I need your help. I have been going out with this guy for five months now. He is a very nice person, he treats me well, and we have fun together.
The main problem is recently he lied to me. We were supposed to meet, but he did not appear. He claimed he was carjacked. He has keys to my house, so he went and took money and pretended the carjackers did it.
I want to forgive him but I'm not sure what to do. He asked for forgiveness and promised that this incident will never be repeated. Can I trust him again?
but i raelly luv him and i dont know what to do :(:(
gentlegiant answered Saturday March 25 2006, 12:46 pm: You know, trust is earned not bought by love. I know you love him. But look, you've been going for five months. He stole from you and he lied. result, he took advantage of you. Even if you stick together you will nevergain the trust 100% again. You will forever have the doubt in your mind, did he steal from me, is he lying to me. I dated a girl for a while. We were engaged. She went on my computer and went into my personal stuff. We are not together anymore and most likely never will be. Why? The trust is gone. Trust is the key to a strong relationship and love holds it together. Hope it helps. You deserve better [ gentlegiant's advice column | Ask gentlegiant A Question ]
Chicken_flavored_eggs answered Friday March 24 2006, 2:10 pm: You have only been with him for a very short period of time.
He didn't just lie to you, he robbed you and betrayed you.
If you want to forgive him, that is great. Most people wouldn't be able to forgive something like that. Forgive him all you want, after you kick him out of your life for being a horrible person.
Chances are that he was very nice and treated you well in hopes that once he showed you his true behavior you might be willing to forgive him.
Don't do it. You won't be able to forgive yourself after he does it to you again.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
karenR answered Friday March 24 2006, 12:16 pm: OK You won't like my answer but I will give it to you anyway.
He is not a nice person. A nice person would have been truthful with you. Where was he when you were supposed to meet? Why did it require a lie?
Lying to you and robbing your house was not treating you well either.
We aren't talking about a small lie here. This is a very big lie. I'll bet he didn't tell you about it until you went to call the police. Which you should do.
I think you are going to have a problem trusting him again. You may still have feelings for him for now but my guess is if he can lie about something like that...who knows what he has lied about before.
You can do what you want as far as continuing the relationship. I certainly can't recommend it.
If you choose to continue I would take the house key back. Better yet, take it back and change the locks. He probably already has a duplicate.
Someone who goes to that much trouble to make up such an outrageous story and then rob you! Girl, you can do much better than him!
SoInToYoUx0x answered Friday March 24 2006, 12:11 pm: i would forgive him but tell him he has to gain trust again from you and not you just give it to him. i wouldnt leave him for somethin like that because if you love him you will forgive him.
*~Stephanie~* [ SoInToYoUx0x's advice column | Ask SoInToYoUx0x A Question ]
CheshireKat answered Friday March 24 2006, 10:53 am: it is possible to trust him again, i think. but you should probably be fairly wary and cautious for a while. i'm not trying to get him in trouble, but do you know that hasn't done anything like this before?
ask him why he took the money, tell him to tell you the truth, even if it's "i needed gas money" or something like that. this could be rather serious, because if you weren't dating him, both the law man and the holy man would burn his ass. ^_^
he should have told you the truth. i know it's not exactly the kind of thing you want to say to your girlfriend, "so, yeah, i went into your house and took money from you, so i was late to meet you", but still, he'd be sitting better with you if he hadn't lied about it.
have you ever seen "pulp fiction"? vincent says "did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he is wrong, he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoing?". if your boyfriend can look you in the face and admit what he did and sincerely want your forgiveness, then you should definitely forgive him. as for trusting him, you've got to make it clear that not only did he take advantage of your trust (you letting him keys to your house) but then he lied about it as well, so it's going to take a bit of time and a lot of work for him to regain your trust.
all that being said, don't be too hard on him, at least not more than he deserves, for to error is human, and i'm guessing that he is human. what shows that he is an honourable person is that he learns from his mistakes and makes amends (not as in buying you flowers and saying he's really really really really sorry, but as in realising what he did was wrong, not wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing, and taking extra care to tell you everything, etc.). and make sure you reciprocate all those things to him as well.
TheOldOne answered Friday March 24 2006, 10:49 am: If he lied about something, I could understand finding a way to forgive him.
But robbing your house? I can't understand why you'd ever forgive that.
HE ROBBED YOU!!!
No, you can't trust him again. Nice people might lie to their girlfriends (under exceptional circumstances), but they DON'T rob their girlfriends. [ TheOldOne's advice column | Ask TheOldOne A Question ]
lovexsweetxlove answered Friday March 24 2006, 9:40 am: If I were you, I would stay with him now. Since he hasn't done anything like this in the past. If he does something like that again, I would dump him.
What he did is pretty drastic, you don't steal from your girlfriend. You might want to find out if he or his family is in financial trouble and maybe thats why he did it.
Also, he could be stealing from other places. You probably should talk to him.
I hope everything works out for you, five monthes is a long time.
Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content. Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.