maybe he knows a way with the ladies. Don't get me wrong..but just because you know someone doesnt mean you know them very well. I would suggest you to move on and go out with guys your Age.

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adviceman49 answered Friday August 14 2009, 10:03 am:
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

How many different ways do you need to be told this relationship is wrong? Lets’ start with the legal definition of wrong: The man you are dating is 13 years your senior; in many States just the fact you are dating could constitute statutory rape even though you have not had sex. If you two have crossed any State lines together, without your parents’ permission, this is a violation of the Mann Act which is a Federal Law. Then of course they can throw in contributing to the delinquency of a minor, possible kidnapping charges and a host of other charges depending on the State you live in.

If this man is not a sexual predator, which I believe him to be, then something must be wrong with him as a normal 28 year old man does not date a 15 year old girl. He has to want something from you he cannot get from a woman his own age. Eventually he is going to want sex from you, just when, where and how is yet to be determined.

Most likely it is your sexual inexperience he is after and just what his plans may be I have no idea. What I do know is that you are in danger and need to stay away from this man. You need to tell your parents about him and about your relationship with him. As I said above I believe this man to be a predator and your parents will most likely agree with me. They will know what action to take to protect you.

You wrote us because your instincts tell you something is wrong. Follow your instincts and follow my advice to inform your parents. Have I tried to scare you with what I have written here? The answer is a definite yes. As I have said I believe you to be in danger, maybe not immediate danger but you are in danger every time you see this man.

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LOL_x0x answered Friday August 14 2009, 8:21 am:
Yes it is wrong. He's almost old enough to be your dad! It doesn't matter if you've never done anything, because if you did, it would only make your situation 10 times worse.

A simple rule of thumb here: If you have to HIDE a relationship from everybody and meet in secret, then it's not safe and something is definetely wrong.

I suggest finding somebody your own age. It's dangerous to continue, because you're a minor and he's a legal adult. If you really "love" him, you'll stop seeing him so that he won't risk spending his life in PRISON.

-Laura (17-f)

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Unusual answered Friday August 14 2009, 4:44 am:
I dont think your sure what love is but he makes you feel happy and thats important, As for the age difference I dont think anythings wrong with it but its not looked upon lightly and people wont think of him as "normal". It doesnt sound like he wants sex from you. Ecspecially if you havent even kissed. Older men tend to have more respect when it comes to woman. Dont let this ruin your freindship. Also some people wont be so understanding and openminded as me. Just be careful with your decisions.

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uberlou answered Friday August 14 2009, 4:42 am:
There is nothing normal, right, or safe about this situation. There is something honestly wrong with a man that age going after a girl as young as you. you need to drop this guy now and stay away. Most people will expect someone who preys on young girls to be clearly sketchy and obviously dangerous, but that's not the case at all. Obviously, they're there to win your trust over. They know you're impressionable. So they will manipulate you. He is manipulating your feelings so that you will let him into your life and get close to you.

No matter what, do not get yourself involved with this man in any way, shape or form.

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christina answered Friday August 14 2009, 4:36 am:
Yes, this is definitely wrong. A 28 yr old man is in love with you. Don't you know how dangerous that is?

Even if you haven't done anything, it is still dangerous. You need to stop seeing this man. He's almost half your age and he should not be with someone your age. He should stick to girls who are in their 20's, not their teen's. That's disgusting.

Stop talking to him. You need to find someone who is your own age. What you and this man are doing is illegal and he can go to prison for a very long time. I don't care if you haven't had sex or done anything, he's still dating you & that's reason enough to the authorities to throw him in jail & let him rot there.

I suggest that for your safety you stop talking to him and stop seeing him. You can do better.

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