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what is love ?
So I'm 15 and yes I know that I have not experienced real love yet with a boyfriend. When I'm in a relationship I never say I love you first because frankly I don't know how to tell if I even love them, so when they say I love you I just say it back. Which I know isn't right and I should be upfront about my feelings, I just rather not break someone's heart. When do you finally realize what love is and how do you know if you truly actually love someone ? Any advice is welcomed, thank you for anyone who answers my question.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Honestly, you never really know until something weird happens...
You think you know you do, and then realize you don't KNOW that you do. Then you think you probably don't, and realize that your heart hurts when you think that...
One day, you're going to wake and think about someone, or look at them sleeping next to you, and you will just know.
As stupid as that sounds, that's literally what happens. You'll smile like an idiot, and be happy all day... until you start wondering if THEY love YOU... and then the whole process starts over... and one day you wake up and know they do...
THEN... you start worrying about the future... and that's love.
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Love is your liking being around him. Love is saying that if you could, you would spend the rest of your life with him. Love is trusting him with your biggest secret. Love is knowing that if he died, you would never love again. Love is putting his needs before yours. Love is all of these things, wrapped in one. Hope this helped!
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Personally,I think there is no one definition of love.Love is different for everyone.It's also something that can't be described. But trust me,you'll know love when it happens.
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First I want to commend you for being so mature...and also for asking a good question...one that a good majority of people also never figure out themselves but instead of asking around and taking notes, they bumble on and experience much pain or awkward experiences.
This is going to be long because you deserve a full complete answer and that can't be done in short form
Second, I want to address what a person means when they say I love you. More often for the female, we know there have to be feelings there to feel love. To a female, love isn't trivial in a relationship. You don't love a guy for example, the same way you love a favorite food, favorite rock group, etc... The word love is being used to state how strong your interest is in particular item. A human being is more complex than an object. There can be many things to love about a person and also some things to not love. Girls seem to get that so if they really like a guys sense of humor for example, they usually don't say I love you but I love your sense of humor. You can always make me laugh. Here, love was used but the female differentiates if it is an object or thing she loves. Guys don't always use the word in the same way. So guys fail to clarify and girls often make the mistake of assuming he meant loving the whole girl, not one aspect.
So heres what you say when you have a guy say he loves you.
If a man said he loved me, I responded with "What is it about me that you love?" This will get you a good clarification real quickly. If he mentions a couple of your traits or talents he loves...thank him for noticing. And thats it, you dont need to say anything more unless you want to tell him aspects of him that you love too. Either you like the thing about him, but it's okay if he didn't have it. Or, the aspect you are commenting on is something that you must have in a guy, need/want it so when you comment, it is much more important to you so you describe it as love rather than like.
Now if when asked what he loves about you, a guy says everything. You can chuckle and say, That's quite a broad statement. You dont have to give examples of it all at once but I would be interested to hear what some of those things are as you recall them. Put on the spot, a persons mind can go blank. If he describes things he sees in you that are things equally important to you, observe him closely to see if he has those things in his makeup too, if so, then he will make a good close friend. If feelings develop, a chemistry, romantic attraction, then he is a good prospect for a dating partner or depending on ones age, a marriage partner.
Questioning a guy as I gave example of is not going to break his heart. If he is that insecure really, it is not a good idea to have him as anything other than a friend and not go the dating route. If a guy again professes to love you, and you don't have the same feelings, then say so. "I dont have the same feelings for you. I like you much as a friend but the romance/chemistry part is missing. This happens with people at any age, from teens into the golden years. One person develops deep feelings and the other doesnt. You cant go along with, pretending just to not hurt feelings because its not fair to him and not to you either. He may be elated for a short while but as time goes on and you never respond romantically, a person can tell. One example, its the difference between kissing the girl and her accepting the kiss, or him kissing her and her responding back.
Thirdly, I will now answer what are the signs to look for, a tangible way to recognize when you love someone or they love you.
I found the following test from a male relationship expert, a test to know if a guy loves you. He was intending it for older women in long term relationship or marriage but it also works for young people. It also applies just as much to the female, who should be exhibiting the same signs that she loves the guy.
Point number 4 is about sex. So if as a teen you are not sexually active yet, the way you know a guy is not thinking only about himself, is that he is not pressuring you to have sex with him but you can clearly see signs that he does get aroused by you, and there is both tenderness and passion in kisses, but he also is leaving the control of anything sexual between you in your hands to proceed as you are ready. He is able to control himself when offering a neck or back rub and it doesnt proceed to something more because his intent foremost is clearly to help you work some stress knots out because he loves you and is not going to ask for anything more if he becomes aroused from touching you.
I will post the test I reworded with my own examples. At the end I will add one more thing I know shows a true love for another.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
With my husband,we both rate a 7 with each other. This is my 2nd husband. the first was a douche-bag.
Here is something else we both feel and experience with each other that I believe shows how much we love each other:
Whatever we are doing, whether something mundane like chores or whatever, we both find that even the normally boring, tedious, or just ordinary daily things feel more special if we are sharing the experience together. In other words, the world is a happier rosier place just because I am in his life and him in mine doing everything together. Even if running out for a couple items at the grocery, neither of us prefer to go by ourselves but wish to go with each other. Not that we won't go ourselves if we have to, but given a chance, we are always together.
So if a guy can't stay away from you for long and is always trying to find more time to be in your presence, even if its a chore/like going grocery shopping with you and your mom, if a guy wants to be around you for the simple ordinary times in life as well as the special events, then its a good sign he is in love with you, not just loves you but in love. This is the lasting kind of love.
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