-wizerwordz-'s advice column | -wizerwordz-'s Advice About Love Life

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Q: Please, do the people on here a favor and type correctly, instead of wrtin lyk dis cuz ppl lyk muh cnt red dat. No offence, but save the lingo for Instant Message.

Thanks loves

I agree, but maybe you should try to answer those questions with similar lingo and make it hard to understand, maybe they'll get the point.
I dont think the people who do that are going to stop though.

-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: ok....theres this kid that is going out w/ the girl i love...and he knows that i still love her...(she's my ex)....and he makes fun of me b cuz he's going out w/ her and im not....he makes up all these lies saying that she said them...but she didnt just to piss me off. i want to kick his ass...but then she'll hate me forever....every one else says to forget what she thinks about it and just do it....but i dont know what to do.....HELP ME!!

how about you talk to her, ask her if she still has any feelings for you. it seems like you're still friends with her, tell her you don't wanna lose your friendship with her just because of that asshole

if she doesnt care and has no feelings for you, then if i was you i would go ahead and beat the living sh*t out of him.
have sum fun kicking his ass =)

-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: Im a 14 f. This boy just asked me out yesterday and i told him i'd give him an answer today.i really like him but i dont want to have a bf right now. well today he got hurt while he was working and had to go to the hospital... i dont want to make him feel worse by telling him i dont want to go out with him but.. i dont want a boyfriend. please help me on what i should say.

Technically, you can say something like...
"It's not you, it's me, I really don't feel ready for a relationship right now."
If you think he would be a good boyfriend and you want to go out with him when you DO want a boyfriend, you can continue by saying...
"We can still be very good friends and maybe we'll go out eventually."
That way, you don't have to feel obligated to go out with him.

There is no way to "reject" someone without making them feel bad, unless they don't care. Wait until he feels better to tell him if you wanna go out with him or not. (make up some excuse to not tell him yet)
Tell him that he should be worried more about himself that hes hurt, not about anything else. He might be ok with that, and might pick up a hint that you don't want to go out with him right now. Maybe you can explain when things are better.

If it's commitment you don't want.....well make sure you tell him that, maybe you can still be good friends with him, but not "go out" and maybe keep your options open for when you're ready, and maybe he could feel the same and agree.

Whatever you do, be honest with him about your feelings. Don't just lie to him because you don't want him to feel bad.

I hope this helps :)
-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: We are constantly getting into petty arguments, that escalate until he is angry and I am upset, sometimes to the point of tears. He blames me, saying I go on too much about things, and I blame him because I feel he doesn't listen or respond to anything I say, or he belittles me and my point of view. He says I belittle him too. I don't really know where to begin but to explain what happened today. We were going out to lunch with our 5-year-old daughter and as we were leaving, he suggested a fish and chips restauraunt called "Tugboat". At first, I agreed, but after we got in the car I said "I really don't feel like fish and chips. Can we go somewhere that has other choices?" I don't recall if he even responded. So I suggested three fast-food places that have fish and chips and other choices as well. He said "I don't want to eat fast food, " in this very hostile tone of voice like I was stupid for suggesting it. I went on to explain that there are heathly things he could get there too, like salad, and that the place he wanted to go was fast food and not healthy anyway. He did not acknowlege my valid point and continued to make negative remarks. He said that he didn't want to eat salad. I said ok then, but they have fish and chips, which is what you said you wanted." Then he got more angry and denied that he said he wanted that. I pointed out that the restaurant he wanted to go to only served that and little else. I explained again that I was just trying to be fair and pick a place we would all be happy with. He just told me to shut up and that he wanted to go home. I couldn't figure out what he was so upset about. Maybe I overexplained my point of view, but I was getting no response from him. At one point, he drove to one of the fast-food places I suggested and said in a very nasty tone "Here is the place you wanted to go. Are you happy now?" No, I wasn't, because I didn't like his attitude, and I said "If you don't want to eat here, just tell me where you'd like to go?" He refused to answer, so I angrily got out of the car and started to walk away, telling him he was being a jerk. I ended up getting back in the car and he told me I was a psycho. I said I wouldn't be acting like this if he didn't treat me like my ideas were stupid, and refuse to tell me where he wanted to go. We then went through the drive-thru of another restaurant, three times, and he kept getting out of the line because I was upset and wanted to talk to him about how I felt. Our daughter was really hungry, as was I, and was getting really upset. Finally, we ended up at a nice restaurant and I calmed down enough to go in, and we had a good lunch, but barely talked. I was still upset and angry. All this took about a hour of wasted time driving around. He still never acknowleged that he was wrong to not respond to me when I asked him where he wanted to go. He did apologise for belittling my suggestions, though, and I admitted that I tend to go on about things, but only if I feel that he is not understanding or acknowledging me. I know that I'm partially responsible for these petty arguments. but I don't know how to change this destructive pattern. My husband just wants to "drop it" and it never gets resolved. We argued about this and many other petty things over and over again and I just want it to stop. I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but sometimes it feels like we are enemies at war, and this is not a good example for our daughter. Also, I am 4 months pregnant, and the stress is not good for me or the baby. Help! And please don't suggest divorce. I am determined to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Please tell me objectively what each of us is doing wrong. Thanks

I may not know much about marriage, but im pretty sure many married couples go through those same kind of arguments. Perfect example: MY PARENTS. My mom can say something and my dad will just ignore it, although he hears what she said. She keeps trying to talk to him and i think it just annoys him because she tries too hard. I don't know your situation, but my dad works 2 jobs, and it is very difficult for him to put up with EVERYTHING my mom has to say. What i would suggest is talk to your husband and make sure everything is OK, don't just get mad. I dont think it is good for your daughter to have to see you fighting or getting mad, so just talk to your husband about it.

I don't think it's right for your husband to just ignore you and get mad becuase you suggested something else, but it's also not right for you to get mad at him before you know if everything is ok.

GOOD LUCK
-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: OK, so I have a boyfriend and we've been going out for about 7 months. The thing is.. Ive never met him b4. He lives in the same state and everything. But we live like an hour away from each other :(. I mean we could probably meet some how but i dunno. we hardly ever talk too. I havent talked to him in 2 weeks, partially because i was away but he still hasn't called either. He knows im home. I jus wanna kno if I should stick with the relationship or just be friends. I love him with all my heart. I am just really confused right now :(. Please Help!

First of all, here's my opinion about all this. HES NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. YOU HAVENT MET YET. Also, there's no way you can "love him with all your heart" if you haven't met. Think about it. What you're doing can't possibly be considered going out, expecially if all youre doing is talking (which you hardly do anyway). YES you should just be friends, or at least meet him first. Honestly, I don't think it could work out.

Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but you're here for advice and there it is.

I hope it helps at least a little.
-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: Ok well I have this boyfriend and he doesnt go to my school or anything. I meet him through my friend from soccer camp. We started talking online and then a while later we started going out. Later he broke up with me saying that he disn't think things were going to work out because we still hadn't seen each other. Now a year later, we still haven't seen each other but we are going out again. I am thinking that now I don't want to go out with him until I see him and stuff. How should I tell him this without hurting him too much? (I have never broken up with anybody before) please help soon!!! Thanx and I'll rate you!

Technically, if you havent even seen each other and just decided to "go out" online, then ur not really going out with him. Honstly, thats pretty silly that you can consider talking online dating. You're right that you should see him before you decide to go out, so tell him that. It's not that hard because you're not really together right now.

Q: ok, im a 17 yr old female, and i have been "seeing" this guy. not really dating, because he doesnt think he's "boyfriend material" i dont understand this, but i know he cares about me the same way i care about him.

i wrote him a 3 page long letter telling him how i felt. he told me he liked it and he reads it often.

we hang out alot (many times for 10 or more hours or untill like 1 am!) and every time, we hold hands and cuddle and hold each other close the whole time, even around our parents. my family loves him and his family thinks i am just the sweetest thing to walk the planet.

but...alwayz a but...he and i have dated before. and he ask me out both times. so now i think it is my turn to ask him out, to show him how much i care. but, i dont want to scare him off.

so i ask you guyz, does a girl askign a guy out kind of freak him out, or do they like it? and i also would like to know if anyone has any ideas what he meant by "i dont think i'm boyfriend material". please help me out!

I really don't think a girl asking a guy out would be something to freak out over. Personally, I think that shows the girl cares and wants to go out with the guy and theres a better chance they will stay together longer, because I see a lot of girls asking for advice about what to do cuz they suddenly "don't like the guy anymore" or are just "getting bored."

A guy would usually think the girl might not like him, but that is an issue among EVREYONE.

Don't worry about it, just go for it. Ask him out.

Hope this helps :)
-=wizer*wordz=-

Q: Ok, there's this guy that likes me. And he's the nicest person you would ever meet. He's so content with who he is. And i love that, and everything about him. But he's bisexual and it kinda creeps me out. I mean, im not homophobic and i love bisexuals and guy people. But i've never gone out with one, and i just think its kinda weird. Like i would kiss him, and realize that he's kissed boys before and stuff. I don't know. Is it bad that i don't wanna go out with him just cuz he's bi?

my ex gf was bi and i didnt mind at all. actually, it was quite interesting that we would both agree another girl was hot. but anyway, why would it matter if he's kissed other guys before? it's not like you're kissing those other guys while you're kissing him. theres no reason you should be freaked out about that. either way, he likes you, so he likes girls.
it is kinda bad that you don't wanna go out with him ONLY because he's bi.

it's your choice to make and it would be YOUR relationship, so do whatever is better and more comfortable for you.

Q: Ok, I know that this is a really dumb question, but I'm gonna ask anyways.

I went out with this guy for about 5 months. We broke up for a while (about 6 months), and now we are back together.

While we were broken up, I hooked up with a friend's friend from out of town. My boyfriend doesn't know him, and there is an outside chance that they will one day meet, but I'm not all that worried about that.

For some reason which I can't explain even to myself, I feel as if I should tell my boyfriend. I don't feel guilty about the hookup, because, well, we were apart. I guess I just feel that he should know. But I don't want to mess anything up in between us.

So... to tell or not to tell... that is the question? (Sorry for the cliche, I couldn't resist.)

maybe you shouldn't tell him. you weren't together at the time and it's really none of his business what you did while you were broken up. for all you know, he could've made out with another girl during that time. i think he should also keep that to himself if he did. why bring something in your relationship that SHOULDN'T affect it, but might if your bf takes it the wrong way.

You don't feel guilty (and shouldn't), so there is no point in telling him because there was nothing wrong with what you did

hope this helps :)

Q: Okay well i just got out this relatinship with this girl and i noe im young and what not but i love this girl and i admit i messed up wit her i shouldnt have lied and i took her for granted and my sorry really dont mean much to her there isnt a day that goes by i dont think about her and i really want her back but i dont noe what todo to get her back ive changed but i need to find a way to show her ive changed i can seem to find that way.im 17 male

ok...this is a really tough situation.
You're not really giving me details here, like exactly how bad this is (like what you lied about and how you took her for granted). You said you were sorry to her and yes you do need to show her you changed. If you're friends with anyone who hangs out with her/one of her good friends, maybe they can convince her to talk to you and maybe give you a chance to explain and show her how you changed. I suppose she doesn't want to listen to anything you have to say, so she probably won't care if YOU tell her all this, but if you think she might, then go for it and tell her you really want to make it up to her and tell her how you feel about her and the whole situation. If what you did and lied about is that bad, then you have a VERY little chance of her wanting to get back with you at all, if any chance. If she cared about you, then she shouldn't have just lost her feelings for you right away. She probably still thinks of you a lot and is bothered by all this, so there is a SLIGHT posibility you MIGHT be able to fix this.

I understand it's really hard to break up with someone, especially over a stupid screw up. This may not be something you want to hear, but you will have to get over it if you can't fix it and get her back.

I hope this helps you out :)
Any questions or anything else, drop another 1 in my inbox, or feel free to IM me anytime on AIM. My screen name is wizerwordz.

Q: whats a good way to get over someone? (ex boyfriend)
please help me! thanks!

it's always hard to get over someone, but usually, meet some new people, maybe date someone else, hang out with your friends and have some fun, just try not to do anything that will get you to think about him

hope this helps :)

Q: (f, 15) hey i'm really confused right now...my best guy friend in the entire world just asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of days ago. now he has an awesome personality, but i don't think i could get over the lack of physical attraction, so i know it seems really shallow but i said no. supposedly he got over it really quickly and likes my friend sarah now..i know that sounds good that he didn't get hurt, but now i'm really jealous..i don't know if i'm just jealous of her because all the guys like her, or if i really do like him, or i am just being selfish and want everyone to like me..it's driving me crazy..i'm really not a bad person, i just don't know how i really feel..it doesn't matter that much i guess since he doesn't even like me anymore, i just want to figure out my feelings and i don't know how to. please help!

well.....his feelings about you couldn't just have vanished right after you said no. you probably are jealous, maybe because you like him but rejected him, but also because a lotta guys like sarah. the thing is i can't know your feelings and if you don't either, then you should figure them out, because no one can do that for you. if you said no so quickly, you probably don't like him more than a friend, and physical attraction can play some part in that.

hope this helps :)

Q: On saturday me and my b/f were suppose to hang out, but he canceled. So he said we should hang out on sunday, but he never showed up or called or anything. I tried calling but no one answered his house or cell. Should I be worried? Because he's usually on-line all the time, but lately he hasn't been. He never blows me off ever. I know he wouldn't cheat on me either, he's not that kind of guy. What should I do? Should I be worried??? Please help! :(

something might be going on that he just hasn't had time to hang out. he definately should have called. as soon as you can reach him, talk to him about this. ask him what's been goin on. if you think something might be going on and just doesnt wanna talk to you, when you call, block your number. this could be something to worry about since he hasn't called, but you shouldn't assume things until you know whats goin on for sure

how exactly did you mess up. like what did you lie about? you're not really givin me details. anyway, if its that bad and shes really taking it like that, you have a slim chance of even showing her you've changed.

IM me on wizerwordz if u can and tell me about this, maybe i can try to help

Q: Alright...I have moved away,but I still love this same guy and i an't get over him and I know deep down he still loves me too..he always tells me he misses me n thinks about me all the time..but he is talking/dating someone else..what should i do?

as long as it's in another state it's ok.
nah, j/k. i'm sure he COULD still have feelings for you, but since you moved away, just move on and you should see other people also. not only do you not have much of a choice, but hes also seing someone else. it's gonna be hard to get over him, but life goes on and you'll find a lot of other people you'll get attached to.

hope this helps :)

Q: well im 13 and my boyfriends 16 going on 17 and his aunt that lives upstairs from came down and tolled me that he had a girlfriend and his juss playing with me.. and then earlier i let him go up my shirt because i trusted him ALOT and everything so when i found out i was a surprise because he tolled he dint have a girlfriend but his not the kind of person that would seem to bee doing sumtting like that because his really nice and den just about everywun sayed he had another girl friend and everything and i really wanna hear it from him and crap because i really really like him and shyt so i dunno what to really do.. to belive everywun else or wait till he comes next week to see me and ask him and i juss dont no anymore if im going to dumo him or not because everywun wants him and shyt and i have him AND I guess some other bitch does too..

what should i doo

p.s he comes every week to see me bacuse his in job tec. and its very very far so he stays thier overnite.. till friday and his like in highschool he sould be a senior but he satyed back 2 times

first of all, he should just be going into his junior or senior year now if hes 16 going on 17. most likely junior....at that age he couldnt have been left back TWICE AND be in his senior year. i think thats bs first of all.
second, hes away a long time and its definately possible that everyone else is telling the truth, because he can be seeing someone the rest of the time while hes away.

i'm sure its not what you want to hear, but you gotta admit it can be true.
plus, until now hes been telling you he doesnt have another gf. why should he admit it now when you talk to him?

i wish you luck

Q: Ok well i was thinkin bout u kno havin sex widd my bf of ova 9 months but im only 13 almost 14 so i think have decided to wait for that big step u kno!! but ne wayz i wanna be able to do otha stuff wid him like give him a bj and like have him do stuff to me so should i??? and like wat kinda stuff???? thanx

* a curious george *

WHOA
chill out girl, you're only 13, you should wait for the "big step" for at least a few years, if not more. even any other sexual stuff.
i'm not saying that there should be a set age for sex or anything like that. it's just IMMORAL. WHY DO YOU GET THESE IDEAS THAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING THESE KINDA THINGS AT SUCH A YONG AGE????? screw other people if thats where youre getting this from, they are complete idiots.
and what do you mean by you wanna be "able" to do stuff with him?? WHY?

and only 13 DAMN

Q: Kevin1986 here. Everybody please stop asking I like this guy,does he like me? I have no clue. I'd need to know the situation a lot better and I really don't know. Of course,the best thing to do is go up and talk to the guy,instead of asking me,who knows nothing more about the situation than you like him. Also,ladies your cherries can pop through just about any strenous activity. Stop asking me about that. And finally,stop with the What turns guys on. Anything,just show up ok?

completely agree with ya on that 1, just 1 problem there, most people dont give a crap and they'll just continue asking questions like that. also, many people probably dont wanna read your comment on this because they do that, so they won't care. personally i hope they ask better questions too, but theres nothin you can do really......

Q: i know this isnt advice but i saw ur page n i loved that pic that u have on there...where did u get it?

to be honest...i have absolutely no idea where i got it. to find it, you can do a picture search on yahoo for "tigerdragon" and you'll find a few good ones, just like it or variations, like a tiger and dragon in a Yin Yang, just browse all the results and you'll see them

Q: i really like this one guy. but for some reason he is always mad at me. like the other day i apoligized for whatever i did (i dont even know what i did). and he apoligized too.. but then the next day he blocked me. and i didnt even talk to him at all that day. then that night he just calls me to talk. and doesnt really talk on the phone and just says yeah to w.e i say. is there something going on with him or what? what should i do? i think there might be something wrong with him bczu he sounded like depressed but idk. what do you think i should do?

if something seems wrong, try talking to him about it. if you open up to him and tell him how you feel about him, maybe he feels the same about you, but has a lotta things going on. many people go through depression. he might be a little more open if he knows you like him. if you dont think so, then try to talk to him witout telling him you like him.

good luck