|
everythings changed
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. I'm 19 and he is 24. When me and him first got together I was 17 and he was 22 and we couldn't keep our hands off each other and he was always texting me and calling me and telling me how beautiful I am and we were always excited to see each other. He is also the only guy I've been with sexually. Now that we live on our own and have a 9 month old son he doesn't do everything he used to and he doesn't seem happy to see me anymore and we only have sex once a month. Is this normal? I feel unwanted and unloved:( I really wanna get back to the way me n him were before:/ please help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's pretty normal for a sex life to slow down after a couple of years... it's just not exciting anymore. It's also relatively normal for a sex life to slow after the birth of a child. That's just how it is. Babies aren't sexy.
Sex lives, romance, relationships... they take work to keep interest. A couple that's been madly in love for 60 years didn't manage that without effort. They managed it with a lot of work and knowing each other.
What do you do to make him feel special? He used to remind you how beautiful you are and ravage you... men need reassurance too. Do something he'd appreciate romantically, like... I dunno. I don't know your boyfriend.
Examples range, depending on guy. I dated an artist... so I had him cover me in edible paint. I dated a sports junkie... so I came up with a sexy football jersey outfit. I dated a gamer... I took an interest in his gaming and tried it out.
I know that last one doesn't sound sexy, but the point is to express interest in him and validate things important to him... even without getting kinky with it, a genuine effort in that area will improve your sex life because it becomes something you two can share, and he will feel a renewed connection to you.
He needs to know he's loved as much as anyone, and there's a lot of ways to accomplish that. You know your man. You know what he likes. You know what he needs. You should know what attracted him to you in the first place. Hopefully it wasn't just that you were 17 and a virgin... but if it was, you can get creative on that front too.
]
Marriage and having a child changes everything, love.
From my own experience, you can't change it.
I feel the same way too, and it hurts deeply, but there's nothing I can do. Things change.
]
Normal is a relative thing, meaning what is normal for me may not be normal for you. That being said two people your age having sex only once a month 3 years of not being able to keep your hands off of each other would not appear normal to most people.
Possible reason, and I'm no expert in this area, is no matter how much he may or may have loved you. Your pregnancy, which I believe may have been unplanned by the both of you, has left him feeling trapped. This does not mean he does not love the child. What it means is that he may not have planned to be settled with a girlfriend/wife/mother and child at this stage in his life. Now that he is he is doing the responsible thing and providing a home and everything else a child needs.
IF this is true he has at the very least has my respect. In the same vain if he is making life miserable for you, and no sex life to speak of would fall into that category then something has to be done. If you are breast feeding the baby then you may not want to be on birth control medication. His fear may be making you pregnant again.
You did not give any other information about your lives together other than you basically have no sex life. A logical reasoning for this based on your writing would be his fear of making you pregnant again if in fact your pregnancy was an accident and not planned. Again I am making an assumption as you did not say.
My best advice is you two need to talk. In any relationship there needs to be communication. Good sex is not communication. You need to be able to talk to each other about everything from Apples to Zebras and everything in between.
In this instance you need to find out if his problem is fear of making you pregnant again. IF it is then you have a decision to make. Continue to breastfeed and have sex once a month or now that the baby is almost a year old wean the baby of breast milk on to formula or real milk and get on birth control.
There may be other problem he has real or imagined. Whatever they are unless he is willing to talk to you about them you will not clear the air with him about them. I t may be that you two might need the help of a couples counselor. suggest this to him.
Wall we can do is make suggestions. One on one counseling with a couples counselor is where real help can be gotten.
]
More Questions: |