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Love and death
His name is Justin. He's absolutely beautiful. I met him six or more months ago through some friends. We had something for each other, but I had a boyfriend at the time so it went nowhere.
Now I've been single for awhile. For I was dumped for an eighth grader (I'm 19). Anyways. He and I got together and ended up hooking up a few times. Which is fine by me because I'm still a little shaken from my last relationship. Yet, I can't help but fall for him.
He constantly tells me that I'm not making a good choice by falling for him, because he's a 'monster.' He calls himself this because he's unstable. A year ago on his birthday, his girlfriend was shot in front of him outside of the mall in a mugging. He is still absolutely devastated. He thinks that dating someone will be a betrayal of her. I understand this completely. He even said he prefers we no longer have sex because he doesn't want to hurt me, or have me change for him.
I'm completely confused and torn in two. Do I continue to follow? I know him a lot better then he thinks. Or do I just.. drop it? And how? I don't think I've ever been so stuck in my life.
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I am not going to start by pointing fingers at anyone regarding any of the matters at hand.
I want to first say that the person you are involved with isn't a "monster", he has monster events that have happened to him in his life, as do all of us (regardless of sex,age,race,religion, etc.) So, with this being said, He should be respected, as his wishes.
He has identified that he has some matters at hand which prevent him from actually opening up to you or anyone else at this time. He too needs time to heal, as you did. Now, the question at hand is are you completely healed from the (8th Grade incident)? I am asking because you have made mention to this. There must be internal healing on both behalves before prosperous aspirations emerge within your relation/friendship. you feel me? He is reaching out for help- due to the emotional attachment that YOU seem to have, you are automatically and internally charging yourself with a responsibility that isn't yours. If you want to honestly be a good friend or partner, ASK him what he wants you to do to help and if he wants your help. He needs to seek counseling with a professional counselor, as he needs to talk. He must release first before he can release to you. If he sees sex as a staggering block, stop putting it on him, dear heart and park the breaks.
Focus on YOU and allow him to focus on HIM so that you two can focus on UNITING as a WHOLE in completion (sexually, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc). If you wish to speak with me, in addition to this response, feel free to contact me directly...
Good Luck & KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, FOCUSED, AND Stabilized... Venom
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Alright..see, here's the problem no. 1. You said you understand this completely. But how could you?? How could you even begin to understand what it's like to have someone you love killed in front of you, on your birthday! Has that ever happened to you? It's such a horrible thing, and thank god it's never happened to me so both of us shouldn't even pretend to understand what that's like. It destroy's the person, imagine replaying that scene over and over in your head, seeing her die over and over again because you can't help it. It's human torture, so you're lucky that this guy isn't mentally insane! But what you do have to understand is that it's obviously hard for him. Of course he feels like he's betraying her, of course he's devastated! But I don't think you should leave him. I think you need to stick with him through this, be with him, help him move on. BUT as a friend. The last thing he needs is a girlfriend, what he needs the most is a friend. No one should have to go through something like that alone. So that means, no more sex, no more hooking up, no more making out and what ever else you two do, because you'd be cheating yourselves and it would never be going anywhere. Give it a shot, do it right, help him get over her, and then, go for it with all your heart!! So then even if it doesn't work it, you can at least say that you gave it your all!
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