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LaMasqueDuMinet the CheshireKatLocation:
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===IN THE THIRD PERSON:===Meet Kathryn: burlesquer, model, actor, ukulele-er, fantastic cook, and font of wise words and amusing anecdotes. She loves to listen to you and, if she can, help you with your troubles, or, if she can't help, direct you to someone who can. And that's why you're here, no? ~grins~
Kathryn is a person of wide and varied experience. Her only routine is to try something new every day. She has met many people in her travels from many different backgrounds, countries, and expertises. "Knowledge junkie" is something Kat frequently calls herself.
===THINGS I FEEL QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVICE ABOUT:===
***romantic relationships
***general and nutritional health (I disclaim: I am not a doctor, nor a certified nutritionist yet...I merely have read a lot, experienced a lot in my own life, have personally heard testimonials on a variety of health issues and healthy lifestyle practises, and am a yoga instructor and Ayurvedic health consultant)
***sexual health
***technology (computers specifically, but other techie things like me too ^_^)
***philosophy, theology, and psychology
***social issues
***crafty artsy thingies (excuse the technical jargon)
===POSSIBLE POLITICAL/IDEALOGICAL CONFLICTS WITH YOUR OWN VIEWS:===
*I was raised as a Catholic (the Roman kind), I went to Catholic parochial grade school, I attended a Catholic high school (a Sacred Heart school), and now I attend a Catholic Jesuit university. Although I don't call myself Catholic or Christian, I respect and acknowledge the good things I was raised with.
*I am not prejudiced against any ethnic, socioeconomic, or cultural background.
*I am not prejudiced against any religion or spiritual path, including a lack of one (atheism, don't-give-a-damn-ism).
*I am not prejudiced against any sexual orientation or gender identity. I myself am romantically and sexually queer, physically female, mentally gender-f***ed. If you ever want to talk about sexual orientation and/or gender identity, don't hesitate to contact me! I am working toward a sexology degree, and these things interest me immensely!
*I don't care for politics very much, but I respect the people who are wise with their words and respectful to others.
===SOME QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR ME (BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY ASK YOUR QUESTION):===
"You're only 24! You don't know anything about the world. How could you possibly give me advice on anything?" Perhaps I am fairly young to be giving advice to people. But I do know this: everyone who has ever come to me looking for counsel has always told me, either during or right after our "sessions", that I am not overly critical, that I am honest and fair, that I am sensitive and understanding, that I am open-minded and tolerant, that they can count on me to give a good outside objective perspective, and (something I think is most important in being an advisor) that I am a good listener.
"What types of things do you give advice on?" Well, I can give you advice on almost anything, really. If I personal experience with what you're asking about, I'll patch it through. If I don't, I'll put in my two cents and let you know where you can get more firsthand knowledge.
"Why do you write sooooo muuuuuch?"
I'm a writer, I blabber sometimes, heh. I do take a lot of care in my writing though, I want to give you a well-thought-out answer. But the other reason I write so much is because I don't want to give you a one-sentence reply, unless it's to a very black-and0white question like "What time does 'House' air on Tuesday in Cincinnati?"
===IN CLOSING:===
You got questions? Lemme at 'em!
I wish you all lives filled with tasty food, goofball antics, and people you love to share them with you.
~*Kathryn*~
advice
Ok so I just got back from church camp and I met this guy! we have been texting and I'm really starting to fall hard for him! But we live 30mins away and this weekend he says he wants to hang out...and I'm so happy! But then he says he would really like to make out! I'm 15 and never have done it. I NEED TIPS!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!
Dear Camp Wannaboyfriend,
Whoa, slow down there, camper, don't get your fishing line into a knot. ~grins~ Ok, I'll dispense with the camp puns...
It's a great feeling to be all googly-eyed over young camp love! Most of us don't get to see our summer sweethearts again, but it's nice when you get the chance.
A few things to keep in mind: out in the real world with the honeymoon haze of summertime fun gone, you both might feel a bit differently about each other. You might find each other not as interesting as you did at camp...or you might think the other person is even cooler than before!
Then again, texting/Facebook/AIM is not--and will not ever be--equal to face-to-face time spent together. It's always a good idea to get to know someone in the same room as you rather than digitally.
As far as anything physical goes, did he tell you specifically he wanted to make out? If so, it's fine if YOU want to. Have you been kissed before or kissed someone (in a romantic way that was short, sweet, and not making out)? Just make sure you're not rushing yourself into anything, especially since you're new to it. Boys can be nice. They can also be...not so nice sometimes. Also, you mentioned you two met at Church camp; if you consider yourself to be religious, then you might want to think about what making out can lead to, and whether or not it conflicts with what you believe spiritually/religiously.
My basic concern is that you don't put yourself in a situation where the other person expects you to do something you're not ready to do. I hear stories all the time from girls your age who talked a lot with a guy via texting/Facebook, the guys asked them to hang out, and the girls let themselves fall into a situation where they were uncomfortable with what the guys wanted to do with them, and sometimes unsafe as well. My intention is not to scare you, just to remind you to be aware of what's going on, to not be naive, and to watch out for yourself.
That being said, if you DO feel ready to become physically involved with another person, take it slow, be aware of what both of you want, and don't stress out about it! Kissing is supposed to be fun! If it's not, then just quit for a while and try again later if you feel comfortable with it. Hang out with each other beforehand, be comfortable, play a video game, watch a movie, take a walk, talk to each other and tell stories; it'll happen on its own eventually. It's something that gets better with practise, and if you think your summertime guy is someone you want to practise with, then go for it!
Hope this helps! If you want to talk about it more, just email me. Good luck!
~*Kathryn*~
im in the same situation as the other girl. one of my guy friends likes me as more than a friend. he's told me so a thousand times and hes been wayyy more flirty with me n he always hints that he likes me. i dont know if i like him or not.. but i havent been flirting back or anything hoping he'll get the hint and kinda back off. we're kinda in that "more than friends but less than going out stage", like we both know theres something there but were not doing anything about it. but honestly, the more i think about it, id rather just be friends with him.. i mean i dunno, i realize i like him more than my other guy friends, jus not enough to go out n be more than friends with him, you know? well i was talkin to his brother n he wants me to give it a chance bc he thinks we'd be a good couple & what not. also im worried my friends gonna try to kiss me bc he keeps actin like he wants to n keeps hintin that hes plannin on doin it sometime.. well i dunno if i should let him.. bc that could be like leading him on but also itd be like a way to find out how i really feel about him right?? ahh hellppp mee thx
(sorry it's taken me soo long to get this answer out!! i've been away at a performing arts festival)
real quick, i love your drawn out cry for help at the end there. ^_^
took me a second to remember which girl you were talking about, but i gotchya. who says girls are the only confusing ones?? both sexes are equally screwed up, screwed up and crazy i say!
now although you say you've not flirted back with him, you've got to remember that if he takes something else you do (for example, remembering to call and say hey how was your day) he may take that as you liking him. we all think silly things at times. when you say you like him more than your other guy friends, what do you mean? because there are all different sorts of love (like in this case, but i don't need to rephrase everything). do you feel like he's a best friend, someone you care for like a comrade, someone you feel you could freely tell the bawdiest thing you've ever done to, someone for whom you'd throw yourself in front of a bullet for? do you feel like he's a brother, someone who's like a relative who you love hanging out with, someone who's older and wiser and can give you a different perspective on things?
as for the saying he's planning to kiss you thing, i've got examples that would both refute and confirm that he's not kidding. first off, good ole seanzy, my buddy with whom i flirt shamelessly and crazily ostentaciously, and he flirts with me as well even more so. but we've never acted on these things, not in 7 years! now for the other example...
i have this one guy friend (although i'm not sure i could really call him much of a friend now), we'll call him almo. he and i became friends about a year ago, and he obviously liked me (and wanted me... -_-; ), even when he was still going out with his girlfriend cookie (name change). after she broke up with him (she has guy A.D.D., ha) almo tried to go after me (and still is trying from a city an hour away) even though he knew/knows that i had/have a boyfriend, but it became more so that he wanted to *do* me rather than *date* me :P (sorry for the crudeness, kiddies).
anyways, i'm not saying that your guy friend, parnell (i bet you all thought i was going to forget to name him, didn't you? ~_^), is just trying to snog you, i'm just throwing out my own experiences.
so to summarise and wrap it up and conclude, just be honest with him, really. make sure that both of your thoughts are all out there. unless you two are psychics, how can you expect to know what the other is thinking unless you tell them??
i hope this helped, sorry again for the lateness. if there's anything new on the situation or if you've anything else to add or say, feel free to email me again. good luck!
~*kitty*~
so it goes like this... one of my best friends is a guy, and he likes me as more than a friend and stuff and hes told me that, like a month ago and jus earlier this week. well im kinda a natural flirt and ive realized that maybe before like a month or more ago i was kinda leadin him on w/o realizin it but ive tried hard to stop doin that bc i only like him as a friend and i dont want him to get tha wrong idea. well i was wonderin if we were to go to tha movies or somethin and i were to let him hold my hand or put his arm around me or somethin.. would that be bad and be like leadin him on all over again? bc i dont wanna act all cold and jus move away from him or w/e. im so lost, i really dont wanna hurt him bc he still means alot to me as a friend :[
ah, the curse of natural flirtatiousness, i know it well (because i've got it ^_^). actually, it's a blessing and a curse, because it makes you friendly and lets people get to know you easily and feel more at ease around you.
*were* you leading him on? unintentionally, i mean. i suppose a better question would be, did he think you were hitting on him (with real intent, not just with the natural flirtiness)? if he didn't tell you specifically that you were, then you probably can't really know. so ask him. sure it might sound weird, but go ahead and say that to him. "jake," oh yeah, that's my pseudonym for the guy-friend here, "jake, this is kinda weird, i'm not trying to creep you out or anything, but have you ever felt like i was hitting on you? i mean, really seriously hitting on you?" if he asks why you're asking, you can just say that a few people were saying that you were too much of a flirt and that you were leading people on, and you wanted to know his opinion on the matter.
how did he tell you that he "liked you as more than a friend"? not being sceptical of boyo's feelings here, just giving you something to think about. think about his tone and his body language and what his eyes did. just recently i had a friend (renamed "hannah" for advicenator purposes) who had a lot of problems with one of her guy friends (renamed "jarrod"). the two of them were friends at first, then dated for a few months, then jarrod broke up with her and went back to his old girlfriend (who had broken up with him like two other times) and was an super-sappy-overly-sorry ass about it, his old girlfriend broke up with him again, jarrod tried to go back to hannah, they were a little more than friends for a while (FWBs...), hannah thought about trying again with jarrod over the summer, soon realised that that would be a BIG mistake (he's way too clingy, whiney, spineless, incorrigible, inconsiderate, and passive-aggressive), jarrod still liked hannah and kept trying to go out with her again, she let him hug her when she was having a bad day sometimes and he tried to kiss her three or four times in two days (boy was she STEAMED), and now she mostly ignores him when she can because she knows he's not good for her and i've told her so.
what was my point again?? oh yeah. depending on how this jake of yours is, how he looks at things, how laid-back he is, will affect how he interprets you letting him hold your hand or put his arm around you. you don't need to be cold. if you really feel like he's gonna pull a jarrod, you've got to communicate things to him! tell him how important he is to you and that you don't want to unintentionally hurt him or brush him off and have him take it the wrong way.
thanks so much for your question. i hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
--postscript--
if you do have any more questions or anything, feel free to email me at kittywalsh(at sign)gmail.com
15/f ;; whats the best way to choose between 2 guys? the 1st guy i met a couple months ago and we connected pretty quickly and we get along really well blah blah blah. the 2nd guy, i just met earlier this week, but we get along really great and he's more my "type". they both like me.. and i really dont wanna have to decide because i think i might like the 2nd guy more, but i kinda feel like thats unfair to the 1st guy since weve been "talking" longer, and i knew he liked me so maybe that was bad to do to him to even start talkin to the 2nd guy..? its gonna break my heart to have to hurt either one of them.. im so confuesd i really dont even kno where to begin on what to do.
well, first off, did either of them ask you out yet? or have you asked either of them out?
all right, as is my custom on advicenators, i shall now assign pseudonyms to each of the guys. 1st boy: ensio. 2nd boy: kato.
you've got to first try looking at this in an objective manner (meaning practically, realistically, not influenced by emotion). are either ensio or kato rebellious juvenile delinquents? drug dealers? disrespectful (to anyone and/or everyone, not just women)? lazy? dishonest? sneaky? do they have a history of bad relationships in the past? a bad family life? a police record? detention-acquiring tendencies? another girlfriend?? >.>
i'm not saying that any of those apply to either of them, necessarily. you just need to evaluate in a cautious manner whether or not either of these guys are going to bring too much trouble with them, and whether or not you can/want to handle that. because, yeah, a lot of guys can have troubled family lives, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't date them; you might even be good for them, as support and a caring person in their life.
second, you should objectively analyse which seems to be the better match for you. it's true opposites attract, but people who are very similar can attract too. ^_^ if you're usually the dominant one in a relationship (or the submissive one), which one can best complement that? who do you feel like you can be the most open with? which one of them is the most supportive and there for you when you need it? who does it seem like you are able to talk to a lot, or a little, and not worry or mind a few pauses and silent moments?
as far as breaking ensio's (1st boy's) heart, yeah, maybe he liked/likes you, but has he told you that? and i mean specifically, out loud, like (and now for convenience and entertainment purposes, i'll call you) "choosy. i like you. in a like-like romantic kind of way." ^_^ and just because you two have been talking and have been friends longer doesn't mean you've been leading him on or hinting that you want a bf/gf relationship. then again, maybe you have been, i don't know the whole situation.
my advice is to think about these above things, as well as consider what things would be like if you dated ensio or kato, and what you might lose from the relationships you already have with both of these guys if you dated one of them. wait a while and ponder, and get to know kato (2nd boy) a little better. after you've done that, think about these things again. if you haven't decided by then, feel free to email me again and i'll be glad to talk things over with you.
keep both of the guys' feelings in mind, as well as what's in your own heart, and you'll be just fine.
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
k well i met this guy a lil over a month ago and we talk for hours every night now and we get along really great. i kno he likes me because he always is super sweet to me + he jus came out n said that he likes me not too long ago and asked if i like him. i said i kinda did [cuz i kinda do] and ive kinda been more of a flirt with him but now i sorta wish i hadnt been doin that. yes i do like him but i dont want a bf right now bc im really enjoyin the single life and im worried that if he asks me out and i say yes that i wont be into the relationship or w/e or that if i say no that, like any other guy, he'll move on to someone else and ill regret it. what should i do?
good evening and salutations, my dear. ^_^
that's great you and this guy (whom i'll asign the pseudonym of "rocco") talk a lot on the phone. it's not always as good as talking in person but there's always fun to be had with a good'n'weird phone chat.
just a cautionary note that doesn't even really apply to this case, i'm just throwing it out there for all the girls (and guys too) to think about: while some people may act nice and super sweet and says that they like you, that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how they really feel and think about you. you don't need to always expect the worst in people but the phrase "ulterior motives" should always be tucked in the back of your mind as a possibility. just be careful, s'all i ask of you, moi dears. ^_^
anyways, rocco sounds like a nice enough kid. i don't know too much about him so i can't tell if he's what would be classified as a "nice guy", one that would really take it hard if you've been flirting with him a lot and he takes that to mean that you majorly dig him, but then you decide that you don't want to date him. i'm not saying you're leading him on or anything, again, i'm just giving you things to think about and take into account.
if he likes you and you like him, then sure, if you guys want to date, go ahead! you say you don't want to give up the single life, and that's fine too. but remember, if he does ask you out, feel free to go ahead and go out! just because you go out on a date (and i mean when both you and he have verbally confirmed that that's what it is) doesn't mean you two are a couple. if you go out once or twice or a few more times, you still could just be casually dating, and not considering each other to be bf/gf.
if he does ask you out on a date and you still don't feel like you really want to be in a relationship, then make sure you tell him that's it's just a date and that you're not sure you want to go into a relationship right now. if he likes you he'll probably be ok with that and you two can go to lunch, see a movie, have a good time, and then you can see if you like him more or if the idea of having him as a boyfriend appeals to you more. as long as you're honest, think carefully, don't overthink things too much, take things slowly, and stay open to having a fun time with someone who could turn out to be a really great friend (or, potentially, boyfriend), things should work out fairly well.
if you have any more questions, feel free to email me again. hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
every time i go out on first dates with new guys or w/e my mouth always gets ridiculously dry and i cant even half smile right, let alone be able to talk. its crazy. im not really nervous or anything, no more than most people would be.. but my mouth dries out soo much. anything i can do to fix that ? thx
hee, i know how that can sometimes happen. you can try having a drink with you, i would suggest water or possibly naked (fruit juice drink, a pound of fruit in every bottle, really freakin' tasty...), so that when your mouth starts to feel dry you can take a little drink. try putting on some carmex lip balm on your lips a few times a day. chew some gum, but make sure not to smack it or chew it noisily. ^_^
also, try not to worry about it too much or to think too intensely on it. it's like when you're trying not to think of something, which just makes you think of it.
hope this helped. good luck! tell me how things go.
~*kitty*~
heyy there im the freshman that wrote awhile back about me and the senior who i couldnt get an answer out of whether or not he liked me. well in yer response to my question you mentioned that you'd like to kno how things turned out. well, they didnt, haha. although he talked about girls at work and stuff that liked him & even told me he picked up two girls at the beach during spring break, he started acting really jealous and gettin upset if he saw me talkin to any of my guy friends or called and i was on the phone w/ a guy friend or anything like that.. so after he had a little fit and hung up on me 3 times in one night a couple weeks ago, we havent talked since, so i think im givin up on him, ha. but thx fer yer help anyway, keep it up!
aw poor girl. poor guy too, what's he bein' so whiney for?? ^_^ ok, i'm kinda just kidding there.
sorry to hear that thing's aren't working out, but sometimes--though it sucks majorly--that's life. hopefully both of you can pull through outta this and grow and learn from it.
if he does call you again, or if you guys meet randomly by accident, don't be cold or freak out. be civil and generally kind; just because he hung up on you doesn't mean you should slap that kind of poor attitude back at him (even though maybe he might kind of deserve it...)
thanks for letting me know the turnout of things! i love it when people actually take up my offer on that. have fun during the rest of your freshman year!
much love,
~*kitty*~
me and my x bf have been on and off for 2 years and even if were off were still kinda together...like holding hands..etc...and one day he went to a party and got with a girl..and he called me that same nite and told me that all my friends are going to be lying to be the next day sayign that he got with someone but its not true...well i found out its true and he admitted it to me...and i just want to know if i have a right to be mad..because he doesnt think so...
at the risk of overreacting and blurting out the first thing that comes to my mind...
do you have a right to be mad?? um, HELL YES. he doesn't think so??? um, HELL WHAT THE.
what do you mean by "he went a party and got with a girl"?? he made out with her, he hung around her all night, she kissed him on the cheek, they were involved in a rainbow lipstick competition, he drunkly declared to any and all passerby that she was his girlfriend...?
and, although you do have a right to be upset, are you two officially together, as in, dating, and both of you accept statements like:
YOU: he is my boyfriend, exclusively.
HIM: she (as in you) is my girlfriend, exclusively.
from what you tell about the situation, he sounds like a bit of an ass to me. but i don't everything that's going on here, so i'll try not to pass judgement.
as for what you should do, it seems like he's prone to sneakery, half-ass-ed-ness, and lieing. and if he's a half-ass-ing sneaking liar (although, apparently, a really bad liar...), i'd lose this guy if i were you.
hope this helped. good luck babe.
~*kitty*~
ok so i have this wonderful boyfriend and he is wonderful and all the girls in school like him but i also like my neighbor who is super hot. he has a great personality and he always gives me rides on his motorcyce and me and him made out once and kissed a couplle times and i could tell he is in to me to. i kinda see my neighbor as more boyfriend material because my boyfriend was my best friend in seventh grade and he seems like more of a friend to me now. and so my neighbor gets more sexual with me and i like it the aggresiveness. i dont know what to do i fell i love them both!!!
so your wonderful boyfriend is...wonderful? ^_^ sorry, i'm being a dork. ok, so let's look at this here. your boyfriend shall be henceforth known as popcorn, and your neighbour as butter. (lol, sorry, i work at a movie theatre, and i just came back from work, so bear with me, i have a point with those names, i promise)...
so you've got some wonderful popcorn (the boyfriend), but you like hot butter (neighbour-boy). well, unless popcorn is very understanding and let's you have some butter with him, you've gotta pick one, you can't pick both (i almost said "you can't have your cake and eat it too", but that would have been just throwing even more food analogies in here...). now while i give major points to any guy who owns a decent motorcycle, takes care of it, and can drive it (without showing off like a dumbass), and while personality and sexual prowess are important as well, those things don't necessarily make him better boyfriend material. what's wrong with having your boyfriend popcorn be like your best friend? i'm a firm believer that you should be good friends with both boyfriends and make-out buddies. :P also, not to accuse the hotsy butter here, but if he gets more sexual with you, there's a possibility that that's mostly what he wants, therefore not placing him under the category of "good bf material", at least not in my book.
again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the making out stuff (unless you've been puttin' butter on your lips when you're really restricted to just havin' popcorn ^_^; that's not exactly fair the cinema snack or the artificial yellow fat, heh...), because believe me, i find it actually pretty important! but is that all you really want da butter for? if a make-out buddy's what you want, if you're comfortable with it, and if your popcorn-boy doesn't mind (which is hard to believe and rather unlikely), go find a good girl-friend of yours or just another girl who you wouldn't mind making out with. ^_^ i know that sounds a little funny, but hey, my boyfriend gives me permission, and it doesn't make me love or desire him less, it actually makes me love/desire him more!! oy, i am kind of a perv, aren't i? oh well. ways of any...
you want a more aggressive treat that popcorn, eh? good on you that you'll admit that. i myself like an aggressive guy (or girl, depending on my mood :P ha), and i'm lucky because my boyfriend is that way. i'd talk to popcorn about it and see what he says. or you could even bring it up, verbally or physically (oh sweet lord, i just realised that that could be taken REALLY badly... -_-;) the next time you two make out. tell him that it would be ok if he wanted to be a little rougher (or i suppose, more aggressive, if you like that phrase better) with you during the physical stuff and that he doesn't need to hold back. or try and gently tell him that you'd like him to be a little more aggressive. communication is so ridiculously and almost annoyingly important in a relationship. ^_^ and besides, who says the guy couldn't learn a few things? you'd be surprised at the results you get from a few questions and requests.
(prepare yourself for more movie theatre analogies :P) before you make a hasty decision at the snack bar of love (sheesh, that was awful ~_*), there are a few things you need to think about.
1) what do you want to get, something hearty and healthy that will probably last you longer, or something orgasmically greasy and good (i'm so dirty...) that won't last very long and your thighs will throw jewish-guilt on you later?? (basically, is your current boyfriend more reliable and trustworthy and there-for-you like a best friend--which is what a boyfriend should be like first and foremost, a best friend--than your neighbour who seems like the more exciting more desirable choice? also, a note: we always want what we don't/can't have. when you get the butterfinger minis, you sit down in the theatre and disappointedly wonder why you didn't get sour patch kids instead.)
2.) how much money do you have in your wallet? can you afford to get extra butter on your popcorn without suddenly tripping and dropping the bag of popcorn because there's so much hot butter in it?? (sorry, i'm gonna let you ponder that one. i'm tired, and it wasn't a great analogy, but i think you get the basic idea... ^_^)
just remember. you need to honest and forthright with both guys. if you like them, you owe it to them to talk these things through with them, completely, not partially. weigh your decision based on what you really want and how it will affect you three in the long run. the hotsy totsy neighbour will probably still be there for you to suck face with (if you'll pardon the expression that i borrowed by my bf's parents :P) if someday you break up with your boyfriend. and who can say? perhaps plain passive popcorn will transform into a spicy dish of nachos with jalepeno cheese!! (all right, no more movie theatre analogies from me for a decent amount of time.........)
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
my boyfriend wants to give me a gold diamond ring and i told him no but he said he is going to buy it any way should i let him i will feel bad though cause he is wasting his money on me but he said he is not but still he talks about getting me stuff but i say no then i say i am going to get him things and he says no can anyone help me on how me and him can buy eachother things without the guilt? plez help fast he is gonna get the ring on wednessday
like traci said, find out why he wants to get the ring for you. is he feeling like he's going to lose you and needs to find a way to keep you? i know that my boyfriend has been wanting to buy me a silver ring (i like silver better :P), though he hasn't gotten it yet (well, we haven't gotten it yet, he needs to take me with him because neither of us know what my ring size is... ^_^;), but i've been trying to get him to hold off on it for a while.
if you can't convince him to not buy the ring, try and strike a compromise. say that he can get you some earrings, or another ring (like silver?? ^_^) with a semi-precious stone instead of a precious one (meaning like amethyst, moonstone, opal) or a zirconia stone instead (looks like a diamond, but it's not one ^_^).
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
I am 25. She is 22. Together we have spent almost half a year together. However She has broken up with me after seeing a pornsite on my computer. My question is why has she now turned her back on me. Why has she cut off all means of comunication with me. I mean we were so close. I did everything for her. I held her when she cried. I gave her flowers when she least expected it. I did everything for her. Now she wont even look at me. I am so confused. I mean she wont even talk to me. I love this girl and would do anything to get her back. I am not much of a comunicator. How can I win her back when it seems hopeless. PLease help me.
like mylinhthan said, a heartfelt voicemail or writing her a letter would probably help your case, depending on whether she's a visual or audial person. i know that i love it when my boyfriend leaves me messages at one in the morning and i wake up to find that i have one new voicemail and i get to hear that i am the most beautiful creature on the face of this earth and so wonderful and how glad he is to have me in his life, all right before my day starts, and that almost always just makes me have a good day. ^_^ (sorry, mushy moment there...) granted, we've been together for more than a year, but i won't put a time limit on love.
personally, i don't really care or mind if someone looks at porn as long as it doesn't because an unhealthy obsession (unhealthy as in they spend all their time and money on it). if she won't talk to you, you've got to try and figure out on you own why she was so upset by it. was she offended by the very fact that you were even looking at porn and she's a very devout catholic (i have no idea if that's the case, and i do know some catholics who don't mind and even enjoy the occassional porn ^_^)? why she angry because she felt like you wanted the porn instead of her? was the kind of porn upsetting to her (it's possible she doesn't like girl-on-girl action or something, but again, i don't know what's on your computer)?
in the end, i think you should definitely consider about whether or not she is good for you. to me at least, porn is not a huge deal in the big scheme of things in a relationship, so if she has such a problem with it then i would try moving on. still, try the voicemail/letter thing and see how it works out. just be very sensitive and explain the situation and be understanding of her whatever reasons for being upset by what she found on you computer.
hope this helped. i'd love for you to tell me about any developments. good luck!
~*kitty*~
ok well to start off im 15 & a freshmen & i met this senior from my highschool right around a month ago & we started talkin. well now i really like him & he knows i do cause i finally jus flat out told him & he always brings that up to me. but i asked him if he liked me or not cuz at first he said he did but then when i asked him later on he was like 'well i dunno. so now i asked again recently cause it seemed like he did again, but he wont give me an answer. he calls me almost, if not every, night & we have fun talkin & stuff. & i get really anxious on the phone, & i hate talkin on it & he knows that. and he'd always rag on me about that, just jokingly. but ive kinda gotten over that since ive been talkin to him every night, & tonight he asked me if i still anxious about talkin to him, and when i said no he was like "yes!", like he was all happy. but at the same time hes always tellin me about these other girls who like him & these girls from his work & whatnot. and i dunno, my friends [who have never even met him] think hes jus usin me to get some, but hes never even tried anything w/ me, and weve never even hugged or anything. is that weird for a senior to like a freshmen? were only about 2.5 years apart in age, so it doesnt seem too bad, but at the same time it kinda does. & what can i say to him to finally just get a straight answer from him about stuff like this? cause everything ive tryed hasnt worked. :[
i can't say i've never liked older guys, because i'd be lieing. ^_^ in fact, all of the guys i've liked, with the exception of maybe like two, and all of the guys i've gone out with have been older than me.
when you talk about your age difference in terms of school year, yeah, it probably does seem a little iffy to many people. but two and a half years apart isn't that bad, i don't think.
in my opinion, it doesn't sound like this guy's just trying to get some, although it would be unwise to completely rule that out. still, it sounds like he might like you a bit or at least be internally debating on whether or not to persue something beyond friendship with you. the reasons for his internal conflict are fairly obvious; he probably wouldn't want people to think that he's some creepy older guy seducing and using a little freshman (if you'll pardon the expression).
it's good that you guys talk on the phone a lot, just make sure to also talk a lot in person. being friends with a guy is really helpful if you ever plan on going out with him, and also, guy friends are always good to have, and just friends in general. it's probably nice for you to hear that he's glad you're more comfortable talking on the phone with him. ^_^
since he's not completely sure about if he likes you or whatever is going on with him, you probably don't want to push the issue too much. i know it seems hard but try leaving the matter of whether you two have romantic feelings for each other aside for a bit and concentrate on being really good friends. also, since you're a freshman with a lot of things going on already, just getting into high school and all that, i would suggest waiting a while before discussing to much else with him, but you don't have to forget your feelings or pretend around him that they don't exist. every now and again you can just jokingly ask if he's made up his mind about if he likes you, and again jokingly say something like "ah-ha, you're being shifty, cleverly evading my questioning!" that way you can keep the mood light and at the same time remind him that you do have feelings for him.
hope this helped. i'd love for you to tell me how it turns out or if anything else develops. good luck!
~*kitty*~
My friend told me that I was a natural flirt, meaning that I flirt with almost every guy without knowing it. He said I do this thing with my eyes that gets guys to come over and talk to me and flirt back with me.I don't recall ever doing that, but how can I stop? Because a lot of girls hate me because of it because the guys do flirt back, so what can I do?
like erythisis said, make sure your intentions are clear. but y'know what? as long as you aren't really trying to sell yourself to all these guys, then the rest of the girls just need to get over it.
i know what you mean by the whole "natural flirt" thing, but i'm talking about me i usually describe differently. something like, there's a big difference between being a flirt and having a flirtatious nature, and it's more obvious with me because i'm "flirtatious" with almost everybody i meet (less so than with my friends) and with my friends, both guys and girls, you'd think i was offering to sleep with them. ^_^ but really, it's just my silly flirtatious cute nature.
like me, it sounds like you just have a flirtatious nature. so like i said, as long as you're not going overboard and selling yourself to these guys, you're fine. if the other girls have a problem with the guys flirting back, just take extra care to check yourself and control your natural flirtiness. ^_^
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
I need your help. I have been going out with this guy for five months now. He is a very nice person, he treats me well, and we have fun together.
The main problem is recently he lied to me. We were supposed to meet, but he did not appear. He claimed he was carjacked. He has keys to my house, so he went and took money and pretended the carjackers did it.
I want to forgive him but I'm not sure what to do. He asked for forgiveness and promised that this incident will never be repeated. Can I trust him again?
but i raelly luv him and i dont know what to do :(:(
it is possible to trust him again, i think. but you should probably be fairly wary and cautious for a while. i'm not trying to get him in trouble, but do you know that hasn't done anything like this before?
ask him why he took the money, tell him to tell you the truth, even if it's "i needed gas money" or something like that. this could be rather serious, because if you weren't dating him, both the law man and the holy man would burn his ass. ^_^
he should have told you the truth. i know it's not exactly the kind of thing you want to say to your girlfriend, "so, yeah, i went into your house and took money from you, so i was late to meet you", but still, he'd be sitting better with you if he hadn't lied about it.
have you ever seen "pulp fiction"? vincent says "did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he is wrong, he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoing?". if your boyfriend can look you in the face and admit what he did and sincerely want your forgiveness, then you should definitely forgive him. as for trusting him, you've got to make it clear that not only did he take advantage of your trust (you letting him keys to your house) but then he lied about it as well, so it's going to take a bit of time and a lot of work for him to regain your trust.
all that being said, don't be too hard on him, at least not more than he deserves, for to error is human, and i'm guessing that he is human. what shows that he is an honourable person is that he learns from his mistakes and makes amends (not as in buying you flowers and saying he's really really really really sorry, but as in realising what he did was wrong, not wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing, and taking extra care to tell you everything, etc.). and make sure you reciprocate all those things to him as well.
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
ok so i have posted stuff about my realtionship and my breakup before but for those who read this and dont know, we dated for 2 years and been broke up for a little over a month. i am 19 he is 23. ok so my latest problem is kinda complicated. ok here goes i had to meet him today to give him his stuff well our little meeting turned into a 2 hour long meeting, and here is what he had to say i am sorry i never meant for this to happen i do love you i just dont know what i want. i told him he acts like he doesnt care. he said that he stays up sometimes wondering if what he is doing is right. i told him i thought we are making a mistake he said you are probably right but i guess i will find out the hard way. what does that mean? ok so tell me what he meant by all this i dont understand, why he would say all this and still not want to be back together and it is killing me. what do you all think i dont know anymore. please let me know something. i just cant stand being apart from him. i have to meet him again on sat becuase i forgot some stuff and so did he what should i say hoe should i act. god i dont know what to do anymore i am going crazy i really do love him and want to be with him but i dont know how long i should wait on him. i never doubted that he would be back but i just dont want to wait should i give him a aultimatum or just give him time.
wow, you've been through a lot with this guy. i'm sorry to hear that you're so torn up about it.
now i've never actually listened to this guy so i can't be totally sure of his intentions. but it sounds like although he's the older one, he's not being very mature. it almost seems like he's being passive-agressive because he doesn't say what he'll do but he'll just have to "find out the hard way". again, i don't know his past and ways and tendencies and such, so i say that there is always the possibility that he is sorry about how things turned out and that maybe he is willing to try again and be determined to make things work. the possibility is always there, but don't let yourself assume or expect certain things too much.
since you two were together for 2 years, it's understandable that you still feel an attachment to him and that you dislike being apart from him. heck, if i'm completely honest, i dislike being apart from my boyfriend of a year'n'4 months and i'm still dating the guy! right, so putting aside my sappy girlishness for the moment, while you shouldn't totally ignore your feelings, you shouldn't let them override your common sense. while you were dating, did he do a lot of things that made him out to be unreliable, dishonest, selfish, etc.?
an important thing to remember is that a relationship takes more than one person making an effort for it to work. if he can't or won't put in a little effort, then you should definitely think hard about moving on from this chapter of your life, and of course, learning from it for the future.
although i don't usually recommend giving an ultimatum, in this case it might come to that. i wouldn't give it straight, just see how things go between you two the next time you meet. if he starts dodging questions or acting shifty, you might consider bringing out the ultimatum. watch the way moves and sits, listen to how he says what he says, watch his body language. if you'd like, you can relay those findings to me and i can analyse him for you (although i might have to go to some of my guy friends for help on this, i don't want to lead you in the completely opposite direction of where he is in this).
hope this help. good luck! if you'd like to rant/gush to me, i'd love to listen and talk. my email addy and my chat SNs are on my profile.
~*kitty*~
ok...i have a big problem my best friend since seventh grade is working right now in mississippi, but shes planning on comming back home soon, when she gets here shes expecting me to go out with her to tha club and go on some trips to texas and germany but my fiance (of three years) who i love verry much doesn't like my friend because when we go out she likes to look for guys and trys to get me to also, I really dont want to hurt either person...and he will never trust her because of the things that have happend before...also i really dont know if i can trust her either because we are really good friends but she stayed the night at our house one night and when i went to bed my fiance was in the living room and she got out of bed and went to the living room in her t-shirt and panties and im like ok what should i do i mean i know all the things shes done and i still for some reason dont want to hurt her but then again i dont want to hurt my fiance we are getting along really good right now but when she comes around we will end up fighting im sure what should i do?
ps.I'm a 21 year old f
ok, about the coming out t-shirt and panties thing, is she the type of person who is really laid back and doesn't think half-nude flesh is a big deal? i myself will run around in a big t-shirt and boxer shorts, even around my guy friends, and they don't mind because they know i'm not trying to seduce them, i'm just a random bouncy ADD poster child. ^_^
however, it was probably a little inappropriate for her to go waltzing around in her smalls in your house when your fiance was there. to be fair to her, maybe she didn't know he was there.
what has she done that's given you a reason to distrust her or suspect she has ulterior motives or dihonourable intentions?
now, usually when people are friends for that long, they know each other pretty well and love each other to death. but the amount of time you've been friends might not necessarily coinside with how good a friend she's been. has she done anything that seems like she was using you to get something for herself, or has she not been there for you but still expects you to be there for her?
talk to her about what the ground rules would be if she did come to your house again, and what the limitations on your trips would be, should you decide to take them. let her know that you're concerned about your relationship.
hope this helped. good luck! and happy early honey-moon. ^_^
~*kitty*~
Hello My Name Is Rachel. I'm 13. Im dating this kid name Bret. Hes amazing and exstremly cute!!! But I'm worriedd.... cause sooo many girls like him and i'm worried that he'll go to one of them instead of me... I mean i do get jealous really easily but still. Because it just seems like everyone thinks hes cute and they all like him but i dont want to loose him... and i also get really jealous when other girls talk to him and I just dont want to loose him and i dont know what to do? HELP PLEASEE!
what exactly do you mean by "dating"? if you're 13, you're in 7th or 8th grade, right? what does the whole relationship entail? watching movies at each other's houses, holding hands in the lunch line, passing notes in class, etc.?
don't think i'm being uppity because i'm older and whatnot, i'm just trying to give you an outsiders perspective. i was head-over-heels for this boy ryan when i was junior high, and i mean totally nutso, so much that i shudder with self-disgust every time i think about it. i danced with him a bunch at our 8th grade graduation dance and even got to kiss him before we left (i asked if i could give him a kiss and he said sure :P ). after another month or so, this infatuation suddenly disappeared. ooh-hoo-hoo, the memories of junior high... ^_^
my advice is to not overthink the situation. as long as you're not overly controlling, in his business all the time, checking up on him, constantly asking him if he still likes you, and other things like that, you two should be fine. but even more than that, just make sure that you two stay friends (trust me, having guy friends is great, they give you advice from a guy's perspective, and there more laid back and low-maintenance than most girls so they're easy to hang out with ^_^), because at this point, you guys are pretty young to get too serious about things, so make sure you can hang out together comfortably and that you can laugh together about random stupid stuff.
if you guys grow up and stay together and get married, wow, good for you, i give you major props for stickin' together so long. but more likely than not, you'll eventually stop "dating" at one point or another, and that's fine. that's even good! because you'll find that there are other guys in the world, and you'll learn to control your flares of jealousy and how to keep your confidence.
hope this helped. good luck! remember: don't be over-protective/controlling/smothering and stay good buds!!
~*kitty*~
I'm 17/F
I have had a boyfriend for 2 steady months
and I used to like this guy and he saw me kissing
my boyfriend. He gave me a rather hurt look. Does he finally like me? I'm so confused what should i do?
well since you currently have a steady boyfriend (i'll call him seth), your previous crush (whom i'll give the fabulous alias of jojo) is going to have to deal with it. maybe the reason he gave you a hurt look was because he used to having you like him and now you're with seth and your attentions are focused on him; not to stereotype the male gender, but his hurt look could be the sign of a slightly bruised ego.
from a personal standpoint, when i started dating my boyfriend, one of my best friends (who happens to be a guy) started to get a little, not jealous, but starved for my attention. he and i are really close and we joke around a lot and sometimes act/talk like we're lovers (i.e., he grabs my boobs and goes "honk", i smack him on the butt when he says something rude to me, we jump around in the backseat of his car to confuse his friends, etc. ^_^), and when i started spending more time with my bf, he kept asking every time we saw each other (which became less often) if i was still dating him, and "whine" at me when i said yes. but now the two of us are fine, because we've kinda talked about it and we know that we're still best friends.
now, i don't know how close you are to jojo (previous crush, remember?), but if you're really concerned about where you two stand with each other, then i'd go talk to him about it. don't go crazy and ask if he likes you, or do something like break up with seth and run to jojo.
biggest, most general advice i can give: don't overanalyse things. make sure you know the facts. if he has a problem with you dating/kissing seth, then jojo should talk to you about it.
hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~