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Is my relationship pathetic?
Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for almost three months and, in my mind, things have seemed to be going okay. I'm 16 he's 15 and this is the first relationship for both of us, we're also both quite shy people so the relationship is moving quite slowly. We see each other most days at school and we've met up a few times at weekends and we don't text an awful lot. People say that we can't really class ourselves as being in a relationship and that we're being pathetic. I can kind of see what they're saying seeing as we don't make any physical contact with each other - we've awkwardly hugged once but that's as far as we've got.
I wouldn't mind moving things on a bit faster and being in contact with him more but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I have social anxiety so I am constantly scared of saying something wrong or annoying him by texting him too much.
Also, my best friend told me the other day that she and this other boy basically forced my boyfriend into asking me out. I had no idea about this now I'm worried that maybe he didn't have any intention of asking me out and he only did it to stop people bothering him.
On the other hand, he has bought me really nice presents for Christmas, Valentines Day and my birthday and always responds very quickly and positively whenever I suggest we meet up. He spends time with me at school rather than his friends and always seems to be happy spending time with me.
Basically I'm confused - I want a relationship that people don't class as pathetic but I don't know if that's what he wants.
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First of all, who cares what others think. If you personally want a relationship with your boyfriend more close, then you have all right to have that.
I would suggest that you talk to your boyfriend and tell him you heard about the asking you out and would like to know what is that about. After you hear what he has to say then you can decide where you guys stand. As for him caring, it seems he does since he shows he cares in thoughtful ways. But it would be nice to hear it from him and this way you will feel more sure of what you guys have.
I understand you are shy and so is he, nothing wrong with that. We all are different and some are out there and some are more quiet, and that's okay.
Do what your heart desires and not what others think you should do.
I'm here if you need more advice.
Stay happy and enjoy life to the fullest.
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No it's not pathetic. It's a normal first relationship but you two need to talk more about feelings and encourage him to do the same. I know, guys don't like doing that but with a little encouragement it will be easy. And just start the conversation and try to keep it going don't worry bout being annoying or saying the wrong thing. If you continue to talk you should understand what will annoy him and how to talk to him with out going over the line. And just ask him if he wanted to ask you out or if he wants to be with you. Don't waste your time playing relationship chicken
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I know its tough thinking he wasn't that into you if you think he didn't want to ask you out on his own first but dont let that get to you. The fact that he has asked u and has done all those nice things definitely makes up for it. No one can force another to ask someone out. He did it because he wanted to. Yes, he did get a little push but that's perfectly okay because maybe he was shy or didnt realize your feelings for him. This is all fine. Try not to let that bother you. A relationship is defined based on other peoples input, its defined based on how you and your partner feel about each other. If you want more out of the relationship, the honest best way to make it happen is to tell him. He has to notice that you are a strong minded person to know what you want out of your relationship. Just voice your opinion, in a nice way and hope he listens and understands. If you're ready to take the next step in the relationship, youre going to have to learn to be more open. This is where vulnerability comes in, where you risk a lot and it can either be really good or really bad. Chances are, based on what you told me, he seems interested enough to listen and understand you. Remember your boyfriend is supposed to be someone who you feel comfortable around, and it doesn't come like that. It takes time and it won't be easy, but you just have to put yourself out there and hope for the best. So please, just tell him. :)
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Your relationship isn't pathetic. This is normal for a first relationship. You guys have to take it slow and not jump right in.
When I was 14, I had my first boyfriend. We hardly would text but we'd see each other on weekends. We didn't have much physical contact either. My friend did the same as yours and kinda pushed him to ask me out since we both were really nervous and shy. Eventually my friends would keep trying to get him to hold hands with me and stuff like that. It was really annoying because they were trying to progress our relationship instead of us doing it ourselves. Listening to our friends basically ruined the relationship.
So remember, this relationship is between you and him. Not your friends. You guys are in a relationship, you don't need to be all over each other to be in a relationship.
If there is something you want to change, then do it but if you are comfortable and happy, then let it progress and move at your own pace, not everyone else's.
You'll see these types of relationships last longer anyways. I had two friends who ended up dating but they weren't really into PDA and were super shy with each other. They'd talk online a lot though. To make the story short, they're still together and have been together for 4 years.
So remember that every person is different. Every relationship is different. It's fine to move slow. If a couple wants to move fast, that's their business. If a couple wants to move slow, that's also their business. Don't bring your friends into the relationship.
As for you being worried about him not having any intention of asking you out, that's what you should talk to him about. Just ask him and say this is what my friend said and I was wondering if you actually wanted to ask me out, ect. I'm sure he'll assure you that he wanted to be with you.
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I know it is hard with all the peer pressure but please don't let your friends define your relationships. Your relationship is not pathetic, as a matter of fact it sounds pretty normal for your ages. It sounds like your boyfriend is pretty shy but you are both mature enough to know that it is not wise to rush into relationships. I am guessing most of your friends have not reached that level of maturity yet. Some teens don't reach that stage of maturity until they have been diagnosed with an STD or gotten have gotten pregnant. Just tell your friend "we're good, we know what we are doing" and just let your relationship progress at it's own pace. You might want to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend about the rumor you heard and see how he responds to it. If he really likes you he will probably tell you the truth. At your age relationships should be lighthearted and fun. They don't have to be life and death serious all the time. Your friends are trying to move too fast because they think it makes them look more mature when in reality it is just the opposite.
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Alright let me begin to dissect your question and address it as best as I can.
First off from what I am seeing here in your text, you are being pushed into seeing and viewing your relationship as "pathetic" by other people, your "friends."
You yourself stated that you are both relatively shy people and you have social anxiety and I'm sure he has his own insecurities as well, just because things are moving a bit slow does not mean your relationship is pathetic. If others view it like that then that's their opinion.
Honestly you two are very young still, so why not take it slow? You didn't mention that you're "in love," or that you feel that you "love" him yet. So I'm going with this is your typical teenage modern relationship; where two people like each other for one reason or another and they decide to officially "go out."
Most of what I am seeing here is "my friends tell me my relationship should be like this (blahblah) but it's not so now I feel insecure and I don't know if I'm doing it right."
Just look, the relationship is YOU and YOUR BOYFRIEND. It's not a polyamorous relatioship, no it's between only TWO people. So everyone else's OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP DON'T MATTER. Your friends are not dating your boyfriend, his friends aren't dating you, your friends aren't dating you and his friend's aren't dating you. Therefore they don't know crapola about how you two get a long and how YOUR relationship WORKS BEST.
It's your first relationship right, so enjoy it. Don't rush into making out or making babies, besides this sounds more like you're still getting to known one another and comfortable with one another. Don't ruin it by rushing things, good things take time; a good healthy "happy" relationship is what the two of you make of it. For a relationship to work there has to be TRUST, with your anxiety and you feeling that you'll be a nuisance just by texting him that shows that you aren't secure and might have a bit of trust issues. Why? Because you don't want to annoy him, this means you might not known him too well to know that that's not the case, or that your anxiety is overshadowing you into thinking false things.
Your relationship to me seems like it's barely a rosebud. That with a bit of time and nurturing will bloom into something beautiful. But you can't rush nature, it happens on it's own at it's precise time. Right? If you over water it it will rot.
As for your best friend telling you that her and some other guy convinced your now boyfriend to date you, and you now feel as if he doesn't really like you; well if he didn't like you he wouldn't want to hangout, wouldn't buy you nice presents and many other things that I'm sure he does and you might not notice how significant you are to him.
If two people are shy things will be a bit slow till those barriers come down, so relax!
" Basically I'm confused - I want a relationship that people don't class as pathetic but I don't know if that's what he wants."
Once again, why be in a relationship just for show?
A relationship isn't a fancy name brand purse to be flaunt around, it's not for "social status." At least it shouldn't be.
You seem to want this because you are being told that it's what you should want and expect from a relationship.
So really think about this, do you want to be in this relationship because you don't want to be single and you want to be cool? Or because your boyfriend is a nice guy, you really like him, you are attracted to him on many levels and you guys just click? Which one is more appealing, which one do you think is best..
You two are people, not show dogs. You're not supposed to do things for show and make other people go OOOUH AAAAHH.
As for what he wants, you won't know unless you try to communicate and ask what he wants, what he feels and what he needs.
Keep spending time with him and when people start pointing out that your relationship isn't "classified" as a real relationship, tell them to shut up.
1. Just because you're not humping one another in public or maybe participating in PDA, does not mean your relationship isn't a real one
2. It's your first relationship for both, they shouldn't be so interested in your relationship anyways; tell them to worry about their own (and if they aren't in one, then that's a key right there to ignore them because lol)
And lastly,
3. The best relationships are the ones that feel like you're not even in one, by this I mean you're dating someone who feels like your other half, or someone who just gets you; someone whom when you're with them kinda just makes you forget that everyone else is around, and even if they don't like this person that you're with that doesn't matter because you do; you like them so much that you love them!
Yepyepyep, so there you sorry for my lengthy reply but I hope it helps, feel free to talk to me whenever you need advice (:
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Bassically, you could try asking him a few questions. Like, you've heard that your friend and her bf practically forced him into asking you out; is that true?
(That could work a few different ways , either he wanted to ask you out but felt too shy or they thought you'd make a good couple, or there could have been another motive behind it altogether.)
Other questions could be: how does he feel about you as a couple now? You haven't stated your age but I'd guess you were in your early to mid-teens; young enough to feel awkward about relationships in general and where they go.
Tell him how you feel, what people are saying about you as a couple and see what he says. Its good to communicate; ask him and listen, tell him and explain. he sounds like a nice guy.
I hope this helps. Let me know what happens? Not because I'm nosey but it helps to know if my advice works. Best wishes X
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You know what's funny? 10 years ago when I was 16, that's actually what relationships were like. Texting wasn't widespread... you'd go on dates on the weekend, and talk sometimes in between. Dating never used to be this all-consuming monster that it's become.
You guys aren't pathetic. You're taking a sensible, level-headed approach to your relationship. The people who have nothing better to do than put doubts in your head are the pathetic ones. You keep going at a rate that makes you happy.
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Relationships are not a competitive sport! If you are making each other happy that is all that matters. Some relationships aren't physical at all, and some are only physical! Some relationships involve constant texting, some involve no texting! There's no "right" level of any of those things.
What your best friend said to me sounds like a matter of interpretation. Maybe your boyfriend was too nervous to ask you out so they "made" him ask you out. That doesn't mean that he doesn't like you! It just means he was nervous.
As for growing closer to your boyfriend, schedule some more weekend dates and don't be afraid of being too forward. Chances are you're both just nervous :).
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Your relationship is not pathetic... not at all.
This is your first relationship, is all. The first one is always awkward. Actually, they're all awkward, it's just a matter of how awkward it gets... but my point is, it's your first relationship, and it's totally normal to be unsure how to act in it.
The answer for that... is to act however you want. It is YOUR relationship, not your friends'. So you're not a touchy-feely couple. People like me aren't either, and it doesn't matter. You guys enjoy each other, right? You have fun with him? You appreciate the things he does for you? That's a beautiful relationship. That's a relationship people want, because sex will get boring.
What's pathetic are teenage relationships where they get together, start banging each other, and then have a complete meltdown when it's over, because they thought that person was "the one." It's high school. The chances that you're going to marry anyone you date in high school are so slim it's unrealistic to consider it.
If you want more out of your relationship, that's fine. Just sit down and have that awkward conversation. Sounds like he's as awkward as you are, so you can be awkward together and talk it out. Just remember to laugh about it.
Also, don't jeopardize a really good relationship you already appreciate just because some idiot teenagers are giving you shit. It's not worth it, and you'll regret it.
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Maybe the reason it's going slowly and such is because he feels the same way, maybe he just needed encouragement to ask you out due to his shyness, as it seems he does enjoy spending time with you. If he doesn't text you much maybe it's because he thinks it might annoy you? The feeling is probably mutual. Maybe over a period of time you could try to get closer to him. You could ask one of his friends to talk to him about it? Not mentioning you Ofcourse. You could get them to casually ask how he thinks your relationship is going. Please let me know how you get on x good luck x - Becki
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First of all you shouldn't feel your relationship is pathetic because of the hypocritical opinion of others. It all depends on you and how you feel about the situation. Don't let people define your relationship.
Secondly this is all new to both of you so you wouldn't know exactly things that would spice up the relationship. I personally think that you should talk to him and indicate to him that your ready to go to the next level in your relationship. He probably is just waiting for you to say your ready to get a little more serious and probably don't want to be the one pushing the relationship into a direction you don't want it to go. If talking to him doesn't work out try making the first move.
Furthermore, FIND THINGS TO TALK ABOUT there must be something you both have in common that you can relate to, talk about anything that happened to you today ANYTHING one little conversation can end up being interesting.
On the other hand about the friends forcing him into asking you out. He probably was too shy to ask you and was running from the fact that he might be rejected. Lots of boys are like that, It happened to me once, his best friend told me he likes me but was afraid to approach me. So the friends forcing him can be a push that he might have needed. If you still feel insecure about it ask him and don't be afraid to ask him.
Overall he seems like a sweet guy just talk to him and tell him whats on your mind and don't feel like your annoying him he's there for a reason and that is to listen to what you have to say on how you feel about your relationship with him and anything else that may be bothering you.
Hope I helped, Good Luck
Latoline ^__^
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