askBasketball3846
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: my name is Rachel and iam 17 years old and my ex donnie is 18 years old and the reason I break up with is becouse my mom made me break up with him 3 days after our relationship becouse he smoked,but he never smoked around me becouse he knew how my mom felt about it and he was arrested once,but when he got together with me he tried to change,but she won't belive that's he's really changed how can I get my mom to give him a chance?How can I get her to belive he's really changed?
Wow I am in the exact same situation. My mom hates my guy because he is always smoking and she knows it. He trys not to do it near me but sometimes the cravings kick in. Now my friends think he is dangerous because he was in juvey and don't want me to have anything to do with him and they can't see that he has changed and is working on his life.

It's really hard to have to put up with people like this and what I do is I ignore it. You know yourself he is changed and that's all that matters. If you love him, that can overpower anything. As for your mom not letting you see him though, that is a problem. Just have him come over for dinner and show your mom how he has changed. Maybe let them talk things out. She should realize how much you like him and put this aside but if she doesn't, look on the bright side. You are 17 and there is only so much time until you're 18 and have the full right to see him. Hang in there and best of luck.

Q: if you really like someone and they ask you out how do you say yes to them?
Just smile and say yes. Dont jump and be all excited cause that's kinda weird. You could be cute and creative and do a little "I'd love to" or "It would be my honor" if you're pretty close with them. Good luck!!

Q: have a friend a best friend named sean and i liked him then i thought i didnt but deep down i new i still did today i told him that i used to like him on and off for years including this year and he was like i would have gone out with you why are you tellin me now and do u still like me and i said it dont madder because you goout with jude and shes also one of my best friends and i dont know what to do pls help ps im more friends with sean than jude

Well this is a really hard situation and I hate to say it because I hate getting this advice but you really need to follow your heart.

I personally think that this guy Sean does like you because he told you striaght out he woulda gone out with you and he asked you if you would date him now (meaning if you had said yes he probably would have asked you).

What you need to realize is whats more important to you. Do you still really like Sean and could maybe deal with getting in a fight with Jude (which probably could happen if she does like him). If you want to date him then don't lie to him or yourself. Tell him you still like him (if you do) and then tell him that you don't want to ruin your friendship with Jude. Talk to her about it and tell her you've liked him for a really long time and she should understand if she's one of your best friends.

I hope I helped. Good luck and let me know if you need anymore help!

Q: Kay. Well me and this kid Matt are supposed to be hanging out really soon. We're like not going out but we're basically together. He's two years and 8 months older then me. I wanna make a good impression around him and stuff. I've had so many oppurtunties to kiss him, but I am so scared! I told him I hate making the first move, and I've never done it before so he wants me to do it once. When were gonna be together today I wanna kiss him sooo badly, but like how am I supposed to know when? This is bugging me so badly, cause I don't wanna do it at the wrong moment! Eeek. Advice Please. ♥♥
Just wait for a stop in a conversation and look into his eyes. Stay like that for a minute and then just gradually move in slowly. He obviously wants to kiss you back so you have nothing to worry about.

And like the person below me said, just play with him. When you guys are talking touch him and giggle at whatever joke he makes (even if it is stupid). Good luck and have fun!

Q: okay, so i'm 14/m, and she's 14/f, and i've known her for a really long time as a friend, and i've had a secret crush on her forever now.
so i said to her the other day, "hey, do you wanna go see a movie or something on friday" and she looks at me like i'm crazy. i've never really had a girlfriend before, and i think i totally f*cked up our relationship. she won't even talk to me anymore. anyone got some advice that could help?

Thanks,
Sam
Well, I honestly don't know why she would act that way if you just asked her to a movie. Tell her you're inviting her as a friend, just the two of you and that you think it will be a lot of fun. Just call her up and explain you didn't mean anything by it. Then maybe during the movie make a move to put your arm around her or hold her hand. Just take little steps and then work up the curage to tell her that you like her. Good luck and don't worry you didn't mess up your relationship.

Q: Hi Im A 21 year old female. and im stressing. I Have a 24 year old boyfriend i have been with for the past 2years and a half. in this relationship i have bin cheated on,beaten up i have practically been abused mentally physically and emotinally. he say he love , i guess in his own ways.but i have been dealing with him and his baby mama to much. dont get me wrong i do love him. but i felt he stopped my life completly. i wanted to go to college or to the military and he didnt want me to go. but i was dumb. anyways i went away for training which i had to beg him to let me go, eventually he did. before i left i found out he cheated on me with his baby mama again. so when i went away i found someone.A 25 year old firefighter. someone who treated me like i have never been treated before, he respects me, he loves me, hes offering me the world, my mom spoke to him and she like him, so i had plan to leave my boyfriend to go to live with this guys now. i would love to be with this guy so much but my boyfriend refuses to let me go. now these days he all of a sudden want me and promises me to treat me good, but he promised that before.everytime i speak to my baby i smile he makes me feel happy something i havent been feeling in a long time, this is my story i dont know what do do, im a Virgo In Distress and i just cant figure out what to do. please help me, this is my future.
Yeah definately go with this firefighter. Your 24 year old is not right or worthy of you and do not go believing his lies again. When he says he wont let you go, go anyways and if he lays one hand on you, then call the police. He has no right to treat you this way and it's illegal. The firefighter is the right choice for you and I hope it all turns out well.

Q: But she told me the other day she had got rid of the photo?


I know I shound havnt done it thou but I made a fake email addy to talk 2 her “bf” and I was talking 2 him and he seems a nice guy but when I askd him are you single he said ye iam but iam just getting off with this girls thou. So I think she finks they are seein each other?then I askd her wot is she doin 2nite ( last nit) and she said iam goin out with kris and havin sumthin 2 eat at his,but when I was talking to him askd him wot was he up 2 2nit and he said “ just a quite nite in watchin the football and I was talking 2 him till bout 11 ( at nite)anyways y is she tryin 2 make me jelious? I thought you only made sum1 jelious when you likd them?
help me plzzzzzz
Well, it sounds like one of two things.

First off, the guy she is with is a total jerk and just wants to get some from anyone. Which, in this case, you should forward the emails to your friend and show her that he is unfaithful. You're going to need proof so don't just jump out there and say he's playin you.

Secondly, she could be making you jealous because she likes you. Girls do this a lot. They mess with your heads to see how you will react. If you react a certain way by getting jealous then they know that you like them back.

This is up for you to decided. Which one of these sounds more reasonable? I hope I helped and good luck!

Q: ok well im 13 almost 14 and ive only had 2 boyfriends my whole life guys tell me i look hot although im 5'8" and all the guys at my school are shorter if they like me why wont they ask me out....?
Well I'm really tall too and I went through the same thing. Chances are, they are just intimidated by your height. You are also young so don't rush things. They will come it just takes some time.

Q: Well, I used to go out with a boy, and he was like my first kiss and everything. And I still love him and its been 8 months. But, he has a girlfriend right now. I know he would go out with me if I asked him, but I dont want to break them up. But, I think I really do love him and he means the world to me. We broke up because my friends were being really arrogant and kept telling me lies and false stories about him so I broke up with him. Do I brake them up? How do I get him back? Please help me you have no idea how much I miss him and would literally fo anything to be with him.
--me
I would just go up to him and tell him how you feel. If he does end up breaking up with his gf because he still likes you then don't feel bad because you guysare just following you hearts and that's what you're suppossed to do.

Q: me and this girl have been friendly 4 bout 5 months and the other month she txtd me sayin she has no got a bf and that she still wants to keep in touch with me cos she will miss me, and when we went on our date she has kept the photo we had taken of us and she has also kept the train ticket and this boyfiend she has now she says is " the 1" if he is the 1 y keep the ticket and photo of us?

the the other day she was meant to send her bf a txt and it appeard on my phone instead when his name is Kris and my name is Ste but K is nowere near S in the alaphbet is it? is she tryin to make me jelious r sumthin?

she says that the date we went on she will never 4get it was 1 of the best days she had and that when we kiss she went all funny but i still dont understand it? when we talk now we just end up arguing and bitchin bout each other then we say sorry 2 each other and that it wasnt nice but y does she still want me as a mate if we argue and then make up the other day she said she "hated me and that i had "blown it "( y had i blown it she says she dont like me anymre) and told me to "piss off" but then she txts bk and says sorry bout b4 . but if she dont like me and i pissd her off y she wanna keep intouch with me she says I always make her happy and smile isn’t that wot a bf is
Personally, I think this girl has a lot she needs to think about. It sounds like she really likes you but she doesn't want to hurt her now boyfriend or she may have a crush on him still. Either way just try talking to her without yelling and see how you each feel. Tell her that you like her (if you do which im getting the feeling you do) and ask her how she feels about you. It will turn out fine over time, she just needs to think.

Q: why do girls try and make you jelious if the say they dont like you?? also do u think u can find love at such a young age like 15-16 and spend the rest of your life with them???
Usually when they try and make you jealous it's to see how you will react or to secret tell you that they like you. As for falling in love with the person you could spend the rest of your life with at 15. I definately think it's possible. You always hear of these really cute high school couples that end up getting married. Good luck!

Q: Heres the sitch...im a 16yr male senior at my high school, and ive been BEST friends with this girl since sophmore year...problem is, ive fallen for her...hard. i cant get her out of my head, i get jealous of any other guys she talks to or who like her, and im really protective of her...but she doest like me when i like her, she said she had a crush on me back when i had a gf soph year, but now she doesnt like ANYONE. what should i do? ive liked her for two years, but she says it would be wierd to date bcuz weve been friends for so long...
Well, unfortunatly I've been in this situation and it's not a good one. There really isn't a way to change her mind but the only thing you can do is stick by her like you're doing. Maybe overtime she may come to her sense and she might not. Just keep caring about her the way you are now, girls love that.

Q: allright here we go again..
do you think its weird if someone likes you that is like 2 years younger than you and you might have feelings for them too? because im going into 11th grade and this guy is goin into 9th grade and hes really nice and everything! its just the age difference i just dont know. i shouldnt let it get to me but i just find it maybe weird or like i cant get anyone else but someone yougner than me? and people might think i look desperate or something
I dated a junior when I was a freshman and nobody saw this as a desperate act or weird or anything like that. In fact, there were a lot of people in my school as freshman who dated juniors. Just go for it!! In high school, age isn't really that important. Just have fun and go for it!

Q: My boyfriend and I (well, ex) dated for about 2 years until back in January when I started to feel that the relationship we getting to be too serious (I was only 17...now 18). We were talking one night and figured out that we started to drift because we weren't ready for such a strong relationship. We loved each other (real love, not kiddish love) but just weren't ready. So we broke up.


After the break up, I found out that he cheated on me while we started drifting. I, of course, was furious at him. Now it's been about 5 months since I found out and we've started talking again. Not only that, but we both want to get back together. Im over the cheating.


My question is, even though I do still love him and want to be with him, how do I know that it won't end up like last time? How do I know that I won't get freaked out by the seriousness of the relationship? I mean, this is a guy I want to marry someday, as in after I finish college (i'm starting in the fall), not any time soon. But then again, I don't want to loose him.


Did that make any sense? If it did to you, then I'd really like some advice because I'm so confused.
You really have no way of telling whether or not it will end up like last time. It is all a trust thing. If you trust him not to cheat again and can really see your life with him then I think you will be all set going back with him.
If it turns out you don't want to marry him, you could always just go out with him and not marry him. I would try the realationship again and see hows its going. What do you have to lose?

Q: Ugh I feel like a retard... i met this guy and we started talking on the phone and he was just so sweet so i started liking him... and it seemed that he liked me too... and today i was like im really starting to like u and guess what he didnt say anything, he doesnt like me i feel so stupid and i just want to cry... like i really like him and i feel like i was lead on. What did i do wrong?
Chances are he was probably just taken aback. He could either realize he likes you too and call you back or he could have just led you on on accident. You didn't do anything wrong at all. Just try and keep on going because there are so many more guys out there.

Q: Hey... ok, this question is crazy so don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I'm looking for opinions more than advice... and I want to hear what you all think!!

Ok, I am a 20 year old female and I am about to start my third year of college. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 3 years. We actually went out for 2 years, then broke up for 8 months because I didn't want a relationship, and have now been back together for a few months. He is deffinitely the love of my life, and we intend on getting married in the future.

Why in the future and not now? Well, he recently joined the army and will be in it for the next 4 years. He is now stationed across the country and is going to Iraq for a year soon. He visits as much as he can, and we have no problems making the relationship work. We always talk about getting married in 4 years, because that is when he will get out of the army and I will be finishing up college.

So what is my question about? Well, we got to talking the other day, and the idea of us getting married NOW came up. The reason this even came up is because if we do it now, he will get payed twice as much for being married and in the military. Not only that, but I will also be able to get on his health insurance plan provided by the army. And lastly, the army would pay for my last four years of college... and because I am not eligible for financial aid, that would save us about 150,000 dollars in loans (after interest) once I am graduated.

If we get married now, there would be no ceremony since it's too last minute... he leaves for Iraq in 2 months. We would just sign the papers and be legally married. In your opinion, is this a mistake? Is it selfish or in bad taste? We both intend on getting married to each other, and we both love one another and have faith in the relationship. If we get married now, we intend on having a big ceremony in a year or two. What do you think? I mean if we are getting married anyway and love each other, shouldn't we just do it now and make our lives in the future easier?

All opinions are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! :)
Both ways I think are good. If money is really tight then I would seriously consider marrying him now. A downside to this though would be you would have to wait another 4 years to have the ceremony which could seem like a very long time. Also, if you were to get married now there is still a chance things might not work out. Think about it, he will be away in the army across the world for 4 years. I hate to say it but things could happen and if you were married it would probably make it harder.
If you wait, however, your marriage would probably seem more special and you guys could take your time and have a special wedding and not need to rush things. Marriage isn't something you rush into and it requires a lot of thinking about.

Overall, if I were you, I would probably get married after he gets back because it would make things all the more special. Money isn't everything and when it comes to love, it is all worth the wait. Trust me, it will be much more enjoyable if you guys hold off and make it really special. Good luck to the both of you.

Q: im going to warn you now it might be pretty long soo please bare with me.. and i promise to rate high

ok. i have liked this guy for 3 years
we really wansnt that close of friends and well we went out.. for 1 month then we broke up because he didnt love me as much as i loved him
then we went out again.. for 2 more months and i was mad at him alot and he was mad at me alot and we also made-out and did sexual things to much we went on 2 breaks to stop it. and we ended the break really early and we got into a fight on the 18th and.. then we made up it was okay and then we kinda go in another one..and then he was like i have to end this relationship ect.. ect.. and he said he can almost guarntee he will ask me back out.. but he said we need to be friends b.c when we went out we really wansnt friends and he said loving me isnt enough and he said if we fix things we can go back out.. so now its the 20th we have hungout with our friend asleast 2 times i have cried both times and we talked bout it the first time we did he said in about 2 weeks he will know ect.. ect.. and yesterday when we did.. we went back out for like 5 mins but i ended it because it didnt feel like we fixed anything. at all and he was saying how he doesnt know how long it will be we have to become friends first and all this crap and he was saying how he does want to be with me and does love me but loving me isnt enough and he said if he knows he doesnt want to be with me or love me after the friends thing he will tell me
but i want to be with him.. some of the shit was kinda my falut becasue after i fight i would come back soo how do i become his friend faster i mean i know we will become friends but i dont want it to take long b.c i want to be with him now.. because everytime im around him im sad
and he mentioned about dating other girls or someshit and i dont want him to until i know he doesnt want to be with me...and on the 30th i think i might ask him back out butt.. i have to be his friend soo help me please i have been crying for the past 2 days.. i want to be with him soo bad........

ill rate high!
I know you probably don't want to hear this but I honestly don't think that he sounds worth all this pain he is putting you through. My advice I would give you if you REALLY want to be with him is kinda take a break from him for a while. For maybe a week or two just don't hang out with him or call him or anything like that. If he does like you, after you guys went so long without contact he will come crawling back to you and then you could be in control of the relationship which in this case would probably be a good thing.
But, if you think you can handle it, I would move on if I were you. In a way it sounds like you guys would be better as friends and that a relationship hear would be very very hard. But good luck either way!

Q: So i've been talking to this guy named Greg for about 5 days or so and i think i'm starting to like him. And he likes this other girl because he talked to me about it because he needed someone to talk to and he keeps asking me if he should move on or wait and stuff like that. I dont know what to do because were just friends and i like him and i dont know if i should keep it a secret or tell him...
I've been in this situation and the best thing to do is to try and help him out as much as you can like the person before me said. Chances are if things don't work out with this other girl than he knows that he can talk to you and you care which could possible lead to him liking you. Also, since you've only known him for 5 days you might want to wait a little longer and get to know him. Just from experiance.

Q: its kind of a long story, for those of u willing to read......this guy... we'll call him james. james and i have been together for a year. everything was perfect. my family liked him, his family liked me, or so that is what i thought. everything was falling perfectly into place. One day, my mom was with me while i was opening an email. this was about two months ago. i opened my email and there was this song that he dedicated to me. The words of the song were really nice, but he didn't just send the words. He sent the music video, which had gays and lesbians kissing all over it. i asked him why he would send that to me, because usually guys who like girls are grosed out by two guys kissing each other. He said that he was sorry, he only meant to send the words to me, but my mom had a fit an a half because she did not think that it was normal for a young man to be sending his girlfriend those kinds of things. then, she did not want me to talk to him any more, which i remember was right before the hurricane. so, after that, i had no communication with him because there was no power due to the hurricane.my mom made me tell him i didnt want to talk to him anymore infront of her and wouldn't leave until i did. as soon as i had power, i sent him an email telling him i was sorry and everything... but we didn't have power for almost two weeks, so i was super worried... and i didn't talk to him until a week after because i was really nervous. he said that it was fine and stuff and that he really wanted to be with me and all that. so, then there was this party that i didn't know he was going to, and i saw him there cuz he showed up. he came up to me and the whole night he was hugging me and kissing me and holding my hand i was really happy and had all of these butterflies in my stomach, but like two days after, he told my best friend to tell me that he wasn't really that interested in me. and i was very hurt because he always told me that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me and stuff. this happened like two months ago. so, i get a myspace friend request last night right when this other guy was asking me out. but, i was still hurting from the other guy... but then i saw him and when i looked at his myspace it said that he loves this girl and all he can do is think about her. and now i don't noe whether or not to approve him because what he did really hurt but i still want to be with him, and his dad might have something to do with what happened because i don't know if his dad is at me. please help me... should i approve him even after all he did????? because i might want him back..
Well, if this guy was really important to you then it's perfectly fine for you not to be over him and personally, I think that your mom was ridiculous for acting the way she did. This guy doesn't seem right for you though in the long run because if he didn't even have the balls to tell you himself that he didn't like you that way, then that is just way to low. Especailly after being all over you that night. I wouldn't approve him if I were you because this way he will know that what he did was stupid and he'll know what a great person he lost out on.

Q: Okay.

i'm 15 and a half, female, sophomore in highschool, and i've like the same guy for a long time. Probably since september... about 7 and a half months now. I mean, some times i'll like him a LOT, and other times it'll be a crush. But it's always there. He's a junior btw. I think he's 17. Anyways a while back i told him how i felt... it was a few months ago. And it turned out he liked my friend "R". I dont' think R likes him, but he's always talking to her and stuff. I mean, R and him are friends to begin with, so i could be overreacting, but it seems like they flirt a lot.
Anyways R and this guy both went on this trip my school sponsored to europe. My best friend G also went on the trip. G hung out with this guy, and this guy's friends. When the guy i like wasn't around, she got around to talking to his friends. She, G, found out that the guy i like has never asked anyone out before in his life becuase he's too shy. Which, i guess makes me more at ease about R and him being in europe together. But a while ago i thought he liked me. Like little stuff he did i could kind of interpret as signs. At the time, i figured he knew that i liked him, so if he liked me, he would ask me out. Obviously not the case. So i guess he's going to his prom with this freshman girl, whom i've heard rumor he likes, but i'm not sure if he'll actually follow through with dating her. I think i missed my chance to ask him out before he started liking this freshman, and now i don't know if i'll ever get the opportunity. I'm really hooked on this guy. I think we'll get closer once Drumline starts (we're both on the line) but that's not till after summer, and i'll probably forget him by then, logically speaking. I'm a hopeless romantic, and i really don't want to lose this guy. We talk as friends, but not much mroe. I've never dated anyone before... so i'm not sure how to go about asking someone out, or if at this point if i should be asking this kid out. Obviously i should wait till after his prom, but even at that point i'm not sure what to do.

i guess i just need general relationship advice on this one.

Sorry it's so long. Any ideas?
I, personally, don't think that you lost your oppertunity at all. It seems as if you are friends with this guy and that's how most relationships start out. What I would do, is wait until after prom and see what happens with him and the freshman. If nothing happens, start getting close with him and over time tell him you like him. This, most likely, will give him the confidence he needs to ask you out if he does like you.

If he does go for the Freshman, then don't worry about it. Stay friends with him. The summer is coming soon enough and usually relationships wont go all the way through summer, especially with a freshman and jouior. So you always have another year!

bio
Basketball3846
Hey guys! My name is Leah and I am 15 years old. I'm from Maine where it's always beautiful but for some reason, everyone here wants to leave it. I love playing basketball and just hangin out with my friends whenever I can. I am the advice giver in my group of friends and I always help them out with whatever it is they may need. When I get older I want to be a phyciatrist and have a huskey named Isabella. I don't know why but I do. If you have a problem, I am here for you and wont judge you at all. I never pass up on a question passed to me so don't be shy. I've been through a lot in the past 15 years and I'm sure I will be able to answer a majority of you guys' questions. Hit me up and don't forget to live for the moment. It's the most important thing you can do.

Info
Website:
E-mail:
Gender:
Female

Location:
Maine

Occupation:
Camp Councelor

Age:
15

AIM:
Member Since:
July 7, 2004

Answers:
216

Last Update:
July 7, 2006

Visitors:
13958

Main Categories:





Favorite Columnists





layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker