about

My mission on Advicenators is to be honest. People lie when they answer because they want to be rated high, but I think people ask strangers on Advicenators things because they want an honest answer.
My alias is Farren, and I'm in 9th grade. I think I'm mature for my age, but that could just be self-dilusion. I believe that everyone is in some way self-dilusional. So yeah, ask me a question if you want.

advice

hey well start it off im 13-m. ok well about how hard would it be to find a girl that is like only interested in sex after marriage for dating material? because seems like everywhere i look on here, theirs a pregnant girl or one worried about it. i'm just talking about like later in my life, in my twenties right out of college. just to be prepared. also, i was reading a book, and a guy asked the girl if she was a virgin, and she said that she wasnt even embarrased. so are you like supposed to be embarrassed if your a virgin?


(deeply confused in matters i shouldn't have my paws in)

Well, you don't have to be embarrased about being a virgin, you're 13 years old, probably 99% of guys that age are virgins, and if they say they aren't, they're most likely lying. When you get into high school other guys might start making fun of you, but they're just retards. I'm in 9th, and during lunch I sat next to these guys who disgusted me, actually, me and my friends couldn't help from laughing at them, they were really, really, really perverted, and in very "unique" ways. I don't know how they came up with things like what they said. If I sit by them again I might just become a lesbian. Lol. My point, don't worry what other guys think.
Oh yes, and there are virgin girls out there who want to wait and stuff, myself being one (well, waiting for marriage I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning towards it, I'll wait for love at least.), so yeah, just hafta find the right person.
Good luck, you give me hope in the male species.
-Farren

[view]

Im tall like not gigantic but im bout 5 6' and im 14 and im not even 100 pounds i dont have an eating disorder i just have always been really skinny cuz i have a good metabolism. How can I gain weight so people will stop making fun of me and i'll feel better about myself?

Tons of models were made fun of when they were young for being too skinny. Believe me, the same guys who make fun of you now will change their minds when you get older and more developed. You're still an adolescant, and if you just started getting your period it'll be a little awkward for a while. I know some girls mature faster, like I'm your height and I'm like 130lbs., but I wish I was thinner, everyone's unhappy about their appearance in some way, especially at our age. I wouldn't worry about it hun.
-Farren

[view]

my boyfriend always calls me sayin "oh me and ____ were flirting again today"..and then the whole story like i wanna hear about that b.cz last time he did this we broke up so he could get with some girl (he didnt) then we hooked back up so i think were gunna break up so they can hook up and then when their done its back to me...whats he doin??? and then hes like "she rly rly cute but ur better"..which i dont belive bcz we dont go to the same school so i dont kno her and i wanna talk to him about this but i dont know how i mean if were gunna break up juss so he can get with sum other gurrl then i shouldnt stay with him right?? what should i do?

You should've broken up with him the first time he did it. Now he thinks he can do it again. He doesn't love you, he just wants ass.
I can tell by the way you wrote this, you know what you should do, you know that you're being used, I think you just wanted a confirmation.
There are other guys out there, and he doesn't seem worth your time and affection.
-Farren

[view]

I know this girl,Carly, we were friendly, but we werent really friends. Then we went to a mutual friend, Gavin's party. There, I found out she had a very big crush on Clay, and that night there was serious flirting between me and Clay. The next day teher was another party, and Carly was telling me that she thought Clay liked me. I was so happy, but I couldnt tell her. At some point throughout the conversation, I said it doesnt matter, its not like I'd go out with him if you liked him. The last day of school, me, Clay and two other friends hung out after school for like 6-7 hours. It was crazy, but soo much fun. And then, I went out of town. ME and Clay were talking online and he asked me out. I was like. I have to think of one person, and how it affects them. But Carly didnt sign on. So I just said yes. When I told her, she started warning me telling me hed break my heart. I was going crazy. She was bragging about her relationship with him in teh past. He doesnt even like her as a friend. So, whatever. I was always nice to her. But I never truly liked her. She was always trying to break us up. So when I came back to town, I was crazy about him. Pretty close to love. And he felt teh same way about me. At school, we'd hug in teh hallways, but I didnt wanna kiss him. She found out and told me how when they were in THIRD grade they made out through like 3 movies...proibably not true. But still..gross. I was like, okay whatever. My world was going great, everytime something bad happened, I'd think of him and my wolr dwould be complete again. I could face anything knowing he was at my side. All my friends told me he ALWAYS talked about me, and that we were the cutest couple ever. One of my firneds even told me that he looked at me different, he was my first boyfriend, so I wasnt used to this. I loved it. I was crazy for him. But then...my feelings truned into doubt, everyone was feeding me crazp about him. Telling me he was only different around me, but soon he'd be himself again. I didnt like who I heard he was. But I loved who I knew he was. After a while, my two best friends told me he wasnt worth the pain and doubt, so I decided to break up with him. I was kinda nervous, honestly,I'd never done that before. Just as I was about to do it, he signed on and we started talking he broke up with me. I'm grateful that he did, because he really wasnt worth it anymore. My feelings beacsme less and less, but they were still strong. It took me like three weeks to get over the break up, and I'm still not sure I'm complteley healed. However, hes a jerk to me now. He doesnt talk to me, he blcoked me when I finally got the guts to tellhim how I felt, and yet still, when I'm flirting or hugging or anything touchy with guys, he gives me this look. I dont know what to do about any of this. Not Carly, and vertainly not Clay. I may not think of him like that anymore, but I still care for him and want to be his friend. How do I do that? Not to mention, some of his friends are ditching me now. I just wanna feel teh same way I did when he used to hold me. I miss the feeling I had when I was around him. I miss him. But more importantly, I miss how I felt about him.

I don't think you miss him, you miss having a boyfriend. Obviously, he doesn't miss you, acting like a jerk and blocking you. I think you should tell him you don't want anymore of his bullshit and to stop bothering you when you talk to guys. Also, he broke up with you, if you crawl back to him you will seem desperate.
Just be patient, eventually the right guy will come.
-Farren

[view]

This is going to be long because I have to give a bit of background information to make you understand this better. I am 14 years old, a freshman in highschool and I have a great friend named Brian, aslo 14 and a freshman in highschool. When Brian was in 4th grade he had to get surgery on his... area (if you get where I'm going with this) The reason for the surgery was that one testical wasn't where it should be so basically they had to put it back in place. He had confided this secret in his best friend, so he thought. About a week later he found out that his "best friend" had told everyone about the surgery and that he had said to everyone that he had a tesical removed. From then on, he was known as uni- ball, one balled brian, rude, childish names like that. He has a somewhat feminine voice so his voice would make you think that he was gay. He isn't gay at all, he's completely straight and has had girlfriends in the past. On top of him being called uni-ball and whatnot, people started calling him, fag, homo, fudge packer... that kind of stuff. He got depressed and started cutting. We are now in 9th grade and he seems to be okay. Everything just mentioned is only what I know from him because he will not for the life of him go into detail about anything because he is too embarassed and will not trust anyone. When we started highschool the rumors started up again. Today in class we were assigned to get into our groups and I sat with him and asked him what was wrong. He was ready to break down and cry at that point. He was so upset that the rumors had started up again. Brian is a very nice guy, he's not gay and he is NOT missing a testical! Everyone is tourmenting him about it and I fear for him that he is going to start getting depressed again. I want to help him out and be there to comfort him but I don't know what to say to him, I obviously can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I just met him this year and he's one of my best friends. I'm very hurt by everything that is being said about him and I want to have the rumors stopped. With me, my friends come first no matter what. I want to help him out so bad, it hurts me to see him so upset. I gave him a hug and told him everything was going to be okay and he just broke down in tears because of everything that was going on. He can't trust anyone. I want to make him beleive that he can trust me and he can tell me anything! I understand that he's not able to trust people but I feel so horrible about everything that is going on. How can I help him? And how the hell can I make these terrible rumors stop because they are hurting one of my wonderful friends. I hate to see my friends in so much pain. Please help. Sorry this was so long.


Also... Please don't give smart ass remarks because this is a touchy subject.

I have no feelings for Brian in anyway like that because I have a boyfriend... that was for anyone who might have said why don't you go out with him.... or something stupid like that.


Thanks again.

People our age are mostly self-centered immature morons. You seem very mature for your age.
He needs to know that he shouldn't care about their opinions, which I'm sure he does and hearing that over and over would probably make him sad even if he realized it. I'm not sure there's much you can do. Most teenagers are immature, and you can't change them.
You seem like an exceptional person, and I think having you as one friend would be better than having all those people who started and sustain the rumor as friends.
I'll pray for Brian.
-Farren

[view]

My younger sister will be 18 soon, but she has a crush on a boy who is 15. He's a nice kid and they're good friends, but her self esteem is really low because he doesn't talk to her a lot and won't ask her out. I told her it was because he would be intimidated by her being older, and he doesn't seem interested in dating yet anyway so she should stop taking it personally and go find a guy her own age. She also displays some odd behaviors like buying a baby bottle to drink out of, and eating baby food. Am I being a stiff or should she grow up and move on?

She seems to have a pedophilia fetish (odd for women, most of us like older). Maybe she's scared of getting older and the responsibilities that come with it. You aren't being a stiff, she needs to become mature and make good decisions.
Talk to her about it, I know that my older brother's opinions are very important to me. Although, you may not be able to change her, and it may just be a phase.
I've never had to deal with a situation like this, so my advice isn't very good, but I tried.
-Farren

[view]

Ok, I'm a 16 year old girl and I've got this really great friend who happens to be a guy. We've been friends for a really long time and he lives right next door to me. Since the Homecoming dance was coming up, I asked him to the dance without thinking. (he's the only guy friend who I know that I'd have a good time with and we've gone to the past couple years' dances together so it seemed only natural that we'd go together again) He agreed to go with me so I thought that everything was ok... so we went and had a great time as always. Nothing interesting happened (we are JUST friends afterall) Later, I found out that he was planning to ask his secret crush out to the dance and now I feel really bad because I hadn't considered this when asking him to the dance. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE HAD A SECRET CRUSH! Now he refuses to talk to me and won't even let me have half of the pictures from the dance. What do you suggest that I do? I can't take back going to the dance because it's already happened and now his crush hates me!

This is all just a giant misunderstanding.
Leave a note in his locker explaining your case. Tell him he can always talk to you about this sort of thing. Also, you might want to try talking to his crush so she understands you are just a friend, and so she doesn't feel like you're trying to keep him from her or something.
I think he is the one who's at fault, but don't let him know that you know that, just apologize. Pride shouldn't matter too much in this situation, just try and clear it up as soon as possible.
-Farren

[view]

hey!
Im in theater class and i have to do a monoluge containing a conflict in it. I really want to awake feelings in people and by uniuqe...one that no one will have. most of the ideas i came up with are already taken such as playing a teenager with a defect and his issues, or about to love someone or forget someone. im really kinda clueless right now, and i need as much as i can get. If you're going to answer this, please make sure u dont give me some relevent ideas, but something that u think if is acted well, could awake strong feeling in the crowd. thank u very much!! have a good day =D

Since I think you'd enjoy it more if you came up with your own idea, instead of giving you ideas, I will give you inspirational quotes for you to think about.
"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy." -Aristotle
"Character is not measured by appearance, but by integrity." -Myself
"Let no one who loves be unhappy...even love unreturned has it's rainbow." -J.M.Barrie
"The Life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another." -J.M.Barrie
"There's something beautiful in everyone, if only we take the time to look for it." -Myself (I change my opinion on this frequently...)
"We may delight in our short pleasures, but long depressions will always succeed." -Forgot where I got this from, I think it was Lucifer in Paradise Lost, not sure.
"There was never genius without a touch of madness." -Plato
So yeah, hope these help.
-Farren

[view]

Okay, at homecoming i hung out with this one guy. we both had lots of fun but it was the first time i had ever talked to him. Well, yesterday me and my friend were walking down the hall and she looked into this one class and said, "hey look its the guy you danced with!" he looked out and saw me...i was sooooo embarassed. well, I really wanna talk to him but he probably thinks i'm a little kid now b/c of my friend :o( guys if you can answer this that would be awesome!
he's also a year older than me and he hasn't tried talking to me yet, but it's not like i ever see him during the day. Do i have a chance at all?

The only way you'll find out is by talking to him. Say something like, "I apologize for my friend's indiscretion..." and he'll probably just laugh, and then you can start a conversation, and find out what he's like.
If anything, you'll probably get a good friend from it.
-Farren

[view]

i feel bad for my friend people are giving her a hard time and calling her poor even though she isnt even near poor. so i try cheering her up but it isnt working anymore i dont know wut to do someone if yuo have any ideas pleas tell mah

Don't overdo it with trying to build her self-confidence. If it's too overt, she might think you feel bad for her and what your saying isn't honest, it's just pity. You can only affect someone so much. I don't think you can do much in this situation, but it's good that you tried.
People are ignorant, she should ignore them. But you can't force her to.
I'll pray for her.
-Farren

[view]

Well, theres this guy that i used to like and i still kinda like him. hes awesome and sweet and hot and stuff and me and my friend shannon decided to go to teh movies and i invited him to go with us and he went with us and he started liking her and now they are kinda "talking" and it makes me very sad bc idk what to do. i dotn want to tell him or her that it makes me sad bc he thinks i dont like him anymore and shannon says that she wont do anything with him unless i say its ok but still i dotn like it and me and him were talking about it today online about how i didnt like him anymore and there was no point for me to bc he didnt like me and then all of a sudden he started talking about shannon adn how theyre hanging out on friday and stuff .. and it makes me sad. what do i do?

Nothing, if you're a good friend. He doesn't like you, and they like each other, there's no way you can change their feelings. Besides, there are lots of fish in the sea. You'll find someone else.
-Farren

[view]

Ya I have this situation with this girl. Like we hung out a couple times and it was an awesome time. Like we both cuddled with each other made each other laugh and kissed. Then the last time we hung out which was 2wks ago, like i kept in touch with her always asking her to c if she wanted to do something and she says ya but when it comes down to it, she always has something else to do. This just didnt happen once but a couple of times during the 2wks. I know she doesnt mean to cuz she is always apologizing saying she is srry that she couldnt hang out and when im always online, she will always i-m first just sayin hey. Like i know she wants to c me more and she knows i have feelings for her and that i like her but i wanted to know what u guys think about this situation.. Hope u can give me some advice for this... Also she like rlly never calls me. Like i feel im always the one to call her and i hate that. Im sure some of u guys know what im talking about. lol but if u anyone has advice to give i would like to know what u think. thx -TiM-

This probably means one of four things.

One - She thought she liked you at first, but after talking more she realized she didn't, and now she doesn't want to hang out as much. Maybe she just wants to be friends.

Two - She likes to make guys call her, and she just likes the attention. If this is the case, she probably has other guys like you who lust over her.

Three - She's freaked out by your obsessive behavior. She liked you, but now all the calling and talking is just annoying her, and she wants a break.

Four - She likes you a lot, she's just been busy lately, and there's nothing more to it.

Hope it's #4.
-Farren

[view]

Hey, i'm a 15 year old girl turning 16 n a few months. I'v never had confidence in myself and to be conpletely honest i kinda hate myself. I think im fat and ugly and i try to lose weight but nothings good enough.I'v never had a boyfriend in my life let alone had a guy tell me im pretty. My friends are pretty and they always have guys asking them out but i juss feel stupid hangin with them sometimes, like i dont belong. For the past few years i have resorted to cuttig myself. I'v only done it 3 times but i dont wanna go to counscling or anything cuz my parents and every1 will think im crazy i dunno what to do can you help me?

Cutting yourself doesn't help at all, and you may be doing it out of a need to be noticed.
Unfortunately, most guys our age care only about looks. Don't fear, they'll grow out of it (I hope). You'll find someone to be with, as long as you don't want some really hot guy (if you don't want other people to be so physically obsessed, you shouldn't be either).
You just have to wait it out. Things will get better. People shouldn't care so much about exterior, but around our age, they do.
If your friends are making you feel "excluded", maybe you should hang out with different people.
I think your just going through the depression phase all of us go through. Don't worry too much about appearance, because that's all that it is. You'll grow out of this depression and realize what's really important, and guys will grow out of their immaturity and cruelty (a few, anyways).
Hope I helped.
-Farren

[view]

Okay , well i got a boyfriend that goes to a diffeent shcool then i am in . well this kidd zack me and him are really good friend . we went out last year for 1 month . .then we broke up for no reason . . i had many boyfriendz after him but he hasnt had a girlfriend since . . . . people say we flrit so much . but idk . . and everyone i mean everyone always ask me if i am going out with him and i say no and then thye goo u act like it . .
i maean i dont kno if he likes me but i like my boyfrind a lot how do i find out if he likes me or not ?? and what should i do if he does like me ??

I don't think you have to worry about it until he makes a move on you. Just don't make him think you like him. It shouldn't matter, as long as you don't mind that he likes you and if you guys can maintain a frienship, even though you have a boyfriend and don't like him like that (Or do you like him like that?). If you're really concerned, then just talk to him.
-Farren

[view]

well today in lunch my boyfriend, i duno if hes really my boyfriend, but im guessing he is cuz he told me he wass. i can't trust him AT ALL. he took my purse from me and took my cellphone and wouldn't give it back. i thought he was goin to do something to it, like break it or call people n stuff. so i turned him in, because hes like that he would do something bad to my phone, and that phone was so expensive. my friends say i did the right thing. but would u hate me? he got 3 days suspension by the way.

Why the hell are you with this guy?
Apparently, you can't trust him, and he doesn't care about your well-being.
I don't think you should be too concerned with the cell phone thing, it was good to show him that you won't take it. Unless of course, you're greatly exaggerating because you don't want to sound like a immature tattle-tale, then he should be angry.
I don't really know you, so I can't say, but you know you, so take whichever advice applies.
-Farren

[view]

You see, I have to go over my friend's house everyday, because my mom has to work overtime. My friend has this other friend who is a guy that lives across the street. I really like this guy so much. But the problem is that I don't that he likes me. My friend and him always jump over a fence to go to a ditch on the other side. And when I was with them, I did too, but I was really slow. I feel really "girly" around him, and I don't think he likes me--not even as a friend. What should I do? I like him a lot, but I don't enjoy the things he does and if I ask him out, I am AFRAID of rejection.

Well, if you think he dislikes you, then why not find someone else?
Read your post, you know you should just forget about him. Also, talk to your friend about it and maybe have her ask him if he really dislikes you as a friend even.
You'll be fine, there are more boys out there.
-Farren

[view]

ok my friend thinks she may be pregnant because her stomach is really warm, and the smell of food makes her sick and shes ALWAYS hungry. She has had her period but shes still scared and she also told me she is taking a depression medication called lortex (i think) and she doesnt know if its because of that or if shes prgnant and shes too scared to ask her parents! Please help asap! Thanks!

If she can get a hold on Depression Medication, she can get a Pregnancy Test.
I'll pray for her.
-Farren

[view]

ok, i have liked this guy.. he knows it and basicly everyone knows it. including my best friend. now... one day i introduced them to each other. they liked each other and he asked her out... she said YES! what kind of best friend does that!? she knew i liked him!? am i crazy, or is that wrong?
please help!
what should i do!?
thank you!

I don't think you can do anything. The kid doesn't like you, you can't make him feel what you want him to feel. If your best friend actually likes him, you shouldn't blame her, but you should tell you that you thought it was disrespectful of her to not discuss it with you first and the affect it would have on your friendship.
-Farren

[view]

Hi,
I'm a 26 years female married from 3 years and a have a lovely happy family one baby boy.
I met a new colleague at work he sexually likes me and tried so many times to have some sexual relation with me,
After i refused so many times,i'm feeling that i'm getting along with him and i'm falling in love with him i can't stop thinking of him I want to be with him all the day.
I need your advice. what shall I do

Thank you
Bouba

I think perhaps you feel like this because you see him as an escape from your responsibilities. Maybe you and your husband have gotten to that point, and you wanted the spark of something "new and exciting".
I think you shouldn't do anything with your colleague. How would you feel if your husband was cheating on you? Do you even love your husband?
Besides, too many children grow up with disfunctional families, missing a parent, or constantly split between the two. Would you want your son growing up like that?
Although, if you don't love your husband, and you think you really do love this man to the point where you'd enjoy a life with him more than your husband you should split. Growing up with two parents who don't love each other and fight a lot is bad too (believe me, I know).
Hope I helped, I'll pray for you hun.
-Farren
P.S. might want to read the "i know it's too soon
Posted Tuesday October 12 2004, 12:24 am" question, apparently he's feeling the after affects of cheating.

[view]

okay i really want to get colored contacts for xmas or something idk but i want pink ones is that weird? either that or cat eye ones or a pretty blue but i really want pink but i can never find them...are there any websites i can go to or a store? and plz dont say go to yahoo or google cuz i did and it didn't help. thankz so much!!! *Melissa*

I've never seen pink. I think it would be totally awesome. I know they have purple, perhaps you might want to try that?

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker