Ask selectopaque!

Background for reference. Disregard it if you only want to read the problem:

I met Ashley at Sam Goody. She kind of followed me around and talked to me a lot. Gave me hugs and flirted at random times. At first it was a little odd, she just seemed like a kid with a crush and I wasn't interested in the least. She quits work and I don't see her for the better part of that year. I don't miss her.

I see her working at a grocery store later on. She doesn't seem quite as interested in me, but she's still incredibly flirtacious. I eventually develop a big crush on her. I ask her out on a date, but what was implied was that her parents wouldn't approve. She was turning 18 later on this year before I turned 21, but the 20-17 year old age gap was too much for them. Shortly after, I pretty much lose the romantic feelings I have for her. They're replaced with pity, from the terrible things I find out happened to her (from someone who knows us both). Before five days ago, we never really talk much outside of her workplace.


What's key to know for the problem:

Sunday (five days ago). She gives me her new number and invites me to her new place that night. While there, I listen to her complain about her now ex boyfriend and how she isn't over him. He used her for sex after he dumped her, then left without saying a word.

Tuesday. I text her asking if she feels like doing anything that day. She said, "I made a huge mistake. Shannin called and asked to see me and I said yes." I told her she can use plans with me as an excuse to not see him if she feels she shouldn't, and that I didn't think she shouldn't see someone who recently used her. She says, "Thanks. I know I'm really stupid but I just still love him so much"

She calls me later that night, crying from what happened earlier. I asked her if she needed me to come over and she said she wouldn't be much of a host since she would just be crying, but she could use the company.

It takes me a little while to get there, and when I do no one answers the door. I walk in and find her in a room with depressing music playing. She has a blade in her right hand and her left arm is covered in blood. She cries to me telling me how stupid she is and how it seems she can't learn from her mistakes. I try to comfort her I tell her how common such a thing is and turn off her music. I have her choose from a few different movies I brought over and we watch one that is now one of her favorites. She says that she feels a little better now and asks me to hang out with her the next day.

Wednesday. We start hanging out in the late morning. We watch a few things and talk. I learn some things about her past, distant and recent, that don't reflect well on her, for instance, she's capable of stealing. We go out to eat and to a few different places, an overall good time despite my being quiet from drowsiness. I leave to give my mother a ride home from work, and she asks me if I'm coming back afterwards. She said she would like it if I did.

After I come back, we go to her father's place to watch a movie (her father's working on her house) and so she can check stuff online. I get a quick glance at what she types in an e-mail. It read, "...heart broken again...feel like maybe I should just kill myself..." An exaggeration of her recent mood, but it still alarms me. I ended up staying with her until she was almost falling asleep after midnight again.



My problem: I've been noticing a list of things I don't like about Ashley, but the biggest thing in that list is the fact that I now have feelings for her again (spending over 12 hours with someone and you'll know how you feel about them after you leave). It might be stronger feelings than before, since I can't get her out of my head. I can't date her because no matter what she feels for me, which probably isn't more than friendship, she still is so caught up with and damaged from her ex that she's thinking about suicide. No good can come from having feelings for someone like this.

I desperately want to help her. I haven't been getting more than a couple of hours of sleep a night worrying about her. In the past, I've tried to help friends (all female) by trying to convince them they shouldn't make mistakes like this, which lead to arguments. They end with them being pissed at me, then making the mistake anyway. I've learned it's better to just give your advice/opinion once and hope they'll listen to it. If they make the mistake, they make the mistake.

The thing is, I don't think she can afford to make this mistake again. I can't tell her not to, it's her life, her business. I already told her how I felt about everything. My best friend thinks I should stay away from her, and she might be right, but I can't turn my back on her when just spending time with her seems to cheer her up a little, especially since now I care for her more than I would a friend. I considered trying to convince her to see someone about this, but I know from experience that, despite the good intentions, it will driver her away. I can't afford that since it seems like I'm one of the very few things kind of helping her. I know for a fact that she would go back to this guy, and I don't want that to happen. It could literally kill her. So what can I do? How can I help her past this?

[view]