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hey i an from Limpopo.im in a new relationship.me n my bf we a naw datin for 1month n 3days.i love my bf so much n i try to make him happy but dat doesnt hide de fact dat my bf is still inlove wth his ex who has died.wen he need me i go n be wth him.on saturday it was his bdae n i made a suprise party for him n i invited his friends n ada gals.he was very happy n i was happy to see him happy.but dat dae at nyt he said i shuld not leave i shuld sleep ova n i did so.he started talking abt his ex who died n his ex was buried on saturday on his bdae.he told me dat he is over her n he dnt luv her anymore but his actions was telling me another story.he evn cried for his ex infront of me n didnt wt tu du or wat to say.my heart was heavy wen he was kissing me he suddenly stopped n he said he cant.yesterdae he removed de status on watsap he wrote abt me n write dat he love his ex n he change a profile pic n put his ex.i cried alone n my hurt was heavy realising dat im truly,madly n deeply inlove wth him.what do i have to do? (link)
You need to let him grieve. The fact that he is hurt over loosing someone he loves, in no way is a bad thing. It shows compassion and emotional maturity. It would be scary if his gf died and he didn't even care right? Only men that are incapable of feeling love and caring for other people don't care when when their gf dies. Give him some time to be sad about it. If he asks you to stay over and then cries, it's because he wants comfort while he is grieving. If you love him, you should comfort him when he cries. Let him cry on your shoulder and tell him everything will be alright.

Him being sad about loosing his gf in no way stops him from loving you. We all fall in love and sometimes we loose love and we have to find new love. That is how life works. A relationship is a partnership, life partners should be there to support each other when times are hard. Wouldn't you want him to be understanding and supportive if you were suffering the loss of a loved one? If you want to show him you love him, be understanding and be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it.

Good luck honey


It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it. (link)
One important thing to consider when you see PDA is age. I think you'll notice that it's usually young people. People in their teens and early twenties. People that are experiencing relationships and sexual relationships for the first time. Older couples (with exception of some drunks at a the night club), generally wont have this problem. They've become more accustomed to social rules and have realized that sort of thing is not kosher! They also don't have raging hormones that make them think being all over each other in public is a great idea!... later they'll look back on their behavior and be embarrassed trust me.

If you want to comment that the couple is making you uncomfortable but you don't want them to think you're commenting on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ect. There are some fun friendly ways to do it. You could say, with a smile and a wink, "wao, get a room you two." Then the couple know you support their relationship but it's getting a bit graphic for public. Many of the time a couple just wants their relationship recognized (especially if it's controversial in terms of race, orientation, ect.) Dropping a friendly line like, "It looks like you two love birds could could get a room," acknowledges their relationship and also lets them know it's getting a bit graphic.

Once when I was young and making out (ashamed to say much too graphically) with my boyfriend at his sisters large wedding reception, his uncle said something that really changed my mind about PDA. He was a large overweight man in his 40's, bald, very unattractive. He said "Aaaahh, young love, you two should save that for the bedroom, you're getting me way to excited!" The thought of him thinking about us GROSSED ME OUT! I was 17 years old and realized I didn't want strangers thinking about my sex life, especially my bf's gross uncle!! So think of it like this, all those PDA couples are poor unfortunate souls that just haven't encountered their gross uncle yet!

I hope you can see it more as a type of social immaturity then a type of nonconsensual objectification. By all means please say something to the couple if you they're making you uncomfortable and obviously being inappropriate. People will always hold hands and perhaps do a smooch on the cheek or a peck on the lips. But if they're really going at it, and it seems like they want attention for it.... they just haven't realized they're getting attention they don't want. They just have't found their gross uncle yet!

Try to laugh at it, and not be bothered too much.
Good Luck Honey!


Hello, I'm 20/female.
I don't even know where to start. I just passed the entry exam for Nursing school last week. I'm super excited because I studied so hard for so long and was one of 5 people out of 50 who passed in my testing group. Nursing is my dream and I'm very dedicated but I know the schooling is going to very difficult and time consuming after my first year. I start in a month.

I've also been with my fiance for two years, who is a male and I love him to death but I'm starting to really doubt how good we are for each other. Our life goals are vastly different and his hobbies and pass times don't line up with mine. We get along fairly well and everybody except my brother, father and my bff (who know better) think we're a perfect couple and want to see us get married. Right now we're making things work and love each other but the thing is...I think I'm lesbian. My fiance was my first and since then I've come to realize that I enjoy the company of women much more than I do men and I find them much more attractive.

I live in a small town though (where I'll be in college for several years) and in the past when I've looked to try and date other lesbians there just weren't any (even on the dating sites) and I don't want to come out without knowing for sure.

I was starting to think about actually telling my bff in the hopes she would support me and go with me to some lgbt friendly clubs and help me decide what to do. Her and her boyfriend have been fighting a lot and she'd been talking about breaking up with him and showing me pics of these other guys so we'd discussed us getting our own place together so we could just be single and mingle without men in our lives. Then yesterday she announced to me that she's pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. I was of course massively shocked as she hasn't even been with him a year. Her parents didn't even know he existed and now she's acting like they're super happy again and everything is going to be just wonderful with a baby coming even though they're late on all their bills and in debt now, without a baby.

So then she got the idea to talk to her boyfriend and her boyfriend talked to my fiance (we're all friends) and the three of them decided that we're all going to get a house together in a month (same time I'll be starting college) because according to them "it will lessen everybody's finances and she'll have a good home for her baby".

So now she's super excited and has decided their accidental baby will magically fix all their problems and that she's so happy that we're all going to be living together as two "perfect couples" and that it will be "so much fun" to raise her baby with her boyfriend and her best friend (me).

Meanwhile I feel like I'm drowning now and my hand is being forced and all the sudden her life is my responsibility too and I didn't even get a say because I don't really have any other options.

What do I do?



(link)
Wow, I can understand why it feels like You're drowning! I would feel the same.

The first thing I want to point out about your letter is that you assume your father, brother and bff "know better." Hummmm...?? Why do they know better when it comes to you and who you are? They can't hear the thoughts in your head? They aren't you, they don't walk in your shoes every day, you do. When it comes to you honey, you are the one that knows best. Being honest about what you know and acting on that knowledge is what your struggling with. Know that your thoughts are valid, you know you best! Don't let other people convince you otherwise. I know they love you and they're just trying to help but they don't know you like you know yourself.

It seems like your bff is getting a rocky start into adulthood. My guess, is that she is going to need you for a stable voice and support later. Do anything you can to NOT to move into this house. It has TRAIN WRECK, written all over it. Things are most likely going to go up in flames in that house and the distraction could cost you, your college career! If nursing is your passion and goal you need to prioritize it. You can't take responsibility for your friends life, its not your life it's hers. Attempting to do so, can lead to resenting her and ruining the friendship. Tell her that you love her and you are there for her but you can't move into this house. You need to focus and study and the idea of two couples and a baby is giving you anxiety. Plus you want to have a place where she can come to getaway, or get a little silence from time to time. Trust me, new moms need that!

Nursing school is not easy, and many that attempt, never make it through! Seriously, if you want this make it a priority. You will be studying late nights. How is that going to go over in a house with a baby crying in the next room and, a fiancé that wants sex/attention that you may not have the time for or be interested in? This situation could also lead to you resenting him. Which, brings me to my next point. Do anything you can to NOT move in with him. Due to resent self discoveries, you need to be deescalating this engagement, NOT escalating it. If you're not sure what your sexual preferences are you don't need to come out as anything but you do need to stop this marriage for right now. If you really love this guy and care for him, you cannot let him keep believing in this life with you thats potentially a lie. It will really hurt him down the road to find out after you're already married and/or living together. To continue misleading him is wrong. You don't need to tell your whole family but I would at least tell him whats going on and be honest. Tell him you're questioning your sexuality and you think you might be a lesbian. Tell him, it's not for sure, you're sorry but you love him too much to mislead him. He might be sad and hurt but if he is a decent person and he really does love you, he will come around to being grateful that you were honest. If the two of you are meant to be you will come together again.

Lastly, you have options! Please know you have options! You can make choices about your life. This is what being an adult is all about. You have to do the right thing and you have options. The reason it feels like your drowning is because everyone else is choosing for you. You feel like you have no control over your life because you are letting everyone else make decisions for you. Now, some really bad ones are about to happen if you don't speak up. You can do it! I can tell you are a good and caring person so use that as your strength to pull the brake on this nightmare!

If you meant that you don't have options in terms of a living arrangement, you just have not looked. Your parents won't let you continue living at home? Can you take out a student loan and live in the dorms? Can you work for your school as an RA and live the dorms for free? look around, I promise there are options, you just have to look. If you can live in the dorms, girls like you are pretty common. Even in a small town, college is the time for experimentation. They don't call it "the college try," for nothing. I tried being a lesbian several times in college. Although I never went pro, I enjoyed every minute of it! If you're town isn't conducive to the lifestyle you want, school can be a door way to finding a place that is. If you get really great grades and do really well, you can transfer to another school easily. If you have a good GPA and do a lot of activities in your department, college, etc, you can transfer with a scholarship to another city. SERIOUSLY, someone will pay your tuition to go to school in a place filled with lesbians and bi-girls that are waiting for you!!!! Even if you stay at your school for all three years, you can get a job after in one of those bigger cities. I of course, would kill it my first year and then transfer but thats just me. Bottom line, go for what you want. You can't help people and be good to others when your dying inside. You want to serve other people, thats why you want to be a nurse, I understand that. You may never get there if you keep letting everyone else make your decisions.

The people that love you will love you for doing what you know is best. The people that really love you want to see you happy. If they don't want to see you happy, that's not love.

Good luck, be strong honey. The world is at your finger tips, I hope you take it.


I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me. (link)
I'm sorry you're going through this honey, its sounds really frustrating... Sexually frustrating! Not to worry, it happens to the best of us. If I were you, I would put partnered sex on the shelf for a year or so and focus on having really great sex with myself. Your body is dying to be pleased so this is a perfect opportunity to learn how to do that.
Are you close with your mother? Do you have an older sister you're close and honest with? Basically, would one of them help you to get a sex toy to masturbate with? At your age, boys are not where you are yet, in terms of puberty. Some of them might be, like your ex, but for the most part they will catch up with you in a couple years or so. That is probably why you are much more interested in sex than your current boyfriend. If you want to keep dating him and learning about the social and companion part of relationships then go for it. If you feel generally unfulfilled and depressed, tell him you would rather just be friends. Believe me, there is no shame in being single and in the next 1-3 years the tides will turn. The boys will grow taller, thicker and start getting facial hair. They'll look much more like men and their sex drive will become equal to or greater than yours. I know it might seem hard or frustrating now, but take this time to learn about your own body and learn how to masturbate. Then when partnered sex becomes more of the "norm" in your peer group, you can show the boys how to please you. You will actually be doing a favor to women everywhere by doing this!!! SERIOUSLY! Men learn to please themselves very easily and some never learn how to please women, it's very sad. If you have an older person in your life that is open minded and willing to help you get a vibrator or dildo, I highly recommend getting assistance on this. Make sure it's someone you trust, that is understanding and error on the side of females. Don't go asking any older men that you know, they might get the wrong idea. Here is a link for young women wanting to learn about and explore their bodies and sexuality. Maybe it can be a jumping off point for you.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/masturbationwomen.htm

The next thing you need to be aware of is safe sexual practices. when you start finding more and more young men that want to have sex these are some precautions you should take.
1. Use condoms, they the quickest and easiest way to protect your self from STI's and pregnancy. They can be bought at any grocery or convenience store. If you start a long term sexual relationship, you can talk to your doctor about birth control.
2. Make sure you're selecting partners that you trust and that are respectful to you. If a boy is unwilling to have a conversation about condom use and safe sex, that is a good sign that you should NOT have sex with him.
3. If a man/partner is ever doing anything you don't like or don't feel comfortable with SPEAK UP! This is your body, and your choice. No one can take that from you. NO means NO! If your partner is ever disrespectful of you saying no, or ignores it, tell him you're going to report him to the police. Not respecting someones sexual boundaries is a crime, it's called RAPE. Your consent and choice is the key ingredient to a good time, remember to own it girl! (This is another great way to do a big favor to women everywhere!)

Good luck honey, please let me know if you have anymore questions.


Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you. (link)
HI Honey,

So I know it feels like the world is crashing down and it's awful, but believe me it's not. You and your bf are both so young, you have no idea the type of people your going to grow into. I thought I would be with my BF when I was 17 forever also. However, once we both graduated from high school I realized we had some fundamental differences in the way we wanted to live and just weren't compatible. I still think he's a great guy and I'm so happy we had all those great times together. Part of me will always love him but we just weren't right as life partners.

You have to take a step back from the plan of living together when you don't even know for sure that you can live near each other and get along. I've been in LDR's (long distance relationships) that didn't work once we were in the same city. It happens... frequently... google it if you don't believe me!

Because you guys are young, the chances of your bf forgiving you for this are slim to none. If you were older and a bit more mature he might be understanding but at 18, yea, he wont be. So this is what I would do. If this was a one time thing, and you are never going to do it again, it's okay that you don't tell him. Trust me, sex hurts the first few times. I felt like I was loosing my virginity for the first 6 months of sex!!! Don't tell him, and then when you are together, let him think you lost your virginity to him. If it works out and you are the life long partners that you think you are, in years and years from now, when it doesn't matter anymore, you can tell him. If he truly loves you, he will know that you did what you had to do because he wouldn't have given you a chance if he knew at 17. After being together for years and years and becoming much more matured people that trust and love each other, he won't care that much. It's not worth it to ruin a future and hurt someone you love over something that really doesn't matter that much. If you start living in the same city and it doesn't work out, then it won't matter that you didn't tell him anyway. If this becomes a habit and you keep doing it, again and again, you need to tell him. If this becomes a habit, that is another level of deception and you need to get out of this relationship.

I also think you should experiment, by your self, with your self! Try and to find a pleasurable relationship with your body. Men go into sex after years of masturbating and knowing how to please themselves. It takes them years and years of having sex to learn how to please a woman and some of them never learn!!!! Also, to avoid having a bad relationship with sex in general (because it starts out very painful for us) you should learn how to please your self. Sex should be enjoyable, not something to "get it over with." Plus, if your bf is smart he should be willing and happy to learn what you like :)
Here is an article with some tips if you're interested.

http://www.yourtango.com/20085990/10-tips-please-your-self

Lastly, I know boys and society, treat your virginity like some sacred object. Like you should give it away to a deserving man to proudly hold forever. But really... your virginity belongs to you!! Someone should love you regardless of how you choose to loose it. As long as the sex was consensual and safe, you should not feel bad! Fidelity is hard, people are messing up right and left (I'm sure you've seen tv and have the internet so I'm sure you know). Forgiving is how relationships stay together and someone that only wants you for your virginity doesn't deserve to have you anyway. If you end up telling him and he freaks out at you, remember this, you don't owe him your virginity! You don't owe him your body! He has your love and he should feel lucky for that. If people tell you you're basing the relationship on a lie by not telling him, tell them to F*** off! A relationship based on your virginity, isn't a relationship. This is NOT 18th century Japan and you are NOT a Geisha. Thank God, right?! He should love you with or with out the V-card. In terms of infidelity, LTR's are hard and we all get a ONE TIME ONLY, messed up really really really bad pass.

Good Luck Honey!



My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends) (link)
So, why can't your husband go with you to the wedding? He can be with you if you don't go but he can't go with you? I don't understand? A true friend and a husband that loves you shouldn't put you in a pressure cooker like this. Your partner should work with you not demand that you sacrifice your best friend on his behalf. Does your husband think he is in competition with your friend or something??? This should not be a problem.

I don't know what you were planning on doing for your anniversary but imagine this... On your anniversary eve, you and your husband get a hotel. You wake up to breakfast in bed, have a couples massage at the hotel spa or go for a swim in the pool. You finished it all off with hot sex in the shower as you get ready for the wedding. Then you watch another couple, as they embark on this amazing journey that is marriage. Going to a wedding as part of your anniversary could actually be a very symbolic and beautiful way to revisit and remember your own wedding. To appreciate the ceremony and ritual of marriage. The fact that you and your best friend married on the same day is a really unique bond. You and your husband could be joining them for anniversary cruises or trips to the Bahamas in another few years. It sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. He should also consider asking himself why is he acting like your friends marriage is a threat to him? Marriage is a beautiful thing and celebrating that doesn't make your marriage less, it makes it more. It's not a threat and you should not have to choose between the two.

Being so inflexible about how you celebrate your anniversary isn't going to last long, especially if you ever have kids!!!! Funerals, weddings births, illness, and accidents will forever effect the way you celebrate any and every holiday. You and your partner should look to working together to conquer these obstacles that will surly come. I think your husband missed that memo. Situations like this are what marriage is for, It's about working together despite what life throws at you right? Not about pushing your partner into a corner where she has to miss the most important moment of her best friends life, when you could be enjoying it with her.

In the case that you are married to an abusive awful person that does these things to isolate you from your friends and control your life... Your friend should be understanding. She should stay close to you despite the fact that your husband tried to destroy your friendship. If your husband does not allow you to go, explain that to your friend and know that she will hate him from now on. When the people that love you the most slowly start dropping out of your life because of your partner, that is a red flag that your in an abusive relationship. I hope that is not the case for you. However, if your husband is dedicated to being hated by all your friends and family, he will do it anyway. He will do it and he will blame it on you.

The present situation is not only not a problem it's also not your fault. You and your best friend marring on the same day is cute! You both chose dates you had to choose and it ended up like this... cute and serendipitous!!! Little girls play Barbies to this story, are you kidding me??? This is adorable, or would be if one person (your husband) wasn't being a dick about it.

Have you explained this to him? Have you let him know that he is stripping every little girls fairy tail right out of your hands? He is acting like your friends wedding is an enemy battle ship for no reason! Wy can't he go with you? This is not a time for GI-Joe this is time for Ken. And Ken, lets Barbi have the best friend fairy tail. You should be able to do have both. Her wedding should be a part of your anniversary. You both should go together.

I hope it goes well honey, good luck!


This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks (link)
If you don't like him and don't want him talking to you, say so. I don't know hold you are but men in general and especially when they are young, will not get subtleties. If you give them any acknowledgment at all they think you are flirting with them. So don't make conversation at all. Just politely ask him to stop and leave you alone.

This is a good strait forward way to ask him to stop.
"I really don't want to talk to you. Would you please stop bothering me, you're making me uncomfortable, thank you."

If he still persist after that you might want to tell a teacher or parent because that is harassment.

Good luck honey don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.



I have lied to my boyfriend his car handle fell off so I try to fix it with some super glue he came to my house that evening and asked me if I tried to fix his hand on his car with super glue and I stood in front of him face to face and I said no so he said well I'm going to call my son and see if he done it so you got a hold of his son and his son said no I didn't do it look at the cameras that you have at your house and it will tell who did it. So the next day when he left for work I text him that I did ithe forgive me for that stupid lie but he still broke up with me because I did it face to face if you truly love somebody you shouldn't have to lie to him you should tell them the truth what should I do I asked him for a second chance but he's not listening or even talking to me (link)
You should not feel like you have to lie, especially over something that could have happened to anyone. The fact that you did shows that you're AFRAID of this man. I don't know the dynamics of this relationship but it can't be healthy if you are afraid of him over something like this.
If a car handle falls off, there was obviously something faulty going on with the handle already because, that should not happen. The fact that it fell off when you grabbed it was coincidence. It could have happened to anyone. You being afraid to tell your boyfriend when you did nothing wrong, is scary!!
You should not try and get back together with this person. It seems like he blames you and punishes you unfairly. This is a type of abuse! Seriously think about it... Dose he shame and blame you over accidents? Does he use accidents to control you and make you feel bad about yourself? If you answered yes, to either of these questions, you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship.
You should never be afraid to be honest with your partner over something like this. RUN AWAY! This guy seems like bad news.
Take some time being single, treat yourself nicely with compassion and understanding. (That is how your partner should treat you.) Try and surround yourself with good people. People that are understanding and kind. Don't date men that blame and shame you. If you are afraid of being honest over a harmless accident, you should not date this person.

Be good to yourself, you deserve to be treated with compassion and understanding.

Good luck honey, I wish you the best :)


'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
Almost 100% no. The chances of pregnancy are very low. I don't know about the ipill particularly but most emergency contraceptive pills prevent pregnancy with a 90-100% success rate when they are taken correctly. If she took it within 72 hours of this incident you should be just fine. You should know within the first week because she should get her period sometime in the next 7 days. Each pill is a bit different some are 3 days others can be 5 to 7 days. If your curious about this specific pill you can always ask your pharmacist, check the ipill web site or ask your doctor.

Fingering with precum is an extremely low risk sex act in terms of pregnancy. Precum is generally sterile. There is no sperm in pre-cum. It's fluid your body releases to clear out your urethra in preparation for the actual cum. It leaves the urethra less acidic for sperm survival and with a clear passage so the maximum amount can pass through when you orgasm. Sometimes precum can have sperm in. If you had an orgasm right before that, and some left over sperm from the last orgasm was still in your urethra, then it could be in your precum fluid. It wouldn't be a lot but it is possible.

Good luck hope this is helpful. :)


Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed) (link)
It depends what your definition of a virgin is. If you believe that being a virgin means you have never had sex, then no you are not a virgin because you have had anal sex. If you believe that being a virgin means that your hymen is still in tact, then yes you are a virgin. Because, the only way a hymen can be broke is from vaginal penetration.

If you don't know what a hymen is then check out this link where you can learn about it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymen

Either way you should NOT feel stressed about it. Loosing your virginity is a natural and normal part of life. It's part of your experience and you should accept and embrace that. The most important thing to consider when your having sex is that your doing it because you want to. No one should force you. Sex should be happening between willing adults. Secondly, you should make sure that you trust the people you have sex with. You should be able to speak to them about your feelings and they should respond in a kind and compassionate manner. Thirdly, you should practice safe sex or sex with a condom. A condom is the most effective way to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or an STI.

Good luck honey, please let me know if you have any more questions. :)



I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.

For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.

Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.

In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.

I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.

To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.

What would you do?

What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?

How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?

What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.

Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?

Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.

Thanks in advance.

-Troubled (link)
So first of all, she is obviously not good at being monogamous. Don't feel bad a lot of people struggle with it. Society as whole is actually failing at monogamy. However studies show that usually when people cheat it has nothing to do with dissatisfaction in their current relationship. Check it out:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201403/how-likely-is-your-partner-cheat

We are not biologically wired for monogamy, for some people avoiding intimate sexual variety is like avoiding eating! The thing that drives people apart is that they feel like they have to lie about it to their partners. It's the deception that comes between you not the sexual variation. If you really Love this girl and want to make it work non-monogamy or an "open relationship," may be something that can work. If you think you can do this, you need to have an honest NON judgmental conversation with her and ask her if she wants to try it. You both have to understand and agree to not use it as a way to hurt each other or seek revenge. You do it because it is normal and natural and can add to your own sexual lives together. If your interested in this check out this link and other articles and podcasts by Dan Savage to get an idea of a how a healthy Open Relationship can work.

http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/07/15/non-monogamy-can-strengthen-a-marriage&view=comments

If you are absolutely monogamous and an open relationship is not for you ever. Then this is not the relationship for you and you two are not compatible! You need to end the relationship. If you don't want to try to work on an open relationship where you both can have outside partners and neither of you need to lie to each other about it. If you choose to do this you have two options. Number one, tell her your sorry it didn't work out and if the new job is very invested in having her as an employee they will sponsor her with a working visa. Number two, continue to help her with the visa even though your broken up and both of you can date who you like.

If you still want to help her get her visa, and your comfortable doing it as a business transaction rather then a partnership ( which is technically breaking the law), then make an agreement with her. Separate your finances, it's no longer your job to help her financially, and have her agree to something that is equally valuable to you. Perhaps your interested in a visa in her country? Perhaps she can help you pay for school, car, ect in exchange for her visa? It is technically breaking the law and runs an added risk on top of the ones you already mentioned about your name being smeared. Do you want to take these risks for someone that has been taking advantage of you?

If it were me and I really loved this person and they demonstrated to me that we could have an honest, loving, and respectful, open relationship together then I I would try doing that. You will be able to see if this is possible very easily. Sit down for an honest conversation with her (maybe have her read some of the articles or listen to the podcast about non monogamy). If she discusses it like a mature adult and is honest, understanding and willing to try, then that means she is mature enough and you can go ahead and try. If she keeps denying that she is cheating and acts childish and gets upset and angry about it. Then she is not ready to accept herself or her own reality.

If the latter happens I would break up with her and not agree to still help her with her visa. That is just me because I don't like breaking the law I would try and be honest because I"m a very blunt and honest person, but if its easy for you to lie, thats okay too. Do what you have to do and get the job done! DONT FEEL GUILTY OR LET HER MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. YOur doing the right thing so don't feel bad! Plus, If the guy she is cheating on you with is really into her, he can help her with the visa. When she resists, you just need to stay calm, confident and be honest. Tell her you wish her the best in life but you need to try and find a partner that your compatible with. It's not fair to deprive yourself of meeting someone that could love you the way you deserve to be loved. YOU HAVE TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF! Your girlfriend sounds selfish and she will try and make you feel guilty. In reality she is the one that should feel guilty for doing this to you. If she is meant to live and work there she will make it happen but she should do it on her own back not yours! Don't enable her to get ahead in life stepping on other people!!! If you let her do that your contributing to population of ass holes in the world.

Start looking for a place and tell her to start looking for a roommate to cover your half of the rent. Tell her you plan on being moved out by the end of finals if she doesn't move out. Be gracious, say your sorry it didn't work out but you can't let her do this anymore. It might be a good idea to find a friend that will let you crash on the couch for a few days so you know that you have some place to go immediately if she goes crazy when you break up. She probably also feels like a bad and dirty person living like this and will feel much better when she can live honestly.

Good Luck Honey


Its been almost 3 years and they have had there good times and bad times but today i didnt talk to her because I didnt want to fight and when we spoke she kept fighting with me... I feel like dying because she is my life and i am so stressed out, what should I do? (link)
First, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. You cant fix a problem until you get yourself out of that stressful headspace. Sit down in a quiet place and take 10 deep breaths and drink a full glass of water.

Then go to your partner and express your concerns. Tell her your worried about the way the relationship is going and want to get help. Ask her if she's willing to go to couples therapy and figure out whats going on. Tell her you love her and you want to make it work. Tell her you can't go on fighting like this.

Good luck honey, I hope you two work it out. :)


I'm 19 and he's 27. We've been dating for 4 months, we're in love and I can't picture my future without him. Though, I'm afraid problems will occur regarding our age difference. Not so much what people think and say, more of me worrying if it will cause problems between us.

Whenever we go grocery shopping, he can't buy alcohol with me. I can't go with him to any event that is serving alcohol. It makes me feel utterly indifferent, I have 3 more years until I can drink. That's just one problem that has occurred regarding the age difference.

I would just like know, do any of you fellow Yahoo users know of any cliche and or very real situations that can occur because of a vast age difference in a relationship? I'm not looking for relief, I would just like to know of what could come and prepare for it. (link)
Your about 8 years younger than he is. As you get older the age gap matters less and less. For example, if you were 30 and he was 38 it would probably be fine. However because your only 19 there are some pretty common problems that can come with this age gap.

First of all you are very inexperienced in terms of relationships and sexuality. (Not to say anything about you personally, we all were at age 19.) Most 19 year olds have not found themselves as adults in the world yet. You are going to learn a lot about yourself in the next four years. You might discover what you want to do in terms of a career. What types of crowds you like and what types you don\'t like. You\'ll start developing opinions about things that never crossed your mind before. Young adulthood is for finding the yes\'s and No\'s of life. Yes I like this, no I don\'t like that, I\'m curious about this, ect.

Your BF has already gone through this. This gives him a lot of power over you in most ways. For example, rather then letting you decide how you feel about something he might just choose for you. When your dating someone your own age you go through this process of discovery together so one persons opinion won\'t dominate the others so much. One thing that happens in these situations is that the younger person becomes more like the child of the older person rather than their equal partner.

Try and be attentive of this. Does he let you make up your own mind about things? Does he encourage you to explore, learn and discover? If the answer is yes, then maybe it\'s okay to date him despite the age gap. Does he seem controlling and possessive over you? Does he try and isolate you so you don\'t interact with people your own age or your family? If the answer is yes, then this is NOT a healthy relationship. The power dynamic is abusive and you should not date this guy!!! If this is the case advocate for yourself and break up with him! You deserve the experience of young adulthood don\'t let him take it from you!

People that like being controlling and abusive in relationships are attracted to dating young adults (18-21). Not everyone that dates a young adult is looking to abuse the power dynamic but many of them are. Be aware of this. People that want to abuse power like personalities that are naive, inexperienced and looking for guidance. This is why the age gap matters so much for you at your age.

Yes you are in totally different places in life! He can\'t take you to participate in most of the social activities in his life! He won\'t be able to for three more years! For most people this is a deal breaker in a relationship. Why would date someone when you can\'t share social experiences together? This makes the motives of the older person very questionable. Have you met his friends? Does he tell people about you? Is going to the bar as a single man trying to pick up women? Have you two had a discussion about this?

I hope this helps,

Good luck honey


I truly loved a girl name preethi she lives in Coimbatore im Arun maheedhar in same area because of her situation and completion of her parents she left me we both doin masters in Coimbatore the day of her proposal is Nov 8 th around 7.30 in the evening then our life was awesome for few days like upto Dec 30 th the same year 2013 I was last seen her at Dec 30 th 2013 evening I dropped her in a market place and I left with tears and my tears still not stopped today april 6th 1.14 am I was feeling very sad abt the memories I tried to erase her memories but I can't I tried many things but only fail remains in love in carrer in life only her memories left with me now I want to die with that same memory but I don't want any resurrection after this life it's enough I'm now not fit for my life. Her birthday is April 9th so on that day I pray for her life for last time and I want to die with those memories please tell a way for a quick painless death (link)
"It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all,"

I'm sorry, for your loss. Your story is tragic but very beautiful. Reading your letter brought a tear to my eye. Love is a wonderful thing and your lucky you were able to experience it. Don't kill your self. Preethi would want you to live. Love never seems to last long enough for any of us. Believe me your not alone.

I'm sure you have beautiful memories of your time together. I'm sure you don't want to erase something so beautiful, right? Life has shown you love and that is an amazing thing. I'm sorry you were not able to keep it. But some people live their whole lives never even experiencing it. Some people will never know what love feels like.

I know your feeling a lot of pain right now. I wish i could make it go away. Hang in there and try to be strong. You are fit for your life. Life has a lot more love to give you but, you must stay open to it. You have to keep believing.

Now that you have felt love you must know that the world has beautiful secrets in it, right? You seem like a very beautiful and deep feeling person. The world could use more like you. Please don't give up on love. People like you and I were born to make the world a more beautiful place. Tragedy hurts but it is a valid and beautiful part of the human experience.

Congratulations of having felt love.


21/f

I started seeing this guy, James, about 8 months ago. We immediately got along so well and our sense of humor matches up- which is very important to me. Being in college though, I knew I wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship. With parties constantly going on, I was always meeting cute guys that I knew I would say yes to going on dates with. I've never been one to sleep around, but I loved meeting new guys. James was very clear that he really liked me, but I kept pushing him away.

However, since summer started, I began seeing him every day. Any time neither of us had to work, we were with each other. I got to know him so much better. Recently, I moved a couple hours away but have gone to see him a couple of times. Each time I see him, I find myself thinking how wonderful is and I can truly see myself marrying him. He's everything I want in a man, constantly has me in tears from laughing so hard, and I always feel the excitement I did when we first started seeing each other.

The problem is that I still get asked on dates by other men from time to time and I find it hard to say no. They text me and I flirt back, and afterward I feel awful. How do I let go of that? James' parents love me and they always talk about our future- which EXCITES me to think about! I don't feel as if I'm running from the commitment because the thought of being in a relationship with him makes me so happy. I just can't quit seeing other men too. How do I stop before I ruin my relationship? (link)
First of all i would like to know if you have had a discussion with James about only seeing each other? If you have not, you should. He could be taking other girls out on dates and your feeling guilty for no reason. So if you have not had that conversation then it's important that you do. Just so your both on the same page about being exclusive.
If you have had the conversation or you do it and decide to be exclusive then you just need to explain that to guys that hit on you. I know it's hard and we all love attention i'm SOOOO GUILTY of this myself... REALLY! So this is what you need to do just explain to the guys that have been perusing you that you recently decided to become exclusive with someone you've been dating. Tell them you think they're great and you would love to stay in touch as friends but you are now in a committed relationship. If you can't do it in person or on the phone then take advantage of text messaging! Some of them will still want to hang out and have coffee or whatnot as friends but the sad truth is that most of them will stop contacting you.
On the up side having the "conversation," about being exclusive will give you a new found confidence about your relationship. You will be able to turn down other opportunities easer when you feel confident about being on the same page with your boyfriend. Also once you do it once you will feel a big weight of guilt lift off your shoulders and it will be easer to do it in the future. You will associate the honesty of disclosure with a good feeling that feels even better then attention because it doesn't come with guilt.
If your still having problems sending that text that discloses your relationship status, try this. Think about how deceived you would feel if your boyfriend was leading on other girls and do it for him. Think about how deceived you would feel if you found out a guy you were really into had a girl friend? You seem like a compassionate caring person. If you connect to that part of yourself it will be much easer to do the right thing and disclose.

Good luck honey and don't forget the most important thing HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH JAMES!! (only if you haven't already)



i think being in a relatioship is very special and think I should wait for the right guy but I've been masturbating recently and I am egar for sex I'm 16 and a virgin and these urges I have tell me I need sex but I really want to wait for mr right I tried masturbation but the urges are still there are there any other ways I can control these urges ? (link)
If you just recently started masturbating you have a whole relationship to develop with yourself and it goes deeper then you could Imagine. How have you already tried masturbating? Do you experience orgasms when you masturbate? There are many different ways to masturbate. If your doing correctly you can achieve orgasm and sexual satisfaction every time!! Women have 5 erogenous zones in the body to receive orgasms. Each of them produce a different type of orgasm, you can get a book on the female anatomy and female sexuality and experiment with new ways of discovering your body. I read a book called "tickle my fancy," and it really taut me many new ways to masturbate and it was amazing!!! I learned new ways using my hand using a toy and using my shower head ;) I think you do need to be at least 18 years old to buy this book so see if an older sibling will help you get it? Perhaps your mom is someone you could talk with that might help you? You can explore pornography and discover what type of erotic situations turn you on. You can also explore your own fantasy while you masturbate, discover what you like to think about.
Basically you and your body are in for a long life together. Get to know it, your on the right track! Your having a very hormonal time in your young adult hood and this is normal. So masturbate a lot! Develop a good solid relationship with your body and sexuality and some day you will find that guy you want to loose your virginity with. Be patient and always remember if your doing it right masturbating is never boring and it's a wonderful way to experience an orgasm, sexual satisfaction and relieve your urges.

Good luck honey :)


I am a girl who is engaged to a girl. My ex girlfriend however is on my mind 24/7 and I am thinking about going back to her. I can't stop thinking about her and I really shouldn't have let her go in he first place, but I have a stable life with my fiancé that I think I would end up regretting in the long run if I left her. Please help me decide. Me and my fiancé have 2 dogs together, I love her family and we live with her mom who is great and only makes us pay a small amount of rent. We have been together for 2 years and both work at the same place. We share my car and are very close. We spend every second of every day together. My ex and I had a very passionate relationship but it ended because back in high school we could hardly ever see eachother. However we remained best friends and started seeing eachother every day. She had dated a lot of guys and I didn't know if she still felt the same about me so we went on with the years just being friends. We would have sex once a month or so when we got drunk or whatever. I loved her more than anything and it killed me so much to see her start dating other people. But I still stuck around as the best friend and watched it all and held her when she cried. I tried to hint to her that I wanted to be with her but she didn't seem to be into it so I just kind of left it at that. I started talking to my now fiancé and my ex would cry every day I spent with her. I would have sex with her and she would just cry and by the time she told me she loved me like I loved her it was too late and I was already dating my fiancé. Lately with my fiancé I've not really been happy and she has become a very angry person. It is turning me into an angry person but when we are around eachother I'm happy. I texted my ex for the first time in a year today and she told me she still loved me and was hoping I would e waiting for her on her doorstep one day and all the feelings came back. I can't stop thinking about her and I'm thinking about going back to her but it's a tough decision because I can't move back in with my parents because they won't let me bring my dog and he has to come . And I don't make very much money to afford my own place . Any advice is appreciated ! (link)
Did you think about your ex at all before your current fiance started being moody? It sounds to me like troubles in your current relationship are making you want to run away to your past. Maybe you and your fiance are moving a bit fast or need to take a breather from each other for a bit. Have you spoken with your fiance about how angry she has been lately? It could also just be a rough patch in your relationship is really shaking you up and making you question if you made the right decision or not.I suggest first trying to work on your current relationship and realize that when times get rough it's normal for us to look into the past nostalgically. Not to say that a relationship with your ex couldn't work but it would just have different problems. All relationships do. In my experience bisexual and lesbian relationships are extremely hard. For exactly the reasons you talked about before the bi girl wants to be with men and her girlfriend has to take a back seat and watch it all. So if you haven't given up on your current relationship yet, then work on it before you decide to leave it. Talk to your partner tell her your worried about how angry she is. Tell her you don't want to live like that. See if you two can work it out. If things start feeling better at home you might stop looking into your past for answers.
If you do decide to leave then i'm sorry but it looks likes your going to loose your dog along with your relationship. Even if your ex wants you to move in with her immediately, those actions have the word DISASTER written all over them. Jumping into living with someone immediately after leaving someone else does confusing things to your mind and emotions. I highly recommend not doing that. You will regret it if you don't give yourself and your feelings time to adjust and think through things. When you get a pet with a partner you risk loosing that pet if the two of you break up. In the future think about it, is the risk of loosing this pet in a break up worth the comfort and love of having it? It's wrong and irresponsible to move in to a situation too fast just to keep your dog. Your better off asking your (would be ex fiancé) to care for it till you can afford your own place then live with your parents for a bit and save money.

If you and your ex are supposed to be together you will find your way back to each other. There is no use creating another regret with your current relationship just to cover up a past regret. It could easily end up in you loosing both of them and your dog. So work on what you have right now and be sure it can't work before you walk away. The only way you know if something is not right is if you try and make it work and it wont. Then you get to walk away knowing that you tried and you have no regrets.

Good luck honey :)


I have this guy friend "alex" and we just recently started talking more. He asked me to dinner, but because of our working/school schedules its a little hard to make an exact date, well last week we ended up hanging out together with a few other friends, and after our friends went home he took me to eat dinner and we watched a movie in his car at a school parking lot. he taught me to waltz in the middle of the parking lot around midnight (seriously like something you would see in a movie) then a couple days later he asked if I wanted to hangout after work. so I went to his house and we just sat around watched tv, talked, and danced a little more. and hell ask every now and then if I want to talk on the phone before bed. and we end up talking for a couple hours before actually hanging up. he tells me all this corny stuff like flirting kind of, and makes fun of my height cause hes taller then me. he acts like hes interested, he even asked my best friend if I date. well the other day I was asking him to hangout with me and a few of our friends today, and he said if he didn't have work he would, but we should hangout before then, so we made a plan to hangout after I got out of work, but 30 mins before I got out he texted me and canceled cause he had his daughter, then today he ended up having to work, so he asked if I wanted to hangout after he got off for a little bit cause he has to be up really early for college. but when he got off he texted me and said nevermind for tonight cause its late and he needs to be up early, and we can hangout some other time. im just confused on why he acts interested and says all the sweet things to me, and acts likea gentleman but the last couple times he asked me to hangout he canceled at the last minute. (link)
It sounds like he has a pretty complex life right now. He has a child part time, he is going to school and working full time. Give the guy a break! He's got a lot of balls up in the air and finding time to date as well can be tricky.
It sounds like he really does like you and is interested in you. Maybe you should ask him how much he dates? How old is his daughter? Has he had many girlfriends since she was born or since he broke up with her mom? Maybe he hasn't dated in a while and doesn't know how to fit it into his life as a single father/ student. Just be understanding try to get a better idea of him and his life and situation. Maybe he doubts his own ability to be a boyfriend because he's a bit overwhelmed in his life. If you two continue to hang out ask him some questions about his life and how he feels about dating. Then you can understand where he is coming from and not get confused or thrown off so easily. If you two start seeing each other regularly it might be good to have a talk about him keeping you informed so you don't get confused and you being understanding of his life and it's complications.
Basically to me it sounds like he is interested. Dating is just something he is unsure of and struggling to find a balance with in his life. So if you want to see him and your interested despite his complex life then let him know. Feel free to be straight forward and ask him how interested he is. I've found that being straight forward is usually very respected and well received among most men. Just calmly and kindly pose the question, "hey sometimes your actions confuse me a bit and i was wondering how interested you are in me? What are your intentions?"

Good Luck honey!




I've known this guy for about 3 and a half years, I used to be very depressed and he acted as a consular and helped me. We both started to really like each other but we didn't wanna date because we love 5 hours away so we agreed to date other people but nothing serious. We go to the same camp ground so I see him a couple times a year. Around October he calls Me crying saying his gf is pregnant (he's a virgin so she cheated on him) but his parents and hers made them get married....we tried so much to stop it but it was a fail. So he joined the army to be able to pay for and in hopes his new wife will get bored while he is gone and leave him. He is telling me that he knows we will be together some day but it all is just so hard.....what do I do :/ gone (link)
First of all this whole situation sounds a little strange to me. Do you know his parents have you met them? I don't know what parents would make there virgin son marry a girl and care for a child that's not his? Most parents are pretty sane and if their child tells them my girlfriend is pregnant with another mans baby they wont make their kid marry her, they would tell their kid to break up with her. So I don't know how much he could have tried to "stop the wedding," If he didn't even tell anyone that the kid is not his.

Have you met his parents? Do they seem like they are completely crazy and detached from reality? Do they seem like people that would force their virgin son into taking a child that is not his? To me his story has DISHONEST written all over it. Also, how old is he? He is over 18 and he's a virgin with a girlfriend? How long has he been with this girl? Most guys that are over 18 and virgins are virgins because they can't get a girl not because they choose to be virgins. I think you really need to re-evaluate how much you can trust this guy.

This is what it sounds like to me. It sounds like he and his girlfriend were having sex. OOPS! She got pregnant because they were not practicing safe sex. Their parents insist that they get married for the child and the family reputation. (both of their parents must be religious or very conservative?) Now before he knows it, his young adult hood is gone! His is married, in the army and has a child and seems like it all happened over night. He wishes he could start over. He feels like all this just happened to him and he wants to find a way to escape responsibility.

He tells you the child is not his because he doesn't want you to judge him and it's one way for him to escape responsibility. He probably really dose like you and was hoping to get to be with you someday. Now that he feels like his life changed over night he doesn't want to loose the fantasy of some day being able to be with you. So he tells you a stupid lie so even though he is married with a child you will not take him off your future "possible partner," list.

Honestly I don't think forced marriages usually work. I think they will probably split up but this woman will be in his life forever linked to the the child they had together. Maybe the two of you will be together someday but you need to get him to be honest with you. Tell him that his story sounds a little far fetched. Why would parents want you to care for someone else's child when your a virgin? Do your parents think you should father every fatherless child? If they didn't believe the kid was not his he could easily have a paternity test to tell. They can be done affordably at planned parenthood weather you have insurance or not. There is even one you can buy in the pharmacy next to the pregnancy tests!!! Seriously it's easy to prove the father of a child these days!
Tell him his story is full of holes!!! Then tell him that he can tell you the truth and you will not judge him. You genuinely care for him as a person and you are not his judge. He can talk to you even about things he's ashamed of and it's okay. If he comes clean with you then great! Be a good friend and shoulder for him to cry on, he is going through a really hard time in his life. Even if you are never together you can be great friends. Maybe you two are meant to be together eventually and friends is all you can be right now.
If he doesn't come clean with you I would probably stop talking with him. You don't want to be involved with a man that tried to deceive you so he looks perfect and flawless. Real people aren't perfect and real partners aren't either. Real partners aren't perfect but they're honest. If he can't come clean and be honest they you two never had a chance anyway. You also don't want to be with someone that renounces all responsibility and thinks they are a victim of their own life. It's just not psychologically healthy to be with people like that.
Try and see if he'll give up the "virgin victim of my life" story and get real. Like I said even if you stay close friends without romance, a good friend in a time of need is always a beautiful thing. You may need the favor returned someday when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to confess your less honorable moments to.

Good luck honey!



well today he came over to my house and just started yell at me did u have fun with him last nite when he already new i was with my mom so I told him I was done with all of his games and if he was to come over to my house its to only see the kids so since i broke up with him when he dose come see the kids should i just stay n my room and not talk to him untell I get over him or show him it dose not bother me that we r not together (link)
So how old are your children?
I think right now you need to act civil with him. Not because your trying to show him it doesn't bother you but because you are trying to set a good example for your kids. Also because it's traumatizing to have parent s that scream and can't be in the same room together.
Tell him that it is unacceptable for him to scream and be violent to you in front of the kids. You are both adults and you are obviously going to continue seeing each other for a very long time because you have children together. His anger, jealousy and emotional problems are none of your business! You are broken up and he needs to stop involving you in that. Letting your children know that they have two parents that love them is more important then his and your problems. I don't know how old your children are but break ups can be hard on them. They may blame themselves, they may worry that they will be caught in the hate between you two forever. I remember when my parents divorced I felt like they had to see each other because of me and they would always be yelling and screaming because of me. It made me feel guilty and bad about myself. Eventually it really pushed me away from my parents.
It's important that you level with your X and get him on board with making the kids feel comfortable and okay. This is the number one priority. This means you two are civil around each other! You don't run away and hide and he doesn't loose his temper. It may be too late for your relationship together but it's not too late for your relationship with your kids!!!! Tell him if he needs to talk to you or you two need to have a fight about something you need to plan to meet at a coffee shop or somewhere but you will not do it in front of the kids.
You both need to care about them more then you right now.

Good luck honey and keep your head on straight.




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