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H3Y even though this question is long please don't pass it over I need help.
Im almost fourteen and my nine seventeen year old brother died about a week ago. I don't want to talk about it and my parents are trying to force me into it. I don't want to talk sometimes, I just want to forget. But theres something inside me that wont let me and thats when I get either angry or sad, but I never find myself in tears. I havn't cried since I found out he was dead. Those were tears of shock. If you were in the middle of an algerbra test and got pulled out just to be told your big brother was hit by a car you would probably cry too. I can't take this anymore. Sometimes I just want to turn him into some distant memory, and other times I want to remember him. People tell me to remember all the good times we had, but that just makes me even more sad to know that we won't ever have those times again. My parents arn't helping either. They're wanting to have another baby. They want to replace him. Plus they have allready started turning his old room into a study for my dad. MY twenty year old sister does nothing but cry and therefore gets all the sympathy. I dont ever cry so people think I dont care, but I probably care more than anybody. I know even though he's dead but not gone it still doesn't help me. I find myself always asking "What if." I can't stand "What ifs" But the one question that I have always promised I'd never ask myself is "Why me" Then I realized I shouldn't be asking why me. I wasnt the one that died. So now I am despising my sister for her constant mourning, because she's not crying for Bryson, she's crying for herself. All I need to know is that if I force myself into crying if it will make the pain go away. And if it won't how can I stop hating the world around me. Because now I'm starting to hate myself. I'm afraid to love or trust anybody again and I can't do it alone.
Everyone that loses someone has love and or trust issues, they may or may not last forever. You really do need to remember the good times you had with your brother and stop asking yourself, what if, because that will make you feel worse about the situation. It's hard to lose someone, but you really need to be strong for them, ask yourself what your brother would think if he saw you the way you are now. You need to be strong for him, and especially at this time, you need to be close with your family, one day, maybe bake some cookies, not sympathy cookies, but just something sweet to let everyone know that you love them and are thinking about them. Little things like that, become closer with your family, you guys are all going through this together, so make the best of it, don't forget your brother. Remember the impact he had on your life, all the happy moments the two of you shared, maybe visit his grave and talk to him about how you're feeling. I hope this makes you feel better, stay strong sweetie. Hope I helped and keep me posted, IM me anytime sillyangel869 -Angel
(Rating: 5) Yeah you helped a lot, but there's more to it then I put in that question.