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best friend
so it goes like this... one of my best friends is a guy, and he likes me as more than a friend and stuff and hes told me that, like a month ago and jus earlier this week. well im kinda a natural flirt and ive realized that maybe before like a month or more ago i was kinda leadin him on w/o realizin it but ive tried hard to stop doin that bc i only like him as a friend and i dont want him to get tha wrong idea. well i was wonderin if we were to go to tha movies or somethin and i were to let him hold my hand or put his arm around me or somethin.. would that be bad and be like leadin him on all over again? bc i dont wanna act all cold and jus move away from him or w/e. im so lost, i really dont wanna hurt him bc he still means alot to me as a friend :[
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ah, the curse of natural flirtatiousness, i know it well (because i've got it ^_^). actually, it's a blessing and a curse, because it makes you friendly and lets people get to know you easily and feel more at ease around you.
*were* you leading him on? unintentionally, i mean. i suppose a better question would be, did he think you were hitting on him (with real intent, not just with the natural flirtiness)? if he didn't tell you specifically that you were, then you probably can't really know. so ask him. sure it might sound weird, but go ahead and say that to him. "jake," oh yeah, that's my pseudonym for the guy-friend here, "jake, this is kinda weird, i'm not trying to creep you out or anything, but have you ever felt like i was hitting on you? i mean, really seriously hitting on you?" if he asks why you're asking, you can just say that a few people were saying that you were too much of a flirt and that you were leading people on, and you wanted to know his opinion on the matter.
how did he tell you that he "liked you as more than a friend"? not being sceptical of boyo's feelings here, just giving you something to think about. think about his tone and his body language and what his eyes did. just recently i had a friend (renamed "hannah" for advicenator purposes) who had a lot of problems with one of her guy friends (renamed "jarrod"). the two of them were friends at first, then dated for a few months, then jarrod broke up with her and went back to his old girlfriend (who had broken up with him like two other times) and was an super-sappy-overly-sorry ass about it, his old girlfriend broke up with him again, jarrod tried to go back to hannah, they were a little more than friends for a while (FWBs...), hannah thought about trying again with jarrod over the summer, soon realised that that would be a BIG mistake (he's way too clingy, whiney, spineless, incorrigible, inconsiderate, and passive-aggressive), jarrod still liked hannah and kept trying to go out with her again, she let him hug her when she was having a bad day sometimes and he tried to kiss her three or four times in two days (boy was she STEAMED), and now she mostly ignores him when she can because she knows he's not good for her and i've told her so.
what was my point again?? oh yeah. depending on how this jake of yours is, how he looks at things, how laid-back he is, will affect how he interprets you letting him hold your hand or put his arm around you. you don't need to be cold. if you really feel like he's gonna pull a jarrod, you've got to communicate things to him! tell him how important he is to you and that you don't want to unintentionally hurt him or brush him off and have him take it the wrong way.
thanks so much for your question. i hope this helped. good luck!
~*kitty*~
--postscript--
if you do have any more questions or anything, feel free to email me at kittywalsh(at sign)gmail.com
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