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I'm a lesbian and I'm not sure how to tell my family. They are very Christian and homophobic. I asked my best friend but she wasn't sure. She said I definitely need to do it though. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Please help me (link)
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You don't HAVE to do it.
I don't like saying that, but it's entirely true. My best friend is gay, and he's never come out to his family. I don't think he ever intends to, since he's pushing 30 at this point. He felt, that for him personally, coming out was more trouble than it was worth. He knew his family wouldn't respond well and that he might not get to see them ever again if he did come out. So he just didn't.
He did move out of state and has a long-term boyfriend he lives with. He does come home for holidays and just doesn't bring it up.
Some of the family knows, of course. His brothers figured it out, and I think some cousins around his age, but they don't say anything.
I understand that it's really hard to hide a vital piece of yourself from people that you love. I know that's really hard to consider the fact they might reject you, and the very real reality that not every family comes around. I've seen people get thrown out for being gay. I've seen their family send them away to get brainwashed into being straight. I've seen them under so much religious pressure to be straight that they got married to the opposite sex and killed themselves after a while. I've seen physical violence from family because someone came out... I understand that this isn't easy and it's horrifically terrifying.
That's why you should know that you DON'T HAVE TO come out. Especially not right now. You could definitely put it on the shelf and come out after you graduate high school and college and move out and know that you're not going to end up homeless if this doesn't go well. You really need to sit down and think about your backup plan. If you tell them and it goes bad, what will you do? I hope you have a solid support system in your life, and you should consult with them.
Don't jump the gun on this just because you dislike having a secret. Secrets like this are really hard, but they're really hard for a reason. You have to know that no matter what happens you're going to be okay.
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Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you. (link)
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Look I'm with your friend.
What will really come out of you telling him?
He's gonna be hurt. He's gonna be mad. He might leave you. He'll be wary of women forever (albeit with good reason).
You want to confess because you think it'll make you feel better, and it will. Him being mad is what you want. You want some semblance of punishment for something you feel guilty for.
That's great and all, but all this accomplishes is hurting someone that you care about.
You need to get this other guy off your back, and you need to NOT tell your boyfriend if you're hoping to make this work. It's totally dishonest, sure. I can't disagree with you, but sometimes honesty isn't the best policy.
If you tell him, you're going to hurt him, and he's not going to trust you again. He might say he will. He might give it a good try, but the first time you step even a toe out of line, he'll be down your throat and bringing this up ALL OVER AGAIN. Over and over and over again, because he will NEVER be able to trust you.
You messed up. It happens.
Now you have to decide what you're going to do about it.
You tell him and risk everything that you want with him. You risk your relationship, your reputation, your credibility.
You don't tell him and you risk him finding out someday. But it's easier cleanup. Less broken hearts to cut yourself on.
Get rid of the other guy. Tear his heart out. If you want a future with your man, this other guy can't be anywhere around.
If you care more about feeling better, then be prepared to throw away your relationship.
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My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends) (link)
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That's tricky, and there's no easy answer.
The easiest answer would be to split the day. You can't stay for the wedding, but maybe show up for the ceremony and then go home. It's still not going to be pretty. There are still going to be hurt feelings, but that's the nature of this particular beast.
Yes, it's crap if you don't show up to a friend's wedding.
Yes, it's unfortunate that you were married the same day she will be married.
Yes, it's painful for your husband that you have obligations on an anniversary.
But it's too late to go back and fix any of that timing, so you're just going to have to move on as best you can... which means splitting the day.
I say you go to the ceremony, then you go home. The reception is just food. She'll be busy with well-wishers and whatnot anyways. You apologize profusely, and then go home to your husband.
Do something really nice for him. Plan something that's really special TO HIM. Especially since he's military. You run the risk that one day your husband might get deployed and never come back to you, so it's important that you DO make the most of anniversaries and special events, in spite of other obligations.
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This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks (link)
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Well... if you don't want to flirt with him, never touch him, don't get flustered around him, and tell him VERY FIRMLY and even MEANLY if you have to, that you're not interested in him, and if necessary that his interest in you makes you uncomfortable.
If you're not opposed to his existence around you, then you can leave it there, but if he does something that bothers you: A, don't laugh at it. It's not funny, and giggling because you're uncomfortable is confusing to men. B, tell him to stop, that whatever he did is unacceptable, and that you would like him to leave you alone. If he fails to leave you alone, don't hesitate to get any kind of officials, school, parents, law, whatever, involved in keeping him away from you.
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'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
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Only time will tell...
But I'm betting no. I mean it was stupid, and there's a chance she could get pregnant from such a thing, but she took the pill, so I'm betting you'll be fine.
In general, I'd be more careful than this in the future unless you're really into having a kid, paying child support, or becoming a deadbeat dad whose kid hates them for abandoning it since they were still a kid themselves when the child was conceived.
Sex is fun, but it's not really that hard to be careful about it.
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I'm 18 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4months, and Before that ,we were good friends. I've been getting frustrated a lot lately because I feel like my boyfriend is still trying to find himself . He's a good person , but he has influences that cause him to feel angry/depressed . His mom is what I would describe a person who means well but shows it in wrong ways , causing my boyfriend to feel like he is a mistake . This can cause him to be a negative person . Then my boyfriend has these days were he is very positive he feels thankful to have me and is very happy . My problem is , I just started college and I feel like there is so much going on in his life that it's starting to stress me out . I love him to death don't get me wrong but I feel like the choices he's making is showing his true colors and I don't want to be stuck with the person for the rest of my life that I don't agree with any of his choices . Am I being to picky? I feel bad because he's been through so much and I want to be here for him but if he's going to be drinking and smoking while I'm working hard to get a degree , is this really worth it? (link)
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From age 18 to about 23 is the WEIRDEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE for a number of a reasons... but the biggest one is because everyone you know is going to do that "find themselves" thing and try to break out of being a child, but not really grow up.
You're on a good path. I feel personal pride for you knowing that you're in college and have a goal. You may have noticed that not everyone is going to be like that... and as a side note, some people are going to start with one goal and halfway through find a new goal, or lose track of their goal and things get weird. BUT, you have a good path going on and you can't let someone else ruin that for you.
You wouldn't be the first couple to split up because of college and life changes. You also wouldn't be wrong to split up just because you don't like the person he is becoming. That's your right as a part of the relationship.
And yes, you're going to feel a little bad because in your head you're leaving him while he's going through a lot, but you shouldn't feel bad. Life is up to the people living it. You can't fix his life, and you can't let him drag down your own.
Not to mention, you are really going to enjoy talking to and potentially dating people at your college... they're going to on your same level mentally, and you'll temporarily fall in love with a liberal arts major, and it will be a story to tell your kids in the future as a reason they, too, need to go to college. Lol.
Have fun. Live well. Regret nothing.
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can kissing and fingering causes late periods
(link)
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No. No it cannot.
Based on your age, your period might not be regular yet, or if you make a dramatic change in lifestyle, like picking up a sport, or quitting a sport, that can affect your period... also stress, sleep deprivation... all kinds of things can make it late, but not kissing and fingering.
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So I'm 15 and yes I know that I have not experienced real love yet with a boyfriend. When I'm in a relationship I never say I love you first because frankly I don't know how to tell if I even love them, so when they say I love you I just say it back. Which I know isn't right and I should be upfront about my feelings, I just rather not break someone's heart. When do you finally realize what love is and how do you know if you truly actually love someone ? Any advice is welcomed, thank you for anyone who answers my question. (link)
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Honestly, you never really know until something weird happens...
You think you know you do, and then realize you don't KNOW that you do. Then you think you probably don't, and realize that your heart hurts when you think that...
One day, you're going to wake and think about someone, or look at them sleeping next to you, and you will just know.
As stupid as that sounds, that's literally what happens. You'll smile like an idiot, and be happy all day... until you start wondering if THEY love YOU... and then the whole process starts over... and one day you wake up and know they do...
THEN... you start worrying about the future... and that's love.
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ok, so thats me, the one with the girl hating my guts. I couldnt log into my account, so i had to reset amd i just used a quick account, but, the girl (L) will crumple up my notes when i send them to her, and shes been pissed now for about 4 months. And is anerexsia really that serious? She needs professional help? :0 (link)
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If she hates you, just don't talk to her anymore. Obviously she doesn't value you enough to get over it, so just leave her alone and find someone new.
Also, anorexia is very serious, and she could die... but it's not your problem. If you are concerned enough, you can tell a school counselor, or even her parents... but neither action is going make her hate you any less. In fact, she will probably hate you MORE for it, but that's the risk you have to take if you care enough.
When push comes to shove with that, though, unless the person in question is willing to get help, most places where she could get help don't want her there. I had a friend whose parents checked her into eating disorder facilities over and over... and they'd kick her out.
Still, though. If she hates you, F*ck her. Let her starve herself to death. Not your problem.
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i liked this girl i started dating who i thought was an innocent girl. in fact i didn't even try to kiss her until the third date because of how innocent i thought she was. well the thing is after i kissed her and don't ask me why we started talking about sexual experiences ( i thought she had practically none so what did i have to fear). well i found out she is what is known as a virgin slut or virgin whore, a girl who is still a virgin but has kissed around 40 guys and had blown off 4 guys just because she was horny and returning the favor after they had sucked her off.
i feel a little disgusted with the horny attitude with random guys in the past and don't know what i should think.
anyway, she is leaving the country for a year so we broke up but still talk as friends. we only kissed so i didn't even get blown off myself but she is going to do some religion studies outside the country, meaning no more sex life for at least that year (no kissing, no nothing). the thing is she went to Aruba as her last opportunity to party and i hate the feeling i get when i think about the certainty of she kissing at least a couple of guys a night (which really doesn't bother me that much)and the possibility of she sucking a guy off just because she is horny (that one does bother me).
i know this inst exactly a question but i need counsel from someone.
thanks in advance. (link)
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She's gone. A year away means this relationship is over. She's not going to come back and want you. Her life will have moved on, and thank god for that.
You're so judgmental. Kissing. Kissing is what bothers you? That's just sad. Or maybe you're just sad she didn't blow you and somehow that makes you less than the guys she did.
You have no right to judge her and what she does with your body. How many girls have you kissed?
Slut shaming is wrong. Calling her a virgin slut is wrong. You should work on not being this person. That's the best advice I could give you.
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Its been almost 3 years and they have had there good times and bad times but today i didnt talk to her because I didnt want to fight and when we spoke she kept fighting with me... I feel like dying because she is my life and i am so stressed out, what should I do? (link)
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You could see a couple's counselor. That can be quite helpful in isolating the problem and resolving it. It can also be helpful in isolating the problem and determining if the relationship is worth saving.
Relationships end. It's part of life. It's never easy... and yes, it could be worth saving, but you're going to have to proactively do something to try and save it before it crumbles into nothing.
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Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. I'm 19 and he is 24. When me and him first got together I was 17 and he was 22 and we couldn't keep our hands off each other and he was always texting me and calling me and telling me how beautiful I am and we were always excited to see each other. He is also the only guy I've been with sexually. Now that we live on our own and have a 9 month old son he doesn't do everything he used to and he doesn't seem happy to see me anymore and we only have sex once a month. Is this normal? I feel unwanted and unloved:( I really wanna get back to the way me n him were before:/ please help. (link)
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It\'s pretty normal for a sex life to slow down after a couple of years... it\'s just not exciting anymore. It\'s also relatively normal for a sex life to slow after the birth of a child. That\'s just how it is. Babies aren\'t sexy.
Sex lives, romance, relationships... they take work to keep interest. A couple that\'s been madly in love for 60 years didn\'t manage that without effort. They managed it with a lot of work and knowing each other.
What do you do to make him feel special? He used to remind you how beautiful you are and ravage you... men need reassurance too. Do something he\'d appreciate romantically, like... I dunno. I don\'t know your boyfriend.
Examples range, depending on guy. I dated an artist... so I had him cover me in edible paint. I dated a sports junkie... so I came up with a sexy football jersey outfit. I dated a gamer... I took an interest in his gaming and tried it out.
I know that last one doesn\'t sound sexy, but the point is to express interest in him and validate things important to him... even without getting kinky with it, a genuine effort in that area will improve your sex life because it becomes something you two can share, and he will feel a renewed connection to you.
He needs to know he\'s loved as much as anyone, and there\'s a lot of ways to accomplish that. You know your man. You know what he likes. You know what he needs. You should know what attracted him to you in the first place. Hopefully it wasn\'t just that you were 17 and a virgin... but if it was, you can get creative on that front too.
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Ok so I really like this girl for a long time. I always think about her which is kinda sad. We used to talk a lot, now every time I'm around her I freeze up and don't know what to say and I act retarded. And the worse part is, I think she knows that I like her too, so I guess she's always ignoring me. What do I do? (link)
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She probably doesn\'t know you like her... she just thinks you\'re acting weird... and weird is not a good way to be. It weirds girls out.
You should suck up as much courage as you can muster, and then spit out, \"I\'m sorry I\'m acting so weird, I just like you and I dunno if you like me, and it makes me act like an idiot.\"
Then you see what she says.
Chances are high that she\'s going to smile... maybe giggle... this is good. It means she\'s flattered.
At worst, she\'s not interested... in which case you find another girl.
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Hi, I'm 19/F. I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend of almost 2 years now but our relationship has been kind of private due to my parents. They are not allowing me to start dating until I get at least a bachelors degree but I love my boyfriends so much. He wants me to tell my parents about us so do I but I'm scared that they'll get mad and start drama. His mother knows about us and I just want to be able to tell my parents about anything. What should I do? (link)
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It\'s unrealistic to think that you\'re not going to date until after you have a BA... You\'ll be a really real adult by then...
Easiest thing to do, if YOU (not your bf... he doesn\'t matter in this scenario) if YOU want to tell your parents that you\'re seeing him... here\'s a good way...
Tell your parents you\'d like to go to dinner somewhere... drive separate from them and show up with your bf. You introduce him and say, \"I want you to get to know him, because I\'ve been seeing him for two years, and I don\'t like that I\'ve had to hide him from you.\"
You have to be super adult. If they say something that upsets you, you have to hold down the rage and sadness, and just tell them, \"He hasn\'t had any effect my studies yet, so I don\'t see what my BA has to do with our relationship.\"
BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY CALM.
You have to act like an adult. You\'re TELLING THEM that this has been happening and it\'s going to continue... you\'re not ASKING THEM if it\'s okay. You\'ve proven it\'s okay. You\'re showing them how you\'re a responsible adult, but that you also have a life of your own.
The more adult and calm you are, the less you respond to anything negative they might say with rage or upset, and the less nervous you can manage to seem, the more seriously they\'ll take you. They just want what\'s best for you, but you\'re growing up, and they\'ll have to deal with that.
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We will be dating for the first time and I don't know what should I give to her because I don't have an idea. Can you help me please? Thank you (link)
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It\'s about the thought more than what you actually get... if you don\'t know what to get her, just try for something thoughtful.
Flowers are always a great starter gift. It\'s the gesture... Just try to judge what kinds based on personality... if she\'s a vibrant, vivacious person, a multi-colored arrangement is great. If she\'s more reserved, pick a single colored arrangement... usually a color she wears a lot is a good bet for which color. Yellows and pinks are always good in-between colors, if you can\'t decided.
I don\'t recommend candy/chocolate unless you\'re sure she likes that...
If you and her share an interest, get her something relating to that. Something small, not over the top. The more it looks like you were just thinking about her, instead of planning something extravagant, the better it is for a first dating experience.
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Hey guys. I would love any and all advice. So my question is if its worth a shot? Here is the situation: so I met a girl I realy like. There is one problem she is a Christian and I am a LaVayan Satanist (no that dose not mean I'm a devil worshiper if you think so I encourage you to reasearch the subject). I know she is a Christian because I whent to her church with a few freinds one time and that's were I met her. The sermon that was given the night that I went was on relationships. The pastor said that Christians shouldn't date people who are not a Christian. I'm not sure if she belivies that or not. I have no problem having a relationship with some one of a diferent religion. I would never try to convert her of go against what she wished. I guess what I want to ask is it worth basicaly asking her to possibly go against what she belivies to have a relationship together or should I just forget about her. Thank you for the help. (link)
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There\'s no harm in trying... So long as she\'s not a fanatical Christian that will constantly tell you that you\'re going to hell, I don\'t see a reason that religion should get in the way...
You\'re not gonna look good to her family... there\'s that... but you don\'t really NEED to tell them you\'re a Satanist... it\'s not like you\'re \"spreading the good word\" to them in some attempt to save their souls, you know? It doesn\'t need to be advertised.
If you like the girl, ask her if she\'d be interested. If she says yes, you can try it. If she says she\'d rather date a Christian, you don\'t really want to date her anyway...
The worst she can say is no...
Well... actually the worst she can say is that you\'re going to hell and throw holy water at you... but what are the chances that\'ll happen in real life?
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and it was an amazing 3 years. We always know how to make each other laugh and each other happy. We love and care for each other very much. About a few days ago, he came to me and wanted to talk. He told me he was re-evaluating his life and wanted to take a break from the relationship so he could "find" himself. He said also he needed some change. I know this break is meant to help us be able to go out and enjoy life without worrying about the other but it really hurts and it's really hard on me. He said that the spark between us was there still but it just wasn't kindling like it should. What makes me more upset about this "break" is he wanted this beautiful necklace back that he gave me for Christmas last year. I'm not sure what to do and honestly this break hurts me more than it is helping. I don't want to seem desperate but I really miss my best friend and I wish he knew that. (link)
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If he\'s asking for gifts back, love... this isn\'t a \"break\" it\'s a \"breakup\" and he\'s not man enough to tell you the truth.
A break is just a break. It means that you don\'t see each other as much, but you\'re still friendly. Maybe you casually see some other people, and then get together to evaluate the time apart and decide if you\'re going move forward with the relationship or if you\'re better off apart.
A breakup is severing ties with a person and trying to recoup time and money put into the relationship that you just ended. Asking for gifts back means it\'s over... and he just doesn\'t want to go through the business of actually telling you.
And that sucks. And he\'s a real douche bucket for that. Since you\'re 17, I\'m assuming he\'s close to that age, too... and... well... teenage relationships just don\'t usually last. I know three people still with a high school sweetheart. It\'s crappy, but it\'s just how it goes.
Keep the necklace, give it back. Do whatever makes you feel better. You\'re not getting him back, though...
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Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for almost three months and, in my mind, things have seemed to be going okay. I'm 16 he's 15 and this is the first relationship for both of us, we're also both quite shy people so the relationship is moving quite slowly. We see each other most days at school and we've met up a few times at weekends and we don't text an awful lot. People say that we can't really class ourselves as being in a relationship and that we're being pathetic. I can kind of see what they're saying seeing as we don't make any physical contact with each other - we've awkwardly hugged once but that's as far as we've got.
I wouldn't mind moving things on a bit faster and being in contact with him more but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I have social anxiety so I am constantly scared of saying something wrong or annoying him by texting him too much.
Also, my best friend told me the other day that she and this other boy basically forced my boyfriend into asking me out. I had no idea about this now I'm worried that maybe he didn't have any intention of asking me out and he only did it to stop people bothering him.
On the other hand, he has bought me really nice presents for Christmas, Valentines Day and my birthday and always responds very quickly and positively whenever I suggest we meet up. He spends time with me at school rather than his friends and always seems to be happy spending time with me.
Basically I'm confused - I want a relationship that people don't class as pathetic but I don't know if that's what he wants. (link)
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Your relationship is not pathetic... not at all.
This is your first relationship, is all. The first one is always awkward. Actually, they\'re all awkward, it\'s just a matter of how awkward it gets... but my point is, it\'s your first relationship, and it\'s totally normal to be unsure how to act in it.
The answer for that... is to act however you want. It is YOUR relationship, not your friends\'. So you\'re not a touchy-feely couple. People like me aren\'t either, and it doesn\'t matter. You guys enjoy each other, right? You have fun with him? You appreciate the things he does for you? That\'s a beautiful relationship. That\'s a relationship people want, because sex will get boring.
What\'s pathetic are teenage relationships where they get together, start banging each other, and then have a complete meltdown when it\'s over, because they thought that person was \"the one.\" It\'s high school. The chances that you\'re going to marry anyone you date in high school are so slim it\'s unrealistic to consider it.
If you want more out of your relationship, that\'s fine. Just sit down and have that awkward conversation. Sounds like he\'s as awkward as you are, so you can be awkward together and talk it out. Just remember to laugh about it.
Also, don\'t jeopardize a really good relationship you already appreciate just because some idiot teenagers are giving you shit. It\'s not worth it, and you\'ll regret it.
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Hi, why does a boyfriend call his ex girlfriend as a mother of his child but he just doesn't like to call her an ex. when i say she's your ex and he says 'no' but she's the mother of my child. anyway, i just feel he's useless and he just still loves her even though they have been split up for a 6 years now and we have been together for 5 years. dating a single father is torture sometimes i reckon. cheers guys! (link)
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Here's the thing. If you have a kid with someone, that person is in your life for the rest of your life, and because she is the mother of his kid, a part of him is always going to have affection for that. There's nothing you or anyone else can do about that.
He calls her the mother of his child instead of ex because ex implies that they're no longer part of your life. It's a different thing...
And if you don't like, you should date someone else, because that woman is never going to NOT be a part of his life. She's there forever.
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I was dating this guy R for almost two years and almost a year back we had our first serious break up. I started seeing this guy J after that for a week after which I got back with R. Now, a few months back R and I broke up again and I repeated the mistake of going back to J. We had a "fairytale" relationship but after a week or so R came back to me and we started dating again. I told J everything and he stopped talking to me. Things turned a little nasty between me and J. MY boyfriend R treats me horribly still I chose to be with him because I love him a lot. So I have finally decided to end it for good with R. I miss J terribly right now and no I dont mean it in a rebound way. I miss him because he was my best friend and no one ever treated me the way he did. The last time J and I spoke, I hurled a lot of abuses at him (even though it was my fault). I want to apologize to him and get back with him but I'm scared because his friends wont let him talk to me (I think). Plz help!! (link)
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You're not gonna get J back.
It's harsh, it's horrible, and it's true. People have a threshold for the things they will put up with, and you crossed his. If you hadn't he's still be around.
Now, you can, of course, try to contact him and see what he says. Chances are that he's not going to scream at you or call you c*nt or something, but things are NEVER EVER going to be what they were. And, in truth, reaching out to him after hurting him like that will probably just hurt him again.
People screw up. You screwed up. You can't always fix things like that... but you CAN learn from them.
If I were you, and you really want to contact J, you should, but you need to say something like, "I was thinking about you and I regret what happened. I just wanted to tell you that I realized my mistake, even if it was too late, and I'm leaving R for good. I know that we can never be like we were, and that it's my fault, but if you ever wanted to get together for (insert dinner, drinks, whatever here) I would love to see you."
Then... regardless of what he does with that, you have to move on with your life. I recommend being single for a little while... which is scary and awful... for like the first month. You need to figure yourself out, and while it's uncomfortable to do, it's rewarding as hell.
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