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ok i asked this question earlier but i didnt see it posted. anyway i am a 25 year old married woman, i have 2 georgeous children. my problem is when i am at work i have access to a computer and for the last 6 months i have been talking to a really great guy. sometimes he calls me also, we talk about everything and he makes me feel really good. i feel like if i wouldnt of gotten married he is the man i would want to be with. to make things more complicated, i am falling in love with him. we have never meet, i want to but he knows i am married and only wants to be a friend, i did to at first, but my feelings are changing. i dont want to destroy my family life ever, but i know it is also not fair to my husband, me sitting there thinking about what if im supposed to be with this other guy. what should i do, follow my heart or do what society and everyone else would say is right.please help (link)
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You need to sit down, think hard, and make a decision now. Because this is an old, old story, and it's as inevitable as the law of gravity.
Either you're going to shut down this online emotional affair *completely*, or else you're going to give up your husband and children. Anything else would be dishonest and, I hope, beneath you.
My guess is that you wouldn't be looking for romance online if it wasn't missing from your marriage. I can understand that, believe me. And if no one else was involved, I'd tell you to go for it.
But you and your husband created two children, children who will be seriously hurt if you should leave. To tell the truth, I think there's a very good chance that they already sense a strain in your marriage, even if your husband isn't aware of it yet; children are very sensitive to that sort of thing.
So unless you can honestly say that there's absolutely no hope for your marriage, I'd urge you to completely break off the online relationship NOW. Get into couples therapy with your husband as soon as possible, because it's *crucial* that you find a way to get the romance that you need from him.
And please remember this: your husband cannot possibly compete with the man you've been talking to online. That's an unreal, idealized relationship; you've never seen this online guy at anything other than his best. He can't have morning breath. You can't see him look stupid in an awward moment. He doesn't burp, or fart. He doesn't even use the bathroom - not as far as you're concerned. So he's perfect.
But I can guarantee that the reality would be different. You'd find shortcomings and flaws, because he, like all of us, is human. And if you regretted your choice, if you regretted your children's pain...it would be too late to do anything about it. You'd have shattered four lives, at least. And there's no way to repair a shattered life or a broken heart.
You owe it to yourself, your husband, and to your children to try to make your marriage work. You even owe it to the online man, because if you go with him and end up regretting it (which would be VERY likely), you might well end up blaming HIM.
So please, before you make that decision, try couples therapy. And I'd suggest that you tell the therapist about your online affair in *private* at first; don't tell your husband, or matters could quickly move totally out of your control.
Good luck.
PS - If your husband won't go with you to couples therapy, go by yourself. It will help, and your therapist may be able to help you work out some ways to convince your husband to give it a try, too. Perhaps he doesn't want to go to couples therapy because subconsciouly he thinks that doing so would make the problem in your marriage "real". But once he sees that you really are going, he may change his mind.
Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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thank you for your answer, i wouldnt do anything so drastic as to take myself out of my childrens lives, they are number one in my life and always will be. i only talk to this guy when i am at work and that will not change. i dodnt know i guess i am getting something from him i cant get from my husband, some attention. as for therapy he would never go, i dont know how i could get him to go, he is all about keeping his business personal. i have a hard time discussing our own issues with just me and him.
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